If Piper knew the half of the depth of my betrayal, there'd be no chance to attempt to revive our relationship. The truth is I'm not doing anything I should be doing. Yes, I go to therapy, and I do what they tell me to while I'm there, but when it comes to what I should be doing at home or on my own, it's not happening. If she checked my log she wouldn't know the different, it's all there, I take the time to write it down, make it believable, but I can only count a handful of times I've actually attempted any of the exercises.None of my physical therapists or doctors have been able to tell the difference, so why bother? They sing my praises, showing me my statistical progress in comparison with other stroke victims, but none of them seem to take into consideration I'm forty years younger than their average patient. I was in prime physical condition prior to this. Parts of me wonder where I might actually be in my recovery if I bothered doing half of what's assigned, but I don't have
I know Piper won't be home before seven o'clock, but I've been sitting at the bar in the kitchen waiting for her to walk in the door since about six. I cooked dinner, although I can't guarantee the quality, I made vegetable soup and cornbread, both from a package. I'm hoping they soften the blow I'm going to deliver over dinner. I can't keep it in; I have to unload the burden.When she comes in, I see the exhaustion just beneath the surface, the darkness under her eyes. Through it all, I still see the gorgeous woman I married even if she's lost a good bit of weight and her cheeks have begun to hollow. I wonder if she'll ever be able to see the man I promised her I'd be."Hey," she says, dropping her stuff on the counter. "What's up?""I made dinner." I point out like a daft duck.She returns my gesture with a smile. "It smells fantastic. I'm starving. Let me go change and I'll serve it up."I attempt to do the chore for her. I can't get them to the table, but I put the soup i
Lying on the down comforter in our room, staring at the ceiling above me, I wonder how we got so far away from where we once were. I've always considered myself a realist, not a pessimist or an optimist, but the reality of what remains in my glass is obvious.We're at a pivotal point in our marriage, the precipice of change or demise. Overwhelmingly, I want to give up. Our situation is bleak, dismal. The issues compounded by our unintentional isolation, Moby's due to a sheer lack of transportation, and mine merely the circumstances surrounding my life. Life has stopped being about living and morphed into surviving. The days seem longer and less fulfilling. I get no joy in coming home or seeing my husband. In actuality, I can't find happiness anywhere anymore. My job is a means to an end I used to love. My husband a burden at times I wish to unload. I miss my friends. I miss the time before any of us were in relationships when it was just the Fish.As tears fill my eyes, what I'm ac
Waking in the morning, I realize he hasn't slept next to me. Tearing the covers back, I whip open the bedroom door to see him asleep sitting up on the chaise lounge. My heart descends from my throat back to its rightful place in my chest. I realize in this very moment, I'm not ready to give up on him. The thought of something being wrong sent me into a tailspin. There's still something worth fighting for even if I don't have an inkling what the hell it is.I plop down on the couch next to him, startling him, disoriented he glances around, trying to get his bearings. When the sleep clears from his eyes, he sends a rather pitiful grin in my direction."I'm calling in to work today."Scrambling to sit up, he questions, "Why?" "Because we need to go see your parents, and I'm going to see if Cam can get everyone together this afternoon at Healing Wings.""What for?" I love him, but sometimes he's not the brightest bulb on the porch. I give him a pass since I woke him unexpectedly
The afternoon flies by faster than either of us expects, and before we know it, we're standing inside Healing Wings as our friends pour in the door. "Hey, guys, we're going to meet in the building out back. There's pizza and beer out there." Cam waves her hands like a flight attendant pointing to the exit routes to direct the traffic. I can't help but giggle."I told you no food, Cam," I holler at her over the noise of our friends."I didn't listen," she calls back before the gaggle of people moving to the other building carries her off.When I turn to Moby, he's stark white, having lost all color, fear marring his face. "Moby?" I question in concern. When he doesn't respond, I call out to him a little louder, "Moby? Are you all right?"His head snaps in my direction. "I can't do this, Piper. I can't go in there. I can't tell my friends what a piece of shit I am. My brothers are in that room." The words fly out of his mouth as he points to the building in the back. Tak
Unfortunately for me, the plan Piper and I came up with, using Ralph for guidance, keeps my time accounted for...all of it. Instead of sitting at home, I now accompany Piper to work, along with Phoenix. Dax drags me around the facility forcing me to do things out of my comfort zone; everyone alternates taking me to physical therapy and doctors' appointments, and I fill my time doing mundane work no one else has time to do. As much as I hate people treating me like I need a babysitter, having Dax around to do the therapy with makes it bearable. Not enjoyable, but I'm getting it done. I've noticed a huge improvement in my hand strength and my ability to walk in the two weeks he's been working with me. He'd make a great personal trainer if he decides to go into a new field.My physical therapist at the center has noticed the improvement as well. We, Piper and I, decided against telling my doctors about my faux pas for fear of losing my acceptance in the program and instead opted to make
