Chapter 47 - Nikolaos

“Kneel, dog.”

Two words spoken in my mother’s voice and the dormant memories come hurtling toward me at full speed. I can clearly feel the lick of the whip on my back, the cigarettes put out on my skin, the way her dagger separated my flesh…

And the guilt coursing through me when one of her clients brought my body to climax.

/“Get to your feet, Nikolaos! You cannot let her win!”/ Knox urges me, but his voice becomes fainter and fainter until I can see his mouth moving with no sound coming out.

Shameful thoughts keep me prisoner even as I hear Mia call to me, begging me to get to my feet. But how do I tell her these thoughts are like silver chains holding me down and forcing my submission? How do I explain that I can clearly remember - no I FEEL everything I went through at her hands?

I thought I was over the fear; I thought Mia’s love had pulled me out of the depths, but I was so, so wrong. My soul is still ruined and my mind is still trapped in the past. Right now, I am not the Alpha