I like Mending Hearts last album. I like it a lot, more than I’ll ever admit to any living soul. Maybe that’s why I’m seated on the floor with Jason, trying to duet with him.
One, it will make Amelia happy because it means I’m getting along with her man. Two, it’s an excuse to sing one of their songs without anyone growing suspicious. Three, I’m out of practice. Four, I miss singing.
“Fine,” I mutter. Keeping up the façade of disgust is easy. Amelia almost choked on her cake when Jason suggested we joined the #mendingheart challenge on TicToc. They released only the chorus to their new song and the internet has gone mad. “I’ll do it if Amelia sings. Otherwise, it’s a big no.”
I’m barely done talking when Amelia grabs the remote from the table. The candles on Mace’s birthday cake flickers. They turned his birthday to a mini concert and I love it.
Am
“Have you checked your video?” Jason asks.“What video?”Jason pats his guitar one last time, then hands it over for me to repeat the strokes he played earlier. My mind is foggy as my fingers touch a string. He slides down to the floor in front of the couch I’m seated, legs pushing up and arms folded on his knees.“The TicToc video,” he replies. They were able to convince me to upload it. Now my face is out there on the internet for anyone to see. “Are you sure you don’t need to create an Instaagram account? You can repost your TicToc videos to the app.”“No, thanks. I’m fine.” I send a look of help to Amelia. She curls in the single sofa, her smile spreading as she nods for me to start.I don’t want to fill my head with negatives, but Amelia doesn’t seem okay. Not to me. My fingertips brushes the chord and a soft sound travels through the air. She
CALUMScott treads the same line he did minutes ago. At this rate, he will wear a hole into the carpet. He stops by the window and shoves a hand into his pocket. Head bent over his phone, he groans for what should be the thousandth time. I don’t need to be with him to know he’s on TicToc again. He has been raving about this new kid he needs in the label. I don’t give a fuck. Well, I do.But it’s not as important as finding Cathy.Whenever I think of her, a mental block rises. This time is no different. I press two fingers to my temple, and the throbbing in my head fades to a dull pounding. I’m stuck in a limbo between finding her and letting her go. The doctor is convinced a physical meeting might do the trick. But how will that happen when she doesn’t exist except in fragments of my memories?She moved from Wells. Her dad quit his job. I can’t find her on any social media. She couldn’t have change
CALUMMama Mace blocked me. Either that or she no longer exists on TicToc. It’s my fault. I knew I shouldn’t have liked that video with my main account. I search for the name and username but nothing shows up.I refresh the page.Same result. People that are not her. More usernames with digits. I close the app and open BC. GC is strictly for girls and I’m not about to pretend to be some girl seeking for help. I need her to know it’s me when she sees the post. What are the odds she will? I guess I’ll have to keep making those posts to find out.I massage my neck, turn my head to the left, then the right, until I hear a crack. Much better. I’m home alone. Sam invited me to his flat since Lucas was coming over to play games, but I refused. I need answers.Mum can help.I banish that thought as fast as it comes. I’m not talking to her. She knew and she didn’t say anythin
Today will be good. I know that because it doesn’t take much to put Mace to sleep. I tilt my head back on the top of the couch and place a hand on Mace’s rocking chair.Footsteps pound against the floor, growing louder as the person approaches me. I keep my eyes closed as Amelia plops down on the couch. She nudges me with a knee but I squeeze my eyes tighter. Maybe she will take the hint and leave me be for today.“There’s a new post from the same guy,” she says. I ignore her. “You should reply, Cathy.”A few days ago, someone by the name of Calum Dissick created an account on BC, that itself is unusual because what are the odds? The same name? His profile picture is a landscape picture but his username is a mix of his first and last name. Nothing to worry or think about. It can’t be him.What caught the staff’s attention was his first post. It was long. The longest post from any of t
Dear Calum Dissick,I’m writing this email to prove to Amelia that you are an asshole. A bloody wanker. I hated you yesterday, I hate you today and I will hate you tomorrow. I’ll hate you everyday. For the love of God, stop writing those letters. I don’t want to talk to you.Please find attached to this email pictures of your son. Unfortunately, we have a kid together. His name is Mace. Amelia named him. I would prefer if you didn’t show up but for the sake of everyone asking that I let you know about your son, I’m doing this. They don’t know you like I do and I know you won’t reply this. It’s over for us, isn’t it? You moved on, sold out stadiums, got popular, got a girlfriend. You’re living your best life and you’re doing that without me. Why should I let you into my life now?We made so many plans and promises. Cal. How could you do that to me, your baby?Tears drop to the keyb
CALUMCathy hasn’t called me. Do I put down my full number? But it might attract the wrong people. I already got a few prank calls.I shove more clothes into my box. A few times, my gaze drifts to the phone on the wrinkled bedsheet. Why won’t it ring? Did she see the post? I dump a shirt in my box without folding it and pick up the phone.The post from that day has garnered tons of insults, comments, and some gifts. What if she saw it and couldn’t be bothered? I type in a shorter version of the message I left. If there was an option to privatise my post, I would, but that lessens the chances of her seeing it. But Lord knows I’m tired of half the comments in the thread telling me to suck it up. I don’t want to suck anything up except she’s the one sucking me up. I miss everything about that girl. She’s my all.Done folding the clothes, I drag my box to the living room. The driver will be here to take us a
Amelia leaves for Wells today, this morning. We talk, but our relationship isn’t the same. I pick up Mace on my way to her room. She can’t resist the little man.I knock once and open without waiting for an invitation. Amelia’s back is to me, her body slouched over the box she shoves clothes into. The material of her tank clings to her skin, highlighting how bony she has become. I clear my throat, and she jerks up. Before turning, she throws on a jacket first.“Hey, Cathy.”“Hey, Amelia Greene.”Her walls are adorned with portraits of us. Mace. Mace and her. Mace and me. Mace, me and her. Ashley and Amelia. I breathe through my lips and cover the gap. Mace squiggles in my arms and I drop him to the floor. He rolls onto his back. I think he will start crawling soon. He has been showing signs. I help him onto his knees and hands.“Come on, Macey. Crawl,” Amelia coos.
