Chapter 4: Miss Desperate

CASS

"I can't do this! I'd rather fail in class than do this nonsense!"

Hindi ko na napigilan ang pagbulyaw habang pilit na pinipiga ang utak kung paano ko sisimulan ang aking research introduction. Mahina ang utak ko pagdating sa mga school papers. Forte ko lang ata ang mahalin si Zeke angel ko.

Kung pagmamahal ata ang magiging basehan ng grading system ay magiging valedictorian of the class ako. Kaso hindi eh kaya't pilit kong idinuduko ang ulo ko malapit sa papel na nakapatong sa library table habang pinupukpok ang ball point ng ballpen sa sentido. The typical manner of a person when deeply thinking.

Nasa kalagitnaan ako nang malalim na pag-iisip nang biglang dumaan ang bulto ni Zeke sa harapan mismo ng lamesa kaya't awtomatiko akong napatayo at sumigaw.

"Zeke!" Sa sobrang tuwa ay hindi ko na namalayang nasa loob ako ng silid-aklatan at buong buo ang boses na sumigaw.

Agad na nakuha ang pansin ng mga nasa paligid ko. Tiyak ang iba roon ay gumagawa rin ng intro at kung hindi ay nagreresearch ng sagot sa assignment. Did I just shout inside the school library?

"Is this your first time in a library?" Igting ang panga nitong tanong habang nakakunot ang noong tumititig sa akin.

Napakagat labi ako sa sobrang kahihiyan at nginitian na lamang ang mga estudyanteng nasa paligid bago nilingon si Zeke na napailing na lang din habang sapo ang noo.

"Sorry! Alam mo namang na-eexcite ako kapag nakikita kita."

He knows how my heart jumps out of happiness because of his presence. He knows how I easily light up just by merely seeing the shadow of him.

"If you're planning to flirt me then, I don't have time for that. I still need to do my research introduction." Ani nito't tinalikuran ako.

Ilang segundo ko pang prinoseso ang lahat bago nanlaki bigla ang mga mata ko sa huling salitang sinabi niya. Tamang-tama lang pala na hihingi ako ng tulong ngayon dahil pareho lang kami nang gagawin!

He was about to leave me but before he could even step away, I grabbed his left arm and did not waste any second to beg, "No please Zeke! I really need your help! I'm also doing my research introduction!" I pleaded while clutching his long and strong arms.

He turned to me and then frowned before looking down on my hands clutching his, "Why can't you do it on your own? You passed your PR 1, right? If you did that then you can pass your PR 2." Inis nitong sabi bago marahas na tinanggal ang kamay ko sa braso niya't naglakad na muli palayo.

"Zeke please!" I called him but still, he never turned around kahit pa umabot na kami sa labas ng library, "Zeke wait up!"

"Will you stop tailing me?" Naiinis niyang saway habang nagmamadaling maglakad palayo. Hindi naman ako nagpatinag at binilisan rin ang paglalakad habang nakabuntot pa rin sa kanya.

"I really need your help this time Zeke! Pretty please?" Pagsusumamo kong muli sa kalagitnaan ng marahan na paghingal dahil unti-unti na akong napapagod.

I lang hakbang pa palayo nang biglang nilingon na ako nito habang nanlilisik ang mga matang nakatitig sa akin at halatang matindi na ang galit.

"I said fuck it! Get lost!" Halos buong campus na ata ang nakarinig sa atungal niyang iyon. Nakaduro pa ang daliri sa kawalan habang mariing nakasara ang mga ngipin at nandidilim ang mukha.

Palagi na lang ganito. Kailan ba ako matatauhan?

***

Napahiya na't lahat-lahat ay nakahalukipkip pa rin ako sa upuan habang iniisip si Zeke. It's not that he's the only smart person here in Mendel because, I have to admit that Chad is smarter than him. Gusto ko lang talagang siya ang tumulong sa akin. Talagang umaasa pa rin ako na bibigyan niya ako kahit katiting na atensyon.

"Ano na Cass? May naitulong na ba ang anghel mo sa research mo?" sarkastikong tanong ni Trixy sa akin habang nakaupo sa harap ko't nakataas ang isang kilay na animo'y naghahamon ng away.

Pinandilatan ko na lamang siya at nanatiling tahimik bago bumagsak ang balikat ko't napabuntong-hininga. Alam niya naman na nahihirapan ako pero lalo niya lang akong iniinis.

"Well, based on your expression, wala pa. Tsk! Wag na nga kasi si Zeke eh! Ang kulit talaga ng lahi mo!" A triumphant smile draws in her face before sipping her cold beverage.

