If I thought being in a hospital with Moby had been stressful, going back to work, dealing with the house issues, and Moby still being in rehab brought a whole new meaning to the word. I've only been doing this a few days but I'm so exhausted I've started talking to myself at night when I'm home alone. I hope my loss of sanity is temporary, and I try to celebrate the little accomplishments, but I'm nearing a point where I'm going to be unable to function. Rationally, I know it's transitory, but my ability to hold onto a positive outlook is waning along with my energy. The weekend will only bring more of what I'm already facing. I have weeks of work to catch up on for Healing Wings, I haven't cleaned the house or the condo in countless days, and both yards need attention before the neighbors start complaining. Jotting down my weekend to-do list, I begin to dread each new day starting. I fall further and further behind with each sun that sets. The medical bills were already star
I hate this place. I've only been here a week, but I can't deny what it's doing to me mentally. I see my personality changing, the darkness breaking my spirit, the long days of rehab doing nothing for my psyche but forcing me to acknowledge just how bleak my future is. Every day, I see a physical therapist for an hour, an occupational therapist for an hour, a speech therapist for an hour, a psychiatrist for an hour, and group sessions, that while they only last an hour seem endless. I'm the youngest person here, other than the staff, by at least thirty years. I have nothing in common with anyone surrounding me except they too have given up the fight.It's hard to stay positive, or even motivated when nothing in my body functions the way it did just a few weeks ago. If I hear one more time, your brain has to form new pathways to relearn the tasks you once did I may punch someone in the throat. I don't want to learn new pathways, I don't want to learn to walk again, I don't want someon
My palms are sweaty driving to the hospital. Moby asked me not to visit him last night. It hurt my feelings. I could tell he was in a dark place, and I should be by his side, but I respected his wishes and went home. I caught up on sorting through the bills, and made some calls to different doctor's offices working out payment arrangements. I had no idea they'd give us discounts for paying in cash and not breaking the payments up. Armed with this knowledge, I organized the bills into different stacks, the smallest first, calling each provider, asking for a discount and wrote checks to every one of them dropping them in the mailbox before I left. I promised myself I'd work on the second stack today.With those bills in my purse, I'm making the drive to the hospital to join Moby in a physical therapy session. I'm not sure why he wants me to come, but if it's important to him, I'm not going to question it. Cam waved me off when I asked about leaving for a couple hours. Somehow I've mana
Sitting in my office at Healing Wings an hour later, there's a light knock on my open door. Standing in the doorway is Sutton. "Hey, friend. Long time no see." I try to hide the hurt in my voice unsuccessfully."I'm sorry I haven't been around. I had reserve training and have been gone the last couple weeks. Don't be mad."I had forgotten she was out of town and now feel like a total ass. It's not like she can tell Uncle Sam she's going to be a no-show. "I'm sorry. I'm not mad.""What's got you down then?"I hand her the stack of bills, not just medical, but the bills from the condo, the house, utilities, cell phones, and everything in between. She looks through them, looking up with pity in her eyes."Don't do that, Sutton.""Do what?""Look at me like I'm pathetic. I'm going to be okay; I'm just a little overwhelmed. I was so proud of myself yesterday, I got rid of a huge stack of medical bills and saved a bunch of money paying them, but they just keep coming, and they'
I wake to the phone ringing incessantly beside my head. The noise is perpetuating the headache I was hoping to avoid."Hello?" I answer groggily."Hey, Fish. I got an offer on the condo."Sitting straight up in bed, the fog in my brain instantly clearing. "That's great! Tell me about it.""Piper, you can't be insulted when I tell you what the buyer's offering. This isn't personal, and it's not a reflection on your home. Okay?"Shit. That can't be good. If your real estate agent has to start with a warning, this won't be something we can accept."Okay. What is it?""You really have to keep an open mind about this Pipes. Don't make a rash decision.""Jesus, Rachel, just tell me already.""It's a cash offer for twenty thousand less than you're asking.""What? That's insane. It was already below market value, and you dropped the price yesterday!""I realize that, but keep in mind you don't owe what you're asking, and a cash offer gets the responsibility of the condo o
"I'm sorry, I don't understand. How can the insurance company tell a doctor I no longer need to be here? Isn't it the doctor's job to determine that?" I'm trying to stay calm but having my caseworker tell me the insurance company is denying inpatient treatment beyond this week is skyrocketing my blood pressure. "I understand your frustration, Mr. Cooper, I truly do. I'm still arguing for another week, but I wanted to give you a heads up in case I don't win.""I can't walk on my own! Our house is not handicapped-ready. Piper isn't a nurse. She has to work. Who's going to help me with PT?" The questions come pouring out as fast as they pop into my head like a popcorn popper with no lid."When do you think your wife might be here today?"I understand Piper is the rational one of the two of us, but this is pissing me off. "It doesn't matter, does it?""I thought it might be beneficial for us to go over some other programs that might be able to help you if you're released this we