CALUMLondon is the same as I remember. Loud, bubbly, with its citizens rushing off like they all have an emergency. We arrived a few hours ago. The boys crashed once they were shown their room, but me, I haven’t been able to sleep a wink. Not even on the flight here.I fluff some pillows, plant my head between two of them and force myself to sleep. My brain is a mess, my mind is a sea of images and memories. Scott hasn’t found the PI yet but he’s working on it. I make an X sign on my chest with my arms. If Cathy was here, what would she say? You need to rest, Cal.Her sweet, soft, seductive voice is a lamp in the darkness inside my head. My eyes shut. The next time they open, grey clouds hover outside my window. I stagger to the window and pull the curtains close. My brain is muddled, and my body feels like jelly. I stub my toe against the box I left on the floor and hop on one foot to the bed. Pain skyrockets through my feet as I settle d
I should have taken Calum’s suggestion of a family dinner date. As I stare at the sauce in the pan, the colour changed by the black pepper I poured in, my brows wrinkle. This is not good. I touch the spatula to my palm to have a taste. It’s not horrible nor tasty but it’s edible. Turning off the cooker, I grab the plates for dinner from the cabinet.A kick from inside my belly has both hands lowering to cup my bump. I fold the hem of my shirt to reveal my protruding belly. This pregnancy is so much easier with Calum. I have someone to bother when the midnight cravings sweep in. Grabbing the plates and tray, I dish out dinner for Mace and I. Calum will be home past his son’s bedtime, thanks to Scott and the new album the band will be releasing next month.Through the open kitchen door, I try to spy on Mace. But the curly blondie is nowhere in sight. He must be playing with the guitar his dad gifted him on his last birthday. I’m not sure I want him to follow the same path as both of his
My ring is pretty. Too pretty. I stretch my hand in front of me and wiggle my fingers. Calum is all smiles beside me, and the rest of the table have similar grins. We changed tables when everyone arrived. Two bottles of wine sit open on the table. My glass is as full as it was when we shared a toast to my future with Calum. I can’t drink or eat with all the butterflies dancing in my belly.“Now we can call you Mrs Dissick,” Lucas says. The whole table laughs. They are all dressed so formally. No suits for them but matching button-up shirts and tailored slacks. Lucas even wore proper Oxford shoes.Rose smiles, and Taylor mirrors it. They are seated side by side. She glances at Calum, her red hair whooshing as she cocks her head.“You’re about to marry your stepbrother,” she whispers. Her voice is loud and carries round the table. The table falls quiet as nervousness creeps in. She brings her glass to her lips, offers a remorseful grin and gulps the entire content down. “Cheers.” Luca
CALUMI asked Pete’s permission to marry Cathy. I also asked Mum, and she was overly excited to give her blessings. Having both parents blessings builds my anxiety. I pace the entirety of our room, my sweaty palms closing and opening. Cathy is with her friends. Mace is with his grandparents.The phone on the bed rings. I jump. Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath and stalk to the bed to pick up the phone. It’s a missed call from Lucas. He didn’t even let it ring. I unlock the phone as a text from him enters. Luc: stop worrying. She will say yes.I roll my eyes at my screen, but a smile tugs the corners of my lips. Cathy has no choice. She’s my wife. Walking back to the front of the mirror, I smoothen my tux and adjust my stripped tie. My curls cling to my scalp, thanks to the excess gel I applied earlier. I massage my clean-shaven jaw, and the same hand slides to the back of my neck.The last time I had to dress formally was when I was Cathy’s music teacher. I spin as the door opens
Dad’s here. Oh my God. Dad is here. Dad. Jason. Rose and Taylor. I’m vibrating with happiness, too stunned to move or react. Calum nudges me with his hip, and I snap out of it. I jump into Dad’s arms, trying to draw all four of them into a hug.Laughter rings out around me as we tear away from the group hug. Dad grins. I smile but it wanes when I notice more of his grey hairs. I pat the greying hairs at his temples and his hand covers mine. He has aged.“You came,” I say to him.“Calum arranged it,” he replies.I hug him again. Only him. My tears wet his shirt as he strokes my lower back. A tug on the hem of my top forces us to break apart.“Mama,” Mace says. Squatting to his height, I offer him a weak smile. He wipes my wet cheeks, and his lips purse. “Mama. No cry.” “No crying for Mama,” I whisper. I hear a chorus of awws and oos, but I don’t look around. Handing Mace to Calum, I take turns hugging my best friends. I hug Jason last, and I hug him the longest. He’s a huge reminder
