CHAPTER 12

  "Diii!"

  The next thing I know, the girl with a supermodel built body is kissing Dion.

  I was rooted in my place, unable to move. It feels like there is a strong magnetic force that stops me from doing anything, my feet were frozen in the ground. People that are also in this Opera House for a visit glanced at us, probably because of the girl's loud voice when he called Dion.

  And what did he call him? Diii?

  I saw some of them cringe as their eyes laid on Dion who is being kissed by the girl. As expected, when someone kisses a man, the man wouldn't dare to push the girl away. Instead, he will enjoy the kiss, perhaps that's how Dion feels right now.

  My gaze fell on the cold floor. For an unknown reason, I feel like the world has just collapsed. There is a heavy feeling in my chest. In just a split of a second, the thousands of bolt that I felt as my skin touched with Dion was replaced by a painful fang in my chest, plus thousands of needles pricking my heart.

  Why do I feel like this? What is this? Why don't I feel well? As far as I can remember, I woke up on the right side of the bed, I woke up feeling alright, I woke up without feeling ill or what. But now....

  "Zha!"

  I came back into my reverie when someone pulled me again.

  Urgh, why do they always pull me suddenly? What the eff?

  "Zha,"

  Caroline's face came into the scene. She was the one who suddenly pulled me for the second time. She was smiling when I faced her, but when she saw me, her face became worried as her lips slowly parted. I gulped.

  "Oh my god,"

  Her eyes shifted to the scene behind me, then her lips formed into an "O". She sighed as she shook her head.

  "Zha, you are doomed," she stated.

  My body has its own life, I turned around to see Dion and the girl, they weren't kissing anymore. But the girl's arms were still clinging to his neck.

  All of a sudden, Dion looked at me, just like Caroline, his lips slightly parted, he looks worried. From how I read his movements, he is about to call me but before he could even say something, I ran away.

  "Zhanaia!" I heard him called me but I didn't look back.

  I run as fast as I could, away from them. I only stop when I feel like I am already far away from them, I catch some air as I halted, then I felt hot liquids trickling down from my eyes. I reached for my cheeks, only to find out how wet it is because of... tears.

  I'm crying. I didn't realize I was crying already.

*****

  I woke up with my head pounding and feeling heavy. I don't want to get up yet but I remembered I still have work. And oh, that is touring Dionysus.

  I sighed heavily and pushed myself up, I almost lost my balance when I felt dizzy and my sight blurred. I took a glance at myself in the mirror.

  My hair is a mess, dried tears that feel sticky are still on my cheeks, my eyes are swollen. All in all, I look like a freaking zombie, perks of crying almost all night.

  When I came home yesterday, Zhairo was shocked to see me because it's unusual for me to come home that early when I am at my work as a tour guide. I will spend my whole day touring foreigners to see the beauty of Zurich.

  And what made him shocked even more was my eyes covered with tears. I immediately went inside my room, locked myself in and I did not come out to eat dinner or what. I just stayed inside, crying and all.

  So, here I am. Still with my clothes yesterday, pink cardigan, white blouse, and jeans. I haven't removed even just my cardigan and wore it while crying my heart out.

  Up until now, my chest feels so heavy. I wanted to stay on the bed, I can send Dion and lady Maya a message and tell them I don't feel well today, but why would I do that? And why am I crying again? I see no valid reason for me to cry and feel this heavy something in my chest.

  But then, here I am, looking like a freaking zombie with my eyes swollen, and I didn't even bother changing my clothes! How did I end up this like this? This is not me.

  With that, I headed to the bathroom and cleaned myself. After an hour, I stepped out of the bathroom feeling refreshed, but I still feel sleepy. I spent my whole night crying for no apparent reason and did not sleep, I don't feel like sleeping. That explains why I am too early today.

  I dried my hair using my hairdryer and braided it in one. As usual, jeans, a blouse, and a pair of sneakers, and my backpack on. I went downstairs, to the kitchen and found mama preparing breakfast. Papa is sitting on one of the chairs with his coffee and morning newspaper. Zhairo's not here, probably he is still in his room, or maybe he is still asleep.

  They felt my presence, thus turning their attention to me. Papa has this serious look on while mama looks worried. All of a sudden, I felt nervous.

  Am I missing something? Or did I do wrong? Why do they give me those kinds of looks?

"  Uhh... good morning?" I uttered, unsure.

  Papa put the newspaper down, beside his coffee, mama put the plate of pancake on the table as she sat down. Their attention is on me, making me more nervous.

  "W-what's the—"

  "Something happened to you, what is it?"

  I was taken aback by papa's frank question. He sounded so sure when he said that something happened to me. I knew it! This is a serious matter.

  "Papa, what-what d-do you mean?" I stuttered.

  Now, I'm doomed. They are my parents and they know I am lying, hiding something, nervous or anxious whenever I stutter.

