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THE TWENTIETH
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2024-01-11 20:26:02Related chapters
Thirty Days THE TWENTY-FIRST – TWENTY-THIRD
I am an ice queen on the inside. I have perfected the art of preventing everything and everyone from seeing the inner me, which is ugly and black and numb. On the outside, I smile and chat to customers, make small talk with Bea and Andreas, and do my best to take in everything that I am being taught. But when I am alone, the cracks have started to show. Baking is not even helping now. I can’t sleep. I can’t eat, and I know the dark shadows under my eyes are getting harder and harder to disguise, no matter how much concealer I layer on. I am avoiding Michelle’s calls because I know if I talk to her, I will finally break. The rest of the week has been a testament to my determination not to end up in a ball sobbing over a man, and on some level, I feel a misplaced sense of pride that I have managed to achieve just that. Saturday is the busiest day of the week for Bread, and I am witnessing it first-hand as I help out Bea and Lorna, our Saturday girl. The same age as I am, Lorna is d
Last Updated : 2024-01-12Thirty Days THE TWENTY-FOURTH
I am standing in Nonna’s kitchen, desperately trying to avoid looking at either the spot where she died or at my mother, who is currently raging in Italian. Despite my heritage, I have never managed to master much beyond the odd holiday phrase, so I really don’t have a clue about what she is saying to me. My dad popped out for a pint of milk, and it was at that point she started grilling me about what I was going to do about Bread. I am a terrible liar, so I came clean and told her my situation, minus the stuff like sleeping with my boss, his psycho brother and the all-round fucked-up-ness that is my life currently. Needless to say, it was like waving a rag at a bull, and I am now standing here waiting for her to calm down. Which doesn’t seem like it is going to happen anytime soon. “Gina, just shut the hell up, will you?” My dad’s normally quiet voice booms across the room, and we both stare at him, silence descending at last. “Stop for a minute and look at what you are doing to ou
Last Updated : 2024-01-13Thirty Days THE TWENTY-FIFTH
I must have fallen asleep at some point because I am woken by a pounding on the door. Wrapping my gown around myself, I make my way downstairs to find the postman with a registered letter bearing my name. Odd as no one knows yet that I live here. I make my way upstairs and pop the kettle on before ripping open the envelope. The first thing I take in is the Hudson International letterhead, and I find my heart beating a rapid tattoo. It takes me a while to digest the words, and it is not until I see the cheque enclosed for ten thousand pounds that the penny drops. I am being paid off. The thought sends red-hot fury coursing through my veins, and I start to shake. Of course, in black and white it is all very amicable and spelt out as a corporate responsibility as I was out of my probation period, but I am reading between the lines and I know what is happening here. Before I fully comprehend what I am doing, I find myself donning some clothes and pulling on my duffel coat, heading ou
Last Updated : 2024-01-13Thirty Days THE TWENTY-SEVENTH & TWENTY-EIGHTH
I slowly climb out of the darkness, and the first thing I notice is a steady beeping sound. I can feel crisp sheets and an ache in my wrists. My mind flicks back, and I remember the drinking, the singing, the cutting of my wrists. With a sigh, I realise that I survived, and now I am probably going to be in a world of trouble.Taylor! Shit, pieces start coming back to me, and I am sure that I heard Taylor’s voice. My heart starts to hammer, and the steady beep increases in pace until I hear someone enter the room. Efficient, cool fingers touch my wrists, well, the parts that aren’t bandaged up, and I hear quiet murmurings. I try to open my eyes, but nothing seems to be cooperating. A warm, sluggish feeling creeps up my limbs, and then once again the darkness descends.~*~Beep. Beep. Beep. I want to shout at the fucking alarm for waking me up; I don’t have to be at work until seven, so why did I set it so early? I crack my eyes open, expecting to see my bedroom ceiling, but instead, I
Last Updated : 2024-01-15Thirty Days THE TWENTY-SEVENTH & TWENTY-EIGHTH pt2
Voices disturb me from my deep slumber, and it takes me a couple of moments to place their familiarity. My mum and dad. I can hear weeping and I keep my eyes closed, not ready to face what I will see.“It is all my fault, Michael,” I hear my mother saying softly. “I told her I blamed her for Mamma’s death. How could I do that? What kind of a mother am I?” I hear my father shushing her and comforting her, and I can imagine in my mind’s eye that he has his arms wrapped around her, his head on hers, an embrace I have seen so many times growing up.“Gina, it is going to be fine. Abby has a big heart and I know she will forgive you eventually, but you need to pull yourself together and be strong for her. She needs you! You are her mother, and you need to start acting like it.”The snuffles slowly subside, and when I think enough time has passed, I slowly open my eyes. “Hey,” I croak.“Abby!” My mother is on her feet, hugging me fiercely, wiping tears from her eyes. She pulls back and looks
Last Updated : 2024-01-15Thirty Days THE TWENTY-NINTH
