Pain

I walked into our apartment on Lexington Street and froze. This place was supposed to be my home. I was supposed to raise children and grow old here, but now it turned into something unfamiliar and suffocating.

I willed my feet forward, passing the large dining room and entering the master bedroom. My breaths became shallow, and I could no longer restrain the tears gathering in my eyes. Hot drops streamed down my cheeks as I mindlessly threw my clothes into the old suitcase. Perhaps it was fortunate that I had so little. The sooner I could leave this apartment, the better.

My vision became blurry, and the ugly crying sounds ripped through my throat again and again, but I kept moving, hectically grabbing my documents from the study room and tossing them into my bag. I stopped by the desk and started emptying the bottom drawers where I kept my papers. Then I moved to the upper ones, throwing the pile of letters—

Shit. It wasn't my drawer but Kenneth's… I wiped my tears off my eyes and reached for the pile I had just thrown. I was supposed to put them back into the drawer, but then I noticed that all those letters were addressed to me and they were all from Luxton Law Firm. “What the hell?” I muttered, staring at the sealed envelopes.

I had never seen any of those letters, nor had I heard about Luxton Law Firm before. Had he kept those letters hidden from me on purpose, or had he forgotten to tell me? Had he hidden anything else? I ground my teeth. Only yesterday, the thought of going through his things wouldn't have even crossed my mind, but now, I simply pulled out his drawer and threw its content onto the floor. Among the meaningless pieces of paper, I saw two prescriptions. Both of them were signed by Doctor Rogers and had my name on them.

A shudder coursed through me. I didn't recognize the names of those medicines, and I sure as hell hadn't taken either of them. Why did Kenneth have those prescriptions? What kind of drugs had he gotten behind my back and in my name?!

Heart pounding, I tossed the prescriptions into my purse. Then I cleaned up the mess I made, hurriedly grabbed the rest of my stuff, and all but ran out of the apartment.

***

My first night in a cheap hotel turned out to be horrible, but luckily, I could afford one thanks to the money I earned working part-time jobs while Kenneth studied at Harvard and later, when we moved back to New York. I had never told him about it, and he hadn't asked. Back then, I thought that he respected my privacy by not asking where the money for the rent was coming from. Now I knew that he simply didn't care.

My heart was still madly aching. My eyes were swollen, and my cheeks were red and as salty as the bottom of the Dead Sea. But I had to get myself together. I needed a new job and an apartment, but I also knew that before I “moved on” and thought about my future, I had to investigate the things I had found in Kenneth's drawer.

Forcing myself out of the bed was hard. Dragging myself to the bathroom was even harder, but even if I turned into an embodiment of heartache, I had to at least pretend that I was all right. I combed my long brown hair and tied it into a ponytail. Then I used my best skills to cover the swollen eyes and dark shades under a decent layer of concealer. It took me a while, but when I left the bathroom, I started to resemble a human being. And, after I dug up my only presentable skirt and jacket from my suitcase, I restored enough confidence to walk out of the room…

A few hours later, I entered the John Pearson Clinic, but instead of going to the fourth floor where Doctor Rogers had his office, I headed to the second floor to visit someone who used to be my good friend.

Sucking a sharp breath, I walked to the reception desk. “Um… is Doctor Raven Bryce at work today?”

The redhead receptionist offered me a kind smile. “I will have to check, but I think—"

“I'm here.” I heard my old friend's voice behind my back.

I turned around and couldn't stop the smile from spreading across my face. Unlike my smiling lips, my eyes filled with tears. I hadn't seen Raven for more than five years, and it was my fault. Kenneth never liked her, and I foolishly cut our contact because he didn't want me to see her.

I looked at Raven's inch-long black hair and her golden eyes. She hadn't changed a bit, maybe except for a new tattoo on the side of her neck. She folded her arms across her chest and scanned me from head to toe. “What do you want, Lilly?” Her tone was awfully cold, but I deserved nothing less.

I bit my lip and blinked back my tears. “Um… Can we talk?” I asked softly.

Her brows rose. “Talk? You come here after five years, and you want to... talk?”

My hands fisted at my sides, and I lowered my head. “I'm sorry, Raven. I know that I'm not able to fix things between us, and I'm not asking for your forgiveness, but I just”—I swallowed a lump in my throat—“really need to talk to you. I need five minutes… Please?”

She stepped closer, her brows knitting in concern. “What happened?”

My bottom lip began to tremble. “Kenneth divorced me.”

She drew a deep breath before turning to the receptionist. “Mia, if anyone asks, I'm out for lunch.” Then she grabbed my hand and started dragging me through the long corridor. “You're buying me lunch,” she stated. “And then you're going to tell me everything about that asshole you decided to marry.”

Twenty minutes later, we were sitting in the clinic's cafeteria. Raven was eating chicken salad while I was drinking my third cup of coffee and telling her about my pathetic marriage.

“I'm going to kill that fucking jerk the next time I see him.” Raven stabbed the piece of chicken breast with her fork.

A soft smile tugged at my lips. “It wasn't all bad. There were days when he—” I cut myself off as I met her meaningful glare. “But he is a hell of a jerk,” I admitted.

“Glad you finally see what I did from the beginning,” she scoffed.

I drew a ragged breath. “I was wrong about so many things…” A single tear fell down my cheek.

“Can't argue with that.” She chuckled, shoving another piece of salad into her mouth. “You were even friends with that stupid rich girl, Kathrine.”

I rolled my eyes at the thought of that ginger-haired bimbo with fake boobs. “I was never friends with her. She was the one who said that we were friends, but I never admitted it,” I corrected.

Raven snorted and shook her head. “I wonder why she wanted to be your friend in the first place... No offense.”

“None taken,” I assured and let out a heavy sigh. “And unfortunately, I know why... She wanted to get close to Kenneth. I even caught her once when she tried to seduce him.”

Raven's mouth opened. “What a bitch! Tell me that you punched her for it.”

I bit my lip and shook my head. “Never got the chance. She just stopped showing up all of a sudden.”

Raven leaned back in her seat and gave me a crooked smile. “I bet that it wasn't a one-time thing. I bet that she tried to move on him before that.”

“Go ahead and name all the mistakes I made,” I challenged.

“Nah.” She dismissively waved her hand. “My break is far too short to do it.”

I almost smiled at that… almost. “When I came here today, I actually wanted to ask you about something.” I fixed my eyes on her.

“Go ahead,” she said while chewing a cherry tomato.

Drawing another shaky breath, I reached into my purse and pulled out the two prescriptions. “I found this in Kenneth's drawer when I was packing my things. I've never seen these prescriptions before, and I wanted to ask if you know these drugs.”

Raven looked at the two pieces of paper and frowned. “You said that you wanted to have a baby, right?” When I nodded, she worked her jaw. “The first prescription is for contraceptive pills.” She drew a deep breath and locked her eyes on me. “The second prescription is for the abortion pill.”

My breath halted, and my whole body began to rattle. I saw Raven's mouth moving, but I couldn't hear anything aside from the constant, high-pitched tone in my ears. My shaking hand snatched the second prescription, and I looked at the date.

“Two days before my miscarriage,” I breathed out as the horrifying realization came. I looked at Raven as the tears streamed down my cheeks. “They killed my baby.”