~ Chapter 5-10:53am~

The silence was loud, buzzing in his ears, and he hated it, always had. But after the question with no comment, not that he needed it; he wasn’t sure what to say. The cabin was sufficient enough to stay for months, it was another home, but it wasn’t done, it wasn’t stayed at for that long because of blizzards or other things, it just wasn’t something anyone had done before. And because it was so secluded and everything was so spotty in service no one stayed more than a couple of days. But if Rachel had every intention of staying longer, that meant she really needed time away and that went just beyond her relationship with Tim.

Jake turned his head and looked at her. She sat with her legs curled under her, her elbow resting on the couch, and her head on her hand. It was a peaceful look, but he knew her, and she was probably far from peaceful right now. God damn did he want to ask more, but the look in her eyes when she talked about Tim really drew him up short and he wasn’t sure he wanted to cause her more pain; or even him, because it hurt him to see her like that. But he knew, this conversation of Tim, of the past, or even their past, was far from over.

“Do you remember coming up here that time for Christmas?” She surprised him, not with the question, but with the talking. She could be very good about withdrawing into herself that was something he knew pretty well, and something that annoyed the shit out of her brother and her parents, and on the rare occasion, him.

“I do what about it?” he answered and she chuckled before turning to look at him.

“I was so pissed off at my mom for inviting you and then for Jay to agree.” Jake shook his head, not getting why. Yeah, okay, they weren’t friends in high school but it wasn’t like they hated each other enough not to be around each other. He turned to look at her fully.

“Yeah and why was that?” he questioned. She laughed even more now and he wasn’t wondering if she hadn’t lost it.

“It’s dumb, but it’s funny, at least to me. I usually wrap up my Christmas shopping in October or November at the latest because I hate the stores around the holidays. But because I wasn’t expecting to buy anything for you, since you and Jay always do something later on, I had to go to the store.” Jake thought back to that gift. In all his years, actually, that gift was one of the best he got. It was a jacket that he had wanted, that he had told his parents about for a few years and she was the one who got it, she was the one who listened, which was odd because it wasn’t like he told her that’s what he wanted. In fact, that leather jacket was one he wore often. He was shocked when he opened it and he had to bury how much it meant to him, bury the urge to pull her in a hug and kiss her. And that might have been when he started realizing he didn’t find her nearly as annoying as he thought he did.

“But I loved the gift. I wasn’t even sure how you knew that’s what I wanted.” She opened her mouth to say something and then closed it again. “What?” he asked but she shrugged as if it wasn’t a big deal but it was he knew it was, he could see that it was.

“I overheard you and Jay talking about it a couple of times. I had to wait in line for two hours to get it too, but I figured getting you something you wanted was better than some cologne or gift card.” Jake watched her, watched the play of emotions on her face and the thoughts behind her eyes. There was more she wasn’t telling him and he wasn’t sure why that bothered him so much. They weren’t friends, or well at least good friends, so they easily kept stuff from each other, but yeah, that irked him more than he wanted to admit.

“I’m sorry you waited so long, but it’s a gift I still love,” he told her and she smiled and he had to remind himself to glance away from it, so he did. His eyes flickered outside at the falling snow for a moment before landing back on her, needing that little distraction.

“I noticed,” she told him, “you still wear it a lot. Have filled it out a lot better now than you did in high school, too.” He chuckled before leaning back and crossing his arms over his chest. He wasn’t sure what he liked more. That she noticed how he filled it out or that it meant she checked him out.

“I guess. Seems females like the way it tends to look on me,” he said and he watched in fascination as her eyes flashed before they narrowed and then the look was gone. Well, he knew what would get a rise out of her, the question was why.

“Yeah, well, you don’t look half bad in it.” He so badly wanted to call her out on those thoughts but he refrained. She could easily close up on him and he couldn’t take all of that time in silence. A change of subject was needed he felt.

“I see you still wear the locket,” he told her as his eyes glanced down to the silver heart at her throat and she fingered it as she nodded.

“That I do. It was a sweet gift from you. I was always curious where the photo came from, I don’t remember it,” she told him as she opened it up to look down at it.

“Your brother,” he answered her. “One day he and I were chilling in his room and I saw the photo, it was by his desk, sort of hidden so you wouldn’t see it unless you were looking for it. When I asked about it, he said that was his favorite photo of you two. That the fact that you two looked so much like with the missing teeth and all, just made him smile. I actually had planned on giving the gift to you for your graduation later, but figured that Christmas was a better time.” And he was glad he did it. Not to make it some great Christmas but because the hug she gave him was huge. He questioned why he liked it so much then, but looking back, he knew. He liked her and he couldn’t so he had to be the biggest dick.

“Well, I’m glad I got it too. It was sweet, Jake.”

“Hey, sometimes I can try you know.” She shook her head and memories flooded his mind of their drunken night together. Well, they claimed it as such, but he was going to say that neither of them was that drunk. He had made a vow to himself not to think about that night, that it would only cause problems for him, but sitting here on the couch, knowing that it was just them for however long, yeah, it was impossible not to think about it. Fuck, being honest, he thought more about it than he’d liked to admit.

“Do you remember Sandy Johnson’s party for my graduation?” Yup, he did. It’s the one he got roped into going to because of Jay.

“I do what about it?” She blushed as she grinned and glanced at him from the corner of her eye.

“Jay defended me that night, he was my hero.” Jake clenched his teeth at that. No, Jay wasn’t exactly the hero, Jake was. Sure, Jay pulled the guy off his sister, and he was furious, but Jay couldn’t fight worth shit, so the one punch he threw didn’t do damage to the other guy but it sure fucked up his knuckles. It was Jake who made sure that the guy understood that when someone says no, it means no.

“Sometimes big brothers can be nice,” he mumbled, his eyes anywhere but on her.

“So can their best friends. Jay confessed about that night.” Jake’s head snapped to look back at her with a raised brow. “I’d love to say he told me all about the night after, but he didn’t. He actually confessed about it the night he told me about Tim.”

“Yeah, well, it’s not a big deal. I just don’t need Jay’s ass getting handed to him.”

“It was a big deal to me, Jake. Even to save my brother’s ass, you didn’t have to do it, you know? So, I thank you. For coming to my aid but for also coming to his.” Fuck, he wanted to scream so badly. He couldn’t deny how good those words sounded from her, but he also knew that he shouldn’t want to hear those, or that they should sound good. He needed to keep his distance from her or they would end back up in the same boat and that wasn’t a road he wanted to go down. So, like any other moment that he could, he grabbed the cloak of indifference and shrugged.

“It really wasn’t for you, Rachel. You can think it was, but it meant fuck all to me. I was only saving your brother’s ass. So, let’s not make a bigger deal of it than we really need to, huh?” Mentally, he cringed as he watched her stiffen. Fuck, he hadn’t liked tossing out words like that, but he had no choice, he really didn’t. His feelings, which could be THEIR feelings too, were running down hills and it needed to be stopped. So cue the asshole, no matter how much he hated it.