Lemonade

Six years later

Diana

I still feel uncomfortable sitting in this office even after 6 years. I know every detail. From the placement of the books on the shelves, to the number of blind slats on the window.

Once a week I come here to discuss my failure of a fucking life. Highlighting my miserable existence and to check my medication is working.

"And how are you sleeping?" Doctor Gavin Thorne asks me.

I sigh. Fed up of going over the same shit every week.

"Fine" I say. A lie.

He looks down at my wrist which is slightly uncovered where my sleeve has rode up my arm.

I instinctively pull my jumper sleeve down to hide the lie. The red ring that encircles my wrist is the evidence.

Doctor Thorne looks at me sadly "Has there been another incident?"

My mind instantly wonders to last night....

"No". Another lie. I can tell he doesn't need to have a degree to know I'm lying. I don't even try to make myself sound convincing.

Aside from the random panic attacks like the one I experienced on that day six years ago I had barely slept a full night as I started to sleepwalk. I would often wake up in the woods or in my bed covered in mud with leaves and twigs stuck in my hair.

I started to handcuff one wrist to my bedframe at night to stop me from wandering around the village butt naked. I had no idea where I went or what I did..... Like I seriously couldn't feel anymore of a freak!

Some mornings I woke up to raw skin on my wrist and blood on my pillow. I'd obviously been pulling so hard I'd injured myself. My bedframe would be dragged across the room blocking the doorway.

"Ok Diana, I'm going to increase your medication. I'll see you again next week, same time as usual. But, if there's any more incidents I want you to ring me straight away - day or night" he hesitates before walking over to me and sitting down. He takes my hand in his "I know it's difficult Diana, you've had to go through things and experience things some people never will. But you can't let this define you. The whole village cares about you"

And there it was.

The massive slap in the face reminder of my failure. All those dreams I had, to study Anthropology, to travel and experience different cultures, hell - I didn't even make it to university. I made it to college but dropped out soon after to look after my mother.

My mother who for the last five years has resided in the local nut house in a catatonic state but I visited her daily without fail.

For the first few weeks after, she refused to come out of her room and I could hear her sobbing day and night. Consumed in my own grief, it wasn't until she started acting bizarrely that I really started to worry. She started talking in riddles or didn't talk for days. She would stare into space for hours and nothing could distract her. She never talked to her plants or wiped them lovingly and when I noticed them starting to wither, I took over the role. I'd watched her do it my whole life and I'd have given anything to see her do it again.

It wasn't until she refused to eat or drink that doctor Thorne had to intervene. Things just got worse after that, she kept repeating "it's time......it's time" to me over and over.

The fear of losing my mother as well, gave me the strength to keep going, for her. She was all I had left.

Even if she had given up on herself, I wouldn't and if that made me selfish for wanting to keep her with me, I could live with that.

Doctor Thorne had known me my entire life, as had everyone else in this damn village. We were a close community, I had the support of the whole village but I never felt more alone. To think how I couldn't wait to go off and live my life and yet now, I would do anything to go back to how it was - to how I was.

"Thanks" I say pulling my hand away. I stand up to leave "See you next week Gavin"

I open the office door to see Bonnie slouched in a waiting room chair, her legs draped over the side. She's chewing gum and singing badly along to a tune on her phone whilst twiddling her blonde hair around her fingers.

She pops a bubble loudly as she looks up at me, then over my shoulder to Doctor Thorne. Her brown eyes full of mischief and attitude. "Thank GOD!" she exclaims dramatically. "I thought I was gonna die of starvation.... or boredom. I mean seriously, I know you need this therapy shit but as my best friend you are really slacking"

"Bonnie" Doctor Thorne says slowly in a warning tone.

I've known Bonnie my entire life, she's the only person who doesn't treat me like a broken piece of glass and I smirk at her. I know deep down what she's up to...... she's trying to get me out of here and take the spotlight away from me. Her cold facade is her way of protecting me in front of other people. Equally amusing and endearing. She's been there for me day and night and the only person who has dragged me out of bed some days.

"Lighten up dad" she says mockingly to doctor Thorne. She links her arm through mine and merrily skips towards the door dragging me along with her.

I glance at doctor Thorne who is trying to look more annoyed than he actually is but I can see how much he loves his daughter and my heart aches knowing my father will never look at me like that again.

"BYE BYE PAPA" Bonnie booms over her shoulder in a deep russian accent.

"Why are you in such a good mood?" I ask suspiciously.

