Laylin spent the past hour in disbelief.
Every muscle in her body ached. The worst was her back that he had insistently banged against the wall but she felt numb. Laylin couldn’t find it in herself to put her guard down even as the sun began to set.
'Nobody is coming to arrest me.' She murmured. Trembling maids went about arranging the room and tending to her but it didn't seem like she was being arrested for being a witch.
'What the hell is happening? Why ae they not...' She would clutch the blanket tighter in incredulity.
She shuddered as the servants fussed around her. Initially she freaked out when unfamiliar maids barged in to take her to another room but...
She was sure of it now! 'Really, no one was coming to arrest her or burn her at the square. What happened then? Why is the King letting her be?'
But the oddest thing was the Falcon that sat on the window with his sharp Hazel Green glare trained on her. It was an odd color for a bird of this kind. She tried to shoo it away by calling the servants but they wouldn’t even go within a ten-mile radius of it.
“.... Lin! Princess Laylin!” an unfamiliar voice called out for her, suddenly breaking the silence and her trance. She jolted in surprise, and blinked back into focus, “Princess Laylin, can you hear me?”
She looked up to find a man and a woman standing there. Their attire could very well distinguish them from the crowd that stood behind them. The woman stood right in front of her, and bellowed out her name repeatedly.
The first thing she noticed was her eyes. Hazel Green, just like the Falcon.
Shaking her head to get back in posture, she straightened up her act, “Y-yes.” She cleared her throat, before trying again, “Yes, I am Laylin, Princess of Ehan.” she hastily replied.
The Princess and Chamberlain were both stupefied by the exotic beauty. They could tell she was not from Rakhbar at a glance but more importantly, it was hard to see anything past her pretty face, even when she was beaten bloodied, and blue.
Laylin hurriedly fixed her appearance, but there was nothing much to fix. Her hair was let loose and she couldn’t even stand to greet them as she was still in a nightgown under the blanket. So instead she greeted them with hesitant nods.
'...They can't be here to arrest me with such wide smiles, right?' Her heart was anxious as all of it hardly made sense.
The woman beamed at the sight of her and Laylin wondered why. She kept her formal and practiced smiling face as every single person in the room assessed her.
“Ah! Great, I’m Princess Scarlet, the Royal Lady of the Palace and second cousin to the monarch and this is Chamberlain Hazi.” The woman introduced them while the falcon flew inside the room sitting on the table quite leisurely.
Ah! Laylin eyes slightly widened in recognition. Oh, so... She was the only royal that was spared in King Ambrose's rebellion. “I greet the Princess and Chamberlain, please excuse my feeble courtesy.” She extended her hands to offer them the seats that were already placed.
Princess Scarlet and Chamberlain both took a second to reevaluate her. Did this foreign Princess just offer them seats like she was the hostess and they were guests?
The princess was quick to recover and smiled.
She will need to assess her a little more before drawing the last slot, “Oh! With pleasure, dear!” She took the seat, “Don’t just stand there Hazi, you are making us seem uncultured.” She jabbed at the stiff Chamberlain. He was scoffed before taking a seat.
The Foreign Princess clutched her trembling hands and looked between them, "Your Majesty... Where might he be?" She cautiously asked in an attempt to understand why the King was not issuing a warrant to arrest a witch who assaulted him.
Lycans despised and actively killed witches.
Luckily for her, they thought she was asking just because she was traumatized by his lycan.
Scarlet patted her hand with sympathy. "Oh, you can relax and recover in peace. The King won't be here for several weeks. Last night... it was hard on his lycan too."
"Oh..." Laylin quickly processed the new information.
So when he climbed out of the window, he left the Palace! The only one who knew of her true identity was the King and he had left yesterday after almost killing her. This gave her weeks to make her escape!
With a sigh, Laylin took a second to collect herself. “I may not be the hostess but shall I offer you some tea?”
“Oh that would be lovely, thank you.” The Princess nodded but indicated to the servant herself. Hessy got to work.
Now that tension left her body, Laylin almost slumped back.
“Are you alright, dear? You look rather pale.” Princess Scarlet worriedly asked as she carefully looked over Laylin’s general appearance. Laylin only laughed embarrassingly, nodding in a placating manner.
