7. Freya

If I thought cleaning up my own vomit was an excruciating experience it was nothing compared to the silent treatment I got from Finn. Three weeks after my messy, drunken error, not said a single word .

He’s stopped guarding me at night too. I woke up during a heavy rainfall and looked over the mezzanine to find nothing but darkness. He was nowhere to be seen. I stayed awake, staring up through the skylight as the clouds and stars danced. Finn returned three hours later just before dawn.

Arms folded like a scolding wife I muttered loudly into the darkness. “I know you are sneaking out when I’m sleeping.”

Nothing. I strode down the stairs and lit a lamp with an angry flourish.

“I didn’t think that was allowed? I heard Beta Zeke instructions!”

He simply shrugged and started carving, pointing up towards the stairs with a flick of his knife. After being rejected that night he’d become a giant sulky teen.

“I’ll tell Beta Zeke!”

He just sniggered at that one. So in less than a minute I managed to sound like a old nag and a tattletale schoolgirl. I'm a Luna this isn't how it's meant to go.

My soul, my spirit feels like it's freezing from within. I’m not made to live in silence. Back at White Forest I was chatty and bright. Possibly annoying. Loneliness already had its miserable claws in me back at Rising Star. Especially after poor Luna Hollie was murdered. Before the Ceremony I was already searching for excuses to linger in White Forest.

Giving up on Finn I returned to my bed wtih a dramatic flop. The longer I lay on the mattress sulking the more ridiculous I felt. There were people having their families destroyed by this Hybrid Army. People who had nothing even before the War started.

Shaking out my brown curls I shrugged on the heavy white wool cardigan and headed downstairs. The stomping of boots told me the changing of guards had occurred.

“Lucien, can we maybe talk?”

The green eyes of Finn’s father flicked up to me in surprise. Like Finn he was working on a piece of wood, carving it into some kind of bird by the looks of it. As a bodyguard he was perfection. No alcohol passed his lips, he frequently wandered up the stairs to check on me. I always shut my eyes to pretend I was napping but at least he was guarding me properly.

“Of course. I think you’ll get more interesting conversation out of Bella but I’m here if you need.”

“What do you think of this war?”

He raised an eyebrow and set his hump of dark brown wood to the side, folding his pen-knife away. “I’ve been out of the world, tucked away down here for over twenty years but nothing changes.”

“What do you mean?”

“People and power. Always dangerous.”

I knew his history. He was once an assassin. Those huge, sculpted shoulders draped in a white shirt, three silvery scars on his neck. He killed to order. The quiet, grey-eyed Bella was a murderer turned miracle healer. “Is that why you came to live down here?”

“No. We came down here because we wanted somewhere safe to raise a family. Which it was,” those green eyes catching mine. Was, his thinks I've ruined their sanctuary.

“Didn’t Bella kill-“

“You’ll need to ask her,” he said quickly. I swear the scars on his neck pulsed a little. I blushed, he was so defensive of the tiny petite woman he adored. “Her story is her own.”

“I’m sorry, I think I am just over excited at actually talking to someone.”

His green eyes stayed on mine, his head tilting slightly to the side. Oh Goddess, I think he pities me.

/He has Bella. What do we have/ Livi scolded me and another, even fiercer blush covered my cheeks. No wonder Phillipe considered me an idiot. I don't even realise what's happening in front of me. Lucien let out a sigh, brushing the sawdust from his black work pants.

“I can ask Finn to swap to daytime if you would prefer?”

“Oh no, no thank you,” I replied a touch too quickly.

“He’s…I’m sorry if he’s upset you. He reminds me of myself at that age. Too much to prove and a bit too much ego. He will come good though. I know it.”

/Curious, he doesn’t think his son is a saint/

“He’s not a bad guy, he just doesn’t like me I think,” I reassured him, before walking towards the front door, the sun beaming through. “Would it be okay to sit in your house today?” and I saw a glimpse of happiness cross his face.

All the time I have been sitting here moping I have been keeping him away from Bella. He sprung to his feet as we walked down the path together. “We keep goats and chickens down there but they’re too bloody noisy to have near the house. Bella grows everything in these beds here, the jetty is down that way-“

“You have a jetty? Water?” I exclaimed. I loved nothing more than dipping my feet into the cool rippling flow of water back home at White Forest.

“Follow the stream another couple of hundred metres and it empties out into a giant lake, or ocean. I’m not entirely sure. Zena knows.”

“Zena is a force of nature,” I said softly, jealousy curling like flames in my stomach. All the clothes I borrowed were glamorous and expensive. Mature and grown up. It made the gowns and long trailing corseted wonders I roamed the castle halls in seem almost childish.

Clad in leather and silk I felt like I was part fire-breathing dragon. Zena seemed to do as she wished, when she wished. She had Alpha Cillian’s confidence yet wandered between packs like a carefree butterfly.