"Because"........ She says still doing the stupid accent....... "We are going on a little girls trip"

"WHAT?!.... WHEN..... I can't, I mean....Bonnie you know I can't leave my mom"

"Relax" she says in her normal voice. "It's just two days, we drive there... Have a few drinks, enjoy the spa, have a few more drinks....maybe a little dancing and definitely more drinks.... Stumble back to the lodge.... Pass out and then drive home. And no offense but your mom hasn't uttered a word or even looked at you in months, she won't even notice....besides I've already booked and paid for everything. NON REFUNDABLE....oh come oooon.... Pleeeeeeease" she says with pretend sad eyes.

"Wow... not that I don't love your brutal honesty Bonnie, but you know I don't sleep well as it is.....what if I sleepwalk?!"

"That's fine, just bring your handcuffs. I'm sure when you're drunk and passed out, you will sleep like a baby... And I can easily handcuff you to something anyway" she says shrugging her shoulders.

"I don't know" I say slowly stopping as we walk home. Everything in me is screaming to say NO but just looking at Bonnie's excited face makes my resolve crack slightly.

I take a deep breath and exhale.... "Ok then"

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEK.... YES!....." she screams as she jumps on me. "This is going to be FUCKING EPIC!.... Omg we need to start packing!"

"Packing?....Bonnie it's one night! Wait... When are we going again?" I ask, quickly realising I never even knew to start with.

Bonnie stops and grabs my face in her hands. Staring deeply into my eyes, she speaks again in her ridiculous deep russian accent which reminds me of count Dracula ....

"We leave tomorrow, be ready........at dawn"

And then she howls in laughter, pulling me towards to my house. "Come on hurry up I'll help you get packed!" She says - normal voice this time.

"Don't you need to go and do your packing?" I ask her.

"Nah... I already did it"

"You are so manipulative, I swear you're a better psychologist than your dad with your mind games"

Bonnie beams at me like I just gave her the best compliment ever!

"So since your already packed, do you wanna stay at mine tonight? We could make pizza and watch a scary movie?"

"Only if I get to pick the movie" bonnie replies.

We stuffed ourselves with homemade pizza and settled down to watch a scary movie. Bonnie laughed all the way through whilst I hid behind a cushion, she was shovelling popcorn in her mouth not a care in the world. Me and Bonnie couldn't be more opposite but our friendship worked. She was fierce, loyal and bold. Whereas I was quiet, always doubting myself and scared of the next disaster to happen in my life. But regardless I felt lucky to have her as my friend.

I'm not sure when we drifted off to sleep. Sprawled out on the sofa together...the white noise from the TV lulling the room.

But soon I felt a familiar tugging.....

It's time...... It's time........it's time

A flash of cold makes me jump and gasp at the same time. Bonnie is panting heavily like she just had a heavy workout and lying in a heap at my feet. Her one hand grasping my ankle.

"Bonnie... What are you doing? And.....why am I covered in..... Lemonade?"

It dawn's on me that we're not on the sofa anymore. We're in the kitchen and I'm stood by the back door.... And then realisation sinks in...... I was sleepwalking.

Bonnie's hand isn't holding my ankle. She's handcuffed to my ankle. My handcuffs, which were in my bedroom. Bonnie must have ran to get them!

"Well bitch.....it seems like you thought you could go on a little late night hiking.... WITHOUT ME! Man your fucking strong when you're sleepwalking! I had to wrestle ur ass and let's just say..... I wasn't winning! Even with the handcuffs on I couldn't stop you dragging my entire body, so I had to improvise... Hence, the lemonade"

We're both silent for a moment before we burst into fits of laughter. Lemonade dripping from my nose and chin.

"I think I need a shower" I say through tears of laughter.

"Me too...I'm sweating like a pig on a spit roast after that fucking rodeo!" Bonnie says in mock disgust.

We both laugh hysterically as we climb the stairs to get washed. We settle down into our rooms, just like we've always done since we were little. Bonnie stayed over so much she had taken over the guest room. This time I make sure I'm handcuffed to the metal bedstead in my room.

I lie in the dark, replaying the days and wishing how things could have been different. Tears fill my eyes and I gently sob into my pillow clutching my teddy bear that my father gave me. My eyelids close and I fall into a restless sleep.

"Daddy, I'm not sleepy"

"Shhhhh...hush now my petite fleur de lune. I will sing you a story. But first, you have to look into my eyes and promise me you will remember it, when it's time...."

"Ok daddy..... I promise I will remember the singing story when it's time..... Wait... How will I know it's time daddy?"

"You will, trust me...are you ready?"

"Yes daddy"

"Ok, look into my eyes and listen...........

In ancient lands, a circle cast

Of stone and earth, it stands avast

Truth it's time, she will be blessed

By light of moon, she's laid to rest

Born of the hunt, she will renew

The moonflower child blooms strong and true