Chapter 4: Mourning

The next morning I woke up feeling a pain in the back of my neck, I had slept badly. The night had been a little better, although at first I had a hard time falling asleep because I was thinking about Max.

Today I would arrive at the university and see the lack that he would do. I got out of bed groggy and headed for the shower. When I took off my clothes and let the water wash away my sleep, I felt watched; it was a new and completely strange feeling. I showered for a few minutes and then went out. I wrapped the towel around my body and looked for some clothes. Long-sleeved black shirt and black jeans. The city of Portland was in mourning. I put on my shoes and combed my hair.

Classes would start in half an hour. I took my bag, my cell phone and left my room. When I went downstairs I didn't hear anything or anyone, which made me understand that my mother had gone to work. I headed to the kitchen, looking for something to eat. There was a note taped to the fridge.

I took it and read it:

Nish, I had to leave very early for work, I didn't have time to make breakfast. Please do something yourself and don't leave without eating. Loves you Mommy.

I sighed deeply and put the note in the same place. I opened the fridge, took out some juice, and poured it into a glass. It would be the only thing it would take. Maybe at the University of Portland eat something. I was not very hungry anyway. My cell phone rang, but it was an unknown number. I debated whether to answer or not, I didn't usually answer unknown numbers. It made me anxious not to see any names there.

But in the end I answered:

"Hello?"

Silence.

I frowned without understanding.

"Hello?" I repeated.

Sighs came from the other end of the line, as if someone were tired. In the same way, it gave me some fear.

"Who is it?" I insisted. If it was a joke...

The heavy breathing intensified, it was short, and it seemed there were faults on the line.

"Why don't you bother someone else?" I snapped a little annoyed, and then cut off. I hated that they started with his pranks on the phone. I finished the juice, put the glass on the table and looked for the exit.

It was a bit cold outside, at least I had brought a sweater. On the road there were certain cars passing, some boys on bikes, others on motorcycles. Most were students at the University of Portland. I was wondering what this first day would be like without Max. As I walked I felt strange, I felt the presence of someone else behind me, so I stopped a bit and turned around. There was no one. I swallowed thickly and started on my way.

From the day I had appeared in that dirty and scraped sewer I felt strange. I had no idea why I  was dirty in the first place, as if I was running from someone.

Minutes after I arrived at the university, I was surprised to notice that some hallways were empty. Perhaps most would not come to class. My cell phone rang again. I took it out of my bag and looked at the sender: Loren. I breathed in relief because it was no longer that unknown number.

I answered:

"Loren."

"You are already in the university?" she asks me.

"I'm coming, you?" I settled my bag on my shoulder and resumed my pace a little slower.

"I fell asleep, I just took a bath. How is the atmosphere over there?"

"There is hardly anyone." I figured.

"I think the principal will give a speech in the cafeteria about Max's death. Get ready because the psychology teacher will start her speech too. You know, about suicide." She tells me.

I tensed a little and stayed still. I would have to go to the cafeteria.

"Thank you for telling me."

"Nish?"

"Yes?"

"Please let me know if Jinni arrived."

Jinni.

I didn't remember her. Now that I remember I didn't even see her at the funeral.

"Where is she? I didn't see her at the funeral."

I heard her sigh.

"I know, maybe it wasn't because it got complicated. She has been a little unwell these days.

I hesitated a bit.

"It's okay. We talk when you come."

"Sure. I'll see you later."

I hung up.

I was thoughtful for a moment in the same place. In the distance I could see an altar, there were candles, photos, posters, posters. All from Max. They had made an altar for us to remember and write down our thoughts. Slowly I approached that altar.

When I arrived I looked at many photos of him. I squatted down, took a picture of and looked at it: Max had his hair between yellow and black, it was impossible to distinguish which of the two colors was natural. And it was that his whole life had been like this. Max was full of life, he liked to go to parties and be with several girls, why would he want to end that fun? Why didn't we notice any signs of suicide? Has his family even noticed? The answers to why he took his own life could only be in the note he left.

Max didn't seem like a cowardly boy to me. Max didn't strike me as the type of person who wrote on paper. I laughed to myself when I remembered that he was not writing on paper but only on his cell phone. Despite not speaking to him, we grew up together in this city; We went to kindergarten together and attended school and high school together here in Portland.

"Nish."

I came out of my thoughts the moment I heard my name in a whisper almost behind me. I felt an air on my neck, I felt a tingle too. But the moment I felt the weight of a hand on my shoulder I got up quickly and turned around. To my surprise there was no one. I was completely alone in this hallway. My heart beat faster and fear washed over me. This is not normal. I left the photo of Max in the same place and headed for the cafeteria.

As I turned into a corridor my body collided with another.

"I'm sorry," I apologized, looking up. "Jinni."

Jinni wore black sunglasses, a black dress, and high heels. Her hair was tied in a high tail.

"Nish" she hugs me, it was a quick hug. "I was heading to the cafeteria. Are you going too?"

"Yes." She takes my hand and makes us walk together. "Where were you? I didn't see you at the funeral." I dared to tell her.

"My mother was a little sick yesterday, I did not attend because I stayed to take care of her."

"She is fine?"

"She is,"she clears her throat.

"I understand."

Jinni used to be the happiest of the group, she was always smiling and coming up with plans to have a good time. But this Jinni who is here with me is not the same as a few days ago. She looks tired, she looks somewhat haggard and even thinner.

"Jinni, are you okay? If you need something you can tell me. We have been friends since kindergarten."I told her.

Silence. It seemed like she was thinking.

"I'm good. It's just that Max's death was a hard blow."

I frowned, I thought she disliked Max. She always told us that he was conceited and a womanizer of the worst. Although I always thought that deep down she was in love with him and only felt resentment towards him. But I don't know what Jinni feels so I discarded that idea.

When we got to the cafeteria, we noticed that it was packed with students. In front was the principal, most of the teachers, and, as Loren had told me, the psychologist was speaking. Jinni and I were last.

"Anything you feel, any problem," the psychologist said, "you can talk about it with me or with any teacher. We are here to help you. Remember that suicide is not the best way to remove suffering. We can all improve."

In the distance was that girl named Emma, ​​she wore glasses and braces. She was always alone, as an outcast. I noticed a single tear wiped from her cheek. The girl felt my gaze so she saw me. I put my lips in a single line forming a half smile. Emma smiled and then looked away.

"Even when something like this happens, that's where they start to worry about our problems," Jinni says softly. But I didn't say anything, maybe she was right. Or maybe not. In my mind I remembered the incident I had had before meeting Jinni.

Unconsciously I touched my shoulder and it felt cold. I felt that tickling on the back of my neck again, it drove me crazy. I felt like I was going crazy.

"Why did he do it?" I heard a student ask the psychologist. We all remain attentive to her response.

"We don't know for sure why he did it. Although we saw Max being too cheerful and upbeat, deep down he may not have been having such a good time."

"That's not a coherent answer," says the same boy.

"The only ones who know what happened are his family. I have nothing else to say. Let's all go back to class please."

The meeting was over and everyone was beginning to move toward the exit. When I looked at Emma she was gone. She is fast.

"Jinni, are we going to class?" She and I studied together.

"Go ahead, I'll ask Davis something," she says. In the distance I noticed Davis with two more boys.

"Okay," I agreed. I turned and walked out of the cafeteria. As they left, Emma was walking briskly toward the exit. I found it a bit strange because her attitudes were something that I had never noticed in her.

However, I did not mind and went to the classroom with fear present in my body for having witnessed something creepy. This time I did not go through the aisle where Max's altar was but through the other.

What are you afraid of? I asked myself.

The more I wondered, the fewer answers I had.