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Chapter 10: Not Yet
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2025-04-14 23:31:51Who was she even fighting for?
For a husband who loved another woman? For a marriage that was never hers to begin with? For a love that was never meant for her? A bitter, humorless laugh escaped her lips. What was the point of all her struggles, all her sacrifices, if in the end, she was the only one holding on? She had spent years trying to fix something that was doomed from the start. Why had she been so foolish? Why had she agreed to this marriage, knowing Lucas didn’t love her? Not only had she destroyed Lucas' happiness, but she had also ruined her own. Her hands curled into the sheets, gripping them tightly. Should she just give up? Should she finally end this marriage and give Lucas the freedom he had always wanted? Maybe then, he would finally forgive her. Maybe then, she wouldn’t have to keep living like this—chasing after someone who would never look back at her. Wouldn't that be the right thing to do? If she truly loved Lucas, shouldn’t she set him free? The thought sent a sharp pang through her chest. She imagined herself walking away. Letting him go. Watching him be with the woman he truly loved. And it hurt. It hurt so much she could barely breathe. She squeezed her eyes shut as fresh tears spilled down her cheeks. No. No matter how much she tried to convince herself that letting go was the right thing to do, her heart refused to listen. She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t let him go. A hollow laugh escaped her lips as she wiped her tears, even though they wouldn’t stop falling. She must be insane. What kind of woman holds onto a man who will never love her back? Why couldn’t she bring herself to let him go? She knew it was wrong. She knew she was being selfish. But she couldn’t help it. She couldn't imagine a life without Lucas. She loved him too much. “Dear God…” she whispered, her voice trembling. “Please… even just this once… let me have him.” The guilt gnawed at her, but she couldn't change how she felt. She pitied Riah. She truly did. But she couldn’t give Lucas back. She wouldn’t. Even if it made her the villain in this story. Even if it made her a selfish, desperate woman. She was still his wife. They were still legally married. And as long as she held that title, she still had a chance. She had to believe that. She had to try. A shaky breath left her lips as she wiped away her tears, her resolve hardening. She would fix this marriage. She had to. She knew this wasn’t healthy. She knew she was only setting herself up for more pain. But it didn’t matter. Because she loved him. She loved him more than she loved herself. And no matter how much it hurt… she wasn’t ready to let go. Not yet. Not now. Lara took a deep breath, wiping away the last traces of her tears. She forced herself to get up and went straight to the bathroom, letting the warm water wash away her exhaustion. She didn’t bother putting on full makeup, only dabbing on extra concealer under her eyes to hide the puffiness from crying. The last thing she wanted was for Lucas to see her looking so weak, so broken. Once she was satisfied with how she looked—presentable but not overly done—she stepped out of her room and headed straight to the kitchen. Cooking had always been a small way for her to show her love for Lucas, even if he rarely appreciated it. Today was no different. She prepared a simple breakfast—black coffee and hangover soup. She doubted he would refuse, knowing he had gotten himself drunk last night. Whether he liked it or not, he needed something in his system before heading to work. He didn’t have time to be picky. Just as she finished setting the table, she heard footsteps behind her. Turning around, she saw Lucas enter the kitchen, looking as composed as ever.
