Did they kiss? Did it end at lips touching?
The stadium is as crowded as my mind, with wild thoughts and theories of what might have happened with the two teachers after we left. If I’m right, Miss Gates is twenty-eight. Calum is twenty-one. Our relationship, should that ever happen, is more okay than theirs will ever be.
Rose and I meander through the crowd to find a seat. Taylor waves and points at two empty seats we rush to occupy. I sink in the seat with relief.
“What took you two so long?” Taylor asks. Rose answers on our behalf while I stay mute. “Have you seen Ryan?” Rose giggles. I wish I wasn’t sitting between two of them so they didn’t have to lean forward to talk. Taylor nods to the other end of the stadium where the players are. “He’s there.”
Rose follows her gaze to the terrace where some boys from our school are seated and I seize that chance to look for my stepbro
“Did I do something wrong?” Jackson asks for the umpteenth time as he pulls a pair of shorts over his waist. The walls vibrate from the effect of the speakers downstairs. Somewhere along the line, the songs had changed, more people had arrived. I hear the voices of drunk teenagers. Backing Jackson, I change into my clothes. “Cathy, talk to me.” I don’t turn until I’m covered. “No, you didn’t. It’s not you, Jackson, it’s me.” I’m just… I don’t know, experiencing one silly midlife crisis a few days to my eighteenth birthday? Do teenagers experience that? Jackson curves a finger under my jaw and I look up. “I’m just tired, Jackson.” “Some other time then?” My head moves in a nod before I change my mind. He presses a kiss to my forehead and hugs me briefly. “I’ll drop you off.” “No, it’s fine. I’ll walk.” Jackson runs a hand over his face and offers me a shy smile. Feeling out of sorts, I draw a circle on his carpet with my foot to distract myself. “Thanks for tonight.” “Yeah, sure th
There are two important days in this month of February. The first round of the competition, then her death anniversary. I circle the first day of the month on the calendar hanging from the wall. My eyes land on her death date and a tiny pang of pain hits me. I underline the date. It doesn’t get better, losing someone never gets better. You will always miss them. I miss my mum everyday.A knock sounds from outside my door. I wipe the tear leaking down the corners of my eyes. “Who’s there?”“Calum.”Last week Saturday was our first time singing together. If he wants a repeat this Saturday, I am so up for it. A few seconds in front of the vanity mirror and I look better than I did some minutes ago. I open the door halfway and lean on the doorpost. I’m not sure where we are at now. He’s with Miss Gates and I’m still single.“What’s up?” I ask my stepbrother. Calum is wea
Someone is knocking on my door. I respond by burying my face in my pillow. I know it’s my dad and he will go away after a few minutes. He’s the only one who knocks this early on a Sunday morning. He must be going to church.I don’t understand why he keeps going there when God didn’t save his wife. Mum died on the spot and his God did nothing to save her.Without meaning to, I listen to the sound of his car driving away. A knot tightens in my belly and I ball my fists on the bed. Dad will go to church and pray to a God that never answers prayers.When the sound of the car completely fades, I get out of bed. I step out of my room a second after Calum does, we eye each other. “Hi,” I say.“Hi.” He steps closer but there’s so much space between us. “Cathy, are you okay?” My head starts shaking but I stop and start nodding. It’s normal for me to feel this way a few days t
CALUMThey found me. It was only a matter of time but it happened faster than I thought it would.I place my ringing phone down and finish up the rest of my buttons. A door opens and shuts quietly and my heart sighs. Cathy is still ignoring me.She has been since she walked out on me and locked herself in her room yesterday. I want to be okay with her silence because it means less contact with her but my body craves her in ways that are illegal. With Cathy, I don’t want to only get down and dirty, I want to lay in bed and cuddle, talk about silly little things, laugh and tease her. I haven’t rolled a blunt in a week and it’s because of her.She calms me.Her voice. Her singing. Her annoying existence.I love it and I hate it. I hate to love it and there are so many reasons why. She’s my stepsister. My mum’s happiness comes first before mine. I can’t mess up what she has with Pete. Mum
I snatch the cards from Amelia when Calum leaves. What could be on it? Amelia is also waiting for me to open it but I don’t. I want to do it in private.“What was that all about?” Amelia asks. She drives us to school without getting a single word out of me. I shove the cards into my bag once she’s parked. Amelia adjusts, pushing one leg over her seat. “I thought you two were now getting along.”“We were.” I flex my fingers in front of me. Calum’s mood switches are unpredictable. Amelia is still waiting for an answer. I sigh again and rest my head on the window. “He was teaching me how to drive and he refused to put on his seatbelt.”“Oh,” is all she says.“Yeah.” Silence wraps us in a chokehold. Tears cling to my lashes. I hate talking about it. It makes me sound like a brat. Still seated, I open my door and inhale feverishly. I feel my bag fo