Piper goes into an all-out fundraising mode. We've been fortunate, our out of pocket maximum was ten thousand dollars, and the insurance company picked up the remaining seven hundred thousand dollars in medical expenses from the hospitals and different treatment centers. Between the money we got from the gym, our 401K, and the sale of the condo, we were able to pay our portion as the bills came in but it wiped us out.Piper never once asked either of our parents for help. Had I not gotten into this program I have no idea how we would've paid for on-going physical therapy. I never thought she'd be the type to ask for a handout, especially financial but she's on a crusade to come up with four thousand dollars in a week's time to pay for the Aid. Having this contraption is the difference between night and day. I can walk unassisted. If I wear pants, no one can tell I have it on; my limp is almost undetectable. She sees what it does for my confidence, and she's determined to secure it fo
Admittedly, I'm not looking forward to the girl-time this weekend. It's not that I don't love my friends. I do, but for the first time in ages, I was anticipating time with my husband. Kissing him goodbye, I go to Cam's house early to talk to her about the loan for the Aid.I park in the circular driveway. I step out of the car and find myself standing at their front door. She and Dax live in a beautiful old farmhouse he restored years ago. I'm in awe of it every time I come by. I love the sound my knock makes on the solid wood. Dax opens the door, no shirt, jeans hung low on his hips, obviously commando, no socks, no shoes. I blush. Heavily. I should not be attracted to my husband's brother and my best friend's fiancé, but he's as beautiful as Moby was prior to the stroke. This family has amazing genes. Brooks and Landis are equally gorgeous in their own right.He swings the door wide, raising his arm to allow me to duck under it as he issues his greeting, "Hey, Pipes. You're e
Six months ago, I moved back home. I thought things would be simple. I figured once I was physically back where I needed to be, everything else would just fall back into place. It didn't. It took work, lots of fucking work, and continues to take work daily.Emotionally, Piper was in a far worse place than any of us realized. She had developed abandonment issues and separation anxiety, not just with me but everyone she's close to. The great thing about working at a crisis center is the resources available to her. Just like Cam, Shelly has become her confidante. They meet a couple times a week, and together, we're all working on putting our relationships back together. It's a slow process and maybe one we'll work on for the rest of our lives. I'm just thankful to have the chance to do it. Whenever I see Shelly, I wonder if she comprehends just how many times she's really saved one of the Cooper boys' asses. Our journey through treatment is made a little more difficult in the last fe
Waking up, still wrapped in Moby's arms, his nose nestled near my ear, I stare out the same window that brought so much disdain yesterday, and wonder if it's possible the world has righted itself and is back on the correct axis.Twenty-four hours ago, the same sun shone through the same glass onto the same face, but its warmth did nothing other than start the repeat of another mundane, dismal day. Today it holds promise and wonder.I observe the clouds move as the light becomes brighter, not wanting to wake my sleeping husband, and instead opt to just enjoy the dawning of a new day.He begins to stir beside me, but I'm unable to tell if he's still in the throws of sleep or going to attempt to join me in the wake of the morning. He answers my unasked question by nudging his hard member against my butt, just letting me know he's there. His smile moves across my neck as he begins to scatter soft kisses over my skin.As his hands begin to wander, I tense in the apprehension of his
I don't have the energy for this. Between last night and today, I'm out of fuel to pretend like I give a shit anymore. I refuse to perpetuate a sham of happiness in my own home. I have no idea why Moby came back here, but if it's to rub my nose in how content he is, I wish he would've saved it for another day. Collapsing on the couch, I stuff my hands in my hoodie pockets, finding the little memento someone so graciously sent me. I haven't had time to really study it, but from the quick peeks I've taken, it's stunning. I rub my thumb over the inscription using it to soothe my weary soul.I watch in awe as Moby strolls across the room, not a single sign of the stroke visible. Whatever he's been doing for the last five weeks worked. He looks fantastic, and his confidence is soaring once again. I fight the attraction I feel seeing the man I married emerge again. It will only end in heartache. When he takes a seat across from me, I know this conversation is going to be more than I can