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If she hadn’t seen him drunk out of his mind just a few hours ago, she never would’ve guessed he had been drinking all night. He had already taken a shower, his hair neatly styled, his suit impeccable. The only sign of his hangover was the faint crease between his brows, a sign of the headache he was surely battling. Seeing him, Lara hesitated. She didn't know how to act around him after what had happened. Just looking at him brought back the unbearable pain from last night. She wanted to confront him. Who is Riah? Do you truly love her? Do you still meet her? Her heart screamed for answers, but her mind held her back. She knew better than to ask. Confronting him wouldn’t change anything—it would only push him further away, maybe even give him another reason to hurt her. So she did what she always did. She forced a smile. “G-Good morning, honey,” she greeted, her voice soft yet uncertain. Lucas barely spared her a glance. His gaze remained indifferent as he walked past her,
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Saturday arrived quicker than Lara anticipated. The past few days had flown by in a blur, with her mind preoccupied by the school’s English Month event. The busy schedule served as a temporary distraction, allowing her to momentarily push aside the haunting memory of Lucas calling out another woman's name in his drunken state. But just because she was distracted didn't mean she had forgotten. The wound was still fresh, buried beneath layers of denial and forced smiles.She hadn't seen much of Lucas since that morning. He would come home late—long after she had fallen asleep—and leave early in the morning before she could even catch a glimpse of him. The small voice in the back of her mind whispered cruel suspicions—was he meeting Riah? Was that where he spent those long hours away? She knew she was overthinking, maybe even being paranoid, but the thought gnawed at her relentlessly. She didn't want to doubt him. But how could she not when he had already broken her heart without even r
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As they stepped inside, the scent of home-cooked meals filled the air. The house hadn’t changed—same warm, inviting ambiance, the faint floral scent her mother always loved, and the sound of a television playing in the background.“Lara, sweetheart!”Her mother’s excited voice pulled her from her thoughts. In a heartbeat, her mother, Emilia, rushed toward her, enveloping her in a warm embrace.“I missed you, darling. You don’t visit enough,” her mother said, pulling away to cup her face.“I know, Mom. I’m sorry.”As soon as her mother released her, she turned to Lucas, her expression filled with warmth.“And my handsome son-in-law,” Emilia beamed before pulling Lucas into an embrace as well.Lucas visibly stiffened, clearly unprepared for the gesture. Lara almost laughed at the rare sight. But, he quickly composed himself, managing a small, polite smile.“Thank you for having me,” Lucas said.“Oh, come now, you don’t have to be so formal,” Emilia scolded playfully, waving her hand. “Y
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She turned to Lucas, but his expression remained unreadable. Was he… actually agreeing with her father?Manuel, clearly not expecting that response, grunted before returning to his food, while Emilia smiled, pleased.They continued eating, with her mother filling the silence with small talk. “I’m really happy you two visited. The house has been too quiet lately. Your brother is rarely home with his busy schedule. I miss having life in this house.”Lara smiled, but before she could respond, her mother’s next words made her stomach drop.“It would be nice to have little feet running around again.” she mused.Lara almost choked on her food.She knew it. She knew her mother wouldn’t let this visit pass without bringing up this topic.She stole a glance at Lucas and found that he, too, seemed slightly taken aback.Emilia raised a brow, feigning innocence. “What? I’m just saying.” Then, she smiled, eyes glinting mischievously. “But honestly, I’d love it if it became reality. When are you tw
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She stepped back inside the house, closing the door softly behind her. She took a deep breath, trying to shake off the lingering heaviness in her chest. Her parents were still in the living room, sitting together on the couch. Her mother was leaning against her father, watching something on his iPod, her expression one of amusement. Her father, looked more focused, occasionally adjusting his glasses as he scrolled through the screen. Sensing her presence, her mother looked up. “Lucas already left?” she asked. Lara nodded, forcing a small smile. “Yeah. He just left.” Her mother sighed, shaking her head. “I wish he could’ve stayed longer. But of course, it’s always about the company.” She frowned slightly before adding, “It reminds me of before—when your father used to do the same thing.” At that, her father scoffed, setting his iPod down as he turned to his wife. “Don’t compare me to that man. I knew how to make time for my family.” Lara’s mother rolled her eyes. “Oh, pleas
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The hot water felt soothing against her skin, washing away the exhaustion of the day. As she let the steam envelop her, she found herself thinking about Lucas again—about the way he had coldly reminded her not to get the wrong idea, how he left without a second glance. She knew she shouldn’t care. She knew she had no right to expect anything from him. And yet, the familiar sting in her chest reminded her that some wounds weren’t so easy to ignore.Pushing those thoughts aside, she finished her shower, changed into her fresh clothes, and towel-dried her hair. Then, she climbed onto her bed, leaning back against the headboard with a sigh.Reaching for her phone, she unlocked the screen and absentmindedly opened Instagram.Her fingers hesitated for a second before typing a familiar name into the search bar. Eievan Duke Sandejas.It had been a while since she last checked his account. She used to visit it from time to time, just to see how he was doing, but life had gotten too busy lately