I wake to weak sunlight filtering through the blinds. I am on my side in the foetal position, my body curled around Taylor’s head, our fingers still interlaced. He is snoring softly, and I reach up with my free hand to run my fingers through his hair. The whirl of my thoughts brings me back to Hannah, and I realise what I did was just what Taylor always thought happened to her. Guilt washes over me and tears prick my eyes. “I am so sorry for putting you through this, Taylor,” I whisper softly. Taylor stirs and shifts his body before raising his head to look at me. “Hey,” he says softly. “Hey,” I reply. “You must be really uncomfortable on that chair.” I study Taylor’s face, taking in the dark shadows under his eyes, the pallor in his skin and the fact that he is wearing yesterday’s clothes. “Hmm. Well, it is not going to make my top-ten favourite places in the world to sleep. But I’ll survive.” “Go home, Taylor. Get some sleep, have a shower and eat something other than hospital f
Last Updated : 2024-01-15Thirty Days THE TWENTY-NINTH pt2
The afternoon flies by as Taylor and I chat about films and music. The lack of the usual sexual tension between us makes me a bit uneasy, but I shrug it off, not wanting to dwell on the negative connotations that are attempting to take root in my mind. I ask him why he is not at work, and when he tells me it is the joy of owning your own company that you can take time off when you want, I find myself smirking at him. “Well, if I do that, the buns don’t get baked!” I joke. But in all seriousness, I know I need to get back to the shop; otherwise, Bea and Andreas will be left with a whole lot of orders that can’t be filled, and that would be terrible for business. Taylor seems to hear the truth in my words, and I can see him struggling as he turns something over in his mind. “Um, I spoke to Dr Grohl,” Taylor says, and I feel a small burst of anger at the thought of the two of them discussing things behind my back, which I do my best to stamp down. “You know he won’t release you unless
Last Updated : 2024-01-15Thirty Days THE THIRTIETH
The night was long and tortuous, filled with random dreams that made no sense. When dawn finally arrives, I remove my bandages and hop in the shower, soaping my hair and body in an effort to remove the delightful hospital aroma that I seem to have acquired. I find some clothes in the locker next to my bed and notice that they are the clothes Taylor bought me. I feel uneasy about putting them on, but given my lack of options, I slip them on anyway. The black skinny jeans that had previously hugged my figure now hang loosely off my hips, and the grey silk T-shirt feels two sizes too large. The grey cardigan I loved swamps my figure even when cinched in with the belt. At least the boots still fit. I examine my face in the mirror properly for the first time, and I am astounded by how much weight I have lost. My cheeks are almost gaunt, and my hair, while never having been my crowning glory, has a lacklustre sheen. Seriously, I look like crap. I distract myself by flicking through a pil
Last Updated : 2024-01-16
Latest chapter
Thirty Days THE FIRST pt2
The lobby seems dark in contrast to the bright sunlight outside so it takes a couple of moments for my eyes to adjust and seek out Nicola. “There she is,” I say, tugging Taylor’s hand towards the corner of the room where I see her standing with Genevieve. I am startled by the look of absolute desolation in Genevieve’s eyes. Even when we visited her a couple of days ago, she looked tired, like she had aged ten years, but she still seemed like she was holding it together. Today, though, she appears like she is coming undone. Genevieve’s eyes are rimmed with red and her typically regal posture is stooped as if she is carrying the weight of her grief on her shoulders. Stix doesn’t look much better; in fact, her usual willowy frame seems to be progressing towards gaunt as opposed to merely thin.Muted words are exchanged as Taylor and I envelop them both in hugs. I try to convey my love and sympathy for them both in that small gestu
Thirty Days JUNE
“Though she be but little, she is fierce!”William Shakespeare,A Midsummer Night's DreamTHE FIRSTOut of the corner of my eye, I watch Taylor as he pulls on the sombre dark grey suit bought especially for the occasion. His expression is pinched and I know today is going to take everything he has to keep it together. Checking my own reflection in the mirror, I smooth the dark fabric over my protruding belly, satisfied that I look presentable before turning to Taylor and holding out his tie.Taking it with a grunt of thanks, he pulls the smooth fabric around his neck. But as he attempts to tie it, he becomes more and more frustrated with his inability to make his hands do what he wants them to do until eventually he pulls it off aggressively and dumps it on the floor in a f
Thirty Days THE THIRTIETH
We almost didn’t make it to the courtroom in time, sliding in at the last minute just as the judge was taking the bench. A series of delays which started with flat tires on both our cars, something that raised numerous suspicions that it was somehow engineered, but in the end was solved when Henry’s guys found smashed glass all over the car park from some drunken idiots who had used it as a cut-through. The next stop had been the train station but engineering works from the weekend had overrun and in the end we ended up getting a ride up to London in the surveillance van that normally is in charge of keeping us safe. The irony was not lost on me that if it all goes right today and Hannah is convicted and Richard goes to jail then we will no longer need this van or the team of people dogging our every move.I sit rigidly next to Taylor as we wait with anticipation as the lead juror stands up to deliver the verdict. I can’t help but look across at Hannah,
