Before and After

Oh, I’m sorry, it seems that I forgot to introduce myself before. Let’s start over.

Hi! My name is Arianna Adler. My mom and my friends called me Ari. But I used Ann as my Sugar Baby name. Well, now that name could be forgotten.

I tied my amber hair to a ponytail and stared at my reflection from the announcement board glass. With my white blouse, a black pencil skirt, and a pair of glasses, I truly looked like a typical secretary. At least, I do not look like a typical sugar baby, I thought.

“Ari!” a young girl called out to me. She was running to me in the college hallway with haste. Her blonde hair swayed on her face, it looked picturesque, especially with her blue eyes. When she reached my side, she tried to control her breathing. “Are … you … done … taking … your break…?”

I had taken a one-semester break during college. I told the whole school that I was planning to focus on taking care of my bedridden mom. I did. Initially. But I also decided to take the break to focus on my Sugar Baby job. No one knew about that.

“Yeah.”

“Listen, I– I’m really sorry … about your Mom.”

I managed a polite smile to the girl that I knew as Melody. “Thank you,” I said. Then I focused on the announcement board again.

“I– if you need any help. Anything at all, like emotional support or study materials or…”

“I’m fine, Melody,” I assured her. “Truly, time has healed me.”

“It’s no bother, really. I mean … you’re always on your own. And now that the only family you have left is gone–“

I swear my expression stayed neutral at her words. But Melody realized the mistake she made and covered her own mouth. “Oh, I didn’t mean to–“

Urgh, if this goes on, she would bug me for the whole day, I thought. I held myself back from rolling my eyes at her. Closed my eyes for a while and when I opened it, I gave her a very warm gaze and smile. “Thank you so much, Melody. This means a lot. But truly, I’m fine.”

“W– well, like I said if you need any–“

“Melody, do you know where I can find Professor Marc Trumberg?” I changed the subject immediately.

Melody cocked one eyebrow up. “Are you planning to apply to be one of his research assistants?”

I pointed to a flyer on the announcement board, where a thin-haired man posed in front of a lab. It read ‘Clinical Research Assistants Wanted’. “Yup,” I said, “It says pre-clinical medical students are prioritized.”

“Uhm … yeah, but … Ari, the research is about cancer.”

“So?”

“Uhm … isn’t that how your mother died? Cervical cancer?”

“Yes, it is,” I answered nonchalantly.

“So … why…?”

I finally looked at Melody. It wasn’t that I was jealous of her. However, I did see her as someone who never truly face the adversity of life. Granted, everyone is given different obstacles. Yet Melody with her typical blonde look, a caring and compassionate persona … Melody had it all. Family, money, connections. She had it all and so she could give to others. Of course, that was a very noble and kind spirit of her. But she never had to grovel on the floor when the doctors could not save your loved one or hell, sold her body for money.

I did all that. And I lived on.

“Because I have cancer too,” I said in a calm manner, “Leukemia this time.”

Originally, I took a semester break because my mom’s illness had gotten worse. It took all of our fortunes to pay for her surgeries but I thought it would be all worth it. I did not mind not having a house as long as I could have her back.

But she did not make it. And I was left with thirty dollars and seventy-six cents. I had only two days to find another place to live because the bank took our house. I was twenty then and was too old to go to an orphanage.

I guess it was luck. When I was strolling on the street at night eight months ago, a BMW pulled over. With his black tuxedo and brooding look, Alexander offered me to be his sugar baby. It gave me the chance to play with stocks. And I managed to return all the money he gave me plus I made a profit for my own living.

That way, I would not be bonded with his contract all my life.

I was lucky, that Alexander had paid my tuition full in the beginning without putting it in the contract. I did not know why he did so. But I was grateful.

That was before.

He wouldn’t be sneaky and go back on his words, right?

Back to reality, Melody widened her eyes in disbelief. A second later, her eyes began to tear. “Oh, Ari…” She stepped forward in an attempt to hug me. But I stepped back. Still wearing my polite smile, I said, “I really have to go meet Professor Trumberg. If you can’t tell me where I can find him, I’ll just search in the teacher’s lounge.”

In an awkward manner, Melody put down her arms. She still had that pity look, which I truly hate.

“Marc is usually at the research laboratory this time of day,” Melody said, “You know what?” She rummaged her bag and took out a piece of paper. “Give this to him.”

I received the paper but frowned at the content. “What’s this?”

“A recommendation letter. Now that I’m in the clinical year, I’ve been making them for a couple of pre-clinical medical students. I worked with Marc last summer, he loves someone with initiative. Just put your name on the blank space.”

I looked at the paper front and back. “You … put in the same words with all the students you recommend?”

Melody shrugged. “He never really reads them. He only sees whether you have a recommendation letter or not. So, now you have one.”

This time, I truly smiled at Melody. “Thanks.”

“No problem!” she said, “And I meant what I said. My study materials are compiled and since you’ll be undergoing the same materials I was, I don’t mind sharing them.”

“Alright! I might take you up on that offer,” I finally said, “…later.” I backed away from her. “Right now, I really gotta meet this … Marc.” I held up the recommendation letter she had given me. “See you around, Melody!”

Then I turned away and stormed myself to the research building which was on the fifth floor of the university’s hospital. Once I got on the fifth floor, I took a right turn to the oncology department. On my way, I passed a trash can where I put Melody’s recommendation letter inside it. I did not need a recommendation letter with the same content as everyone else’s.

Once I have gotten to the oncology department, I opened the door to the hallway. There were three doors on the right and two on the left. All five opened up to two research laboratory rooms with various equipment. There was another door on the left, a smaller one, where participants of the research were usually being briefed and to take their consents before any research is conducted.

The last door on the edge of the hallway was my destination. It had the label ‘Researcher’s Lounge’. I knocked a couple of times.

***

Marc Trumberg accepted me immediately as one of his research assistants. Perhaps it was because I succeeded in flaunting my knowledge about oncology and bio-genetic, or perhaps because he was truly desperate to get pre-clinical medical students as his assistants. Per university rule, researchers who guide pre-clinical medical students would be given a grant for their research. This rule is made to encourage researchers to teach the youngsters and for the pre-clinical students to be active in searching for available research.

Or perhaps, the deciding factor was actually … my tragic background story. A girl who lost her mother due to cancer. A girl who would lose her life to cancer as well. “I want more in-depth knowledge on this disease to prepare myself,” I said to Marc with a pitiful look.

“And I want to help the participants in getting the treatment they deserve,” I added, “It will give me tremendous hope if this research is a success.”

I did not even have to put on fake tears.

“You can start on Monday,” he said, “One research assistant will brief 3-5 participants. I suggest you read through all these journals.” He gave me a thick binder full of journals created by him. “And read this research proposal.” He added a thick research proposal on top of the binder. “Also, these guidelines.” Another thick binder was added to my stack.

Great.

“I’m sure you have learned the basics about cancer, but you might want to learn about the pharmacological effect.”

“I’m on it, Marc.”

“You should always use your lab coat when you’re on duty. Answer all participants’ questions to the best of your ability. And learn how to report the participants’ results. You will be tasked to observe and make a report of the participants you brief.”

I nodded.

He then patted my shoulder. Urgh, here comes the tears…

“I’m sorry,” he said with watery eyes. “And I hope you can find your answers with us.” He was genuine with his words.

I put on another polite smile. I did not dare to say what I hope to achieve.

For I myself was afraid of that hope.

This was after.