Chapter 4

Perrin

I sat in the restaurant for a few minutes before leaving, staring at... well, nothing except the door. My phone continued to vibrate but I silenced it. What just happened? I threw a few bills on the table and left.

Instead of going back to the packhouse, I decided to go for a walk. Something about how Lo has me... confused? I was TRYING to to the right thing by going to dinner with her. But that didn't mean it was a date. It was really just two old friends catching up, just like she said. What did Jasmine have to do with this? And how did she know it was a she-wolf on the other end of the phone? But honestly, seeing her was such a great blast from the past.

I took a big breath of fresh air and let my shoes carry me over the pavement towards the park. The park was beautiful in early spring. Cold, yes. And not too much green. And it was still relatively light outside in the early evening. The scent of snow of melting winter and the expectation of spring was looming. And I wasn't cold. My nostrils flared at the teasing fragrance of flowers just beneath the surface of the gardens, set to pop out and bloom over the next month. It was peaceful here and I felt at ease. My feet carried me as my thoughts wandered.

Lo, Ethan, and I all grew up together as kids. I had really fond memories from us learning how to ride bikes together, watching our dads train, and take pride in our fathers being so high up in the pack. Lo's dad, Beta Mark, was actually a Gamma by blood. Ethan's dad, Kyle, was my dad's first Beta. Kyle, Mark, and my dad, Alpha Jason, were inseparable. And holding the three highest positions in the pack reinforced their friendship, even though my dad was the Alpha.

Our moms were just as close. My mother, Sienna, was beautiful. Just like me, she has two different colored eyes. She always told me it was a blessing from the Moon Goddess; a gift from her to those she chose for great things. I wasn't sure what that meant other than being Alpha, but it was cool to know we shared it in common. My mother was a warm and wonderful woman. I remember not having siblings and thinking that was weird; Ethan has Kira, but I didn't have anybody. But my mom made me feel like I was enough. And since I was always with Lo or Ethan, it didn't feel lonely at all.

My mom's two closest friends were Kyle's wife, Mistra, and Mark's wife, Salindra. It was totally normal for Lo and me to end up at Ethan's after school, chowing on cookies Mistra just made and poking fun at Kira, or playing at Lo's house while Salindra supervised us in the backyard. It was so cool knowing that our parents were best friends, and the three of us felt inseparable. 

My earliest memories were truly happy. Kyle, Mistra, Ethan, and Kira; Mark, Salindra, and Lo; and me, and my mom the Luna and my father, the Alpha. Things were good, but I distinctly remember when they went wrong.

At school one day, the magistrate called me and Lo out of our class to his office. Ethan was already there. His head was in his hands, sitting small in a chair in front of the magistrate's desk. He was crying. Leila ran to him.

"What's going on?" I looked at the magistrate in confusion.

"Ethan's father... Beta Kyle...." The magistrate cleared his throat. "Beta Kyle has been killed."

I remember being confused. And seeing red.

"What do you mean, killed?" I looked at Ethan. His shoulders shaking with sobs. Lo climbed onto the chair next to him, hugging his shoulders.

"A few rogues were on our borders last night, and he was on patrol. One made straight for the packhouse, and he was the first to encounter him..." his voice trailed off.

The next few days were a blur. I remember sadness, and fear, and more sadness for Ethan. His dad was dead. I couldn't understand it. Betas were so strong--so smart. And he was my dad's best friend. And Ethan was mine. And there was nothing I could do about it.

I remember asking my mother if we could pray to the Moon Goddess to bring him back. She would shake her head at me, silent tears streaming down from her beautiful, mixed eyes. "No sweetheart," she cupped my hand. "The Moon Goddess will grant miracles, but I don't think this counts."

"But I just want Ethan to be happy!" I half-shouted. The six-year old version of myself struggled to grieve and accept the concept of death itself.

"Shhhh, I know sweetheart." She pulled me close and cupped my head in her arms, cradling me until I stopped crying. 

She took me by the shoulders and pushed me away from her chest, looking me straight in the eye. "But you know now that you're going to be an Alpha someday. And it takes your whole life to be ready. And I think you should start preparing now."

"Why?" I gasped. My shock at her words was evident. "But I''m not big enough. Is Daddy in trouble? Is he going to get killed too?" I remember starting to shake in fear.

"No, sweetie. Hush, no that's not what I meant," She pulled me back into her chest. Her sweet scent of lavender filled my head and calmed my breathing. "I mean that it's an Alpha's job to watch out for his pack. And now that Ethan doesn't have his dad, he's going to need you. You're going to have to be there for him, now more than ever."

**

I stumbled out of my thoughts, realizing I was right in front of the lavender garden that Mistra and Salindra had planted for my mother. A light breeze ruffled through the winter remains of last year's plants. I kept walking.

**

My mother always knew exactly what to say. From then on, even though Ethan was my age, sometimes I wavered between treating him like a little brother and looking out for him, or treating him like he was the brother I never had. He was my best friend. And that would never change.

But changes happened anyway. Because Ethan wasn't of age in our pack, and because he didn't have any male blood relative, Kyle's Beta line was officially transferred to the Gamma line--to Lo's father, Mark. Mark had carried the roles and responsibilities for Beta since that day.

Lo has moved to Texas with her mother shortly after Kyle died. I wasn't sure why, but my mom told me it was because Salindra never wanted to have the responsibilities of being a Beta's wife. Their Gamma position had allowed her the freedom to raise Lo how she wanted while still being involved in the Pack's decisions, but being Beta was something different entirely. I remember being confused as to why Lola didn't just stay with Beta Mark. After all, he WAS the new Beta. She would have protection, education in the pack, status... but it didn't really matter. Ethan lost his dad and Lo, all within a few weeks of each other.

As for Mistra, Ethan and Kira... they still maintained quarters in the packhouse and a position of respect amongst our members. But Ethan wasn't eligible for the Guard or for any role within our pack without fighting for it. The Sacred Calling in a few months was just as much a challenge for him as it was for me; Ethan was fighting to regain the status of Beta for his father, and I was fighting for the honor of my Alpha lineage. It was obviously putting a lot of pressure on both of us, but we knew how to push each other: how to train, what each other's weaknesses were and how to push each other to get better. That's what made us who we were. You can't break that type of bond or fake that type of history. Ethan is meant to be my Beta.

"That type of history...." I almost stumbled on a rock on the park pathway. 

Lo had been part of our early history. But it had been so long since I'd seen her. It was impossible to catch up--I'm sure she had her entire life in Texas and I had mine. But that didn't mean I didn't want to. We were inseparable as kids. How much could she have changed? Well... physically, she's REALLY changed... my face flushed at the thought. Time really does change a lot about a person.... her physique, for starters... but it was Lo. Our friendship would be great after all this time--

TIME!

I shook my head, clearing of the images of Lo's hips striding towards the door of the restaurant.

I pulled out the phone from my pocket.

"FUCK!"

Three missed calls from Jasmine.

I rush off a quick text.

PERRIN: I'm on my way. Don't get started without me.

JASMINE: I wouldn't dare. ;)