“I’m just alright, I must not have slept as well as I assumed I did,” she replied, smiling politely at her, but her audience hardly looked convinced by her current battered condition. “I’ve had a long night, I’m sure you will agree,” she added, knowing she had to give them a little something to leave her be.
“And what would that mean?” Hazi who was laid back on the seat and was watching the women bullshit each other back to back, frowned offendedly, “Ah, so you didn’t sleep well? While it’s good to know, won’t you tell us what you are trying to insinuate when you are the one who insisted to see the King?” He admonished sitting up, sounding so sure he was convicting her.
Laylin's jaw dropped. 'I Insisted?'
Oh, so they were pretending yesterday was her fault? That yesterday, they didn’t dare send her to her death and she almost became a midnight snack for their beast of a King?!
'But... it might be for the best.' If it was publicized that there was an assassination attempt on her the first night she arrived, her father will demand a hefty compensation and will have solid grounds to put the blame of the next assassination on Rakhbar.
“I was explaining my situation and asking for your understanding. Instead, I’m more curious about what you think I must have meant.” This time Laylin didn’t bother smiling. If he was orchestrating her she saw no sense in extending an olive branch till her arm ached.
He seemed ticked off: "Let me make it clear, Princess. Rakhbar's stance is of peace. We have never tried to endanger your life. Last night was an accident, caused because you failed to report your arrival at the Main Palace. I suggest we move past it for peace of our borders."
Laylin was ready to retort this silver-tongued politician's suggestions to bury the incident when the servants cut.
Announcing their arrival, they prepared some cake slices for them. Laylin took her own separate serving. The maid began to fix both of them with some tea. When she came forward for Laylin’s, she waved her away.
“Don’t mind him. Where he is from they don’t place much importance on humble politeness or morals.” Scarlet was the first to speak. Hazi’s head snapped at Scarlet in utter disgust. "But... I do suggest you forget what you saw last night too. For the sake of 'peace'. The Princess is a smart lady so I'm sure you understand the consequences of rashness." The threat in her subtle suggestion was obvious.
Even Laylin knew this was the only way. If an investigation took place it's possible they will bring up traces of yesterday night's fight. How could she ever explain them without exposing herself?
Princess Scarlet brazenly cut the cake into two equal slices, unaffected by the thick tension lingering around. She brought out two plates and forks. Passing one to Laylin and keeping one for herself while Hazi watched on.
“Rather you should really learn to take better care of yourself, Laylin. Life can be tough in Rakhbar.” she continued to admonish her. “By the way, how would you find being my guest for a fortnight?”
"Your Highness!" Before Laylin could part her lips, Chamberlain Hazi cut in, “The Princess lodging is being prepared in the Flower Palace as we speak. I find no reason for her to be a guest anywhere.”
Flower Palace was the place where the King's lovers and concubines stayed.
The Princess was quick with her snarky retort, "That is why I mentioned I would invite her, and the last I checked the Internal Palace wasn't managed by the Palace Administer."
"It's an honor for any woman to reside there-"
“Oh well, I guess that would make sense to other courtiers,” Princess Scarlet hummed, taking a dainty sip of her tea, before setting it back down, “It must be difficult for them to find all those rare and precious views. Still, Princess Laylin is a Royal like me and her due hospitality shall be paid. As the only Royal Hostess, I shall take my responsibility seriously, don't you agree, Princess Laylin? "
“Yes.” Laylin smiled stiffly, she didn't know anyone here but Princess Scarlet looked far more compromising than Hazi who was set on ending her, there and then “How considerate of you, indeed.”
“Oh, so you agreed! That's wonderful. My residence truly is one of a kind, you know,” Princess Scarlet proceeded, completely oblivious to the discomfort of Laylin, or maybe she could see but chose to conveniently ignore it “If it were any other aristocrat, I wouldn't care to extend an invitation, but I have a lot to talk to you.”
Laylin opted to take a bite out of the cake, not wanting to contribute to pleasantries right now. She was in disbelief. 'Can she really be this lucky? She really brushed past death but even she didn't believe this luck won't run out so the best course would be to get out of here.
And so the Princess spoke on of her palace, with Laylin occasionally making agreeing sounds and humming as though she was listening attentively to her. The fact was, she knew what they were really curious about.
They wanted to know how she was alive.
....
