Chapter 8: CAITLIN

Another year has gone by and I'm closer to being able to leave for college, fingers crossed. The school sent another letter and my teachers and even the principal is willing to fight for me this time.

I'm not going to let the fear of what happened last time hinder me, I'm a year older now so of course he's going to let me go. He doesn't have any more excuses.

My heart has been beating erratically ever since I got home because mom's going to talk to daddy soon. I'm dying to call Todd to share the big news, but I don't want to get his hopes up before everything has been squared away. Just thinking about him made the little tear in my heart open wider.

It's been hell being without him this long after getting use to seeing him everyday. He'd become such a huge part of my life in the couple of years we had together before he moved away, that I still have a hard time doing the things we once shared by myself or with anyone else.

Like having lunch together or riding home on the bus, sitting side by side holding hands as we drowned out the noise from the other kids and got lost in our own little world.

Most of all I miss the two of us sitting together in my living room pretending to watch T.V. after spending hours in the little breakfast nook off the kitchen doing our homework while holding hands under the table and sneaking peeks at each other when no one else was around.

Those days seem so far away now, almost as if they belong to another time. Especially the time we spent together on the couch in the living room, which was the only place daddy, would allow us to be alone together. And the times when we were lucky enough to get his okay to double date with Anna and her guy.

I guess I should be thankful for the times we did have because if it were up to daddy I'd never leave the house let alone get to date anyone. Of course I'm not allowed to call it dating or daddy would have one of his fits. Thankfully mom has been a great buffer in the years that Todd and I have been together.

If not for her running interference, who knows what all daddy might've done by now. He's so archaic, especially when it comes to his daughters, oh and mom. But sometimes, even mom's not enough of a force to keep him contained so the nanas have to step in, until daddy bans them from coming over.

I know all about my parents' love story from grandpa Cy. How mom was barely a year older than I am now when they fell in love and got married. He's the one who's always cautioning me not to jump the gun, as we teenagers like to do according to him. He believes in his heart of hearts that daddy will come around eventually.

Grandpa Drake and grandpa Daniel do their bit too, but sometimes I get the feeling they're not much better than daddy who'd like to keep me in pigtails, and overalls for the rest of my life.

Mom says they're jealous because until Todd came along they were the only men in my life. She says it as a joke but I'm not so sure anymore that it's not accurate. Before I met Todd I used to do everything with my daddy, he was the biggest and brightest star in my sky.

Not that that changed overly much, I just made room for someone else is all. But go try telling daddy that, that Todd didn't take his place he was just sharing space, sheesh. Poor Todd, daddy has put him through it all, but my guy has stood the test time and again.

I thought for sure that we'd be together all the time. I'd worked extra hard to graduate early so I could go off to college with him when the time came, but I should've known daddy wouldn't allow that to happen. I'm still a little bit mad at him for what happened the last time, but as usual my anger fades quickly in the face of his love.

I know he acts this way because of his love for me, but that doesn't make it any easier to bear. I'm not so worried about the fact that he doesn't let me do the things that most of my friends take for granted. I'm smart enough to know that some things are not worth doing.

But when it comes to Todd and I, that's the one time, I want to stand up to him and beg him for just a little breathing space. Sure, when I was thirteen and we first met, his restrictions were understandable, but now I'm seventeen and daddy still treats me like I'm ten.

When he eased up enough to actually let Todd breathe the same air as me, those were the happiest days of my life. I had the best of both worlds, then. A dad who loved me, and the boy I was falling in love with. I didn't have to sneak around like most of my friends were doing and somehow that made what Todd and I had even more special.

Then Todd moved away and I thought my heart would break and never mend. Even Facetime and daily hours long phone calls haven't been enough to erase the emptiness I feel without him here.

There was never any question of me seeing anyone else. Not only because I didn't need the hassle of waiting for daddy to get used to someone new, it just wasn't an option for me. As young as we both were, we knew that we were meant to be.

And though we weren't allowed as much freedom as most of our peers, we made the most of our time together, that's why our bond is so strong, even withstanding these past few years of being apart.

Even now there are still times when I miss him so much I cry myself to sleep. Being separated from him is like having one of my limbs severed, but imagine telling my dad that, he'd probably lock me in my room and never let me out again.

He'd lost his mind when Todd first went away and I spent most of my time in my room away from everyone, barely eating, only showing signs of life when Todd called. I remember those fights only too well.

It was his threats of breaking us apart forever that had snapped me out of it quick. I learned then not to try any teenage tricks on him because they don't work, but only seem to backfire.

He'd made me leave my room and interact with the rest of the family. I wasn't even allowed the privacy of my room until a certain time each night and could only be on the phone after I'd spent the allotted amount of time with my siblings and mom, and him.

It had taken some getting used to, but in the end it was his overbearing attitude that had helped me get over the pain of missing the boy who had become my whole world. He'd drilled it into my head that my life wasn't over and that if Todd and I were meant to be, nothing, not even distance could keep us apart.

But once I got over most of the pain of not being with Todd every day, not seeing his face right here in front of me day in and day out, a new fear set in, the fear of him finding someone else; the fear of losing his heart to some other girl. Someone whose dad isn't as overprotective as mine. That thought kept me up many a night.