Chapter 2 - Richard

If Jared and Alistar had any idea what had nearly happened before they walked into the arena, they would never let us go camping alone.  Shit, they’d probably never leave us alone again.

I have no idea if this is a blessing or a curse.  

Carl and I have always had this weird connection with each other.  He has been my best friend since the day I could differentiate between my three friends, noting how much more drawn to Carl I was.  The four of us were raised nearly as brothers, bound to rule the pack together and born within five months of each other.  We grew together, learning how to walk and talk at the same time.  But Carl and I were born on the same day.  We were even closer, even sharing a secret language between us, similar to twins, when we were younger.

As we aged, we shared many things.  Our first fights.  First crushes.  Our first kisses.  But even as I was with she-wolves of neighboring packs, and I was with as many as would allow me, I was always drawn back to Carl.  

I was 16 when I realized that I am bisexual.  

I couldn’t believe how turned on I was by watching my friends with their shirts off, sweat glistening off of their muscles, their tan skin glittering in the sun.  They were the men that I spent the most time with, so I got to see a show every day.  Jared’s squat body was bulging with muscle, his thighs and arms thick and veiny and a light dusting of hair covered his chest.  Alistar was tall and lean, his body more like a runner’s, belying his strength.  Both were extremely sexy, their movements powerful and sensual.  

But Carl was the one that caught most of my attention.  He was the one who my eye went to over and over again.  Fuck, the way that the sun glinted off of his abs, his pecs, his biceps.  Goddess, the way that male moved and the lust that it stirred within me.

I tried to bury it.  In she-wolves.  In males.  Always outside of our back.  You can’t shit where you eat, so to speak.  Hell, I even fucked a couple humans to try and get Carl out of my system.  But nothing worked.  Every day, I would yearn to be near him.  Every day, I would spend time with him.  And every night, I would find some willing body to drown my desire for him.

But tonight was the last night.  By the grace of the Moon Goddess, we would meet our mates in the morning and this yearning will go away.

One more night of temptation.  One more night with Carl by my side, of this horrible longing that can never be realized.

Jared and Alistar convince us to have dinner with them.  They will be heading out to deal with the McCready’s at moonrise.  I try quite hard to get out of the meal.  I need to find a quick release.  I have to be able to hold myself back from doing anything, especially with what happened in the arena this morning.

But Jared and Alistar won’t take no for an answer.  They said that our mothers have prepared a consultation meal since they wouldn’t be able to come with us out into the woods.  How do you say no to your mother?

You don’t.

So, I agreed to come to the meal.  But I barely tasted a thing.  Not even my mother’s famous chocolate cake makes a dent in the numbness and anxiety I feel.  As well as the anticipation.

See, I know that Carl reciprocates my feelings, though he refuses to act on it, to even acknowledge it.  And that makes it all the more difficult.

Finally, the meal is over.  Jared, Alistar, our fathers, and a small contingent of our warriors head to the southern border, where the McCready’s have raided every night for the past few days and where scouts have found their camp.  And Richard and I head in the opposite direction toward the cliff.

In our wolf forms, we run to the cliff.  Jared and Alistar hooked us with saddles filled with clothes, food, and beer.  There are chests with blankets, sleeping bags, and fire supplies at the cliff.  Tonight, we will sleep under the stars.  Just Carl and I.

We race through the woods.  At first, we keep distance between us, neither taking the lead, but staying alongside each other.  But, as we continue, the distance between us lessens, as if we are drawn together like magnets.  Soon, we are rubbing against each other, chuffing and egging each other on.  Move faster, we begin to yip and playfully snap at each other.  

This is almost like the human bachelor party.  The last night before we take on all of our responsibilities and possibly find our fated mates.  This is a night for fun and I can’t let this feeling of weariness get in the way of that.  This is my best friend.  We are the last two of our brotherhood to take our roles.  Our last night of pure freedom.  Honestly, there is no one else that I’d rather spend it with. 