After Princess Scarlet and Chamberlain Hazi left the Princess alone, they reached the King's Chamber. Unsurprisingly, Black General, Ivan, was already there. Princess Scarlet halted when she saw him but soon dragged her feet.
“General!” Princess Scarlet paused, clearing her throat as she looked curiously at him, “Did you find anything amiss? The Ehanian Princess looks like she had brushed past death last night.”
“Hmm, maybe that's what she did.” Ivan piped up softly, without meeting the eyes of the woman, “It looks like a hurricane swept by here. I can't believe she's alive.” He replied, smiling at the scene, yet it did not reach his eyes.
"Oh, the scene is really disheartening." Scarlet lowered her eyes in sadness before looking up. "Did you find the culprit?"
Ivan gave her a side-eye-knowing look. "Surprisingly, I found their corpses instead. Someone got to them before me. Who do you think it might be?"
Scarlet covered her smirk behind her handkerchief, "My, my. I'm not aware of such matters so I think I'll hardly be of any use to you, My Lord."
Ivan's eyes narrowed at her but before he could say anything, Hazi cut in. "So? What happened? Was it the work of an accomplice trying to cover up tracks?"
Ivan sighed looking at Scarlet. 'No, the bodies were mutilated gruesomely and thrown in Lady Magny's garden. It was a warning to the culprit."
Hazi instantly glared at Scarlet but she pretended to be ignorant. If it was known in the inner palace something like that had happened, Scarlet would be the one the king would kill first so they understood the need to bury this incident but like always scalet went to far in her crueulty.
"Well... It's better to let Magny be with this warning then. We can't afford a civil war when the country is already in turmoil from natural disasters." Hazi flippantly dissolved the discussion and they nodded in agreement.
Scarlet proposed: "I'll deal with her as I'm the person she has offended."
Magny's father was the head of the aristocratic faction and convicting her legally could easily lead to political unrest so Scalet intended to do the dirty work...
"You will do no such thing." Hazi snapped, turning away from the disgruntled Princess glaring at him. "I'm more curious about what happened here."
"I want to know too. Look here." Ivan pointed to the furniture stacked up by the right wall. The heavier objects like wardrobes or shelves were misplaced or flipped over in that direction. "The Princess couldn't have done it. But why would His Majesty bother with this arrangement?"
“Only the King would know so we will wait before opening this case again. There's nothing else to draw any other conclusion from anyway,” Hazi answered with an air of finality, "We need to wrap this up for now. Let your speculation not leave this room. We can't risk a civil or national war now."
He turned to the Princess and raised his brow, "Am I heard?"
Princess Scarlet pressed her lips into a thin line before giving him a stiffened smile and nod of affirmation.
"Sure thing."
Sitting under this extravagant parasol, the only thought that ran through her otherwise erratic mind was to escape this place alive. 'It's really been days and no one has come for her head...' But she wasn't able to meet her servants and doing it alone was impossible, especially with all these guards keeping eyes on her. “...Of course, I know that it's not easy to recall for you but my point is, that the King most likely will be here for you soon!” Princess Scarlet, who was sitting opposite her, insisted, “If it were any other man I wouldn't be cautious, but…” she trailed off, looking at Laylin who was intently staring at her cup of cold tea. Scarlet reached out and grasped her hand. She squeezed it in a comforting manner. Laylin tried to take her hand away but her grip was strong. “But it’s a King who ascended through a Coup, Laylin... if you don't tell me what happened I'll be too clueless to be of any help to you!” It was the best coaxing Scarlet could do, any more persuading
When all she did was dumbly stare at him while shaking with the fear of the eyes she would recognize anywhere. He was here to kill her! He must be. “Won't you say it?” he insisted. She just stared back in horror. “Why don't you take a seat, my dear fiance.” the King raised a brow at her unresponsiveness. Her mind went through all the terrors she had seen that unfortunate night and shook her head. "Ple-Please excuse my intrusion, Sire. I'll leave you to enjoy your evening." "I was expecting a more gutsy introduction." Despite his jab, she hurriedly performs a courtesy and side-stepped to leave. He knew she was a witch. He was here to end her! "Tsk." With a swish of wind, he was in front of her. She stumbled back frantically in her attempt to escape. He was quick to hold her by her jaw and throw her on the divan. "Weird. I remember telling you to sit, Laylin." Is he here to execute her because her cover as a witch was blown? Or was it because she had harmed his body that night? “