Thirty Days THE TWENTY-SEVENTH - TWENTY-NINTH
I have just pulled out a tray of brownies that I have been experimenting with when my phone rings. I consider ignoring it but when I see that it is Taylor calling I quickly put the tray down and pick up my phone. Taylor was in court today for the closing arguments today, but I had decided to give it a miss; I just couldn’t face hearing any more lies about me and having to run the gauntlet with the press whose numbers seemed to have increased exponentially over the last few days.“Abs,” Taylor says before I even have a chance to say hello. “Abs, they have finished up their closing arguments.”“Who?” I ask quickly trying to figure out if I should be worried or not.“Both sides,” Taylor replies sounding slightly exasperated at my confusion.“Wow, that was quick. I thought it would go on for a while. At least until late this evening,” I reply.“We thought
Thirty Days THE TWENTY-SIXTH pt2
My mum appears at the top of the stairs and looks down at me, “Oh for heaven’s sake, Abby. Stop yelling. This is your surprise,” she says sweeping her hand across to the girl standing quietly in the doorframe. “This is Victoria. She always comes away with us when we do our shoots abroad; she is the only one I trust with my skin and you know how I am about that,” Mum says giving me a look. “Plus she gives the most incredible massages so I told her about you and thought that she could give you a bit of a pampering session today.”I love my mother to bits and her gesture is so incredibly kind, but I rather wish she would have given me a little bit of warning so I could have actually washed my hair or shaved my legs or something so that I don’t feel like the sloth I am currently am. “That sounds lovely, Mum,” I say through slightly gritted teeth before turning to Victoria. “Come on up but please excuse th
Thirty Days THE TWENTY-SIXTH
“You look like crap, darling,” my mum says, not mincing her words as she surveys my appearance.“Thanks. I love you too,” I mumble back as I let my mum in the front door. She follows me up the stairs and I am conscious that, despite the fact that it is gone ten in the morning, I am still in my pyjamas.“Seriously, darling,” she says as I lead her towards the kitchen, “You have great big bags under your eyes and you look like you have barely slept in days.”“I was asleep by seven yesterday but then after midnight, Bean decided to start doing her acrobatics. I was up every hour to pee so I am knackered, Mum.” I let out a sigh as I pop the kettle on, pulling down some china mugs and getting out the teapot.“Have you been taking your vitamins?” Mum asks looking concerned.“Like clockwork,” I respond. “I just can’t seem to get my mind to w
Thirty Days THE TWENTY-FIFTH
“So the last time I saw you, Abby, I asked you to think about what makes you happy. I know you have had a lot going on but I wanted to see if you had any thoughts on your task.”I look at David and truthfully I want to smack him. “To be perfectly honest, David, it hasn’t exactly been high on my priority list. Seriously at this point, I would just settle for Richard and Hannah locked up very far away from me. But I know that isn’t the answer you are looking for.”“I know things are tough for you at the moment, Abby. But in a couple of weeks, all of this is going to be over, no matter what the verdict is. And you are going to be asking yourself these questions. You are always so focused on making everyone else happy that you need to start thinking about what you find fulfilling.” David sits there tapping his pen irritatingly on his notepad.I let out a sigh. “I like making people happy. It mak
Thirty Days THE TWENTY-FOURTH pt2
By the time we slip back into our seats in the courtroom, the jury is just being led back in. Taylor wraps an arm around my shoulders, a comforting gesture that makes me relax a little. I watch as Emelia makes some notes as Hannah is led back into the witness box. For the first time, Hannah looks slightly nervous but when she spots Taylor and me, her gaze turns bitter.Emelia stands up and I find my heart beginning to race, almost as if I am the one getting up to question Hannah myself. “Miss Fisher, would you agree that you have spent the entire morning telling a pack of lies to the courtroom?” Emelia asks, her tone pleasant and light as if she had just asked her whether or not she had enjoyed her lunch.“Absolutely not,” Hannah replies, her tone aggressive. I watch as the tension radiates off her body, her unease written all over her face.Emelia begins by going over Hannah’s testimony that stated that she had no knowl
Thirty Days THE TWENTY-FOURTH
Today is the day; Hannah is going to be on the witness stand. My stomach churns every time I think of it. Taylor tried to dissuade me from attending, but I put my foot down this time. I need to look Hannah in the eye when she gets up and lies in court.I was so nervous the first time I walked into the courtroom to testify that I hadn’t taken much notice of my surroundings. But as I find my seat behind the large bench of barristers and solicitors for the Prosecution I take a good look around me. A large coat of arms sits above the judge’s chair which along with the dark wooden panelling gives the room an austere feel. We are still waiting for the judge to arrive, but I guess that it won’t be long as I see the far door open and the jurors are led in.It all feels a little surreal, like I am watching an episode of Law & Order: UK, as the judge enters and then finally Hannah is brought to the witness stand. I watch as she stands and makes her
