Fifteen

"Good morning, Class A. Today, we have a transferee again." its announcement again which started a murmur in my back, front and side.

"How handsome?" Yara asked while looking straight at the door, waiting for the transferee to enter to answer her question to herself.

A man in uniform like us entered. He look neat at his complete uniform and his black shoes. I sighed when I recognized who the transferee was.

"Hi, everyone, I'm Sid Delos Santos." introduce him.

He approached me. I would have stopped Nia from standing up but I couldn't. I sighed and then bowed. I could feel him sitting next to me.

He leaned over me. I felt his breath close to my ear. "I've missed you," he whispered.

I moved my chair away from him. I sneezed and focused on the teacher teaching in front.

I stared at Thyro's band. He stared at me intently. His jaw tightened and his fist clenched. Is he jealous or am i just assuming? I don't know. I just bent down and distracted myself from writing what’s what in my notebook. I don't want to see him angry and looked jealous.

I just don't want it.

After class I went to my locker to get a book on our next subject. I led Nia and them to the open field where we would have lunch. When I locked my locker I saw Yara running towards me.

"Treya!" Yara shouted. When he stopped in front of me he was panting so he let out deep breaths before facing me.

"Why?" utas ko, worried.

"Thyro and Sid," he breathed deeply. He grabbed her chest and gasped for breath before speaking again. It looks like the distance he ran. "Fighting!"

"H-Ha?" I was confused.

Why would they fight ?!

"Let's go!" aniya sabay hila sa'kin. "They're in the open field! They're fighting because of you! You're so beautiful, eh!"

When we got to the open field the two of them were already confused. We caught some people videotaping what was happening and others were curious. I huddled with people and there were two of them, fighting!

There was blood on the side of Thyro's lip! I was about to stop them but someone pushed me and I felt a strong fist hit my head. I winced and sat up in great pain. The students who saw panicked. My friends approached me. I was hit in the head because I was barely dizzy. Before I fainted, I saw Maris smile as she looked at me.

"GOING VIRAL right away is serious!" Evie shouted while watching what was on her phone. "The video of your two lovers fighting! One hour ago but almost three hundred thousand views! Then the caption, 'Chantrea Hescavio, being chased by two persistent lovers.'"

I leaned over and lowered the ice pack that was applied where Sid's fist had hit me.

"Treya," Thyro called to the bed next to where I was lying. There was also an ice pack taped near the edge of his lip. He also sat like me. He look worried while looking at me. "Are you okay?"

"My, don't question our friend!" Yara groaned. "Why, eh, if it weren't for the three of you, it wouldn't be here at the clinic today!" he then stabbed Maris, Thyro and Sid.

"I'm just claiming what's mine then this asshole wants some fight," Thyro whispered while looking sharply at Sid who was sitting in the monoblock chair inside the clinic and also holding an ice pack.

We all looked at the woman who entered the clinic with our adviser.

"Son," she called.

Our adviser let Thyro out first so that mommy and I could talk. Our adviser also came out.

I ran closer to him then hugged him tightly. I couldn't stop crying. I don't feel safe at this school but something was making me to stay.

"M-Mommy," my voice cracked.

She caressed my hair. "Shhh. Home," he let go of our hug then wiped my tears with his finger. "Mommy's here already. Mommy's here already. I won't let anyone hurt you again, okay?"

Somehow ... i feel comfort at my mom's arms. He's the only one who sees me when I'm weak. Yes, many people had seen me crying on their televisions but not the tears because I was really hurt. Just mommy. He is the only one who sees me. She's always there when I'm down. That's the only place I feel like I still have a mommy, when I'm sad and depressed, that's the only place.

"HOY, Treya!"

I stopped reading and looked up. I put my notebook in my bag. I stood up and faced him. I just finished having lunch with Nia. I just stayed here to study. I thought my life would be quiet but here he is again ... namemeste.

"Why?" His palm quickly landed on my cheek. I was grabbed by my cheek because of the force of his slap. My mouth dropped open in shock.

"You're just kidnapping everything! I want Thyro so stay away from him! I met him earlier than you. You killed my mommy and you kidnapped daddy! You'll be satisfied there!"

I did not immediately recover from his slap. I just kept my face tilted as I held what he slapped. I no longer answered. I grabbed my bag and notebook once and walked away from him.