Whatever Calum saw in that note was bad. So bad he didn’t come out for dinner last night. I drag myself down for dinner but Calum is not at the table. Second night in a row. Dani doesn’t mention it, neither does Dad. We finish dinner in silence. Dani excuses herself and returns with a flask.“I’ll give it to him,” I say before she sits.They both cock their heads towards me. “Are you sure?” Dani asks. “You two haven’t been–”On the best of terms? Well, her son apologised. Plus, he owes me ice-cream and a duet.“We are cool now,” I answer. Dragging the flask to myself, I offer both of them a smile. “But we will be cooler if I take this up to him. Okay?”“Okay,” Dani agrees but Dad doesn’t look convinced. “If he doesn’t want it, that’s fine.”“Okay.”Dan
Fifteen seconds later, Calum flips the bedside lamp. Shadows fall over his face and top. He is wearing a black singlet that exposes his nipples.“Fine,” Calum says. “If you want to stay here, we have to talk about something else. Deal or no deal?”“Deal,” I answer but I have no idea what we can talk about. Well, I do but I’m not sure he will like to hear it. I cross my legs under me and he mimics my position. We sit, facing each other without saying a word. “So…” I draw circles on his bedsheet. “What to talk about?”“What’s your issue with seatbelts?” His fingers circle a spot on his knee. My chest tightens as he looks on in anticipation of a reply. “Your dad told me already but I would like to hear it from you.”I hear the sadness in his voice and I don’t want that. I don’t want Calum’s sadness or pity.When yo
Amelia is skipping school today. Again. For the third time this year. I dump my phone on the vanity after her call and massage my forehead.It’s becoming a norm and it’s worrisome.I open my WattsApp group to see Amelia hasn’t informed them of her absence. She told me first because she’s my ride to school. I skim through the other messages. Taylor thinks having Boys Code is not a bad idea. Rose will make the logo and get back to us with an update. I shove the phone into my purse and continue fixing my face. If Amelia will not be in school today, then I’m stuck with Dad. I haven’t seen Calum yet and I’m not sure I want to ask him for a ride. I don’t want to push him. I’d rather we take things slow and steady.The voice behind my door grabs my attention. I drop my comb on the dresser. Another knock pushes my feet towards the door and I yank it open. Calum lowers his hand raised to knock.
I should have taken Calum’s suggestion of a family dinner date. As I stare at the sauce in the pan, the colour changed by the black pepper I poured in, my brows wrinkle. This is not good. I touch the spatula to my palm to have a taste. It’s not horrible nor tasty but it’s edible. Turning off the cooker, I grab the plates for dinner from the cabinet.A kick from inside my belly has both hands lowering to cup my bump. I fold the hem of my shirt to reveal my protruding belly. This pregnancy is so much easier with Calum. I have someone to bother when the midnight cravings sweep in. Grabbing the plates and tray, I dish out dinner for Mace and I. Calum will be home past his son’s bedtime, thanks to Scott and the new album the band will be releasing next month.Through the open kitchen door, I try to spy on Mace. But the curly blondie is nowhere in sight. He must be playing with the guitar his dad gifted him on his last birthday. I’m not sure I want him to follow the same path as both of his
My ring is pretty. Too pretty. I stretch my hand in front of me and wiggle my fingers. Calum is all smiles beside me, and the rest of the table have similar grins. We changed tables when everyone arrived. Two bottles of wine sit open on the table. My glass is as full as it was when we shared a toast to my future with Calum. I can’t drink or eat with all the butterflies dancing in my belly.“Now we can call you Mrs Dissick,” Lucas says. The whole table laughs. They are all dressed so formally. No suits for them but matching button-up shirts and tailored slacks. Lucas even wore proper Oxford shoes.Rose smiles, and Taylor mirrors it. They are seated side by side. She glances at Calum, her red hair whooshing as she cocks her head.“You’re about to marry your stepbrother,” she whispers. Her voice is loud and carries round the table. The table falls quiet as nervousness creeps in. She brings her glass to her lips, offers a remorseful grin and gulps the entire content down. “Cheers.” Luca
CALUMI asked Pete’s permission to marry Cathy. I also asked Mum, and she was overly excited to give her blessings. Having both parents blessings builds my anxiety. I pace the entirety of our room, my sweaty palms closing and opening. Cathy is with her friends. Mace is with his grandparents.The phone on the bed rings. I jump. Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath and stalk to the bed to pick up the phone. It’s a missed call from Lucas. He didn’t even let it ring. I unlock the phone as a text from him enters. Luc: stop worrying. She will say yes.I roll my eyes at my screen, but a smile tugs the corners of my lips. Cathy has no choice. She’s my wife. Walking back to the front of the mirror, I smoothen my tux and adjust my stripped tie. My curls cling to my scalp, thanks to the excess gel I applied earlier. I massage my clean-shaven jaw, and the same hand slides to the back of my neck.The last time I had to dress formally was when I was Cathy’s music teacher. I spin as the door opens
