CHAPTER 10

  "I think I have fallen for you, Zhanaia."

  "And I am still falling deeply."

  I failed to stop myself from screaming in so much... happiness. Yes, happiness. I don't know how and why it is hard to explain but I won't deny that what I feel right now is so much happiness.

  My heart is overflowing with joy and it is not impossible if any moment, my cheeks will be ripped off because of the widest smile I've ever had.

  I've been like this since I woke up earlier than usual, and last night, I slept with a sweet smile painted on my lips. Dion's confession was lingering in my head and until now, I can still hear his soft voice saying those words that make my heart swell.

  I can't believe it happened. Oh my god, is that the reason why he wants to befriend me? Because he wants us to be close even more? Is that his way of courting? Oh gosh!

  Again, I screamed. But this time, I used a pillow to cover my mouth and suppress the noise coming from me. Mama and papa might hear me, and they will surely knock me here and ask what's happening, I can't face anyone today yet for I still want to stay here in my room, locked away and alone, just thinking of the event last night.

  Dion's unexpected confession.

  After he said those words, silence filled us. But unlike the calm silence around us a while ago, the silence that filled us after his confession is a different one. I don't know how to explain it, but it was different.

  I was shocked. I am pretty sure I look like a ripe tomato last night, I was blushing the whole time after his sudden confession. I was also silent, I don't know what to say and what to react.

  But one thing is for sure last night, my heart is swelling in so much euphoria. And I will be a great liar if I'll say I didn't like it, I did. And oh, I did not just like it, I loved it.

  "I think I have fallen for you, Zhanaia."

  "And I am still falling deeply."

  There goes my heart again. I've been hearing his voice since I wake up, and it seems like, it's fine with me even if that is the only thing that I will hear for the rest of my life. But of course, I know it's impossible.

  The vibration of my phone pulled me back to reality. Sighing, I took it from my bedside table and blew a loud breath when I saw a message from Caroline. She's apologizing because she wasn't able to answer my calls last night and she wasn't able to see me for the next following days.

  "I'm too busy with the new tourists coming. But it's worth it because they are a hottie!"

  At the end of her message were fire emoji and that one with the licking of lips something. I made face because I find it weird.

  I typed a reply, "Good luck, then. Take care, I'll just enjoy myself while you are not able to see me for days."

  Moments after I hit the send button on the screen, I received a reply from her that made me chuckle. What fast.

  "Yea. And get ready for the stories you are about to tell. I know you won't call for nothing."

  My lips curved into a smile. Caroline is indeed my best friend. She knows me too well, I can't hide anything from her, she will know it and will make me tell her whether I like it or not. She doesn't take 'no' as an answer.

  I typed another reply for her, and after hitting the send button, I pulled myself up to do my morning routine and start the day.

  While under the shower, I am singing one of my favorite songs, Love Maze by my all time favorite K-pop boy group, BTS. Although I don't hit the lyrics perfectly for they are Hangul, I didn't mind for I am in a very good mood.

  "Now, Zhanaia, start your day with the brightest smile you can ever have," I mumbled to myself as I tie my hair in a bun.

  And so, I painted the brightest smile I could ever have on my lips after I finished tying up up my hair. I look at my reflection in the mirror, my smile widens upon seeing how blessed I am with the looks.

  Proud to say I am pretty enough to achieve society's standards. But of course, it is just society.

  There is no standard when it comes to beauty. As they always say,

  'Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.'

  And as for me, it is true. You should be proud of yourself, you should be the first one to appreciate your beauty before anyone else. And of course, never settle for the physicality, heart, and mind matters the most when it comes to real beauty.

  I mentally chuckled. So, it is true that you will be more confident with yourself once you find out that someone appreciates you. I shook my head and went out of my room before I could even think of another thing that will make me so proud of myself. I feel like I am bragging or what, or maybe it's just that I am not used to being proud of myself. I mean, no one has ever confessed to me like that. The past confessions I had were all lies, they don't sound sincere and doesn't even give a damn when I reject them, they will just shrug their shoulder off. But Dion, his is different. I can feel the sincerity in his voice, it will touch your heart even how hard your heart is or what. Not sure if it's because of his voice or how he deliver his words, but he was really sincere last night.