The next day when Ivan came with Princess Scarlet to look at the on-going reconstruction of the King's Palace, he couldn’t help but let out a low whistle at the sight of it. He looked around in awe, absolutely gobsmacked at just how much work needed to be done. "He's going all out. Do you reckon it had something to do with that little spitfire he's hiding under his wings?" Princess Scarlet sneered bitterly, still unable to swallow the humiliation, "Of course. It is like Laylin to exceed expectations." “I didn’t know King Ambrose would give a damn about anyone other than Sayon. Though I don't blame. The Princess is a sight for sour eyes.” Ivan remarked with faux sympathy, and Princess Scarlet felt some of the tension leave her as she sighed in resignation. “At least now Sayon will have a rival,” she scoffed, “The way he went off on m .ol e, you would expect I was keeping her captive! He should be thankful to me that she's alive!” she backtracked, and Ivan lightly held onto her el
Hessy quietly indicated to a maid to follow Laylin. Princess Scarlet smiled at her quick thinking. She bowed deeply towards Ivan, and moved to get past him, but stopped for a moment, looking back at him hesitantly. “I will be fine, General.” Princess Scarlet insisted once more, “I have a prior arrangement so if you will excuse me.” With his feeble nod, she left him behind. Princess Scarlet led her entourage through the halls of the palace and the garden. Some of her witches headed off to fetch errands for her. She watched as they moved around her. She was trying to quell any kind of suspicion the servants of the King's Palace might have. Out of the corner of her eyes, she saw Melissa waving her hand and she hummed, turning around to face her entourage. "Sansy is there with me so please excuse me." They all snapped their heads to look up at the creepy bird circling the sky and glowering at them from above. "But Princess, the protocol-" "Get going if you don't wish to be fired." She
"First Daughter of House Calanty, a high-ranking official and your biggest rival." As she said that she saw Laylin's body stiffening, "There's a way to men's hearts. Ambrose doesn't necessarily have to love you but he can't hate you if you wish to survive." Scarlet leaned closer to emphasize her point. "If you give him an heir, your position in the court will be steady." She fell back in her seat. "...An heir? Do you know what I saw that night? I'm scared even of the thought of being alone with him again." She shuddered but her heart thumped in excitement. Scarlet giggled, at Laylin's reddening cheeks, "For someone so uninterested, you sure are snooping a lot around him." Laylin rubbed her sweaty palms, looking away, "...I was asking to be aware." It was hard for her to think of the man she saw last night as the beast who had tried to feast on her... Scarlet pursed her lips: "Transforming in our lycan's form is painful and leaves you with aches for days. We are not allowed to shi
"I heard of your arrival so I thought I would come to visit,” she flicked her long hair back and sat on the couch with seductive grace. The King nodded at her briefly in acknowledgment, before rising to his feet and fixing his appearance. He then stepped aside, striding past her to pour himself something. Sayon followed him to the counter, flaunting her figure in her see-through dress. The King turned his eyes to her and furrowed his brows, "You came here like this?" What she called a dress was a halter neck with almost a see-through pattern. It fell past her knees and no woman would even wear it in her bedroom as it offered no resistance against the cruel cold. You could see her lingerie from anywhere. He can only guess how it was in natural light. “Yes, I did." She stood up in front of the mirror and giggled coyly as she swirled in it. "Don't I look like the most beautiful creature you have ever beheld?" Scoffing, the King chugged down the bitter nectar, and turned back to the co
"Argh...! Where the fuck did she even come from?" She loved to think she knew King Ambrose better than anyone in Rakhbar. After all, she was the one responsible for bringing up that tormented child. She watched Ambrose change with a purpose in life. It was him, who gave her a purpose in this world. The moment he became her savior, her fate was sealed to him. In frustration, she sat down, untying the bundle of another set of letters. With her one hand, she flipped the table, clattering everything in the room. She breathed hard, trying to reign in her rage. Scoffing, she picked the letters from the floor and threw them against the wall. All the intel was mundane and nothing that would faze King Ambrose. Though she had just laid the foretold as an excuse, there was something amiss about the foreign Princess. She was sure there was a secret this Ehanian Princess carried. It just wasn't possible for her to survive a mad lycan as strong as the King. Maybe if she’d see the Princess hers
