Pathetic

Grusha's POV:

I waited for something to happen, like his fists or any object he could find nearby, as I heard his footsteps get closer, but nothing did. Instead, I suddenly felt a current of wind pass me. I slowly opened my eyes when I heard loud footsteps going up the stairs, only to see my brother’s disappearing figure. He despised me just as much as father did, so it was strange to see him pass by me without at least leaving his finger prints on my cheeks. He was exactly like father in that regard. I let it slide because it is not like I wanted him to do anything.

I retreated my gaze from him, only for my eyes to fall on the smirking guy who has been leaning against the door frame, I assume, ever since brother arrived, who I didn’t notice until now.

Victor…

Despite the fact that he is my cousin, Victor could also receive the title of “best friend” from my brother, which is not at all surprising given that I knew that Victor is not the gentleman that he appears to be. In fact he is the typical playboy who is trying to get into every girl’s pants. Despite the fact that he is my cousin, we don’t typically interact much in our daily lives, but when we do, it never ends well, which made me suspicious of his this arrival.

Although it was embarrassing to have him witness how terrified I am of my brother, I rolled my eyes at him instead of giving him the chance to enjoy my vulnerability. After all, he knew everything; in fact, there were times when he found me being brutally beaten in the basement.

I tried my best to walk without limping, but the pain in my body was not subsiding. I made it to the kitchen counter and set the tray down next to the sink. As I kept washing the dishes, I felt him coming to the kitchen, I bet, wearing that maniacal grin.

“Not going to lie, baby girl, seeing you limping in that short, tight dress was really tempting sight to see.”

I heard him saying as he hopped on a high chair across the kitchen counter. I actually saw that coming since I knew the person very well. He shows the whole world that he is a prince charming and what is crazy is that even I used to believe that he was a prince charming until one day, when I was just a little girl, he tried to force himself on me. Since it was my first experience with sexual assault, I felt as though I had been raped after that incident. Being the naïve girl I was, I cried all night and ended up making the most foolish decision, to confess this to my brother in order to seek his protection. He did protect, but his best friend. In the end, I was the whore and he remained as the prince charming. Ever since that, I have despised him more while also growing more afraid of him. Victor taking the advantage of my helplessness, he never let a chance to pass, to brush his 24 hour hard crotch or his filthy hands against my ass. I eventually grew accustomed to his actions but have so far managed to avoid any kind of further explorations that he wanted.

Having better peripheral vision than men, I didn’t need to turn my head to see him licking his lips while shifting in his chair, which is not a good sign for me. I could feel him staring at me from top to bottom, his eyes lingering on particular parts of my body longer than necessary.

I was about to walk away totally ignoring his presence when my arm was grasped by his large hand which is going to leave a mark for sure. He pulled me back until my back hit the kitchen counter and then he trapped me between him and the kitchen counter with his arms on either side of me. He leaned forward while roaming his eyes over my face eventually stopping at my lips. My hands behind my back clutched the kitchen counter when he kept leaning forward looking at my lips until our lips were in contact.

“Don’t be stubborn.”

 He whispered against my lips while I pressed my lips together and closed my eyes tightly. Tilting his head, he brushed his nose against my cheek while reaching for my ear making me feel queasy.

“Because it makes me want you more.”

He whispered, his lips caressing my ear. After that, I expected him to leave me but he kept going on and on until he reached my neck. I wriggled in his captive, trying to move out of his hold because I found every single touch from him repulsive. But what I didn’t see coming was his hips being pressed against mine, which caused his hard crotch to press against my abdomen. I pressed my lips together in order to seal my lips from releasing any kind of sound that would encourage him to keep going.

What should I do? I want to shove him off and slap him across his face, but I can’t. Why? I feel as though I can’t move. I feel like crying. Why am I so pathetic? Why can’t I defend myself? Why do I always look to others for protection?

I was internally crying though no tears left my eyes. I want to defend myself and it is not like I have never tried. I tried once just to get beaten by my brother that also in front of this bastard and then be labeled as a whore. He is a skilled actor and it is the cherry on top that my brother chose to believe him over me.

For the first time in my life I really wanted to see my brother right now so he could see that I wasn’t lying in the past. But even if he witnesses it with his own eyes, would he still believe it? Even if he did believe it, I highly doubt that he would take actions about it.

I am so sick of this. I am worn out. I have put up with everything for years and now I am tired. Who do they think I am? Their slave? Their punching bag? I am also a human for god’s sake. It is not ideal to experience daily abuse, beatings, being a maid in your own house, being despised by your own blood, being helpless, being called a whore and being sexually abused. It’s not. I can’t take it any longer. I simply need a moment to escape from everything; maybe from this brutal reality. I just need a moment to catch my breath. I just need to breath.

I had no idea when my eyes welled up with tears. The next thing I know is me bawling my eyes out while wiggling in his grip, trying to get away from his repulsive touch.

“Leave me, please. Leave me.”

I detested begging, but when even my begging goes in vain, I was ready to do more than just begging in order to just get out of here. I pushed him as hard as I could, but he did not even budge an inch. Instead, his hands came to hold me still in place with his left hand gripping my hip and his right hand tightening around my ass over the dress. This is the exact feeling I felt the first day he touched me in this way. I don’t know what it is but I hated that feeling. I closed my eyes in anticipation that I will wake up from this nightmare. His teeth brushed against my collarbone, letting me know that this was no longer a nightmare. I bit harder on my lips as I was completely defenseless in his arms. When his disgusting tongue caressed against my neck where he bit silent tears rolled down my cheek before disappearing between my lips as I felt metallic taste mixed with salty taste in my mouth. This is what he always wanted-for me to be at his mercy.

I could feel him stooping even lower, which caused me to hitch in my breath. He was getting closer to my covered breast when his phone rang catching him off guard. He straightened his posture and took out his phone still holding me in his captive.

I was grateful for whoever called, but despite my blurry vision, I did notice how his expression changed when he saw the caller ID. The moment when he finally released me from his hold and walked away to answer his phone, my legs didn’t waste any second to give up and my body fell to the ground on its own. I am not sure if it was his behavior or exhaustion that caused me to become so weak, but whatever that case may be, all I want right now is to be left alone and have a piece of peace. I heard Victor yelling and cursing loudly snatching the slightest thought of tranquility from me. He was pacing back and forth in anger, completely oblivious to me, which I was thankful for. When my brother came running downstairs they exchanged gazes as if they are mind linking each other and wasted no time in storming outside.

I wiped my cheeks and stared at empty space without blinking. I let out a deep breath that I hadn’t realize I had been holding as I heard the main door close loudly. Observing both of their behaviors I thought that either my brother would use me as a means of venting his anger since I have many prior experiences or Victor would finally make his way into my panties.

Everything that just happened were too much for me to digest. Snuggling my knees close to my chest I hugged them tightly and hid my face between them; something I have longed for long.

Suddenly everything became eerily quiet, just like the sea before a storm. Despite this house always being quiet, this kind of quietness is frightening and disturbing. But what is even more disturbing is the look my brother had on his face when he left. Was it…

Fear?