  Actually, I saw a looming affection in his eyes when I look at it.

  As usual, mama and papa were gone to work when I went downstairs. Zhairo's watching his favorite Dragon Ball series, he was too focused watching that he didn't felt my presence.

  I headed to the kitchen and checked the refrigerator for breakfast, but before I could even open it, I found a note from mom saying,

  "Just prepare your breakfast, sweetie. The breakfast I prepared was just enough for me, your papa, and Zhairo. Lunch is ready and just needs to heat if Zhairo wants to eat. I know you won't eat lunch in our home since you are going to work, so, I prepared enough for your brother. Take care and enjoy your day, sweetie. Mama loves you!"

  At the end of the note, to the right side is her signature that looks like an autograph from an artist. Her signature looks like a printed cursive font. So accurate and neat.

  My lips stretched for a smile. Mama really loves writing long post-it notes to remind us. And as usual, her reminder to take care and enjoy the day will never be out. She is the sunshine that brights up anyone's mood.

  How I wish I can be like her. So sweet, caring, and affectionate.

  While I, her eldest child, her only daughter, is completely different from her when it comes to our attitude.

  Physically, I got mama and some of the things she loves like cooking and her love for butterflies. But when it comes to my personality, and the way I act, I got papa. Our relatives usually call me the second version of Zevron Gill Camince because of the way I think and my actions. That is also the reason why I always got papa's approval for the things that I do.

  Although I badly want to be like mama, I already accepted the fact that I will never be. I already accepted that this is me. I once tried to change myself just to be like mama, but I end up frustrated and crying because I can't contain the character I am trying to build. That's the time when papa told me the thing I needed to hear the most during those times.

  "You will never be like your mama because you were never been bound to be like her. You have your own, my dear daughter. You don't need to build a character you will never become, it will never make you happy. You can be sweet, caring, and affectionate on your own, Zhanaia. Everyone can. It's just that, everyone has their way of showing their care and love. And you, just be yourself. Accept who you are, brace who you are. You need to start everything with acceptance in able to build your real character. And acceptance starts with yourself."

  I rarely hear papa talk like that, I rarely hear him say those kinds of words. Because just like me, he has his way of showing his care and love. He may not often show how much he loves and care for us, but he does. The same goes for me, I may not be showy most of the time, but I do. I am just waiting for the right timing to voice it out.

  With that thought, the strange feelings I feel whenever Dion is around these past few days, nurse Stell and Caroline's words came back to me.

  Caroline may be right. If I won't be in denial and accept what those strange feelings might be, it would be easy for me. Perhaps, Dion's confession last night helped to ease my frustrations.

  I finally had the answer to why he wants to befriend me. Why does he act like that? Because he's falling.... for me.

  A warm feeling rushed through me, my heart feels so warm, well if it is possible to feel if your heart is warm or cold, and an overflowing joy sipped through every vein and blood vessels of my heart, again.

  "What are you smiling at?"

  I almost jump when I heard someone spoke. I look at Zhairo who's now standing in front of me with his right brow slightly raised, his hands on his belly. For other boys, it may look so gay, but meh, my brother has the looks. At his age, he can make someone fall without doing anything.

  And oh, actually, Zhairo was once Caroline's crush. Yea, seriously.

  I dramatically put my heart above my pounding chest. "You startled me!"

  "Oh, did I? Sorry," he apologized.

  I just nodded my head before going back to the fridge and look for something I can cook for my breakfast. It's still early so I still have time before I go to our meeting place, Miró Coffee. And yea, Dion still wants to continue his Zurich trip even after what happened.

  I ended up making an omelet. I asked Zhairo if he wants some but he just shook his head and told me he already took his breakfast.

  "Then what makes you go here and startled me, huh?" I ask.