I finally shake off the awful feelings that have taken me over since Jared and Alistar made their announcement.  And I enjoy being with my friend.

When we make it to the cliff, we shift and set about making camp.  We swim and drink.  We eat and drink.  We hunt and drink.

The moon is high in the sky when we finally settle down by the fire and begin talking.  At first, it’s about nothing at all.  Chit chat about what our parents had planned for us after the ceremony tomorrow and about training.  We speculate about who our mates might be, teasing each other about being mated to someone who is 16 now and not finding our mate until we are old, old men.

The more we talk, the more we drink.  The more we drink, the more the pull toward Carl gets.   And with each sip, it becomes harder and harder to remember why I shouldn’t touch him. 

We’ve scooted closer together on the blanket.  We punch or slap each other’s arm in response to each other’s teasing.  But the touches begin to last a little longer, lingering looks coming between the two of us.  And the topics of conversation begin to get a little more…personal.

“Alright, then, asshole.  Who was the best kiss that you’ve ever had?” I say after he just busted my balls for me kissing Jenny “The Inhaler” Fleet.  She was called “The Inhaler,” because she basically tried to suck your face off your skull when she kissed you.

“Easy.  Stephanie Manchester,” he says, tipping back his beer before throwing the empty into one of the packs.

“Shit, that girl’s got a full set of DSLs.  And that tongue of hers!  You ever get her to give you a blowjob?  Fuck, I think I almost came within the firt thirty seconds.  She fucking hoovered me,” I cackle.

Carl gets real quiet and I look at him oddly.  “What, man?  It’s not like you gotta worry about not getting a BJ from Stephanie Manchester.  You’ve probably had plenty.”

He mumbles something that I don’t quite catch.

“What?” I ask, feeling like I’ve stumbled on something here.

“I said that I’ve never gotten a blowjob.  I’ve never gone past some over the pants shit.  I wanted…” He stops talking and swallows hard.  Without looking at me, he continues.  “I’ve been saving myself for my mate.”

“Oh, shit, man!  I had no idea.  Why didn’t you ever tell me?” I ask, shock coating every word that comes out of my mouth.

“I don’t know, man.  It sounds lame.  I mean, who waits for their mate anymore?”  He’s quiet for a few seconds and I try to think of what to say.  Quietly, he says, “I guess I just wanted it to be special.”

I must be still processing the complete and utter shock that I’m feeling, because when he says, “Let’s change the subject.  Who was your best kiss?” I immediately answer him with information he did not have.  “You.”

“What?!” he shrieks.

Oh, mother-fucking-hell!  Didn’t I really just say that?!  No.  No.  There’s no way I told him about the kiss.  But looking into his wide eyes, I can tell that I did.

“What the fuck do you mean, Richard?”  His voice is almost an octave higher than normal.  He stands, moving away from me.  His hands are making a pushing gesture, almost like he can physically stop the words that are about to come out of my mouth.  “When did I kiss you?”

Oh, shit.  I sit up on my knees on the blanket, trying to keep my tone calm and quiet, though I’m feeling anything but inside.  “You remember that first night that we drank?  We went straight for the hard stuff and got your dad’s good bottle of scotch?  How fucked up we got?”

“Well, yeah.  We both blacked out and passed out on the couch,” he says, his tone a little closer to normal and he’s stopped backing away from me.

“Well…you blacked out, but you didn’t pass out…right away.  You actually pushed me back on the couch and kissed me.  Like we made out.  Hard.  That’s why you had scratches on your back when you came to.  I got a little excited…”  I realize by the look on his face that I need to stop talking.

He stares at me in what I assume is horror.  He covers his mouth and turns away from me, pacing back and forth.  Suddenly he stops and screams wordlessly into the night.  “Are you shitting me?” he cries out.  “I kissed the guy I’ve been in love with for years and I don’t even remember it?”

Well now he’s just given me information that I didn’t have.