  "You stuttering says it all, Zhanaia. Don't bother lying."

  Okay, you got me there papa.

  I was about to open my mouth to say something when mama spoke,

  "You didn't eat dinner last night and Zhairo told us you came home earlier than expected which is unusual for you. And he said there were tears in your eyes."

  "Ahm..."

  Looks like the cat got my tongue.

  "Sweety, what happened? Why were you crying?" mama asked again using her sweet and soothing voice.

  I took a deep breath as I sat on the chair beside her. What would I say? Even I don't know why I cried. All I know is Dion was apologizing, I was about to say something when all of a sudden, a tanned skin girl came in the scene, pulling me away from Dion. And then the next thing I know, they were kissing.

  They were kissing.

  Caroline came in the scene too, she was the one who called me and pulled me for the second time around yesterday. She has this worried look on her face and then her sight turned to Dion and the girl. I remember how I looked back, and then I ran away from them, and just found myself crying.

  I felt my mother's hand gently caressing my back, papa heave a sigh and nodded his head.

  "Perhaps you are not in the mood to talk about it or you simply don't want to talk about it. We won't force you, Zhanaia. But remember, we are just here if you need us, okay?"

  A smile painted on my lips as I nodded. I stood up and went to papa's side to hug him, mama did the same. We were in the middle of the hug when all of our eyes darted to Zhairo. He looks cute in his bed hair while rubbing his eyes.

  "Komm her, mein sohn, begleiten sie uns. (Come here, son, join us.)" papa called him using our mother tongue, German.

  Zhairo's gaze to us. He smiled before he lunged at us and joined the family hug.

  We took breakfast with our euphoric heart. We were smiling as we eat and even cleaned the table altogether. I may not have enough sleep last night and woke up too early, but it is worth it.

  Before we parted ways for work, and as usual, Zhairo will be staying inside the house, mama told me that Caroline came here last night but after Zhairo told her that he saw me crying, Caroline told them to let me be alone for a while and give me time. I can feel that mama wants to ask me again about it but she stopped herself.

  On my way, I texted Caroline if she can meet me at our favorite coffee shop. I still have time  before 8:30. Miró Coffee is Dion and I's meeting place too.

  Speaking of him, I will surely be awkward later. I just left him without a word. We were scheduled to watch an opera yesterday, but then I ran away.

  "Good morning, Caroline. Will you meet me at Miró Coffee today before you go to work? Your best friend needs someone to talk to."

  It didn't take her even just half a minute, I immediately received her reply.

  "I was about to call you and ask the same thing. I am on my way now."

  She is indeed my best friend, she knows what I need.

  I was the one who arrived first. I ordered her favorite drink while I ordered a brewed coffee to wake my cells up and to get more energy because I hadn't slept.

  When she arrived, she still has this worried look on her face. She sat on the chair in front of me, I handed her the drink and she gladly accepted it.

"So, how are you feeling?" she asked after taking a sip on her Caramel Macchiato.

I shrugged. "Honestly, I don't know what I feel."

No need to hide that I cried, Caroline knows. I caught her staring at my eyes, and she probably saw it swollen.

"You should thank your eyeglasses, it somehow hid your swollen eyes. If you wouldn't look at it closely, you wouldn't know."

I smiled. Yes, it is really helpful in times like this, plus its thick lenses. But of course, if it is Caroline, my best friend, I can't hide anything from her. She would know easily.

"What are you gonna do now, Zha?"

"H-huh? What do you mean?"

She sighed before holding my hands and rubbed the back of my palm.

"Zha, I saw the look in your eyes yesterday. You suddenly ran away when Dion was about to call you, Zhairo told me you were crying. You didn't eat dinner, you just locked yourself in your room." she paused and stared at me for a while. "I don't know if you are still in denial, hesitant, or what about this one. But I know that you know what I mean, right?"

Biting my lips, I nodded.

"You wouldn't be affected that much if you don't feel something for Dion, Zha."

She let go of my hand and focused on her coffee. We were silent for a moment when she spoke again.

"By the way, the girl's name is Janice."

My hand that is holding the cup of brewed coffee stopped in the air. I froze as the name echoed through my ears.

Janice.

Caroline held my hand to put the cup down. "Looks like the name rings a bell for you. We've been together since childhood and I don't remember someone named Janice with tanned skin. But... you seem to know her."

She looked at me, waiting to confirm her thoughts. I shook my head as I explained,

"No, Caroline. I don't know her. But I know enough that she is Dion's best friend and..." I paused and sighed. "his first love."

Caroline's lips slowly parted in shock.

"W-what? That Janice is his first love?!" she exclaimed, her voice raised a bit, catching the customer's attention near us.

I was about to scold her but then...

"Excuse me, did I just heard my name?"

