03 The Nightmare

Becca.

“Ohmygod, I’m a fool. What have I done?” Becca asked herself as she stared at the home test result on the bathroom slab.

‘I’m pregnant. I’m pregnant. From a night of sex with a man I can hardly remember.’

Even though I have tried to move the incident of seven weeks ago behind me and act like everything is normal, especially for the sake of my old parents, it is all I can think of right now, with everything staring me in the face.

Allowing myself to face the horror of that day, I slumped to the floor of the bathroom as I got overwhelmed with everything. 

All I could remember about that night was walking unsteadily into the hotel room and removing my clothes as I fell into the bed that I thought belonged to my friend, Cindy. By the time I knew something was amiss, it was too late.

I only woke slightly to the pleasure of something as I felt someone tugging softly on my breast. 

Groggy from the effect of sleep and tequila, I thought it was a game of love with my boyfriend, James. And even when the person got bold and raised my nipple to their mouth, I could not talk from the pleasure of it.

Even from my incapacitated state, I knew it was unlike anything I have ever felt before and I allowed myself to roll with the pleasure of it.

Even now, despite everything, I have to tug my legs together to stop the tingling from the remembered pleasure.

I never knew breasts could be so sensitive, as this person did all sorts of things to my body. As for the kiss, at that moment, I thought I was finally getting to have my first deep kiss with James and I was amazed by how strong and potent it felt. I remembered thinking about the lame kisses I had exchanged with James in the past and how I never knew he had it in him to give me something sweeter.

It was not until I felt an unexpected penetration that was painful and harsh, that I realised it was beyond a dream. Opening my eyes widely to reality, I could see nothing but the blurry image of a man lying on top of me and even as I pushed at him, begging for him to release me, a certain part of me kept moving with him.

Oh, by then I already knew he was not my boyfriend. James does not have the kind of hardness and broadness I was feeling under my palm as I pushed against the man’s chest and shoulders.

But even as I begged and pleaded for him to let me go, I knew it was too late and judging from the way the unknown man kept apologising, he knew it also.

Before I knew it, he was pounding hard into my female depth and I could not stop the sweetness from overpowering me. 

Everything became blurry after that and the next thing I knew was waking up beside him, feeling battered and sore in between my legs. 

That was when it suddenly occurred to me that it was not a dream as I had thought. A man was indeed in my bed and he had taken full advantage of me in the night.

What happened after that realization is something that will remain a mystery forever. All I knew was that something kept telling me to leave the room before the man would wake and even though I wanted to touch him, to push him on his back so I could see his face, a certain part of me that was still functioning well told me it would not be for my own good.

Heeding to the warning, I ignored the telling stain on the bed as I quickly picked up my clothes to dress in the big bathroom. 

Moving unsteadily on my feet a few minutes later, with my shoes and purse on one hand and without waking the still sleeping man on the bed, I walked out of the room and I closed the door quietly behind me. 

It was when I glanced up and I saw the name on the door that I realised my assumption was not true. If only I thought well yesterday, I would have realised it was not the room Cindy got at the hotel. Hers was at the end of the wings.

Which means it was not the man who crawled into my bed. It was me who went into his bed, and as a beast without principle, he thought nothing of taking advantage of a drunken lady. He probably thought I was a sacrificial lamb from the heavens.

All I could think of is oh gawd, what have I done? I could not even go to Cindy’s room to see if they had searched for me. At that moment, I just wanted to go home and hide in a hole.

Unfortunately, it was not that easy. I walked into our house to see my parents awake and worried, even though it was dawn and they should be sleeping.

How I escaped their scrutiny and questions is something I did not care to go into, but yea, I found something believable to tell them and that was that.

Or so I thought. 

After moping about for days and finally getting a chance to break up with my boyfriend, James, with a silly excuse on time and age, I was thinking all I have to live with is my memory plus conscience and that was fine, I was sure I could live with the pain of knowing I gave my virginity to a man I can’t even recognise on the road.

But life had something else planned. Just when I thought I could move on and get over it, I found that my circle was late and after a disturbing thought, I decided to do a pregnancy test and what did I find? A positive result.

Overwhelmed, I allowed myself to snap out of the memory of the past and to face what is at present in front of me.

How do I face my poor parents? I kept thinking as I moved from the bathroom with the test result in my hand. Opening the door to my room, I moved towards the bed and was surprised when I glanced to the left and saw my old mother staring at me.

Reacting as if I was caught in the act, I gave a little scream and dropped the tiny pen in my hand. Without saying a word, my mum moved to quietly pick the pregnancy test from the floor. 

Seeing the result, she glanced up and for the rest of my life, for as long as I live, I will never forget that look. The look of pain and disappointment that came into her old eyes as she stared at me with silent tears rolling down her face.

Few hours later, dressed in a tight faded blue jean and a black top, I was out of the house with my bags and teary eyes.

Unable to believe their one and only precious daughter is pregnant out of wedlock, and worse, she could not put a name and face to the man who impregnated her.., they sent me out of the house.

Well, out of town actually.

I still cannot forget the expression on my father’s face as he told me that I have shamed them and they could not bear to see my face around knowing that I have ruined their names.

Oh, and the look on my mother’s face as she begged or was it a command? For me to please go far away from them so they could at least walk in town without facing the daily embarrassment of having an unwed pregnant daughter in their home.

Why? Why would they do that to me? As my parents, can’t they understand my pain also? I know I have disappointed them but can’t they listen to me and understand my bewilderment and hurt too? 

I never planned for all these to happen. It was all a terrible mistake that happened just because of a party.

But of course that’s the crux of it. The party! 

At first, when I could not say a word about how I got pregnant, my old mother had gone more pale and with trembling lips, she had asked to know if I was raped. 

Seeing the fear & sympathy in their eyes as they waited for an affirmation, for a minute, I had considered lying on a random rape, claiming it was one of those rare days I was sent to the grocery and thereby effectively put the blame on them.

But I could not bring myself to do it. They deserved to know the truth. 

So I tried explaining, but immediately I mentioned the word party, my mother’s face froze over and an unbelievable chilling look came into my father’s eyes, as they both turned away from me in disgust.

They were angry, extremely angry because at the end of the day, I brought all these upon myself.

And as I walked down the silent street in heavy laden feet to the nearest bus station, deep down, I knew I did not really blame them.

They warned me against going, right? If only I had listened and stayed at home, probably this would not have happened.

It was all my fault!

Wondering what the town and my friends would think of me once the news of my pregnancy was out, I shivered.

‘At least now, James will understand why I suddenly broke up with him.’ I thought with hysterical laughter as I paid for my bus ticket.

With a face devoid of all expression, I took the next bus out of town and without looking back, I waved a silent goodbye to the town of my birth.

Maybe, we will get to meet again!

*******

Becca.

Six years and some months later, our plane landed at the airport and I stepped into my town of birth, with my precious son and daughter beside me.