Moby's starting to seem more like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde than the man I married. One minute he's loving and attentive, the next he's an arrogant ass lashing out at anyone who dares cross his path. I'm leery about how dinner will go. These are all people who care about him, even if they haven't made personal appearances at the hospital. They're taking time out of their schedules to come welcome him home, spend time with him, and encourage him. If evil Mr. Hyde is present tonight, we may have zero friends when the night concludes. He can't stand the sympathetic way people look at him. If Dr. Jekyll makes an appearance, all will be grand. Sadly, I've seen both of them today in a matter of minutes and can't guarantee who I'll be dining with.I pull up to the curb of the restaurant to let Moby out so he doesn't have to walk as far."What are you doing?" he looks at me confused."Letting you out while I go park so you don't have as far to walk.""Are you just trying to scream at any
Waking in the morning, Moby's already out of bed. I lie there staring out the window at the beautiful day. My heart lightens with the sunshine beaming through the glass until images of the night before begin to flood my mind. I wonder what I'll face when I find my husband. I know I can't control his thoughts or his mindset. I can only control my own, but maybe in harnessing positivity in myself, it'll be contagious. I'm probably being overly optimistic but willing to give it a shot.Tossing the covers aside, I climb out of bed. I need coffee, and am going to have to face him to get it. I mentally prepare myself to be joyful, confident. I may make myself sick with my charade, but if I can get Moby out of his funk, I'll try anything. When I open the bedroom door, the smell of my favorite brew assaults my senses. I find Moby sitting on the couch the way he would any Saturday morning: a cup of coffee in hand, a magazine in his lap, and him stretched out in comfy clothes. Phoenix cuddl
The weeks seem to fly by with never enough time in the day to get everything done. We've created a new routine, or as much of one as possible with constant physical therapy and doctor's appointments. Moby's currently doing outpatient physical and occupational therapy at Peace, the same hospital he did inpatient therapy with. He goes for two hours a day, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. I take him there-since he still isn't able to drive-then take him home, before going to work, three hours late.Cam's been more than accommodating, allowing me to work eleven to seven instead of eight to five. I usually don't take a lunch break, so I'm not there quite so late but a couple times in the last month I've had to use it to take Moby to different doctors appointments. He has regular visits with his neurologist and nephrologist, not to mention an internist. The bills keep stacking up but somehow; something always comes through to pay them before they're due. Moby's short-term disability helps
If Piper knew the half of the depth of my betrayal, there'd be no chance to attempt to revive our relationship. The truth is I'm not doing anything I should be doing. Yes, I go to therapy, and I do what they tell me to while I'm there, but when it comes to what I should be doing at home or on my own, it's not happening. If she checked my log she wouldn't know the different, it's all there, I take the time to write it down, make it believable, but I can only count a handful of times I've actually attempted any of the exercises.None of my physical therapists or doctors have been able to tell the difference, so why bother? They sing my praises, showing me my statistical progress in comparison with other stroke victims, but none of them seem to take into consideration I'm forty years younger than their average patient. I was in prime physical condition prior to this. Parts of me wonder where I might actually be in my recovery if I bothered doing half of what's assigned, but I don't have
I know Piper won't be home before seven o'clock, but I've been sitting at the bar in the kitchen waiting for her to walk in the door since about six. I cooked dinner, although I can't guarantee the quality, I made vegetable soup and cornbread, both from a package. I'm hoping they soften the blow I'm going to deliver over dinner. I can't keep it in; I have to unload the burden.When she comes in, I see the exhaustion just beneath the surface, the darkness under her eyes. Through it all, I still see the gorgeous woman I married even if she's lost a good bit of weight and her cheeks have begun to hollow. I wonder if she'll ever be able to see the man I promised her I'd be."Hey," she says, dropping her stuff on the counter. "What's up?""I made dinner." I point out like a daft duck.She returns my gesture with a smile. "It smells fantastic. I'm starving. Let me go change and I'll serve it up."I attempt to do the chore for her. I can't get them to the table, but I put the soup i
Lying on the down comforter in our room, staring at the ceiling above me, I wonder how we got so far away from where we once were. I've always considered myself a realist, not a pessimist or an optimist, but the reality of what remains in my glass is obvious.We're at a pivotal point in our marriage, the precipice of change or demise. Overwhelmingly, I want to give up. Our situation is bleak, dismal. The issues compounded by our unintentional isolation, Moby's due to a sheer lack of transportation, and mine merely the circumstances surrounding my life. Life has stopped being about living and morphed into surviving. The days seem longer and less fulfilling. I get no joy in coming home or seeing my husband. In actuality, I can't find happiness anywhere anymore. My job is a means to an end I used to love. My husband a burden at times I wish to unload. I miss my friends. I miss the time before any of us were in relationships when it was just the Fish.As tears fill my eyes, what I'm ac
Waking in the morning, I realize he hasn't slept next to me. Tearing the covers back, I whip open the bedroom door to see him asleep sitting up on the chaise lounge. My heart descends from my throat back to its rightful place in my chest. I realize in this very moment, I'm not ready to give up on him. The thought of something being wrong sent me into a tailspin. There's still something worth fighting for even if I don't have an inkling what the hell it is.I plop down on the couch next to him, startling him, disoriented he glances around, trying to get his bearings. When the sleep clears from his eyes, he sends a rather pitiful grin in my direction."I'm calling in to work today."Scrambling to sit up, he questions, "Why?" "Because we need to go see your parents, and I'm going to see if Cam can get everyone together this afternoon at Healing Wings.""What for?" I love him, but sometimes he's not the brightest bulb on the porch. I give him a pass since I woke him unexpectedly
The afternoon flies by faster than either of us expects, and before we know it, we're standing inside Healing Wings as our friends pour in the door. "Hey, guys, we're going to meet in the building out back. There's pizza and beer out there." Cam waves her hands like a flight attendant pointing to the exit routes to direct the traffic. I can't help but giggle."I told you no food, Cam," I holler at her over the noise of our friends."I didn't listen," she calls back before the gaggle of people moving to the other building carries her off.When I turn to Moby, he's stark white, having lost all color, fear marring his face. "Moby?" I question in concern. When he doesn't respond, I call out to him a little louder, "Moby? Are you all right?"His head snaps in my direction. "I can't do this, Piper. I can't go in there. I can't tell my friends what a piece of shit I am. My brothers are in that room." The words fly out of his mouth as he points to the building in the back. Tak