CHAPTER 8

"Argh!" I again threw my phone on the bed.

I am really frustrated right now. Caroline who was just sitting comfortably at the edge of my bed while surfing through her phone shook her head when she saw what I did. I called her to go here since I don't know what to do now.

After I told Dion that I want us to stay in a relationship between a boss and an employee, I turned my back at him and closed the gate. And then I immediately went into my room and locked myself. My head is in turmoil.

I suddenly felt that battle between my conscience and then I just said what I wanted to say. My conscience is telling me that what I did was rude, really rude, while I keep on telling myself that what I did was just right. Period.

"Will you stop doing that, Zhanaia?" Caroline scolded me after rolling her eyes. "I agree with your conscience, you know. What you did was really rude. Imagine, Dion is offering you friendship and you just turned him down. Note that you are the one who offered him friendship in the first place."

She shakes her head. That one makes this situation worst. I forgot that I was actually the first one who offered friendship when we were at Rieter Park.

"This is really frustrating," I mumble as I sat down on my bed.

Caroline chuckled. She faced me with an annoying smirk displayed on her lips which made me arch my brows. I won't be her best friend for nothing. Whenever she has that kind of smirk on her lips, I know she's up to something.

"What are you thinking?" I ask and raise a brow.

Her smirk widen. She tsked three times while shaking her head. "Let me guess, my dear best friend. You turned down Dion because of the foreign feeling you are telling me a while ago. You turned Dion down because you know what that feeling might be, and you are afraid that he won't feel the same."

I went silent as she finished her sentences. I tried to construct even a single word but before I could even say a thing, she starts talking again,

"And because you are afraid that he might not feel the same way, you turned him down to save yourself from the possible unrequited love."

She finished her words by emphasizing the 'unrequited love'.

I stared at her for a couple of minutes. My brain is digesting every word she has said and when I finally realized it, my eyes widen and my lips parted in shock.

"W-what..... love?!" I exclaimed.

Eh? Love? What, how?

"What? Isn't it, Zhanaia?" her challenging and playful tone voice roared in my ear. She raised her eyebrow as well.

"N-no. That's not i-it." I stuttered.

She chuckled again. "Really? Then, what do you think it is if it's not love?"

"I-I don't know."

"See? You said it was not love but you don't even know what it is." she tsked. "Sweet Zhanaia, believe me. You are afraid to be in an unrequited love that's why you turned the friendship down even if you are the one who offered it first. There's no more explanation aside from that. And besides, there's no reason to turn Dion down unless you have an issue with him. Dzuh, Dion is a package deal, you know. Kind, wealthy, handsome, and all."

She added, "There is no reason to turn him down unless he did something that you didn't want. But as far as I can remember, Dion didn't do something wrong to you. So, it is just you who's rude enough to do that to him."

Silence filled us after that. My mouth shut and even if I want to say something to defend myself, I can't find the words to say. My brain can't process even a single word.

And of course, Caroline is Caroline. She has this triumphant smile on her face. A smile of triumph because she won arguing with me again. Well, what can I expect? This is Caroline Joy Luex we are talking about it.

She will never accept defeat especially when she is up on something she believes in. Most especially if it is about love. Caroline sees herself as the 'love expert' and frequently calls herself 'Miss Pretty Matchmaker'.

The reason why she sees herself as a love expert? Well, at the age of sixteen, Caroline already has up-to-twenty exes. Although I hardly believe that as long as you are not eighteen, you can't consider being in a relationship to someone even if you two commit, Caroline still believes that what she felt is 'affection'.

But for me, if it is affection, then she would have a hard time moving on. Not that she would immediately find someone else after a week of a break-up. But yea, that's what I know in my case since I haven't fallen in love, yet.....

"So, how will you face Dion tomorrow?" Caroline suddenly asks. "I mean, after what happened today, can you still face him? Like nothing happened?"

"Uhh..."

Can I? Can I still face him after what happened? After what I have done? After I said those words to him? Can I?

I don't know if I can. Surely, tomorrow would be awkward for both of us and especially to me.

Argh! Zhanaia, what have you done?