She answers that question when she shows up a little before eleven. Putting her purse down when she walks in, I can see the attitude she built up since I talked to her. It's oozing from her. Her hardened eyes turn to me. "You need an attitude adjustment, Moby. Not just for me but for yourself. If you think this is the way to heal, you're dead wrong. If you're defeated before you even start, you're done. I will only say this one time, so listen closely." She leans into me sitting on the bed so I can see her eyes and the storm brewing in them, she squints just slightly, lowering her voice, "If you ever scream at me like I'm a dog again, you can just go ahead and call your mama because you won't be sleeping under the same roof I do. Understood?"I nod my head unsure words are appropriate right now. Luckily, Rhonda saves me. I think that's the caseworker's name, but hell, it could be anything. My short-term memory was shit prior to the stroke, it's non-existent now. Rudely, I don't
Preparing for Moby's homecoming wasn't quite the blissful experience I imagined. My dad and Nate built a makeshift ramp up the stairs to our house; that was a nightmare in and of itself. Holy hell, never solicit this kind of help from anyone other than a professional. Seventeen hours later, five additional men, and countless trips to the hardware store, and I now have a piece of plywood lying across my front stairs. That might be a slight exaggeration, but I swear, not by much. Never in my life have I seen grown men fighting over stupider shit-nails versus screws, hammers versus nail guns, types of wood-for the love of all that is holy, who cares? I would like to believe we don't need to build something to withstand the test of time, just help Moby out for a week or two until he's more comfortable walking on his own. Day two of preparing for Moby's return included modifying the shower to help make it easier for him to get in and out. Taking glass doors off a track shouldn't be ve
Six months ago, I moved back home. I thought things would be simple. I figured once I was physically back where I needed to be, everything else would just fall back into place. It didn't. It took work, lots of fucking work, and continues to take work daily.Emotionally, Piper was in a far worse place than any of us realized. She had developed abandonment issues and separation anxiety, not just with me but everyone she's close to. The great thing about working at a crisis center is the resources available to her. Just like Cam, Shelly has become her confidante. They meet a couple times a week, and together, we're all working on putting our relationships back together. It's a slow process and maybe one we'll work on for the rest of our lives. I'm just thankful to have the chance to do it. Whenever I see Shelly, I wonder if she comprehends just how many times she's really saved one of the Cooper boys' asses. Our journey through treatment is made a little more difficult in the last fe
Waking up, still wrapped in Moby's arms, his nose nestled near my ear, I stare out the same window that brought so much disdain yesterday, and wonder if it's possible the world has righted itself and is back on the correct axis.Twenty-four hours ago, the same sun shone through the same glass onto the same face, but its warmth did nothing other than start the repeat of another mundane, dismal day. Today it holds promise and wonder.I observe the clouds move as the light becomes brighter, not wanting to wake my sleeping husband, and instead opt to just enjoy the dawning of a new day.He begins to stir beside me, but I'm unable to tell if he's still in the throws of sleep or going to attempt to join me in the wake of the morning. He answers my unasked question by nudging his hard member against my butt, just letting me know he's there. His smile moves across my neck as he begins to scatter soft kisses over my skin.As his hands begin to wander, I tense in the apprehension of his
I don't have the energy for this. Between last night and today, I'm out of fuel to pretend like I give a shit anymore. I refuse to perpetuate a sham of happiness in my own home. I have no idea why Moby came back here, but if it's to rub my nose in how content he is, I wish he would've saved it for another day. Collapsing on the couch, I stuff my hands in my hoodie pockets, finding the little memento someone so graciously sent me. I haven't had time to really study it, but from the quick peeks I've taken, it's stunning. I rub my thumb over the inscription using it to soothe my weary soul.I watch in awe as Moby strolls across the room, not a single sign of the stroke visible. Whatever he's been doing for the last five weeks worked. He looks fantastic, and his confidence is soaring once again. I fight the attraction I feel seeing the man I married emerge again. It will only end in heartache. When he takes a seat across from me, I know this conversation is going to be more than I can