Dad’s here. Oh my God. Dad is here. Dad. Jason. Rose and Taylor. I’m vibrating with happiness, too stunned to move or react. Calum nudges me with his hip, and I snap out of it. I jump into Dad’s arms, trying to draw all four of them into a hug.Laughter rings out around me as we tear away from the group hug. Dad grins. I smile but it wanes when I notice more of his grey hairs. I pat the greying hairs at his temples and his hand covers mine. He has aged.“You came,” I say to him.“Calum arranged it,” he replies.I hug him again. Only him. My tears wet his shirt as he strokes my lower back. A tug on the hem of my top forces us to break apart.“Mama,” Mace says. Squatting to his height, I offer him a weak smile. He wipes my wet cheeks, and his lips purse. “Mama. No cry.” “No crying for Mama,” I whisper. I hear a chorus of awws and oos, but I don’t look around. Handing Mace to Calum, I take turns hugging my best friends. I hug Jason last, and I hug him the longest. He’s a huge reminder
It’s the last day of the Manchester tour. We can spend a few days before leaving. There are mixed reactions to this. I’m excited to move to another city but reluctant to leave all the memories we created here. Calum doesn’t care as long as we are by his side.“What are you thinking?” Calum asks.His lips brush the space between my boobs. Hooded eyes stare at me, causing a flip in my belly. My lips part, but my reply dies on my tongue as his hairy jaw scratches my nipple. I shiver, and he offers me a wicked grin. On some days, like today, I find it impossible to believe this man was a virgin until me. I run my fingers through the mess of his hair. His fingers dip into my warmth, teasing a little to remind me how we spent our night. I’m quickly relearning his taste.Calum is always super hyped after every performance and if I don’t get away from him as fast as possible, we will fuck in whatever space avai
Voices from outside drag me out of dreamland. I blink fast, staring at the ceiling until my mind reels to a stop. Calum’s side of the bed is empty. Same with Mace’s crib. I roll over to the other end of the bed, smiling at Mace’s empty crib. A knot twists in my belly as the memory of our late night and early morning activities flood my mind. I’m alone in the room, but my cheeks still heat up due to shyness.If Calum is not here, he must have gone to get Mace. Father and son are most likely together, bonding. I grab my phone from the nightstand. There are missed calls from Dad. After a long call with Dad, Jason, Taylor and Rose, I head into the bathroom.The boys are performing today but I’m not. As exciting as yesterday was, I need a break. Mace and I will watch from the VIP section. I wear one of Calum’s big shirts over my skimpy nightwear. Calum can hardly keep his hands to himself and he proved that last night with the numbe
I did great. Not good, great. And everyone who spotted me after the boys performance has not failed to mention that. The feeling of being appreciated and wanted builds in my chest. I rock on my heels, and my butt juts out in a happy dance. I’m happy. But the happiness dwindles when my eyes locate the phone on the bed. Dad isn’t answering his calls. Mace grabs the edge of his crib, his face registering the excitement missing on mine. He still has the headphones Calum had him wearing throughout their performance. I squat in front of his crib. I should put him to sleep but the nerves coursing through my body make it impossible to act or think straight. It feels like I unleashed the beast inside me going on that stage, and I haven’t figured out a way to keep it quiet. If Calum were here, I would maul him, pass off some of that energy to him through sex or a kiss. “Grandpapa Mace isn’t picking,” I tell Mace. My knees meet the ground, and my arms bracket the sides of his crib. He yawns an
CALUMIt’s today. The boys are pumped, and so am I. Cathy and I won’t share the stage but she will perform before me, giving Mace and I a front row view of her performance. But it’s impossible to savour the excitement when she’s this nervous and threatening to bore a hole into the rug with her constant pacing. I stay as close to the door as possible. The more the gap between us, the lesser Cathy’s chances of getting mad. My last attempt at trying to calm her resulted in a shoe thrown at my face. This time I’m not alone. I’m with a reinforcement. The boys were nowhere to be found but Mace had no choice. His arms and feet dangle out of the carrier strapped to my chest. Mum wanted to take him while Cathy performed but I wanted both of us to watch from backstage. He has his noise cancellation headphones so he can’t hear a thing beside the playlists I created for him. “Cathy,” I mutter when she halts before the window. No reply. I clear my throat. “Baby.” Cathy turns on her heels and s
Calum has been acting weird since he left me backstage. I want to believe it’s the talk he had with Dani that’s affecting his mood but she’s smiling. Mace too. I join grandma and grandson when Dani waves me over. Calum grins but makes no other attempt to welcome me. There are only two seats in the room. Usually, he would pull me down to his lap but nothing of the sort happens.I squat in front of Dani. Mace pouts. “Hey.”“Hey,” Mace replies.I giggle. I’ll never tire of hearing him speak. My eyes raise in time to meet Dani’s, and she tries to smile. I’ve been pushing Calum to talk to her but I don’t know if I have the heart to do the same. I’m not upset. I’m over it but don’t have the courage to face her.“How do you like the set up?” Dani asks.“Good,” I reply.They wanted to show us around. The boys prac