Let Us Break

BLAZE WILLIAMS

Caroline drew her lips into a thin line. She was struggling to stay in her seat.

She looked at dad who held her hands under the table.

“Do you think I should go after her?” Caroline asked anyone who cared to listen.

She looked to dad for an answer.

I beat him to it.

“It’s better if we respect her wishes,” I said to Sabrina’s mother.

Alex had called her mum. It made me wonder how close they had gotten.

Sabrina must have felt entirely safe with him only for him to hurt her the way he did.

“Yeah. Blaze is right,” dad spoke with maturity. “These kids are adult and there’s nothing they hate more than being treated as kids. She asked for space, let her have it. Maybe send a text letting her know you’re here for her.”

Dad agreed with me. That wasn’t something that happened a lot.

Caroline finally listened to us. She clutched her phone and typed a message to her daughter.

Dad poured wine into three empty cups.

He skipped the fourth one which was meant for Sabrina.

When Caroline was done, she dropped her phone and sighed aloud. She reached for her glass, believing that alcohol would make the night better.

All I could pay attention to was Sabrina’s empty glass.

She was meant to be here. That scumbag waltzed in and ruined her night.

Two times in a row he had spoilt her day. What more was he asking of her?

Caroline and dad were making small talk. Dad asked Caroline if she wanted some ketchup. Caroline asked my dad if he needed a savette.

I tipped my head back and finished my glass of wine as Caroline asked me about my dinner.

“You can eat your meal, you know?” Caroline reminded me of my bowl of pasta.

It was creamy with some freshly sprinkled parsley.

I had not touched the meal since it arrived. I had not even looked at it.

“Actually, I'm not so hungry.” I pushed the plate away from and got ready to stand up.

I was a liar and a hypocrite.

Just now, I was telling Caroline to give Sabrina space yet I was planning on doing the complete opposite.

How can I be eating when I know she's probably crying her eyes out? And what if Alex shows up at her room?

I don’t even know her room.

“What do you mean?” Dad asked in a gruff voice.

He, just like Caroline had started digging into his meal.

“I already had dinner,” I lied to dad with zero guilt. “The ony reaosn I came was to eat with the family but since that has been interrupted, I want to call it a night.”

I pushed myself to the edge of the seat. I was ready to stand and leave. Once I filled my cup for the second time and emptied it down my throat, I got up.

“This is what you wanted,” dad accused me.

I couldn't guess what was pushing him to think that way.

But this was my dad. What was I expecting?

We always found ourselves here. Him fighting for control over my life.

“I came out for you, right? Sabrina left, why can't I leave? Don’t you want to have some alone time with your woman?” My tone was very daring.

I was never afraid of my father. I respected him but respect was far from fear.

“Sabrina left because she was offended. You called her Sally!” Dad pointed at me.

“Her ex came here. Her ex caused her to leave.” I reminded him. “Don’t make this about me or about us.”

“Jo. Baby.” Caroline tried to stop dad from continuing our argument. But it was too late.

“Did your mum put you up to this?” Dad asked in a softer, lighter tone.

His eyes narrowed at me, suspecting.

This was our problem. He weaponized everything I did.

They both did.

Dad and mum have spent their entire life fighting with one another.

Now the only way they knew how to love me was to fight with me.

“Blaze, please. You can walk away,” Caroline begged me.

Caroline felt responsible for how things were turning out.

It wasn't her fault. It wasn’t Sabrina’s fault too.

Dad knew that much.

But he thought it was my fault and it wasn't.

“Can you hear yourself?” I spoke, fighting the frustration blasting through my head.

I was so mad I pulled my chair back and sat down again.

“Do you think I am that bitter to do such a thing to you?“ I asked Dad, ignoring Caroline. “What have I even done here tonight?”

Caroline held her head in his hands. She gave up on us.

I felt for her but it wasn’t my responsibility to stop us from fighting. That was my dad’s work.

Dad fumed with anger, his eyes darted around.

He scrambled for words. He would never let me win a fight.

He and mum never let eachother win a fight.

“You called her Sally!” Dad announced. He held the revelation like it was the missing piece that was enough to put the blame on me. “Maybe her ex used to call her that. You’ve been acting weird since you joined us. I wouldn't be surprised you had this entire thing planned out.”

“Joseph,” Caroline called in a small voice.

She kept her head down. Her posture showed how tired she was but her voice hinted at annoyance too.

Irritation even.

But dad was too busy arguing with me to hear her. He carried on with what he was saying.

He didn't even miss a beat.

“And why were you so interested in causing a scene. You didn't have to jump in and interfere until Sabrina asked us to. You embarrassed her countless times. You did!”

“Babe!” Caroline screamed.

She meant for dad and I to keep quiet but the entire restaurant fell into silence.

Some people glanced at us. The waiters and waitresses peeked in our direction.

We were the center of attention.

Now this was embarrassment.

“Can you both just shut up?” Caroline took the stage. She warned us through gritted teeth.

She was this close to snapping.

And to be honest, we deserved to be scolded like children.

After what dad just said to me, I was stunned.

I couldn't believe he said all that. That he saw me as such a monster.

Sad and hurt, I quietly excused myself from the table.

And as I walked away, I tried to think of a time when it would hurt less.

Even if we fought a million times a day, it always felt like a new heart rip.

I had to find Sabrina. She deserved a better night and I was going to do everything in my power to give her that.