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Once they were away from prying eyes, she finally gathered the courage to glare up at him. “You can put me down now. No one’s watching.” she muttered. Lucas didn’t listen. Instead, he carried her all the way upstairs, straight to his room. Only then did he finally set her down on the bed. Lara immediately scooted away, putting distance between them. “Thanks. You can leave now.” Silence. For a moment, she thought he would simply walk out. But instead, his voice broke through the quiet. “Are you feeling okay?” Lara almost scoffed. Of all the things he could ask, he chose that? She lifted her gaze to him, searching his face for any trace of sincerity. But she couldn’t find it. Was this still part of his act? Did he actually care… or was he just pretending again? A bitter laugh escaped her lips as she shook her head. “Why are you asking, Lucas?” she said, voice laced with quiet pain. “It’s not like you actually care.” Lucas’ jaw tightened. He didn’t answer, but the flicker in
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The day passed by in a blur, and before Lara knew it, Friday had arrived.She was in the faculty room, gathering her things after her last class, when her phone buzzed with a message.Lucas: I’ll pick you up at 6.She stared at the screen for a moment, then locked her phone without responding. What was the point? He was merely informing her, not asking. There was no room for discussion.“Heading home already?” one of her co-teachers asked as she slung her bag over her shoulder.“Yeah, I have an event to go to tonight.” she said, managing a small smile. “I'll see you all on Monday. Have a good weekend.”They exchanged quick goodbyes before she made her way to the parking lot, sliding into her car and driving home.As soon as she arrived, she headed straight to her bedroom. The dress she had set aside that morning hung neatly inside her closet. She reached for it and let out a slow breath.Tonight was going to be difficult.She pushed the thought aside and slipped into the dress—a simpl
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Lara drove home in a daze, her grip on the steering wheel weak, her mind clouded with thoughts she couldn’t silence. The pain still lingered like a fresh wound, throbbing in her chest with every breath. By the time she pulled into the driveway, exhaustion had settled deep in her bones, her face still damp from the silent tears she had shed during the drive. Her eyes were swollen, her heart heavy.That night, she made a decision.She wouldn’t run anymore. She wouldn’t stay silent.For so long, she had been avoiding the inevitable, afraid of the answers she might receive. But tonight, she was done pretending that everything was fine. She was done hoping for something that would never come.She was going to talk to Lucas.She wanted answers. A real conversation. A chance to finally lay everything out in the open.Lara sat on the couch, waiting. The ticking of the clock was the only sound that filled the empty house. Every passing minute chipped away at the last fragments of her patience.
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Lara pulled into the driveway, cutting the engine as she let out a slow breath. The warm glow of the living room lights seeped through the curtains, confirming what she already suspected.Lucas was home.The happiness she had felt earlier—the lightness from her evening with Reagan—slowly dissipated, replaced by an unsettling unease. There was no reason to feel guilty. She hadn’t done anything wrong. And yet, a strange nervousness settled in her chest.Taking a steadying breath, she grabbed her bag and draped Reagan’s coat over her arm before stepping out of the car. The sound of her heels clicking against the garage floor echoed faintly as she walked toward the front door.As soon as she entered the house, she caught sight of Lucas in the living room. He was sitting on the couch, dressed comfortably in a plain white shirt and gray sweatpants, his laptop open on the coffee table in front of him. His fingers moved across the keyboard before he suddenly stopped, looking up as if sensing
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When her card was returned, they left the restaurant and stepped out onto the bustling city street. The evening air was cool, and the sound of the city filled the space around them—the distant hum of traffic, occasional laughter from people passing by, the rhythmic clicking of Lara’s heels against the pavement. Despite the silence between them, it wasn’t uncomfortable. Reagan walked at a steady pace beside her, his hands in his pockets, his posture relaxed. After a few minutes, they arrived at a nearby park nestled between high-rise buildings. The lamplights cast a soft glow over the cobblestone paths, and a gentle breeze stirred the trees, rustling their leaves in a quiet symphony. Lara shivered slightly, realizing too late that she had nothing to shield her from the cool air. Before she could react, she felt something warm drape over her shoulders. Startled, she glanced down and saw a familiar black coat. She looked up at Reagan, eyes wide. “Oh. You don’t have—” “You looked c