“Laylin!” She looked around at the chaotic scene, before seeing her frantic Governess. She in tears, holding onto her hands as though she was holding on to dear life. Laylin was instantly alarmed by the uncalled frankness. “Agatha, what is it? What’s wrong?” she quickly inquired, feeling her heart sink. “Why did I just see armed Knights? Is it perhaps because of the commotion we heard earlier in the day?” she frantically looked around out of the window, before spotting a trail. Laylin couldn’t help but feel her heart constrict in her chest when she realized they were all heading in the direction of the forest beside the West Tower. “No! It can’t be!” Laylin exclaimed in disbelief, turning back to ask the Governess, “Isn't that where Eloise said she was going to subdue her aura? Is she back? Summon her at once!” “Oh, she isn't back!” Wailing Agatha cried out with tears streaming down her face, “I heard them say, an assassin witch caused the explosion!” Laylin gasped in alarm, cover
“So Crimson Rukh, how do you feel about marrying me?”His question left everyone present speechless. Even bloodied and battered Ambrose scoffed. Laylin clenched her jaw and tried to walk past him but he blocked her path yet again.At the end of her wits, Laylin burst out. “Get out of my way while I’m being nice!” Her voice trembled as she tried to run to her husband.Tilting his head in confusion, the demon sneered with contempt a second later. "Oh… Is that this dog’s filthy mark? Now that complicates things," he jeers. “I will have to kill him.”With his one tendril, he threw Laylin at a broken pillar and held her there while he slowly walked to the Lycan King."Screw you!" Ambrose spluttered, exerting himself to the fullest despite his state.The demon cackled, throwing his head back, “Your worthless mother didn’t teach you manners.” He picked him up in the air and slammed him back down.Laylin screamed and struggled but her aura couldn’t fight against his sheer force. With her, sev
"...I still think you should see her," Laylin mumbled, in his embrace. When he didn't reply, she buried herself deeper in his embrace. "...Sorry. I should not talk about it recklessly." She mumbled saltily. It was a sensitive subject and she didn't have the courage to look him in the eye.He smirked, looking down at her. She was on edge and sensitive to his emotions. He wanted to pinch her puffed-up cheeks with how adorable she was being. His darkened features at that time must have put her on guard. Instead, he settled with running his hand in her hair. He still remembered the spitfire she was, ready to bite him when he first forced her to be his Mistress.He laid back suddenly on the divan, making her fall on him. "Ambrose!""Laylin." He held her by the waist, settling her on him. She instantly struggled to get off him but he held her there."What?! Someone will see!" she was huffing puffing while her face reddening in embarrassment."Laylin." He called her out again in his low se
"I'm sure you know if you try something, she dies." His eyes swept over Valerie and Ivan. "One less pawn won't make a difference.""No. Not her! Don't touch her!" She desperately tried to crawl but only ended up stumbling and falling on the bloody arena ground. "Let her go this instant!" She begged desperately as her heart was bursting out.Her mother shook her head, her eyes telling her to let her go but it only made Laylin more desperate."Oh, so you love the mother who abandoned you?" Sansy seemed amused and he cackled. "What to do though? You didn't want to be part of my 'shitshow'."Laylin shook her tear-soaked face, "Okay! Okay. Tell them to step back. Let her go and I promise, I will!" Sansy scoffed at the naivety of the Princess, "And why should I let her go?"At the end of her wits, Laylin snapped back. "I will help you!"She couldn't use her aura easily in these handcuffs. No matter how fast her aura might be but the moment she unleashes it, every wizard here will feel the
It happened when all soldiers lost hope and thought they were fighting a battle with the fate to be defeated. ‘BOOOM!’ ‘THUD! THWACK! THUD!’ An explosion collapsed the outer wall of the palace and dark wizards and soldiers alike flooded in water crushing through from who-knows-where. But shock registered when they met the eyes of the person standing where the wall once stood. “I see. I almost missed all the fun.” There stood Princess Laylin scowling at her torn dress getting wet and an equally pissed woman behind her. “Did you really have to go this far? How am I going to walk around in this now!” Valerie was about ready to knock this stupid Princess out. Every man on the ground, thanks to the knee-high water flooding the palace, was shocked at the carefree women barging in as if they were taking a stroll in the garden. Ivan’s eyes widened. ‘That foolish Princess was here, in the middle of a battle! The King was right out of the door. If she dropped dead here, they wouldn’t b
