Chapter 7 : Lose It All

*Ophelia*

I keep pushing Jake down the street until we’re out of Asher’s sight. Sighing, I bend over to catch my breath, my heart screaming inside my chest from the close call we just encountered.

“What the fuck was all that?” Jake asks, breaking the silence between us. “Why did you just lie to the dude?”

I look up. “The ‘dude’ in question is a person in the spotlight, Jake. He doesn’t need to know my personal business.”

“But you could tell me,” he challenges. “You just stood there and sang in front of me, and then all of a sudden, you shut down and start lying about your voice? Like, what’s to lie about?”

I feel myself cracking, but I try to stand my ground. “You wouldn’t understand, Jake. It’s no big deal.”

He turns and looks back to where we came from. “Is he harassing you?” He returns his gaze to me. “Did he touch you?”

“What?” I nearly shout. “How the hell did you jump to that as a conclusion?”

“Because you just ran away from him and lied about singing, when none of that adds up unless the dude is dangerous—”

I hold my hand up, stopping my friend. “Alright, God! I’ll tell you, okay? But you have to swear you won’t tell anyone.” He rolls his eyes and scoffs. “I mean it, Jake. You take this shit to your grave, or else I’m going to exact my revenge on you!”

He seems to hear my threatening tone, so he nods.

I explain the genuine truth, hating that I’m confessing what’s been going on. “I’m a ghost-singer. The opener at Country Corner? Camila Monroe? That’s me.”

Jake barks a laugh.

“I’m serious!” I snap. “It’s been going on for a while now. I made a deal with Camila, and that deal involves not telling a single soul what I’m doing for her.”

He pushes hair away from his eyes. “That’s so stupid, Ophelia. I mean, she’s taking advantage of you. Do you realize how talented you are? And you’re throwing it all away just to hide in the shadows and sing for someone else? What do you have to gain from that?”

“The money I need,” I shoot back without thinking. “I’m strapped for cash. I’m at the tavern, I’m on the street, but you know how hard it is out there even without trying to make a name for yourself. Not to mention Camila could easily blacklist me all across Nashville for exposing the truth about her!”

And, my biggest fear, that she could hurt Mama. I wouldn’t put it past her to do something as fucked up as hurt a sick woman.

“You don’t seem to get it,” Jake says, placing his guitar against the brick wall next to us. “Ophelia, you’re one of the best singers I’ve ever met. Why not just take your talents to the next level?”

Why? Because of all the reasons I’ve given! And my name being slandered across multiple cities, or even states? Mama’s the most important thing right now. and I can’t afford to fail her when she needs me most.

And I will NOT let Camila hurt her.

“Look,” I tell him instead. “While that’s incredibly kind of you, that’s not what’s going to happen. Now, you swore you’d keep this a secret. Camila will retaliate and make my life a living hell if she finds out I told you. And there are others in my life I know she’d love to destroy. So, please, from one artist to another, please don’t tell anyone. I really need this, Jake.”

Something in that last sentence seems to get through to him, and slowly, he nods his head. “Fine. I won’t say anything. But, Ophelia, is there nothing else you can do for the money? Does it have to be at the expense of your voice?”

Sighing, I shake my head, my hair ruffling my face. “What choice do I have?”

He doesn’t seem to have an answer for me.

It’s a long walk home to my place, and I slip through the door quietly so Skylar doesn’t hear me. I’m not able to answer any questions right now about where I’ve been and who I might be “sneaking around with.”

She’s got it in her head now that she’s going to get me a date with Asher. It's funny that she thinks there’s even a sliver of hope there. He wants Camila, and I’m fully aware of that. It's not like I want to date a fucking Ozark anyway, but that’s not the point. He can’t know what’s happening because I don’t feel like dying at the hands of Camila.

I meant to keep my promise to her. So, if Jake takes me down, I’ll sure as hell take him with me. I can’t lose this, especially because Mama needs me.

I did want to be honest about the money if anything, just so he’d understand my desperation and willingness to give up my dreams. I’m sure if he were in my situation, he’d be doing the exact same thing—everything for his mom.

But despite all of the secrets and fears, it was nice to hear Jake say I could be something—a singer, a star. I don’t see how that’ll ever be possible for me. If Camila has my voice, then what am I if not a piece of furniture to her?

I’m a means to an end.

Frustrated, I pick up my notebook and begin to jot down lyrics to a new song. Something about tonight, about the fear of losing it all, is ringing with a tune in my ear. I usually try to start off with lyrics before I move on to a melody. The words can change and adapt to fit the final song. But each one starts the same as before.