Knocking on the door to the dressing room to keep from startling her, she calls out to come in.Looking up from her hands, I find she already changed clothes and is back in her hoodie and jeans. It must be eighty degrees outside but I imagine with as little body fat as she's currently carrying around she likely stays cold. When she sees me, she stuffs her hands in the pocket of her sweatshirt in an attempt to hide whatever she was focused on before I interrupted."Are you ready to go home?""Yeah, I'm just getting my stuff. Do you want to meet me there?""No, my car's already at the house. Dax picked me up there this afternoon."She's confused and doesn't understand this has been my plan since she walked out of the hospital. Well, right after Dax and I got into a screaming match, and he punched me in the face. After that, this became my plan.She doesn't resist or argue just rises to her feet, grabs her purse and garment bag. I take the dress from her, holding the door open
I've never been more thankful in my entire life that Piper and I eloped. I cannot imagine having corralled people the way we have been tonight. I realize it's a huge crowd, but we are people, not sheep. Every moment of the evening has been precisely planned by either Cam or her wedding guru, who seems more like a drill sergeant than an event coordinator. At the very least, there's no way I could possibly be sitting at another table.When guests begin to take their seats after the cocktail hour, I finally spot her. My heart breaks. Brooks was right. There's almost nothing left of my soul mate. She looks like a skeleton. The skin barely hangs on her body. This didn't all happen in the last month. Looking back, I knew she was losing weight-and not in a healthy way-but I was so consumed by my own turmoil I didn't recognize how serious things were. The last month has just about killed her. I doubt she weighs a hundred pounds. The constriction of my chest makes it hard to breathe. My on
"Brooks!" I chase after my brother the moment Piper's out of sight."Yeah, bro, what's up?""Did you not give her the gift?""Of course. Just like you told me to. Why?""She's cold. She won't even look at me. You guys promised me this was temporary. I've worked my ass off day in and day out trying to prove myself. Why's she brushing me off?" I'm trying not to blow a gasket, but I'm out of options. I don't have any more tricks up my sleeve. I played the only hand I have. For the last five weeks, I've worked out for grueling hours a day, each of my brothers and her friends adding something to the daily regime. I've been in the gym with my buddies and co-workers who've pushed me harder than I ever pushed when I was healthy. There've been days I worked out more than I slept. My muscles have ached, I've been tired as hell, but I stayed focused to show her how much I love her and that I'm committed as fuck. I haven't reached out one time, there've been nights I took my phone to
Helping grab all the bride's accouterments, we traipse inside, bogged down with more crap than any one person should have. Her hair and makeup are already done, I can't imagine what the hell is in her arsenal, but leave it to Cam to be prepared for any situation. "How do you want to do this, Cam?" Rachel asks after hanging the bags around the room."My mom's bringing in the flowers just before we walk, so really all we need to do is get dressed, right?"I'm just along for the ride. I'll do whatever I'm told."So you guys go ahead and change. I'll do what I can on my own but once I put the gown on you'll have to button it and lace it up."None of us, to my knowledge, have even seen Cam's dress. She's kept it a highly guarded secret, so unless it's made a debut in the last couple weeks, we're all in for a treat.Each of us busies ourselves with lingerie, pantyhose, dresses, and high heels. Every head in the room turns to the door when a knock comes.Sutton gasps when her s
Waking to the sun shining through the windows, the haze-filled rays warm my skin, the illusion of a beautiful day beaming in. I lie in bed, having stared out into the same creation day after day, I force myself to get up and brave the world. Showering, shaving, and donning the most comfortable clothes I believe I can get away with in the spa we're scheduled to meet Cam at, I put on a fake smile, grab my dress, and get in the car. Mentally trying to prepare myself to pretend I'm enjoying my time with my friends, I blast the radio, singing along to the hottest music I can find, but it does little to lighten my mood. The ride is over too quickly, and before I know it, I'm staring at the entrance, my Fish staring back at me. They're waiting for me to get out of the car to go in together. Deep breath in. Deep breath out. Repeat.Grabbing the handle, I swing the car door open, plastering my face with a smile that swears I'm happy to be here. They greet me warmly. My girls seem to
The dress is better than anything I could've ever dreamed and so much prettier than the original. I haven't bothered mentioning it to Cam and doubt she'll notice when the time comes. I figure it's best not to acknowledge it, stressing her out even more than I assume she already is. She took yesterday and today off work and all of next week for their honeymoon, but I'll see her, and everyone else, tonight at the rehearsal dinner. I'm dreading the entire thing, which pains me. I've been looking forward to Cam's wedding for years, even though we didn't have a groom. Not just hers but all the Fish. I've wanted to watch my friends take the next step, open the next chapter in their lives, each of them. Somehow, the last year seems to have taken all that joy away, sucked it right out from under me. Not only is the joy no longer there but it's been replaced with apprehension and fear. My friends haven't talked to me since I left Moby, even though they all agreed it was what I needed to d