Taylor at Dr. Wilson’s OfficeThursday, December 15“Your journal is open. What shall we discuss today?” Dr. Wilson inquires, pointing at my open notebook in my lap.“I’m concerned about Kennedy,” I inform. “She spends three or four nights a week at Madison’s house instead of spending the evening with Jackson and me.” I close my notebook. “Madison’s husband has moved out, and Kennedy said she was helping Madison cope. It has been several months now, and I fear there is more to the situation.” I rise from my chair and pace the office. “She opts not to attend the OB appointments with me. I invite her multiple times. I mean, these are her babies, and this is her pregnancy. She doesn’t seem as interested as she was the first few weeks.” I pause, placing my hands on the back of my chair. “I feel she her pull away from all of us. I don’t know of anything we did to cause it. Will she magically return for the birth of the twins and be involved? Will she even come to the hospital for the birth?
TaylorMy new year starts with my new puppy’s arrival on January Second. While playing together on the floor, my cell phone vibrates.Jorge: home yet?Me: yesJorge: can I call?Me: yes Moments pass before a FaceTime call from Jorge arrives. When I answer, the first words I hear are not hello or hi.“Hey dork, turn the camera around so I can see your new puppy,” he demands.“And here I thought you called to talk to me.” I attempt to inflict guilt upon my friend for not caring to speak to me. However, Jorge shows no shame. We talk for over forty minutes as I follow the puppy around the house with my phone for him. I finally let Jorge go, so I can take my new puppy to the backyard to potty.I return my phone to my pocket, pick up Nymeria, then approach the backdoor. I bend down, ring the sleigh bells I hung on a post by the door, and announce to Nymeria, “It’s time to potty.” I ring the bells one more time and say, “Time to potty,” again before we head outside. I read online that these
TaylorAt the end of February, as usual, the sound of the rising garage door signals my alone time, complete for the day. Not that Nya isn’t a great distraction, but human interaction is lacking in my daily routine. Nya waddles as her little tail excitedly wags towards the garage entrance. I ask her to sit, which she does with tail still brushing against the tile floor. When Jackson enters, she immediately raises her front paws as if doggy-paddling in the air. This is how she begs for anything and everything. Right now, she wants his full attention.“There’s my little girl,” Jackson greets, sweeping Nya into his arms. Her little puppy tongue places kiss after kiss on his cheek as her front paws rest on his shoulder. “What did you two do today?” He baby-talks to her with eyes on me.“The usual: lots of naps, a few playtimes in the backyard, and a session focused on training,” I answer.Jackson chuckles as Nya refuses to stop slathering her kisses on his cheek. He lowers her to the floor
Taylor at Dr. Wilson’s OfficeThursday, March 9 “My dreams of a family consume my thoughts daily. I fear they cause me to cling to the men in my life desperately,” I confess.Dr. Wilson nods before asking, “When you are in a relationship, do you see that man in your dreams of a family?”Cocking my head to the side, I ponder over my visions of family and future. “I don’t. When I envisioned my family, John was never the father figure.”“As we discussed in previous sessions, you are not trying to change these men. You hope they will wake up and change on their own,” Dr. Wilson says. “Did you make the list of traits you dream of in a spouse and father of your children?” When I nod yes, she continues. “Did you make the pros and cons lists of your past three boyfriends?” Again, I nod. She passes an orange highlighter to me. “Please highlight the traits that match those on your list of a dream spouse.” It only takes a moment to complete this task. There is not much for me to highlight.“Now
TaylorBy late afternoon, the warm aroma of chicken and noodles swarms throughout the house. Cuddled under a blanket, Nya asleep at my feet, I shut off the TV and open my Kindle. I’m transported to Denver, Colorado, for more escapades of India Savage and her gang.As is usual when I read, time passes quickly. Kennedy emerges from the garage, causing Nya to flop from the sofa to the floor, before running to greet her. I rise much slower to avoid upsetting my stomach and the babies.“I should take her out,” I inform Kennedy.“Let me do it. You get right back on that sofa,” Kennedy orders. “You fixed dinner; it smells divine. I will take her out.”The two skip to the door and outside, as I tumble back into my comfy position on the sofa. Returning from the yard, Kennedy rewards Nya with a treat before looking my way.“Need a drink or a snack?” she asks.I start to shake my head but decide a snack would be smart. Hours flew by since I last nibbled. I ask for some pretzels and water. Kennedy
TaylorJust out of my barely warm-but-safe-for-the-baby bath, I scoop up Nya, and we crash on the sofa. My eyes flutter open to the vision of Jackson standing over me with Nya in his arms, lapping at his cheek and neck.“Hey, sleepy,” he greets.I slowly slide to a semi-upright position near the arm of the sofa. Jackson doesn’t hide his shit-eating-grin.“What did you do?”He is up to something ornery; he has no poker face.“Look at your phone.” Is all he says, carrying Nya up to change his clothes.I snag my phone from my pocket. I have a new text from Jackson. It’s a picture. He took a picture of Nya sleeping on my chest while I napped. I can’t be mad at him. It is a tender moment. I need to frame this one. My large pregnancy belly looms prominently as I am horizontal. Nya snuggles on my chest with her head propped on my belly bump, and my puffy face is peaceful in sleep. I love this snapshot. I’m glad he recorded this moment in time for me. Nya naps beside me in the recliner or at