> ••••••••••••••• <

As I have said last night, today would be awkward. I am currently waiting for Dion at our meeting place, Miró Coffee. It's already past eight, but Dion hasn't come yet. I am starting to overthink that maybe he went to Lady Maya and ask for a tour guide replacement because of what I did. For sure Lady Maya will scold me if ever she finds out.

I wanted to text Dion and ask him why is he still not here, but I feel so nervous. Still, because of what I did.

And if ever he goes here, I don't know how to react or what to say, or how to start our day. Should I greet him like what I always do before, and act as nothing happened? Uh, I really don't know what to do.

Even now, I don't know what I want to happen. Do I want him to go here and continue our trip? Or it is better if he ditches me and asks for a replacement?

The latter doesn't sound good for me. I felt a fang on my chest for an unknown reason.

Dion ditching me today and ask for a replacement tour guide means we won't see each other anymore. I won't accompany him anymore, we won't have a good time anymore, and we won't do the same things we used to do before.

It sounds bad to me. I suddenly felt this feeling that I can't bear to see him with another tour guide, especially if it is a girl, and I can't bear the feeling that they will also do the things we do before.

I closes my eyes for seconds when I realized what I was feeling. Oh god, no. No, I shouldn't think like that. No. No. No. Sighs.

What is happening to me? This is not the Zhanaia that I know. This is not me.

"Remember this one my dear best friend. When love hits you the first time, your side that you haven't seen in your entire life will be shown. The things that you didn't imagine that you can do will be shown. You will be frustrated at first, especially if you are in denial. But once you learn how to deal with it and accepted it, everything will look normal."

Caroline's words last night echoed through my ear. I tried hard controlling myself not to explode because of frustration, plus my talk with Caroline last night and her words start replaying in my head.

"It's not frustrating, Zhanaia. You just feel that because you are being too in denial. There's nothing wrong in accepting what you feel, girl."

Aish. I don't know if it's a good thing that I consulted this one to her or not. My best friend is a straight-to-the-point person, and she will say anything she wanted to say even if she knows that it will hurt you or what will make you confuse or what, or if it will make things worse. Once you consulted something to her or you ask for her opinion, she will state it no matter what.

I look at my wristwatch again, ten minutes before nine, Dion hasn't still come. My shoes' half-inch heels will probably give up anytime because I tap it non-stop onto the tiled floor of the coffee shop.

I am frustrated with this situation and starting to think that maybe if I hadn't said those words to him, it wouldn't turn out like this.

"And maybe if you are not in denial, everything will be just right."

A voice suddenly roars in my head and it echoed continuously in my brain cells and sends a vibration that turned out to be a shiver. Is it my conscience talking or what they called the truth in you? Or something like that.

"Urgh, I'm going insane!" I grumbled.

Good thing that the customers have their own businesses that's why they didn't mind me. Perhaps they think that I am just frustrated with something, well, I am. But they probably think differently. I shrug with that thought.

When I look at my wristwatch again, it's already nine in the morning. I took a deep breath and dialed Dion's number. Although I still don't know what to say after the event last night, I need to do this so I will know what happened. So I will know why he hadn't come to our meeting time.

After seconds of dialing his number, a voice talked through the phone saying that his phone is unattended. I tried twice but the outcome is the same.

My brows knitted together. I remember that Dion told me his phone is always with him and he barely misses some calls. If ever he misses a call, it's either he's not with his phone, or something possibly happened. The latter sounds more convincing as of this time.

I tried dialing his number again and again but to no avail. And after several minutes of trying, by nearing 9:15, my phone beeped, and the notification panel shows that I just received a message from unknown contact.

With my brows furrowed, I swipe the screen up, typed my pin code, and tap the new unread message. Upon reading the message and slowly digesting its content, my heart trembled. It says,

"Good morning, Zhanaia. This is nurse Stell, Dion's nurse. He had a seizure this morning, a nose bleeds and he collapsed on the way to the coffee shop so we decided to bring him to the nearest hospital. Sorry for letting you know this late and I hope you can pay a visit to him."

Another message popped, showing the name of the hospital where they brought him.

With my heart beating abnormally due to nervousness and another feeling that I chose not to mind as of this moment, and my head clouded with worry, I rushed out of the coffee shop.

Dion, I hope you're okay.....