CHAPTER SIX

JENNIFER.

To say I was filled with guilt would be an understatement, I was mad at myself, I didn't know why, and couldn't understand how on earth Brian put himself in such a vulnerable situation.

How Brian had known our honeymoon location seemed to be a misery.

I stood and watched in fear as the doctor and nurses tried all they could to stabilize Larry.

I placed a call over to Mary, but I wasn't expecting her outburst."what do you want" Freak?" Mary sounded so pissed over the phone" I'm sorry Mary, I never intend for all of this to happen" I answered with the most calming voice I can muster." Please hear me out" I begged." Hear you out? My cousin is in jail because of you, what is your excuse? Tell me I'm all ears" She said.

My mind raced back to Brian, guilt filled me as I couldn't stop thinking I was the one that caused all this, I secretly wished Brian could understand the reason behind why I did what I did.

"Doctor please what, will he make it?" I trembled as managed to ask the doctor on duty" We are trying to stabilize him, he has lost a considerable amount of blood, the bullet passed just below the thoracic area of his body, he was very lucky that the bullet didn't Pierce through any of the vital organs" the doctor managed to explain." he will make it" he added with the most reassuring tune I have ever heard.

" He will be out in less than a week, he has been responding to treatments," the doctor said, confidently.

I watched as the monitor beeped and As Larry slept peacefully on his hospital bed, my mind raced back to the night before, and I was mad at myself.

If not because of my selfish ambition I won't be in this situation, and Larry won't be in this hospital battling for his life.

Brain wouldn't be in prison charged with attempted murder

My best friend and confidant is already mad at me, it looks as if the whole world is against me right now,

I think about my unborn baby, how his biological father was in prison for attempted murder, and how my plans for Larry to have sex with me have failed woefully.

Later the following morning, Mr Davidson came to the city as soon as he heard the devastating news, he made arrangements for him to be transferred to New York where Larry could be taken care of by the family doctors in his penthouse.

I heaved a heavy sigh the moment I stepped on Mary's porch, as I lay back contemplating knocking, I closed my eyes the instant I felt the doorknob on my palm.

A little bit hesitant, I knocked, as I heard Mary's voice, instructing me to come in."get out! " she said as she laid her eyes on me, Brian is in prison because of you, what are you doing here" Mary lambasted as I sat on the couch, trying to think of any suitable words that could calm her nerves.

"Mary, I'm sorry " I started calmly" I never meant for all of this to happen, I know you are mad at me, that's why I came over.

" I can't, I just can't, I would have to tell Brian your secret," she said " Mary you can't do this, Brian must not know he is the father of my unborn child" I said anxiously.

"Brian is at a loss here, Jenn, maybe the news of this baby can bring him out of his misery and from causing any further harm to himself or anyone around him" Mary said.

"I went to visit him in the prison earlier today, he wasn't himself at all, the man is not himself, and the prisoner told me he wanted to kill himself " Mary added.

I let out a tear, as I thought about what I have caused and the people whom I loved that I have caused pain, all Brian has ever done is to love me unconditionally.

Now look what I have caused, Mary is mad at me because of my selfishness, but it's not entirely my fault, I thought I never planned for any of this to happen. 

" I can't I can't, I'm sorry, "Mary said with teary eyes, I can't keep your secrets, I need to tell Brian, he can't lose at both ends, "Mary said, with a look of confusion in her eyes.

"I ruined this for myself, Mary, I was so scared, all I wanted was to please my dad, for him to see me and love me, how I turned back the hands of time I wouldn't have accepted this arrangement from hell" I repeated, trying to convince Mary to change her mind.

"I have lived a rough life, I never want any of that for my unborn child," I said, trying to make Mary see reason with me as to why I did what I did.

Growing up without a mum, and enduring all the ill-treatment from my dad was something a good mother will never want for her child.

As I sat there, the memories of my past flooded me, how my dad would leave home for weeks, on his futile business trip, and never cared how I managed to fend for myself.

At a point he placed me in foster care, He never stopped complaining about how I was a curse to his life, and how since I was born his business had been on a downward spiral.

How he called me a cursed child, how I bring misfortune and damnation to anybody I come across.

He has kept me in an orphanage home because he sees me as a child who brings misfortune.

At a point I started believing him, I started outing out to my foster parents, I started seeing myself as a failure, and I became tough to the world around me.

At a young age, I had to build a wall around myself, because the world has only shown me its tough side, I need to have a thick skin to survive out here.

I will never allow my child to live the way that I live, to experience hardship the way that I do. Securing my child's future is what I must do even if it hurts the people who love me, I don't care.

Mary has always been my ride-or-die, she was more than a sister to me, and I need her support once again in this critical moment of my life.

I can't afford for her to be mad at me at this point, so I have to try all possible ways for her to see things the way that I do because I can't do this all by myself.

I know it's been hard for her, seeing her beloved cousin incarcerated, and being a shadow of himself, can be hard a place to be.

"This game you are playing is a dangerous game," she said with her usual sisterly tune. " I hope you know what you are doing, else this shit will hit you in the face in a way you will never imagine" she added, sternly. 

There and then my mind flew back to when I was a teenager, how my foster mother would maltreat me, how I would go for days without eating, how I would wish to just die and end it there and then.

How my foster father would coil behind me at midnight and have sex with me, tears dropped from my eyes as I recall these memories, which have been buried inside me all these years.

I never wish for any of my children, male or female to pass through what I went through in the hands of the world, that is why I need to secure the future of my unborn child with Larry Davidson.

"Jennifer, I don't think I can keep the secret of your pregnancy, my conscience will kill me, I want my cousin to have the solace that he has a child waiting for him, after serving his jail term," Mary said again.

I cried as I heard those words again, each word piercing through my skin like a double-edged sword "To what end? I can't take care of this baby alone, allow me to give the baby a worthy and deserving life, Brian doesn't have the means to take care of a baby, not even now that he is in jail, please" I begged Mary, drawing close to the edge of her couch, feeling helpless and tired.

For what felt like an eternity, Mary Rose looked directly into my face, and said " I'm letting this slide because of the past we had, you are like a sister to me Jenni. I don't wanna choose between you and my beloved cousin" she said, while she knelt and coup my face into her hands and wipe my teary face with the other hands

"It's okay, don't cry" she reassured me, how is your husband she questioned," doctors said he will survive, that he only sustained minor injuries, and he is currently in his penthouse recuperating under the supervision of the family doctors, I replied, as my mind calmed down, being inwardly grateful to Mary for being a shoulder to cry on all these years.

"Have you guys made out yet?" Mary asked," We were about to before Brian came to disrupt everything" I added.

"You need to act now and act fast, the sooner the better" she added, as she drew me closer to her just while she gave me a sisterly hug.

As I walked down the corridor leading to Larry's room, my mind filled with thoughts of Brian, poor innocent Brian, his only crime was to love me unconditionally and I hurt him, and now he is in prison all because of me.

Absent-minded, was I, when I slammed the door open, and a stranger was feeding my husband "Welcome Jennifer, meet Sammy my best friend" Larry said.