Hindi ko na lamang siya inintindi. Napasubo na lang ako ng spaghetti sa sobrang inis dahil alam kong talo ako sa usapang ito.

"Speaking of Zeke, he's over there."

My whole body reacted actively at agad-agad akong napalingon sa itinuro niyang direksyon, "Where?"

I wandered my gaze everywhere but when I heard a muffle trying to hold her laugh, I finally understood that she's lying so I turned back to her as I glared.

"Haha! Cassidy naman! Ganyan ka ba talaga kabaliw pagdating sa kanya?" she said teasingly while laughing her ass out.

"I just hope I can choke you to death." I seriously threatened her but instead of being afraid, she just laughed at me again.

"Hindi madaling mamatay ang masamang damo, Cass."

I responded with my rolling eyes before sipping my coconut water in a white plastic cup annoyingly. Sometimes, I just asked myself why did I even befriend this bitch.

"Oh my, Cass! He's really here! Zeke is over the pizza stall!" Halos itulak na niya ang lamesa na para bang gusto akong papaniwalain na nandiyan nga si Zeke.

Instead of looking, I just rolled my eyes again then I continued sipping my drink.

"Cass! He's standing there!" pangungulit niya sa akin pero lalo ko lang itong binalewala.

To be honest though, I really want to turn around and check badly, but I don't want look like a fool and hear her annoying laugh again.

"Bahala ka nga Cass! Paalis na sya!" Looks like she gave up already and just sipped her drink.

Napakagat-labi na lang ako dahil hindi ko na talaga kaya pang pigilan ang sarili ko. Looks like I will really never learn my lesson.

Agad akong lumingon at nakita nga ang bulto ni Zeke na nakatayo sa harap ng pizza stall. I immediately snapped and stood to push the chair backwards so that I can walk through him. Ngunit sa di inaasahang pagkakataon, natisod ang paa ko sa paa ng upuan kaya't nawalan ako ng balanse at tumumba sa sahig.

***

The embarrassing moment of mine at the cafeteria made me realize how desperate I am for something I can never achieve. Siguro ay 'wag ko na nga talagang pilitin si Zeke dahil hindi niya naman ako tutulungan kahit ano pang pilit ko. Pero sino naman ang lalapitan ko ngayon? My best friend is also stupid so I can't really trust her in terms of school works.

"Cass," Agad akong natigilan sa pag-iisip at nilingon si Trixy na nakatayo sa likod ng arm chair ko at may kakaibang ekspresyon sa mukha.

"What?" She looks like she is about to say some terrible news since her face is blank.

"Zeke is waiting outside the door. He wants to give you something."

"Ako? Seryoso?"

It was the very first time it happened. Zeke never wanted to see me so it's a miracle, and I will not be turning this opportunity down. I started walking through the door wearing a wide bright smile plastered on my face as I look at Zeke leaning on the doorway with his usual bored look.

"How may I help you Zeke angel?" I even tried a pose in front of him to act cute but he was staring at me like I have a huge dirt on my nose.

"Just give this to your mom."

Nagulat na lang ako nang ibato nya ang isang paper bag kaya't hindi ko ito nasalo at nahulog sa sahig. Agad akong gumalaw at pinulot ito ngunit nang tingalain ko na si Zeke ay nakita kong naglalakad na ito palayo.

He was already a bit far but then he stopped walking, "And one more thing." Lumingon ito habang nakapamulsa at walang ganang tiningnan ako.

"I know that you know we will be having our game next week. I don't want you watching do you understand? And I don't want to see you on our training." After that, he turned back again and left.

"How many times do you have to consider that jerk's attitude? You don't deserve him! You're a Castillo!"

Agad kong nilingon ko si Trixy na ngayon ay nakatingin sa akin na puno ng awa ang mga mata ngunit ang tono ng pananalita ay seryoso't galit.

That's it. I'm going to find someone else to help me out.

***

After all the awful moments I had experienced today, I have finally managed to get through it. I am now walking out of the campus building and waiting for my personal driver to come and pick me up.

As I walked through the cemented floor outside the school, a familiar car stopped in front of me before the window at the shotgun seat rolled down. I saw Chad holding the steering wheel of his car before he called out, "Cass, get in."

He opened the door immediately so I had no choice but to accept the offer. I comfortably sat on the soft leather seat before finally closing the door and then the car started moving. I'll just call mommy-bear and tell her that Chad picked me up.

"How's your day?" he uttered out of the blue while still focused on the way as he operated the vehicle.

I don't want to tell him that it's the usual me chasing his brother and him running away scheme, so I just let out a heavy sigh before I faked a smile, "plain fine."