She kept her hand on her belly and smiled solemnly. He was a piece of her and her husband. An heir to her lover. “Ahh.. To be young. Though I don’t really like the man, I certainly despise him less than your mother does. I’m not much of a success as a Red Witch so I have no such obsession with bloodlines or species. I just care for my family.” Laylin bit her bottom lip, shrugging. “Mother is... She will come around.” “Hmm, hope so. But I see... you look madly in love.” Berilla teased, looking at her distracted expression. "It must hurt your pride to love him more than he loves you." “What? No!” Laylin rolled her eyes, her smile still playing on her lips. “He’s the one who is chasing me. I just set my grace on my eager lover.“ She was flexing when both of them knew, Laylin was crazy enough in love to dive head-first in a war zone or in front of a raging monster. Laylin looked away. Her smile deepened. She did love him more but it didn't matter as long as he loved her back. A silen
The palace stood tall and imposing, its marble columns reaching the sky. It had been days since the rightful King had set foot in the home he despised and lived for.But now, with a burning sense of urgency in his heart, he returned to reclaim his throne. Laylin was expecting, he could feel his spawn growing stronger by the day. ‘SHIIINGG!’He walked solemnly, his two long swords dragging behind him. Electric zapping brutally filled the silence as his swords screeched.Previously when he had imagined her carrying his heir, he had wanted to keep her on feathery cushions day in and day out, lavish her with jewels but now he wanted to kiss her the path she walked on.He had no patience left for morons. His Queen was carrying the future King and she deserved better than a humid cave.As the sun dipped below the horizon, casting a golden hue over the palace walls, Ambrose stood lonely at the grand entrance.The military he had himself cultivated stood before him, pointing trembling spears
"N-No, please!” The startled young witch screamed and poured her aura in with all her strength as her life flashed before her. ‘FWISSSH…’ The witch toppled back on her ass, waiting to die but as the creature collided with the magic circle it emitted a bright, blinding light. The monster's movements slow, and it gradually, in a fraction of a second, evaporated in the air. It became quiet and all the witches huffed in disbelief, as if under a spell. “Good work.” Laylin turned to the witches with a smile. “This is how any witch, weak or strong, can make the teleportation magic circle.” She clapped her hands, “Well, nobody’s dead, so let’s go under the lake.” It may sound twisted but she enjoyed their fear especially Valerie who was pale. She felt gleefully satisfied. Now, sure, no one will question her about the potency of her magic circle. She felt bad for Eloise but it couldn’t be helped, she was the weakest witch and thus the perfect person to show them the spell worked. Seizing
With a deep sigh, she went to the young Princess. “You think you can handle it after all the… commotion?” She was talking about the things she heard them talk about.The Eldest of the Red Witches looked at the Princess with a faint smile. Laylin remained still. Her countenance was quite ample as she looked ahead at the lake in front of her.Ultimately it didn’t matter if Laylin could or couldn’t. She will have to. For the sake of everyone. For the future.Valerie sighed, “We can do it ourselves too.” Laylin knew it too.The witches could very well pull off a teleportation spell but they didn’t trust her or the magic circle she had drawn especially after Aunt Berilla couldn’t perform the designation spell. The battle with demonic monsters will take more than just technique, hesitation could cost these witches their lives.Only Laylin knew Berila couldn't do it because the Great Mistress had made that spell to pull her into the memory abyss.So the witches needed to believe any of them
‘AAACK!' She pointed the dagger at him and flicked it down. His leg bent at an unnatural angle, his bone stuck out bringing him into a half-kneeling position. “Keep it down. I don’t want a commotion.” She was so calm that it was creepy. Her lazy eyes fell on the Dark Wizard and she smirked. The Dark Wizard tried to cast a spell but nothing worked, he couldn’t take anything as the source. The Dark Wizard had little to no aura or couldn’t control their auras like Valerie. There are two sources for using magic. One is auras that are taken from nature and one is life sources. Dark magicians fuel their magic with life forces which means they kill to do magic. But it doesn’t have to be beasts or humans, depending on the magnitude of the spell even insects can be used for simple spells. She had protected every living being with her aura in the perimeter. Her snake rubbed its head against her neck, and she caressed its scales with a smirk. She enjoyed the Dark wizard's desperate attempts