Knocking on the door to the dressing room to keep from startling her, she calls out to come in.Looking up from her hands, I find she already changed clothes and is back in her hoodie and jeans. It must be eighty degrees outside but I imagine with as little body fat as she's currently carrying around she likely stays cold. When she sees me, she stuffs her hands in the pocket of her sweatshirt in an attempt to hide whatever she was focused on before I interrupted."Are you ready to go home?""Yeah, I'm just getting my stuff. Do you want to meet me there?""No, my car's already at the house. Dax picked me up there this afternoon."She's confused and doesn't understand this has been my plan since she walked out of the hospital. Well, right after Dax and I got into a screaming match, and he punched me in the face. After that, this became my plan.She doesn't resist or argue just rises to her feet, grabs her purse and garment bag. I take the dress from her, holding the door open
I've never been more thankful in my entire life that Piper and I eloped. I cannot imagine having corralled people the way we have been tonight. I realize it's a huge crowd, but we are people, not sheep. Every moment of the evening has been precisely planned by either Cam or her wedding guru, who seems more like a drill sergeant than an event coordinator. At the very least, there's no way I could possibly be sitting at another table.When guests begin to take their seats after the cocktail hour, I finally spot her. My heart breaks. Brooks was right. There's almost nothing left of my soul mate. She looks like a skeleton. The skin barely hangs on her body. This didn't all happen in the last month. Looking back, I knew she was losing weight-and not in a healthy way-but I was so consumed by my own turmoil I didn't recognize how serious things were. The last month has just about killed her. I doubt she weighs a hundred pounds. The constriction of my chest makes it hard to breathe. My on
"Brooks!" I chase after my brother the moment Piper's out of sight."Yeah, bro, what's up?""Did you not give her the gift?""Of course. Just like you told me to. Why?""She's cold. She won't even look at me. You guys promised me this was temporary. I've worked my ass off day in and day out trying to prove myself. Why's she brushing me off?" I'm trying not to blow a gasket, but I'm out of options. I don't have any more tricks up my sleeve. I played the only hand I have. For the last five weeks, I've worked out for grueling hours a day, each of my brothers and her friends adding something to the daily regime. I've been in the gym with my buddies and co-workers who've pushed me harder than I ever pushed when I was healthy. There've been days I worked out more than I slept. My muscles have ached, I've been tired as hell, but I stayed focused to show her how much I love her and that I'm committed as fuck. I haven't reached out one time, there've been nights I took my phone to
Helping grab all the bride's accouterments, we traipse inside, bogged down with more crap than any one person should have. Her hair and makeup are already done, I can't imagine what the hell is in her arsenal, but leave it to Cam to be prepared for any situation. "How do you want to do this, Cam?" Rachel asks after hanging the bags around the room."My mom's bringing in the flowers just before we walk, so really all we need to do is get dressed, right?"I'm just along for the ride. I'll do whatever I'm told."So you guys go ahead and change. I'll do what I can on my own but once I put the gown on you'll have to button it and lace it up."None of us, to my knowledge, have even seen Cam's dress. She's kept it a highly guarded secret, so unless it's made a debut in the last couple weeks, we're all in for a treat.Each of us busies ourselves with lingerie, pantyhose, dresses, and high heels. Every head in the room turns to the door when a knock comes.Sutton gasps when her s
Waking to the sun shining through the windows, the haze-filled rays warm my skin, the illusion of a beautiful day beaming in. I lie in bed, having stared out into the same creation day after day, I force myself to get up and brave the world. Showering, shaving, and donning the most comfortable clothes I believe I can get away with in the spa we're scheduled to meet Cam at, I put on a fake smile, grab my dress, and get in the car. Mentally trying to prepare myself to pretend I'm enjoying my time with my friends, I blast the radio, singing along to the hottest music I can find, but it does little to lighten my mood. The ride is over too quickly, and before I know it, I'm staring at the entrance, my Fish staring back at me. They're waiting for me to get out of the car to go in together. Deep breath in. Deep breath out. Repeat.Grabbing the handle, I swing the car door open, plastering my face with a smile that swears I'm happy to be here. They greet me warmly. My girls seem to
The dress is better than anything I could've ever dreamed and so much prettier than the original. I haven't bothered mentioning it to Cam and doubt she'll notice when the time comes. I figure it's best not to acknowledge it, stressing her out even more than I assume she already is. She took yesterday and today off work and all of next week for their honeymoon, but I'll see her, and everyone else, tonight at the rehearsal dinner. I'm dreading the entire thing, which pains me. I've been looking forward to Cam's wedding for years, even though we didn't have a groom. Not just hers but all the Fish. I've wanted to watch my friends take the next step, open the next chapter in their lives, each of them. Somehow, the last year seems to have taken all that joy away, sucked it right out from under me. Not only is the joy no longer there but it's been replaced with apprehension and fear. My friends haven't talked to me since I left Moby, even though they all agreed it was what I needed to d