TaylorKennedy: be ready @ 5Me: I rememberKennedy: (thumbs up emoji)Me: craving French fries Kennedy: (laughing emoji)Tonight is the night. Jackson asked to take us out to eat and to a movie. For two weeks I’ve fought going stir-crazy in the house all day. I’m too large to bend over, so cleaning and exercising are out. I struggle to play with Nya; this kills me. She is so cute and at a very playful stage. I attempt to sit on the floor for a while every day and play tug-of-war and fetch with her. Afterward, my rising from the floor is a struggle. Dr. Harrison believes everything is just as it should be, but he requested total-bedrest this week. I’m to stand or walk only to the bathroom. Sitting and horizontal relaxing are now my day-job. Netflix and Hulu binge-watching fill my days. Premium channels and On Demand entertain me, too. Daytime TV is not my style. If only it was fall, I could watch all the holiday movies on the Hallmark Channel.At 4:45, I attempt to pee one more time
TaylorAt the hospital, Jackson is escorted in one direction while I am wheeled onto the elevator toward the obstetrics ward. Alone again. I cannot deliver these twins alone. When I ask where they took Jackson, I am assured he will join me as soon as he can. Nurses escort me into a labor room, one asks me questions, as another prepares the bed and room for me, while a third lays out a pad and gown for me. They scurry about quickly this way and that, I stand stone-still, scared of the impending delivery and pain.“I’m Taylor Taft, my physician is Dr. Harrison at North Kansas City Hospital. I’m carrying twins, and my induction is scheduled for tomorrow.” I rattle off my answers to her questions. This nurse adds the ambulance notes to my file, while I am helped into my hospital gown, and assisted onto the large pad on my new bed. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!I gave my real name and not Kennedy’s. Dr. Harrison has my records under Kennedy Hayes. Pain sears through my lower back interrupting my thou
TaylorMy mind scrambles for words.Ready?Ready for what?Our first kiss was everything I fantasized about this past year and then some.Is he ready to sleep together?I’m not sure I am ready for that tonight.Our kiss proves our electric passion for each other. I stand in front of him, as he’s seated on his bed; I move between his knees.“I’m ready to explore us too, but I want to go slow.” I swallow, my mouth suddenly very dry. “I need to go slow. We have too much on the line to jump into this.”Jackson nods his understanding.To show my desire for him, I place feather-light kisses on his jaw. He places his hands on each side of my face, guiding my lips to his. This kiss is hotter than the first. Our hands explore arms, shoulders, ribs, hips, and chests.I lift my legs to straddle his lap, aligning my pelvis with his. The heat from his cock exquisitely flows to my core. His hands on my hips grind me into him, and I moan. I continue the pressure as he moves his mouth to my jaw, then
Two Years LaterTaylor“What time is it?” I ask the room.“Twenty minutes after the last time you asked,” Martha teases.“We have five minutes,” Elizabeth announces to everyone. “Taylor, might I have a moment?” She inquires, escorting me onto the balcony for a modicum of privacy. I thought my nerves had reached a pinnacle; a private chat with Elizabeth escalates them even higher. Gerald and Elizabeth arrived with us three days ago to assist with the preparations and the twins. We shopped, dined, and even swam.What will she discuss now, with less than five minutes until we start?Why didn’t she talk to me before now?“You look beautiful, dear,” Elizabeth says. “For many years now, Gerald and I have thought of you as our daughter. Today, you make that official.” She dabs a tissue to the corner of each eye, not wanting her tears to ruin her makeup. “You brought our son back into our lives, you gave us two precious grandchildren, and today you give us the happiness and future we always d
Taylor “Taylor!” Jackson summons loudly from upstairs the next evening.I recap my water bottle before attempting the epic struggle that is rising from the sofa post-cesarean. I peek at the sleeping twins before I slowly and painfully ascend the fourteen stairs from the living room to the second floor. Jackson wouldn’t require me to trudge upstairs if it wasn’t important. I pass the bathroom doorway as it is dark inside. The master bedroom door is open, but no lights are on. I notice light entering the hallway from the nursery. I place my hand on the door frame for support.Jackson sits on his knees at the open nursery closet door. I see no spurting blood, signaling a need to yell at me.“What’s so important I had to climb the stairs?” I immediately regret my icy tone.Jackson turns, rising to face me. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t think. I just found the bag and reacted. Are you okay? Want to sit in the rocker? I should have brought it down to you.”I regret my words even more now seeing t