He slowly nodded as a response. "No problems?"

My eyes slightly widened and I bit my lip to control myself not to flip out, knowing that I might burst out crying and have a total meltdown, "Me? No! I will never have a problem!"

"I see. So, the research sounds a piece of cake for you. Keep up the good work."

"Hehe. Yeah." I knew my chuckle sounded fake and Chad knew it too but thankfully, he chose to ignore it.

"Anyway Cass, our training will start tomorrow."

"Training? For what?"

Ang naaalala ko lang na may training bukas ay sina Zeke dahil nga nalalapit na ang susunod nilang match. I don't know any hobby of Chad that includes training kaya't napatanong ako.

Tumingin naman siya sa akin na nakakunot ang noo na para bang nagtataka siyang hindi ko alam. "Did you forget?" he looked at me with his eyebrows raised but he immediately returned his gaze on the road.

I squinted my eyes even more to show him that I really don't have any idea of what he was trying to talk about.

"I'm a member of the Tigers now so our training starts tomorrow."

The thought of Tito-papa's announcement last night suddenly flashed before my eyes and I finally had the courage to laugh in embarrassment.

"Oh yeah! Haha! Sorry! I forgot."

"It's okay. I just hope you'll be there in my first training? You know? Cheer me up at least?"

I was about to say it's not a problem, but then I remembered Zeke's reminder a while ago. He will be mad at me kapag nakita niya ako sa training nila. Oh well, alam niya namang pasaway ako so, he'll understand. And besides, I have a reason to use now.

"Okay. I'll check you guys out."

***

"Cass sweetie, you need to sleep."

Alas nuebe na ng gabi pero panay pa rin ang tuktok ko sa sariling ulo gamit ang dulo ng hawak na ballpen habang pinipilit pigain ang sariling utak para may maisulat na sa research introduction. Ni isang salita ay wala talagang lumalabas at pakiramdam ko'y mabubutas ko na ang bungo ko.

"Yeah, yeah. Night mom." I just said but I did not go to bed. Panay pa rin ang isip ko kung paano ko sisimulan ang gawain.

"Kung research tungkol kay Zeke to, kanina ko pa to tapos eh! Bwisit!" If Zeke was my research, I bet I already written ten thousand words on that wasted hours I spent thinking about my paper.

I am in the middle of trying to control my head not to explode when my phone suddenly rang. The fact that the caller called me in an ungodly hour made me looked at my phone dubiously. Who would call me in this time of evening?

"Hello?"

"It's Chad if you were to ask whom."

Actually, he doesn't need to tell his name. All he needed to do was speak because his cold baritone voice is so recognizable.

"Ahh. Yes Chad? How can I help you?"

["Actually, I think it's you who needs my help. Trixy talked to me and she told me that you're having a hard time on your research paper."]

Agad na nalaglag ang panga ko sa sobrang pagkabigla. I can't help but gasped as I thought of ways how to kill my own best friend tomorrow. I'm going to kill that bitch!

"No! Trixy is just kidding! I don't really have a problem!"

Although I don't even know what's the point of denying it to him. A minute ago, I was asking for help. Now, I am just giving up the opportunity. Crazy right?

"Are you sure you don't have a problem? Or are you saying that because you don't want my help?"

Lalo akong nabigla nang diretsahan akong tinanong ni Chad. Mukhang nahahalata na nga niya na talagang umiiwas pa rin ako sa kaniya.

"I'm...." I can't find the words to say to him anymore. All I did was stutter like I was a criminal caught in the act.

"It's okay to refuse Cassidy. It's more offensive when you're lying."

Lalo akong nakonsensya. He was being nice to me. I just don't know what was wrong with me.

"I'm sorry Chad."

"Well anyway, if you don't want any assistance then maybe I should sleep now. It's a pretty tiring day."

He really sounds tired but I could hear a little bit of disappointment in his voice. I smiled bitterly even he couldn't really see me.

"Yeah. I think so."

"Goodnight Cass."

I bid my goodnight then the line cut off. Now I'm left with this research again but I blamed myself because of my stupid pride.

"Piss off!" I told myself. I stared at the paper then I just realized I really couldn't do this anymore.

I glanced back at my phone while I tried to come up with a final decision. "Think Cass! Think!"

I took my phone and dialed the number I thought of to finally erase this insensitive side of me. I called and put the phone next to my ear before I mumbled, "Pick up please."

It only took some seconds before I heard the other line finally picked up, "Yes Cass?"

"I...." Huwag ka ng pabebe Cassidy! You're a desperate woman now! Hindi mo na pwedeng pairalin ang lintik na pride mo!

"I need your help, Chad."

***