It’s the last day of the Manchester tour. We can spend a few days before leaving. There are mixed reactions to this. I’m excited to move to another city but reluctant to leave all the memories we created here. Calum doesn’t care as long as we are by his side.“What are you thinking?” Calum asks.His lips brush the space between my boobs. Hooded eyes stare at me, causing a flip in my belly. My lips part, but my reply dies on my tongue as his hairy jaw scratches my nipple. I shiver, and he offers me a wicked grin. On some days, like today, I find it impossible to believe this man was a virgin until me. I run my fingers through the mess of his hair. His fingers dip into my warmth, teasing a little to remind me how we spent our night. I’m quickly relearning his taste.Calum is always super hyped after every performance and if I don’t get away from him as fast as possible, we will fuck in whatever space avai
Voices from outside drag me out of dreamland. I blink fast, staring at the ceiling until my mind reels to a stop. Calum’s side of the bed is empty. Same with Mace’s crib. I roll over to the other end of the bed, smiling at Mace’s empty crib. A knot twists in my belly as the memory of our late night and early morning activities flood my mind. I’m alone in the room, but my cheeks still heat up due to shyness.If Calum is not here, he must have gone to get Mace. Father and son are most likely together, bonding. I grab my phone from the nightstand. There are missed calls from Dad. After a long call with Dad, Jason, Taylor and Rose, I head into the bathroom.The boys are performing today but I’m not. As exciting as yesterday was, I need a break. Mace and I will watch from the VIP section. I wear one of Calum’s big shirts over my skimpy nightwear. Calum can hardly keep his hands to himself and he proved that last night with the numbe
I did great. Not good, great. And everyone who spotted me after the boys performance has not failed to mention that. The feeling of being appreciated and wanted builds in my chest. I rock on my heels, and my butt juts out in a happy dance. I’m happy. But the happiness dwindles when my eyes locate the phone on the bed. Dad isn’t answering his calls. Mace grabs the edge of his crib, his face registering the excitement missing on mine. He still has the headphones Calum had him wearing throughout their performance. I squat in front of his crib. I should put him to sleep but the nerves coursing through my body make it impossible to act or think straight. It feels like I unleashed the beast inside me going on that stage, and I haven’t figured out a way to keep it quiet. If Calum were here, I would maul him, pass off some of that energy to him through sex or a kiss. “Grandpapa Mace isn’t picking,” I tell Mace. My knees meet the ground, and my arms bracket the sides of his crib. He yawns an
CALUMIt’s today. The boys are pumped, and so am I. Cathy and I won’t share the stage but she will perform before me, giving Mace and I a front row view of her performance. But it’s impossible to savour the excitement when she’s this nervous and threatening to bore a hole into the rug with her constant pacing. I stay as close to the door as possible. The more the gap between us, the lesser Cathy’s chances of getting mad. My last attempt at trying to calm her resulted in a shoe thrown at my face. This time I’m not alone. I’m with a reinforcement. The boys were nowhere to be found but Mace had no choice. His arms and feet dangle out of the carrier strapped to my chest. Mum wanted to take him while Cathy performed but I wanted both of us to watch from backstage. He has his noise cancellation headphones so he can’t hear a thing beside the playlists I created for him. “Cathy,” I mutter when she halts before the window. No reply. I clear my throat. “Baby.” Cathy turns on her heels and s
Calum has been acting weird since he left me backstage. I want to believe it’s the talk he had with Dani that’s affecting his mood but she’s smiling. Mace too. I join grandma and grandson when Dani waves me over. Calum grins but makes no other attempt to welcome me. There are only two seats in the room. Usually, he would pull me down to his lap but nothing of the sort happens.I squat in front of Dani. Mace pouts. “Hey.”“Hey,” Mace replies.I giggle. I’ll never tire of hearing him speak. My eyes raise in time to meet Dani’s, and she tries to smile. I’ve been pushing Calum to talk to her but I don’t know if I have the heart to do the same. I’m not upset. I’m over it but don’t have the courage to face her.“How do you like the set up?” Dani asks.“Good,” I reply.They wanted to show us around. The boys prac