NOT GOOD ENOUGH

Why do I have to get a Stepbrother? Why does my stupid mother have to get married, to be honest, I hate this family stuff, I see it as an illusion, nothing more.

I loved being alone, I don't want a family and a stepbrother, it freaking sucks, I just want to be all myself, the word love is fucking fake.

When you love someone is all an imagination, and they betray you and stab you in the back, that's why I don't want to love anymore, I just want to be all by myself. At times I detest myself and wish I was never born to such a mother, my life was about pain and sorrow.

Sometimes I feel like I was born in the wrong family or I should never have been born at all. I wished my mother aborted me when she discovered she was pregnant with me.

I feel like fate has cursed me to never feel or experience happiness in my life.

I wish my father had never left me by the roadside, I turned and faced the ceiling with tears flowing down my ears. We were once a happy family, what happened to us?

Maybe, if I wasn't born, then, things would have been distinct.

My mother has never cared about me, she abandoned me, sold herself to prostitution and pushed me aside, all in the name of, she is working for money to put food on my table.

I never asked her for that sort of sacrifice.

I just wished for her to be a normal single mother, show me love and affection, yet it was the opposite. They were a lot of times I nearly got raped because of the men, she brings home and she doesn't see or reason with me when I complain about it.

She then nags me for hours at me to stop disagreeing about any single thing to her, because she doesn't know why she should value what I say or take actions which could wreck her job because of me.

I was heartbroken.

She brings a lot of men home with her friends, parties all night with the loud music and noises, a couple of times the neighbors have to call the cops because of this very same issue.

However, my mother never changed, I have tagged as the daughter of a prostitute and everywhere I went, fingers were always pointing at me, gossip spread like wildfire. To make matters even worse, lots of women have come to our house to fight my mother for taking their husbands away from them by whoring around them and snatching the money which was supposed to be used for their family being used on her.

I felt like the ground should open up and swallow me whole, the embarrassment was getting too much and at times I got attacked by these women all because of my mother and that I was going to become like her and live her wayward lifestyle, if only they knew I wasn't like her but a different being.

From that day on, I became terrified to come outside whenever I wanted, it was a complete disgrace for me to face and people avoided me a lot.

At school, it was the worst.

The wives of those men my mother often sleep with send their children to beat me up at school, just to cause my mother pain.

I suffered for years because of my mother and her useless lifestyle, that's why I hate her so much and wished to the heavens, she wasn't my mother.

Yet, I was waiting for the time I would turn eighteen, then I would finally pack out of this house and be gone for good.

I just can't wait for that to happen, and for whatever family she was trying to create, let her live in it and suck it up, don't involve me in it.

A few weeks passed, and we were hardly seeing each other even though my mother tried to make us talk to each other but I kept avoiding her and the jerk and making sure I stayed away from them. The more my mother tried to make us get along, the bitterness and rage I feel for her increased and with her stupid mentality, she wants us to get along as siblings and make the family complete. I guess she didn't want her husband to think we weren't getting along because of all the lies she's been telling him.

This dude and I can never and will never get along and the most surprising thing was that he acted calm and normal, he didn't seem bothered by the fact my mother was trying to make us get onwards.

He just went about doing his business and I also realized that he goes to school, high school to be precise, though I don't know the school he goes to he is still a jerk and I bet he has a lot of girls drooling like pigs over him, which is so sick and I couldn't ask for anything more than for him to stop living with me and go back to where he came from.

I'm in my final year in high school and I can't wait to graduate and get out of this house, which will be so amazing it will give me the freedom to do whatever I want to do and get a new life. Whenever I see him, coming back from school he seems so tired and even goes straight to the kitchen to prepare some food for himself. He seemed so quiet and observed doing things for himself. So, he even knows how to cook, only the heavens know what it will taste like, guess it will be so awful.

What a kitchen boy?

Isn't he bothered by the fact that he has been living in this house since the moment his father married my mother, I think. Or are they married, I don't know, since I never come outside my room.

How does he even cope with all this?

Why wasn't he so bothered about it, well, not like this is my business.

One day, I craved for a glass of milk and this was the time, they will be in their various rooms, I don't want to see anyone and so I hoped, I don't get to hear my mother's annoying sounds either, which she usually makes when she's having sex.

Why was it today of all days that they had to stay at home and this was so disturbing?

As soon as I got to the kitchen, yawning, what I saw startled me and I almost dropped my glass on the floor.