Our head turned to the girl who spoke. It was the same girl yesterday, the same girl who barged in the scene and kissed Dion. And speaking of him, they're together, their arms tangled together. My heart sank.

"Why did I hear my name?" the girl asked again, and Caroline was the one who answered her.

She cleared her throat before she spoke. "Yes, you heard it right. I mentioned your name, Janice."

The girl, who happened to be Janice raised her eyebrow. "And why is that?"

My best friend shrugged, showing off her bitchy attitude. I hid my smile. This only means one thing, she doesn't like Janice.

"Just because you heard your name, doesn't mean you are the subject. Over the billion world population, you are not the only one who has the name, Janice."

A smile of triumph crept on Caroline's lips when she saw Janice's pissed face, the girl probably did not like Caroline's savageness.

Janice rolled her eyes, and Caroline did too, till they glared at each other. And Caroline is Caroline. She won't back down no matter what. So, in the end, Janice lost.

"Serves you right, bitch." she mumbled in German.

I eyed her, hoping she will get my point through looks, and girl, she just rolled her eyes.

"Don't worry, I know she doesn't understand."

I puffed the air. Arguing with her regarding this matter is useless. Caroline is a certified bitch when she doesn't like someone.

I bite my lips as silence fell, but it didn't last that way, Dion cleared his throat and spoke.

"If you two don't mind, can we sit and share at one table?"

My mouth parted to say a word but then I don't know what to say. I can feel his gaze so I remained mine down, obviously avoiding his eyes that drowns me.

"Can't you just find another table, mister Dausel? There are a lot of vacant tables there." I heard Caroline's bitchy voice before she tsked.

"We are not blind not to see the vacant tables, miss. But Diii wants to sit here because his tour guide is here." Janice replied.

I can also feel her eyes glaring at me, making me bow my head more. I heard Caroline tsked before I felt her moved beside me, followed by Janice and Dion's movement.

"Zhanaia,"

My breathing ragged when Dion called my name, not in his 'sweetheart' endearment but my name! I slowly held my head up to look at him, but only for a while because I can't stand looking at him at this moment.

"Y-yes?"

"Why did you suddenly ran yesterday?"

My grip on the cup of my brewed coffee tightened.

"Zhanaia, look at me."

"No." I immediately refused.

I heard him gasp which made me bite my lower lip. My other hand above my lap clenched into a fist, my nails almost dig in my flesh. I wanted to look at him and see his face, but I fought the urge, afraid that he might see my swollen eyes through these thick lenses and ask for more questions.

Questions that I refuse to answer because truth to Caroline's words, I am... hesitant.

Hesitant with my feelings? No. I've already known what is it since that night, I have already figured it out. I am just hesitating to admit it because of the possible results, and then this.

Caroline cleared her throat, breaking the building tension in our table. From my peripheral vision, I saw her took a sip on her Caramel Macchiato.

"So, what are you two doing here, Dion and uhh... miss Janice?"

The fact that Caroline does not like Janice is visible in her voice, making me smile a bit because that's how and who she is. She is very vocal about her feelings, she will let you know if she doesn't like you. One of her ways is being rude and opposing your ideas and words.

"Why do you care? Do you own this coffee shop?" Janice rebutted, raising her eyebrows.

"Did I say something like that?" Caroline rebutted too. "And oh, I care because you insisted to sit with us, although there are a lot of vacant tables around. You are disturbing our moment."

They shared a glare at each other, building another tension, and it was my turn to break it this time, and so I swallowed the lump in my throat, ready to say something when Dion spoke.

"We apologize," he slightly bowed his head and glanced at his wristwatch. "Had we know you two are having a moment, we shouldn't have asked to sit-in. We'll just move to another table, besides, Zhanaia and I still have thirty minutes before the trip for today starts."

He offered us a smile, but it didn't reach his eyes. He looked at me one more time and smiled before he stood up, gently pulling Janice who looks annoyed. And then her eyes shifted to me, she scowled before standing up.

I blew a loud breath as I sipped on my brewed coffee. Yea, right. I am still Dion's tour guide and we still have places on our list that he wanted to go.

"Diese schlampe geht mir auf die nerven! (This bitch is getting into my nerves!)" Caroline said in annoyance as she moved to sit on her previous spot, in front of me.

She is looking— no, glaring rather to Janice who sat beside Dion and even moved the chair to get close to him. They chose a table near ours.

I shook my head as I told her to calm down.

"Calm down? Urgh, Zha! How can you say that? She's a bitch!"

"So are you," I teased, making her roll her eyes.

"It's because she bitched me first, duh! I don't like her! Since the first time I met her when she and that bastard friend of her joined the assigned group of tourists to us."

My eyes narrowed, "Wait, do you mean you are touring her?"

She shrugged. "I think joining the group was just her tactics to find your Dion," she replied. Emphasizing the word 'your', making my brows meet.