  "Well, uhh..." he sat on the stool beside me, "I j-just want to ask how's my sister, you know, we haven't talked a sister-and-brother-talk since vacation started. I just m-miss you."

  My heart fluttered at what he just said. A smile appeared on my lips as I spread my arms for a hug.

  "Come here, my baby brother,"

  He didn't hesitate and attacked me with a tight hug, I hug her as tight as I could. He buried his face to my shoulder that made a smile. The same old Zhairo who loves his sister so much and that sister is me.

  "I was sulking the last time we talked, you decided to go home while I still want to enjoy and spare a time with Kuya Dion." he pouts, making me mess his hair.

  "Sorry, Zhairo. You know why I did that, right?"

  He nodded. "I understand."

  My smile widens, good thing he thinks maturely. Kudos to him.

  "And uhh... Zhanaia, I actually knew what you did that day."

  That made me stop from my track. "What do you mean?"

   He took a deep breath, "I, uh, I heard you." he mumbled. But knowing Zhairo, base on his facial expression, I can say that what he said must be a lie.

  "You didn't eavesdrop, did you?" I ask in a low voice.

  He diverted his gaze, "I-I d-did." he stuttered.

  I heave a deep sigh. As much as I want to scold him, my heart melted as I see the guilt on his face. Ah, at least my baby brother knows how to feel guilty for his wrongdoing. No need to scold him, just a little reminder. By now, I can say that anytime, he would apologize, and I was right.

  He started saying sorry nonstop, his voice full of guilt and I bet it would break anytime. I heave a deep sigh before I console him with flowery words, but of course, I lectured him not to do eavesdropping again because it's no good. I mean, yea, you will have pieces of information that may contain secrets, privacy, and from that word, that's where the bad thing of eavesdropping comes.

  You are invading privacy as you eavesdrop. And invading privacy is not and will never be good.

  The whole breakfast time, Zhairo and I had this sister-and-brother-talk like we used to before. It feels good to talk to your brother like that again after a while, I've been busy even before vacation starts.

  We talked about some stuff and reminisce some memories. We also planned to go out when we have free time or I can just come with him on his next check-up and treat him after. He also mentioned that he'd been feeling good these past few weeks and he can feel the effects of his medication which means a good thing. Although sometimes, he had several nose bleedings and a bad appetite.

  Thirty minutes before the meet-up time, I bid my goodbye to my brother.

  By the time I arrived at the coffee shop, Dion's already sitting on our usual spot, the table beside the glass window. And then there is my heart again with its abnormal beats and the butterflies in my stomach.

  I blushed when his confession suddenly crossed my mind. I carefully shook my head and pushed the thought away. I managed to walk silently while staring at him who's busy on his phone with earphones on, and just before my knees wobbled, I reached the table and immediately sat down.

  Predictable, he felt my presence which made him raise his head in my direction.

  And there, his smile and eyes that can melt someone in an instant.

  "Good morning, sweetheart."

  With my hands slightly trembling and this ramble inside my chest, "G-good morning, Dion."

  I tried so hard not to stutter but I failed. Gosh, who wouldn't? I am now facing the guy who did an unexpected confession yesterday! And by his looks, it seems like nothing happened yesterday.

  He acts so coolly and no trace of awkwardness in him while here I am... argh! Is this really how a guy act after he confessed? Shouldn't he feel awkward especially that we were eaten by a long silence after he said those words? He didn't get any answer from me after that, and even when we bit good night.

  So, tell me, is this really how it works? Act as nothing happened? If you will look at it clearly, it's like I rejected him or something like that. Or maybe it's just me who makes a fuss over it? Ah, I don't know.

  Added the fact that he called me 'sweetheart' again. Aish, what's with this guy? How can he act like nothing happened yesterday? Shouldn't he feel awkward because, after his confession, I was silent all the time? That just means one thing.

  A kind of rejection.

  "Uhm, I guess let's take a coffee first before we start this day. Wait for me here,"

  And just like that, a new chapter of my colorful life started. Full of surprises, full of fun, full of love and all.

   That's how everything about us started. That's how we started.

MICS ARTEMIA