Chapter Eighteen

Emily's POV

I stared at Maron's body in shock.

What had I done? It had taken a miracle for me to get back to my normal self after my last time as a rampaging beserker and now I had inadvertently tapped into that side of me again. Why? Why did Maron have to provoke me? Why had he been so arrogant? I had tried my best to fight my urges, I had given him time to run away but he kept taunting me and now I had killed him. I didn't feel sorry that Maron was dead, he was a jerk, I felt sorry for myself that I had gone back to a disgusting beast in order to do it. I crumbled to the ground and began to cry, this was too much, this was just too much. Why was my life always like this? It seemed like the moon goddess was working against me, not only have I been constantly betrayed by everybody in my life, I turned into this blood thirsty and disgusting beast and I still had no idea why.

After crying for a few minutes, I stopped.

"No, now's not the time to cry and feel sorry for myself. I need to do something, I need to evaluate the current situation", I told myself.

I looked back at the direction Maron and I ran from and my heart dropped into my stomach.

"More importantly, I need to find out if Emilianna is still alive", I told myself.

I left Maron's body behind and trudged back the path we came, towards the area I had heard Emilianna's blood curdling screams from. As I got closer, I couldn't help the little bubble of hope that flitted around in my chest even though I knew deep down there was no way Emilianna would have survived Maron's ruthless attack. I stopped. Just a few feet away from me I could see Emilianna laying on the ground, lifeless and frozen. I inhaled sharply and trudged my way towards her, I dropped down on my knees next to her, I didn't need to touch her to know for sure that she was dead. In death, she looked so peaceful, I gently I caressed her face. I hadn't known her for that long but she had saved me and was kind to me, I examined her body. In all his ruthlessness, Maron had made her death quick, I saw just one mark on her, a slice to her heart that must have been all it took to end Emilianna's life. A tear trickled down my cheeks but I swiped it away. That was enough crying for today, it was time to think logically.

From what I learnt about Maron from Penelope and Adam, he was well loved by everyone in the pack and I had killed him. Even though I knew I did it to avenge Emilianna, I had a feeling the rest of the rogue pack would not believe me. There was nothing to stop them from saying I killed Emilianna and Maron. No one would believe the truth, well maybe except Penelope who didn't like Maron but how much faith could I put in her? No, I would certainly be blamed for this. That was why I needed to run, if they found me they would kill me or worse, I could do something terrible to them. My current state was unstable and there was nothing to say that I couldn't go beserk on them under that stress and pressure. I needed to leave.

"But first...", I muttered as I looked back at Emilianna's body.

I had to bury her. I couldn't just leave her out like this in the cold. She deserved more than that. I looked around for something I could use to dig a grave and I found a tree bark to use. After almost an hour of sweating and laboring, I was able to dig a shallow grave. I moved Emilianna into the grave and covered her up. I picked up the flowers nearby and spread them on top of her grave. She was a wonderful woman, she just had the wrong people around her. Oh it pained me to the core that she had to lose her daughter in the process.

"Thank you, for everything", I whispered to her grave.

I stood up and wiped my tears.

"Fine, it's time to move on, you've been through this so many times Emily, it should be easier now", I said out loud but I knew it was a lie. No matter how many times I went through something like this, I had not yet gotten used to it.

I really didn't want to leave. I had insisted to Emilianna that I wanted to leave so many times but now that I was actually faced with the chance I still found it hard. I looked back at the direction where the pack was. If all these things had not happened, if this ugly business with Maron had not gone down, would I have been able to live in the pack? The people were easygoing enough, sure some of them were hostile to me as an outsider but given time and Emilianna's guidance, I might have been able to integrate fully into the pack, lived a better life than I had lived in these recent years and eventually, passed away peacefully.

Sadly, it was not meant to be and here I was once again, alone, a murderer and on the run, a monster.

"Ah, Emily! Now's not the time to feel sorry for yourself. It has happened, it has happened", I said out loud.

I took one last look at Emilianna's grave before turning around and walking the opposite way, leaving her, Maron and the pack further and further behind with each step I took. I walked for a long time in the forest till dusk without coming across any other person but by instincts, I knew I wasn't alone. I could feel the presence of others but they were a bit far away so I relaxed. I was already getting hungry by now but there was literally nothing in sight for me to eat and I was already really tired. I stopped to lean on a tree to rest when I suddenly heard a twig snap not too far from me.