I was about to say that I don't own Dion for her to say the word 'YOUR' to me, but she continued, with a very annoying voice, more annoyed than earlier.

"Two days after she and that bastard friend of hers came, I observed that she's not interested in our destinations. She always distances herself from us, her focus' always on her phone. And every time we try to talk to her, she always bitch us around. And oh, she's already a bitch since day one. She acts like someone whom you should hail, like she is a very important person, when in fact, she isn't!"

"And then I became more annoyed to her when she messed with my phone one time I am about to send you a text message, I was supposed to tease you with Dion that time when she suddenly grabbed my phone and read the message! That bitch, she doesn't know what privacy is and is really a bitch! How dare she grab my beloved phone from me and read private messages!"

She was trying her best to calm herself down, she sips on her drink and puffed air several times.

"And then she asked me if the Dion I am talking about to the text message is the Dion she knew, Dionysus Dausel. She showed me a picture of him. And even if I hate her, I accompanied them to where you two were yesterday, to Zurich Opera House."

I didn't bother to ask her how she knew where we were, she probably tracked us down through GPS, our phones are connected after all.

So that's why she was there yesterday.

"Wait, who's this friend of her that you keep on naming as a bastard?" I asked.

She rolled her eyes. "He is Dion's cousin, Francis Dausel Hamilton."

My mouth formed into an "O".

"And why is he here?"

She shrugged. "Visiting his cousin, I guess? Or he probably wants to join him here."

I nodded and ask again. "And why are you calling him a bastard?"

"Because he is! He is a bastard! He is no different from those fuck boys out there who collect girls like they are just collecting basketball trophies!"

I shook my head. Ah, Caroline and I despise those kinds of guys, that's why I can't blame her and won't stop her for calling Dion's cousin such names. Though I haven't met him yet, Caroline's words are enough for me to believe her. As her best friend, I know she wouldn't hate someone like that for no reason.

She took a deep breath and again, took a sip on her drink. "Let us not talk about him. I don't want to talk about that bastard who's planning to make me one of his bitches too." she tsked before she looked at me. "How about you? How did you know that Janice the bitch is Dion's best friend and first love?"

I chuckled. She likes calling the people she doesn't like and the people she hates with such names.

"Dion told me." I simply replied.

"He told you?"

I nod my head. "Yea."

The day when we talked about his first love was also the day when I told him I can be his best friend. And then I was also the one who turned him down.

"Seems like you two are getting along well, huh." Caroline teased.

She teased me, even more, when I smiled, until our conversation went on my feelings for Dion. I told her my hesitation and fear for the outcome, especially now that the first love is back.

"Face your fear, Zha. You wouldn't know if you wouldn't try. Besides, Dion was the one who confessed first, right?"

"You better tell him what you feel, Zha. So that in the future, you wouldn't have those frustrating WHAT IF'S."

"At least just like him, you tried. And whatever will happen, do remember that I am always here, your best friend. I got your back, Zha. And hey, there are millions of ways on how to move on if ever you end up broken-hearted."

Just like that and my day has been resolved. I forgot that I haven't had enough sleep and that I cried a river the whole night.

By 8:30, Dion and Janice walked to our table again. It was already time for today's tour. Caroline and I bid bye to each other, Janice has no choice but to go because she wasn't assigned to me, she can't come with us.

Before she goes, she kissed Dion, making me feel the fang on my chest again. I felt suffocated so I drank the remaining coffee on my cup, but it didn't help either.

Caroline threw a glare at Janice, while she gave me a worried look. I forced a smile and assured her I'll be fine, or so I thought.

When they left, I stood up in front of him but I avoided his gaze. A also put a safe distance between us.

"I t-think we should g-go too." I almost whispered those words.

He looks like he wants to say something but instead, he sighed and nodded. We walk to the exit of the coffee shop, we were silent as we walk and no one dared to talk.

After minutes of deafening silence between us, I heard him sigh and halted, making me stop on my track too, but unlike what I always do, I didn't look at him.

"I-I can't stand this anymore. This is awkward and frustrating as hell!"

From my peripheral vision, I saw him harshly brushed his hair through his fingers and groaned.

"Tell me, Zhanaia, what's the problem?"

Silence.

"Zhanaia..."

Silence.

He sighed heavily. I felt the electric currents ran in my veins as our skin touched when he held my hand.

"Sweetheart..." I secretly bite my lips when he called me with that endearment again. "Please, tell me what's wrong? What's wrong, hmm?"

He held my chin, making me face him and I met his ocean eyes again. The ocean I'd willingly drown myself in.

"Tell me what's wrong," his soothing voice and his touch are easing the heavy feeling I am having right now.

"Sweetheart, what's wrong?"

I keep my mouth shut, but then his pleading and soothing, husky voice, and his soft caresses were something.

"I... I'm jealous."

There I said it.

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