TaylorGroup Session at Dr. Wilson’s OfficeMonday, May 22 “Thank you for securing a sitter and meeting in my office today,” Dr. Wilson greets. “I’ve asked a colleague to join us today. This is Dr. Jacobs.”“Dr. Jacobs, please meet Jackson Hayes and Taylor Taft.” After shaking hands, we take our chairs.“Are you leaving your practice or passing us off?” I question.Why else would she have another professional sit in on our session?“Our topic of today’s session is delicate. I recently shared a situation with Dr. Jacobs. Through our discussion, we decided we should both be present today.” Dr. Wilson assumes her usual chair, pulls out a manila file folder, and begins. “As you are both aware, I met with the two of you and Kennedy individually throughout the surrogacy process. I did not share items from one session with the others, as privacy is vital in the therapy journey.” She smiles at both of us before continuing. “The two of you shared a similar issue with me in your sessions. I ha
TaylorThe doorbell wakes me from my nap. Who could it be on a Wednesday? I slowly rise from the sofa and glance at the sleeping twins in their nearby bassinets on my way to the front door. Through the peephole, I spy Dr. Wilson.Did I forget an appointment?“Hello,” I greet. “Taylor.” Dr. Wilson wraps me in a gentle hug. “I’m so sorry. I read about Kennedy’s passing in the paper. May I come in?”I’m frozen in place. Seeing Dr. Wilson away from her office catches me off guard. She is here to talk about Kennedy’s death.I’m not strong enough to work through this now with her.“Taylor,” Dr. Wilson prompts. “If this is a bad time, I can come back.”“No!” I announce louder than needed. “Come in. I just woke up, so I am a little out of it,” I confess, excusing my actions.“Resting when the twins rest is important,” Dr. Wilson states. “How have you been feeling?” She seats herself on the end of the sofa nearest the still sleeping babies.“Overwhelmed, but I’m sure all new mothers experience
TaylorIt’s Sunday morning, Jackson’s second day back at work. Elizabeth and Gerald are still in town, thank goodness. I climb from bed a bit easier this morning, my pain lessens with each passing day. I peek into the living room to ensure Elizabeth and Gerald are with the twins before I slip into the restroom. I enjoy a few extra minutes to freshen up; then stride toward the kitchen in search of breakfast. My appetite grows every day. I’m told it’s because I need extra energy for nursing.“Good morning,” Gerald greets from the sofa as I walk by.I return his greeting, noting he holds both twins in his lap. I climb upon a kitchen stool.“How’d you sleep last night?” Elizabeth asks, sliding a plate of sausage and tater tots my way. As I rise, she pushes my shoulder down and fetches the ketchup for me.I am very glad they put everything on hold to help Jackson with the funeral arrangements and me with the twins, but eventually I need to do everything on my own. She pampers me too much; i
Taylor“Did you halt the mail delivery while you were in the hospital?” Gerald inquires.My eyes widen. We should have, but we did not.“I’ll walk Nya to the mailbox and back,” Elizabeth offers quickly. “You need to rest and Gerald, you need to sit still so the twins can nap,” she teases her husband.When they return, Elizabeth releases Nya from her leash. She immediately darts to Gerald’s feet. She stands on her hind legs to ensure the twins are safe in his care. Next, she whines at the side of the sofa, wanting me to lift her to my lap. This simple task requires planning on my part. One cannot simply bend over and pick up an eight-pound puppy two days after a C-section. As I cuddle and coo Nya on the sofa, Elizabeth uses kitchen scissors to open a small package. She asks me if she should look inside or wait for Jackson. My eyes remain on Nya as I give Elizabeth permission to open it.Sensing a change in her mood, Nya hops from the sofa to join her at the kitchen island. My eyes foll
TaylorI behave like a perfect patient, and the doctor releases me on Sunday afternoon. As we round the corner, Jackson’s home comes into view. A large sign with balloons attached graces the front lawn, welcoming Carter and Kennedy home.“No, no, no,” Jackson chants. “I told Madison not to tell the neighbors. I can’t handle a party. This is not a time to party.” It might be easy to let his words upset me. The twins are to be celebrated. They are tiny, precious, bundle of joys. However, I completely understand Jackson’s need for privacy. The passing of his wife at the same time his twins are born takes its toll. “I will thank everyone for coming and send them on their way,” I offer. “I’ll fake fatigue.” Not that it would be much of a stretch. I’m exhausted; the thought of relaxing on the sofa or in my bed is my only goal.As Jackson pulls the Mustang into the garage, Gerald and Elizabeth park behind it in the driveway. Jackson opens my door for me and extends his arm to assist me to s
TaylorEmotions somewhat in check, Jackson continues. “Taylor opened her door then yelled to wake me up. I got out and went to help Kennedy. Taylor’s water broke, so the EMTs drove the two of us here, while the fire department extricated Kennedy.” At his mother’s audible gasp, Jackson pauses, and Gerald reaches for his wife. “Taylor was in active labor when Kennedy arrived at the hospital. The babies were in distress, so she was prepped for a C-section. When Taylor went to recovery and the twins to the nursery, I signed forms for Kennedy to have surgery to stop her internal bleeding.” Jackson releases my hand and stands. “Taylor and the twins got settled here while Kennedy had a second surgery.”“It was a long emotional night,” I add, hoping to give Jackson some support in this emotionally tragic story.“This morning, Taylor decided she needed to go down. She paged nurses, insisting they wheel her down to see Kennedy. She didn’t take no for an answer.” Jackson’s Adam’s apple visibly bo