I got a gentle “hmm,” and nothing else. He reminded me of my father. Both big brooding, overprotective men. Little words but so much expression in an ageing face. My father made the same humming noise whenever anyone complimented me. I always felt it meant, “you don’t really know her.”

Both men would die for their mates without hesitation. Why wouldn’t mine?

Sat in the cosy oak kitchen with a huge pot of herbal tea brewing I could feel the very essence of happiness in the room. Bella busied herself and offered never-ending snacks and nibbles. Finn was sleeping in Zena’s room, so our voices were muted.

When they thought I couldn't see, Bella quickly place her hand on Lucien’s huge shoulder, for him to then enclose it in his huge grip. With a twist of his head he placed a swift, unashamed kiss on the top of her hand.

I felt my own heart lurch at the loving gesture. Lucien unsubtly excused himself to grab some more wood from outside for Bella’s kitchen fire.

Her grey eyes stared at me calmly as she leant against the basin. Silent, waiting for me to talk. The first thing that shot out of my mouth was, “It is amazing how well you two just fit each other. The Moon Goddess…you’re so perfect together.”

“Oh I annoyed him no end when we first met, I was a complete burden” Bella laughed, her mouth widening to reveal a beautiful smile. “He didn’t speak to me for so long! We aren’t a perfect match by any means.”

“But surely you are-“

“The mate-bond isn’t the same as love Freya,” she said softly, another look of pity heading my way. “You build love together. Like the pieces of furniture Lucien creates, the wood he uses has flaws, dents and marks throughout. But he finds the perfect bit to work wtih it, so the flaws...become perfections.”

She smiled to herself, I wondered if Lucien had first told her those words.

My memory flicked to one stormy night a few months after being mated to Phillipe. The first time his purple-eyed wolf came into my mate bond. When he was rougher, firmer with me. Forcing me to the bedroom floor, covering my knees in scrapes and pulling my hair.

I had faked my pleasure. Because I had my mate. I was a Luna princess, mated to an Alpha prince. I had everything I could ever need. As I cried out in pain I was baffled how it made him thrust even harder. How could hearing me suffer thrill him?

“I know they’re not the same thing,” I replied softly, without a hint of conviction. “I just like the fairy-tale I guess.”

"I suppose being Luna, there's an awful lot of fairy-tale to work with," she smiled sympathetically.

"You would think," I reply with a wry smile.

I silently beg Livi to stop my mind replaying the way it felt when Phillipe's hand came around my throat. My breathing hitched, focus drifting as I fell deeper into the memory of those dark nights. Eventually choking me became one of the only ways Phillipe found his climax. He explained both his wolves loved it. So my wolf must love it.

To protest was to disappoint, I learned that lesson quickly. Meek Freya was the one he wanted to find in his bed. Otherwise...he tended to have sudden business in the north.

“Luna Freya, are you okay?” With a gasp I realised my hands were white, gripping the cardigan around my waist like a straightjacket.

Blushing as I loosened my grip, I tried to drink my tea and act normal. I kept the teacup in my hand for far longer than necessary in order to avoid rattling the saucer with my shaking hands.

“I’m fine, sorry. I guess I just miss my parents. They would die for each other too. You’re all so lucky to have that double-bond. Your wolves and your hearts.”

“Freya…when I was younger than you, I had love all wrong too. There’s nothing wrong with growing up. Not all fairy tales are lies, but not all of them make it out of our dreams either.”

“How long does it take to stop being an idiot then?”

“Well considering I still burn Lucien’s meals twenty years later, you just need someone who doesn’t see your flaws as a big deal,” grinning with a flash of her rainbow-coloured irises.

“You really are awful at cooking though,” came a deep male voice as Bella opened a kitchen window and threw a wooden spoon out. The huge belly laugh of Lucien seemed to make the whole cabin shake and as much as I wanted to join in the merriment, I felt hollow.

My mate bond is a complete and utter lie. The mark on my collarbone is a curse not a gift. There is no coming back. No begging, no promises, no changes could possibly see Phillipe and I as happy as the couple in front of me as another spoon flew out of the window.

Nausea rose in my stomach. I need to reject Phillipe. Face to face, staring into those ocean-blue eyes, only to throw everything I believed I wanted in the world straight back at him.

Then what do I do? What is the life of an ex-Luna?

“Hey! Come here!” Lucien shouted as the laughter quickly stopped and my breath caught. Something was wrong.

Then he cried “FINN!”

The tumbling racket of his huge son jumping into action. He sprinted out of the door, the ripping of his clothes followed a grey wolf leaping from the porch and up the track.

Bella wrapped her arms around my shoulder and shut us both inside her airy pantry cupboard, “Stay quiet!”