I wiped away tears before entering the university chapel. I put my bag and notebook on the chair and then knelt there. I took a deep breath and cleared my throat because it looked like someone had blocked my throat. "Your family is bad. Your older brothers are okay because they tried to stop your Mommy, but your Daddy said nothing."

I chuckled. "Let it go. It's always like that."

"It doesn't always happen that you can get used to it, Carla. Your family is abusing you too much. You're still part of their family even if you're cold to them. They're not doing it right to you."

I am just listening to her as I gather my books and place them in the box.

"Then don't they think why did you suddenly act like that to them? For sure they are the reason. You wouldn't be like that to them if they didn't do anything."

"Your family is very numb. Especially your parents. No offense Carla ah. I see they are good people especially with your older brothers, but when it comes to you ... I AM VERY DISAPPOINTED."

Disappointment was obvious in his voice.

"That's okay, Jessie. Nothing's going to change. It's been a while, what are you."

I heard her sigh ... "Yes, for a long time, I want to adopt you and I will be your family."

I smiled at what she said.

"I'm your family ..." I said to her.

"I know ..." I can imagine her rolling her eyes when she said that.

"But I'm talking about your legal family. That's why maybe I'll revive you with my paintings here. I'll sell these when we don't have anything to eat," he added with a laugh.

"You're crazy ..." I laughed with her.

"All right ... I'll finish my shuffle. Let's just talk again tonight."

"Hmp ... All right. Just call me. Maybe I'll just paint all day."

"Okay. Enjoy it because your calvary will start again next week."

I heard her groan. "You really reminded me of that! You're in a bad mood, Carla!"

I just laughed at her and decided to end the call. If I answered his line, we wouldn't end the conversation. But, I will not close the door for that either.

It's just as impossible as not giving up on myself. I'm just a human being ... I'm weakening ... I'm losing strength.

"I, especially your Mom, want you to be independent. We want you to grow more." He looked at me, "I know you are independent now, but you'll be more independent when you live alone in that condo."

"I was actually expecting you to say no last night. But, you didn't ... Again," he added.

I bent down again and played with my fingers again. I don't know where this conversation is going. What was his point.

I also didn’t know what I would answer to every word he said.

Does he want to make me feel better? He wants me to think that they are not letting me out of this house?

"Carla, I want you to be independent. But, I also want you to be my child like your brothers. When I say like your brothers, you, saying no everytime we tell you to do something but you don't want to do it. "

"I don't know what happened to you, but you are still my daughter. You are still a Suarez. I hope you still know that."

My eyes watered at what I heard ... Still his daughter ... Still a Suarez.

Yes. I am still your daughter - a Suarez. But, I don't have the right to act like one! Because you don't really want me to be one!

I want to say it to him ... I badly want to ... But I can't.

How could he say such things to me as if he had not said the words I heard from him and other members of this family many years ago.

How can he say I'm still his child even though I know in his heart they don't want me here?

How can he say these things when in fact they all regret that I live?

"It's been more than a decade, Carla, and we are still clueless why you became like this." He sighed.

"I won't force you to say it to me, but I hope you will let go of it to be the bubbly Carla again. She is much better than the Carla we have been seeing for the past 11 years now."

He got up from his seat but I remained bent over.

"Be a good girl when you start living alone. Don't mess up ..." He patted my head before leaving.

When he came out, I took a deep breath and wiped the tears that had escaped my eyes. I don't understand if I'm mad at him, only one thing is clear to me ...

that's what he made me hope for again, he can reject me again right? if he doesn't want to, he can be honest with me hindi na yung ganito pa.

When I came down, people were looking at me in the lobby, who effin cares? I wanna get out of here.

I took a walk just to get away from that hotel. this day is freaking cursed!

my eyes were dimming from crying but I just kept walking.

"Cleya!" I heard someone was calling me but I ignored that.

I started to feel less care to anyone. do they even care about me? I can't even come close to Ayumi because of the man next to her.

I wiped my tears with my hand.

"What is it Cleya!" it pulled my hand and when I looked up I just cried even more.

"Herb!" I couldn’t help but hug him because of the pain I was feeling.

I felt her hug back to me.

"as usual," he said and I began to wonder, my tears stopped even a little.

"as usual don't look back," he said which troubled my mind especially.

