Chapter 6. Bella POV

The question hung in the air like a bad smell. Helena seemed surprised I didn't leap up at the bars like a pound dog snapping at her offer. Instead, I remained seated, silent. She forgets I have been the fool for someone else's plan before.

"Well?" she hissed quietly. 

"I need to know more before I can make a decision," I replied coolly.

"The goblet I showed you and the man... is from a vision I've been having. The last time I had these visions it was the night of the ballroom fire...everything came true."

The ballroom fire. I had missed that bit of the evening, having been placed under arrest and escorted away by then. I did not see Bram, exposed for having blackmailed Helena into pretending they had a mate bond, lose his mind and set the place alight. Sometimes I like to replay events and see how I could have kept him alive that night. Maybe there would have been a way to ride out the disgrace together. 

However I do not think about that evening too much, the pain is too raw even now. Realising I have been back in my own mind pondering silently I force out a reply.

"Where do I come into this?"

Helena motioned with a curled finger for me to stand. I hoisted myself from the mattress and came as close as possible, aware I probably smelt after months of neglect. She leant forward and whispered through the bars furtively.

"You are the only person in the whole pack that would not be suspected of working for me. I need you, Bella."

"You need my disgrace to work in your favour?" I practically spat back at her.

"That's not what I meant!"

Her eyes were flashing with emotion, gold flecks within bright hazel eyes. Mine was still a calm, ocean grey with no emotion. Without Gitte, there was nothing to fuel the vivid sparks of colour I used to have. Apparently it resembled a firework, Bram used to say anyway, all the colours visible.

"Why do you need this done secretly?"

Helena glanced around twitching in suspicion.

"Because the person who killed Alpha Romanov is still out in the open. They cannot know I am having more visions."

"How would it be done? If I accepted your offer?"

Helena placed a hand inside her green tunic, producing a heavy metal ring of keys.

"These will open your cell door and the ones after to get you to the front of the castle."

The soft jingle of freedom taunted my eyes as if it could be so easy to just walk out. Helena continued, reeling off instructions so quickly that she must have prepared a list of things to say in advance.

"Once outside the castle head to the lagoon, there will be a black rucksack next to the jetty with new clothes, toiletries, money, food for your journey."

"And the guards?"

Helena looked sheepish, averting her eyes, "I cannot protect you there. If you are discovered once technically escaping then I won't speak up. There is too much at stake."

At least she was honest. 

"Escape or death then. Super." I replied sarcastically, crossing my arms around my waist.

"You can always stay here instead of course," she murmured, looking behind me at my scant room and my pitiful existence. Confusion races through my mind and I find myself exasperated with her. Was this some trick?

"How will I know where to find this man? I don't have any underworld connections or even family outside of White Forest. Who can help me?"

This time Helena looked at me with absolute seriousness. Her hand moved to mine on the bar and covered it. 

"Bella, if you try, I am certain you will find him. Probably without even consciously realising, your paths will cross. Fate has peculiar ways. I have searched through every available record in the library the past few days for any kind of man fitting that description. You are my only hope."

My eyes filled with tears as I looked at her pristine porcelain skin pressed against mine. My nails were ragged, chewed down low with my skin pasty from lack of sunshine. Was she entrusting me with this task because I was expendable, a cog in the machine that nobody would notice was even missing? 

Helena exhaled as her other hand gripped the bar. The tension in waiting for my answer was conquering her.

"Bella, I know what you did was terrible and the guilt must be tremendous…"

"Do not pretend to understand," I snapped back, removing my hand from hers and turning around. I headed back to the sanctuary of my mattress. Her voice softened as she kept going.

"...your life is still what you make of it. Only you can define yourself, you are more than your crime."

I stood frozen in the cell, my back to Helena. Decisions and choices leapt out at me dizzyingly fast as though I was on the edge of a plank. More than my crime, if Gitte was here she would openly laugh in Helena’s pretty face. I am nothing but my crime, and deservedly so. Despite that fact, deep within me remained the desire to escape this room so finally a ragged whisper escaped.

"When would I be leaving?"

"Tomorrow night. I will come down to ask the guards some questions and you will sneak out. If you find the man, write to me anonymously and we will find a way to meet the three of us safely."

"And if I do this for you?"

"You could leave Silver City and start afresh somewhere else in White Forest territory with whatever money is left in the rucksack. I would not pursue you."

Freedom. Of a sort. It left a strangely bitter taste on the roof of my mouth. It was desire, something I had not felt for many months. Helena knew exactly what she was doing, she probably knew how this conversation would go before she even came down the stone steps. With my face still away from hers I could not gauge her reaction as I finally muttered.

"Okay. I accept."

The clank of keys hitting the floor as she threw them towards my mattress was the last gesture she made. Her feet tripped and trapped down the stone flags as she made her way back up to the surface. I stood still for a long time, inhaling her perfumed scent, remembering a time when I once looked as vivid and proud as Luna Helena.