“If I lose it all for you, was it ever really true?” I sing softly as I write out the line.

In the middle of my singing, my phone beeps loudly, scaring me. I jump at the sudden noise, before reaching into my bag and pulling out the phone.

There’s one new message, and it’s an image.

I unlock the phone and stare in horror as my brain tries to make sense of what I’m seeing. Asher, Jake, and I are standing on my corner, all three of us talking. My heart rate spikes, and I start sweating. Oh my God. Oh no, why does this picture make me feel ill? And what will—

My phone rings.

Camila is calling. She’s going to kill me.

I timidly answer. “Hello?” I whisper, but she barely lets the word finish before she starts in.

“What the hell were you doing with Asher? Why is he talking to you?” She’s shouting, making me recoil.

My throat feels dry, and I begin to shake, unsure why this is my response to Camila’s rage.

As much as I’d love to tell her she’s being dramatic and reading into nothing, the image clearly doesn’t look like “nothing.”

“I was out on the street and Asher just so happened to drive by. He got out to say hello.” That’s it, Ophelia, lie through your damn teeth. Camila doesn’t usually have a “good” side, but I know there’s no way I want to end up on whatever her “bad” side is.

“What did you say to him?” she demands.

“Nothing!” I say honestly. “He was just stopping by to say hi. He heard my friend playing guitar. That’s all it was!” That part is not so honest.

“Do I have to remind you what’s at stake here?” She barks through the phone. “Asher is MINE, okay? And he’s all part of my plan. So don’t you dare reveal anything. You know what will happen if you screw me over, bitch.”

I reassure her. “No, Camila, really. I know, we made a deal. There’s nothing that has been told to Asher; there’s nothing that I’m hiding from you about him, I swear to you.”

She’s quiet for a moment. “Swear on your mother’s life?”

I nearly choke at her words. Then, I nod my head, because what I’d said was the truth. Asher knows nothing, and he won’t ever know anything. “I swear on her life.” It’s like acid on my tongue to say what she wants. Nevertheless, I know it’s mandatory to keep Camila happy.

God she is SUCH a bitch. Asher knows nothing, and he won’t ever know a thing. I hold back the disdain in my voice as I mutter, “I swear on her life, Camila. I’m all in.”

“Good,” she huffs. “Cause the last thing I want is for this to get complicated.”

I breathe out a sigh, but I don’t dare make it audible. I can’t risk Asher or anyone finding out the truth. Jake better keep his damn mouth shut.

“Anyway, prepare to sing in a few days. I’m inviting Asher out on another date on Friday night, and he’s getting the performance of a lifetime.”

“Of course.”

“And don’t forget those new songs for the big wigs that are coming to hear me in a few days. I want something fresh, something new. None of the boring crap you’ve been having me pretend to sing for the past few weeks.”

“No problem.”

“Okay, I have to go. I’ve got a man waiting to fall desperately in love with me, and I need to plan the perfect outfit to woo him.”

I don’t say anything; Camila hangs up almost immediately after she talks, and I finally let out a long, stuttering sigh. God, that was so close I could have exploded.

I hate that I have to keep this charade up with someone like Asher around, but maybe it’s for the best. He’ll sweep Camila off her feet, marry her, and they’ll live a life of luxury. She’ll get signed by the record label of her dreams, and Asher will suck at football. Happily ever after.

I flip on tonight’s game to watch passively in the background. It’s the Tampa Beasts and the Georgia Woodpeckers, and so far, no one’s scored anything. They’re about to go into halftime with zeroes across the board. Wiping away a stray tear, I let air hiss out my nose. This is why I’m a Portland Shoremen fan.

Getting back to work, I pick up my notebook, and more rhymes and lyrics come to mind.

“If I lose it all for you, was it ever really true? How do I start to tell you the truth of what I do? You’re the one who’s gone and shaped me, the single one who raised me. But does that mean I’ll ever find the truth to set me free?”

I keep adding to the lyrics, moving to my electronic piano after a few more lines, not wanting to lose the melody singing in my ear. I imagine Mama singing to me at night to help me through the nightmares my young brain would have. I imagine her bright smile and her tough wit.

The song comes to me with no trouble. I can barely keep up with the rhymes and words that pour into my brain. It’s never this easy, but I don’t fight it.

Though Camila won’t know this, I’m writing “Lose it All” for Mama.

Maybe she will hear it and finally start to get well.

I know I’m a fool to think a song could cure her, but all I want is for her to be better.

And while I play the chords on the piano, singing to myself, I let the tears fall down my face as I conjure the memories of the independent woman who raised me.