I removed the hug from him and even though he restrained me it was too late, I turned my back

only to found out that he came but for someone who's wearing a dress, its big belly scratches. I noticed Garett's kind support to the woman.

my tears flowed again. he should at least told me !! he has never been sent like this before! "Hey! Do you know the gossip about grade 10? The other one doesn't have a partner! What's worse! I hope that doesn't happen to us!"

"Yeah, they even looked for it when it started and then it didn't show up!"

"What is wrong with him?"

That’s one of the repetitive ones I hear while trying to strengthen myself even when I’m welding weak. I hate him yet my love for him is still there because he has been there for me, for the times I don't speak and he just let me.

I took the bread out of my bag and started to remove the wrapper.

I felt something stuck in my throat and then I cried without a sound coming out of my mouth.

I ate the bread even though my tears were already dripping from it. I never thought that I'm gonna be in a situation like this. I just wanted to be happy, to be free but it didn't happen. I went into my walk-in closet here in the bedroom and saw branded items still hidden in boxes and paper bags. The others are already on hangers, especially the clothes.

Most of them came from my brothers, but I don't use them. I accept but I just keep it here. What it looked like when they gave it to me, it's still the same today.

Most of those I didn't look at either. Ate Lesly is bugging me everytime she will enter this place. He asks me why I don’t use or look at them.

I'll just answer her, "that's for their princess, Ate. It's not me."

Sometimes I would answer him with, "Sister, I don't like expensive things. It doesn't matter to me."

I wear some from them. Your simple inexpensive clothes they bought at the mall. There are also shoes like converse which are the cheapest shoes they gave me. That's from Kuya Cali.

Sometimes they wonder why I don't use what they give me, especially Kuya Cali, but I always shake my answer to them.

They give me luxury things that I don't really deserve. I have no right to receive that.

All my rights to their family have been severed since I found out what my true state is in this household.

Ever since I knew how they really felt every time they saw or thought of me, everything was broken and gone.

I am who I am today because I opted to live the person they want me to be ... Distant and cold from them.

But, I still love them despite everything.

I am also sorry to them because they have to put up with my presence.

Maybe they're tired so I'm being kicked out of here.

I took some of my belongings here in the walk-in closet and went out so I could put them in the box or suitcase.

When I came out I was surprised that daddy was sitting on the sofa here in my room.

Shit ... Why is he here? Daddy looked at me so we fixed me up and held on tightly to the things I had in my hand.

His deep black eyes are looking at me intently. He looks very much like Kuya Carl, especially when Kuya is staring at him.

"Can you sit here for a while, Carla?" He said to me after a few seconds he stared at me.

I was stunned. Looks like we have something important to talk about.

Kumalma ka Carla.

I nodded to him and laid the handles on the bed before walking over to the sofa.

Daddy watches my every move so I get even more nervous.

I sat in the space beside him. I played with my fingers to make myself calm down for a little.

Daddy turned his gaze to the window here in my room.

"Are you mad at your mom?"

I stopped playing with my fingers because of what I heard.

Am I angry? Apparently not. Hurt maybe, yes. But it just doesn't matter. It will also pass, for sure.

"Are you, Carla?" He asked me again.

I shook my head in response to him.

"How about me? Are you mad at me?"

I just shook again.

I'm not really mad at them ... To all of them.

He sighed ... "I don't know what to do, Carla."

I looked at him and he looked at me.

"I know you are strong. But ... I also know that you have your limits." He turned his gaze back to the window.

I know I have a limit ... Everyone has one. But, where I am now, it's too far for me to reach that.

I wouldn’t let myself get to the point where I exploded and piled on them all.

I don't know how I will feel about what daddy said.

Should I be happy or hurt?

He wants me to be the bubbly Carla again ... But I don't want to go back to that Carla.

The Carla he is referring to is naïve and ignorant. Many didn’t know that Carla around her. The Carla he wants me to be again is someone who doesn't know what her family thinks of her. He wants the bubbly Carla, while me, I want this distant Carla more.

The Carla I am today is aware about her family's feelings toward her. He is not a fool. He knows how far he should go in this family.

This is Carla who must have lived since she came to this world.

My brothers, who seemed to be lovely in front of me, are not real.

My parents, who are concerned about me, are not real.