Chapter Four Distance

Axons POV

     

       I'm glad I agreed to go on a blind date with Tatianna. Aiden was right; she's just what I needed to get my mind off of Becca. She must have thought I was a desperate fool. How was I supposed to know she was my blind date? I had felt bad that I knocked her down, and I needed a woman's perspective.

It's been a long time since I've been on the prowl. Becca made sure of that. She was breathtaking, from her beautiful blonde hair to her sexy long legs. Some days I miss her, I miss us, but a part of me knew we wouldn't last. I gave her my best, but my best wasn't good enough. I know I shouldn't be thinking about her; a year is plenty enough time to get over her, but I can't. I don't understand how my love for her wasn't enough to keep her clean.

She had her choice, and I've made mine. It's time I move on and stop living in the past. I miss her laugh, and I miss her smile. I miss her morning kisses, and the delectable shade of red her cheeks turned when I kissed her neck. God, I miss her.

Maybe I should stay away from Tatianna. I don't want to screw her up as I did, Becca. I don't want to go through heartbreak. Every time she would come home high as a kite and say she was okay. She would tell me it was the last time. I think the longest she stayed sober was a month. She had her demons, and I had mine. It just got to the point where I couldn't handle her anymore.

I gave up on her when I promised to love her in sickness and in health. I don't deserve love. I don't deserve Tianna or anyone for that matter. I remember that night; God do I remember that night. It was the last time I saw those gorgeous green eyes. The last time I saw her earth-shattering smile. I held her so close to me. I knew we weren't perfect; I knew she would be gone by morning to get her next fix: my heart and my wallet.

I tried to get her into rehab, but when her parents died, she just lost it. First her brother than her parents I wasn't enough for her. She was on the path of destruction, and I was the only thing genuinely stopping her. When I gave up, she gave up.

I found her in the bathroom slumped over the toilet, eyes rolled back and cold. I just kept praying she would be okay, that we would be okay. I knew it was over. I knew it would be our last kiss. Something just told me that night, but I wouldn't listen.

Now she's gone; she was my star, my light in the darkness. When things were good, God was they good. When things were bad, it was hell.

I pour a glass of scotch to numb pain. Being with Tatianna tonight was great, but it only numbs the pain for a little while. I know Becca would want me to be happy.

By my fifth glass of scotch, I feel nothing. My vision is blurry; I feel numb. The pain is gone. I can't remember why I'm sad. I walk to the mirror to look at myself and can't even recognize the face staring back. He's a red-eyed monster. He has no feelings; all he feels is rage. I punch the mirror to block out the image, and it shatters, shatters like my heart. I know tomorrow I'll be expected to be Mr. Axon Blaze, Mr. Big Shot, but tonight I'm just broken and scared.

I've been doing so good lately, but I guess my demons have come to haunt me. I'll never be enough. Since Becca has left me, I'm a shell of who I used to be. I may put on a good front. Flirt with the ladies and smile. Coming from me, it isn't genuine, and I'm not real. I'm an image. Everything is falling around me, and I'm tearing apart at the seams. Tears fill my eyes. The alcohol can only numb so much.

I need to get out of here. I can still see Becca, I see her in my bed, I see her in the kitchen making breakfast wearing my shirt. I can't even go to the bathroom. I've even tried to remodel it, but she's still there. She's still here, but I can't touch her, I can't hold her, and it's killing me.

I've stayed here for her, but now I think I need to leave. I've been putting this off for way too long; I need to do it. I need to leave Ohio behind and move to LA. As much as I'd love to try a relationship with Tatianna, she deserves better. The only way to break free is to leave.

Leave my past behind and pray it doesn't find me. The alcohol only numbs it; I need to forget it. The only way that's going to happen is a new start. I pick up my phone; It's two in the morning. I'm sure my assistant will think I've completely lost it.

"Good evening, Mr. Blaze," she says with a sleepy yawn.

"Sarah, I need you to call in a replacement for my Ohio office. I'm coming to LA. Something has come up, and I can no longer be here. I have my private jet fired up at once. I'm leaving tonight."

"Right away, sir. I'll have your flight cleared, and I'll see you here first thing tomorrow. Good night sir."

"Good night Sarah, sorry to bother you."

I hang up my phone and don't bother to pack. I go down to my private parking garage, my limo waiting for me. I need to get the hell out of Ohio.