Episode two

Esther and I didn't spend the rest of the day alone and I avoided eye contact as much as possible.

It was almost eight years now since my parents warned me never to talk about it or even think about it.

But the thoughts flooded my mind, I didn't want to believe it could be the cause.

I haven't had any relationship or affair except with Ester which was yet to be consummated.

Since my infatuation with David, I literally avoided being alone with a man for fear I would feel any emotions towards them.

That night I couldn't sleep, what if I am impotent that was the only excuse I wanted to entertain my thoughts.

The next day I used my school wifi to Google on how to make my manhood stand, it was all that mattered to me at that point.

I started drinking yogurt and eating bananas and carrots, I made smoothies out of it too.

"Guy…" Emeka my roommate called me as was a term we used for our male friends.

"You have been taking this smoothie lately, I hope it's not what I am thinking." He said laughing, obviously, enjoying my discomfort.

"Take it easy on her please." He said.

I just laughed but within me, I was completely freaked out. I prayed I won't be disappointed tonight, Esther was spending the night with me.

I went over to the electronic shop and got a light bulb that dimmed, I read it's erotic and puts you in the mood. 

I rearranged my bed and covered it with a soft cotton bedspread I bought at the market yesterday.

Looking at the room now it felt sensual and romantic. I only prayed I wouldn't fail today when it's time.

Esther came over with Chinese food she bought on her way here and some alcoholic wine. "To put us in the mood she teased." 

We ate and drank, I refused to think of what we would engage in later. 

Esther didn't talk about it either till we laid to sleep.

"Kiss me Bisi." She said, I felt like a robot and did as she asked.

I felt her passion in the kiss, she was like a thirsty lion drinking from a fountain. 

She then caressed my bare chest and nipples and I felt her hands move down my stomach to my penis which was only partially rigid.

She played with it and placed the condom perfectly on my already rigid manhood, when she couldn't bear it anymore she asked me to ride her.

As she opened up for me, I felt my penis go down "no…." my mind screamed but it was of no use, it went totally flat out.

"What's going on," Esther said rising from her position and as she saw that I had flattened out she hissed went to the bathroom and shut the door.

She didn't come out till I dozed off at the edge of the bed where I was waiting for her.

When I opened my eyes she was already sleeping at her corner of the bed.

I planned to talk to her before she left in the morning, but she was gone before I woke up.

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For two days now I haven't heard from Esther or seen her, she had gone totally incommunicado. 

Her phone lines are switched off, her friends swore they don't know her whereabouts.

I am now worried. "Hope she is okay."

Emeka and his girlfriend were at it again last night and for an instant, I felt jealous. Why am I not normal like Emeka and the other guys?

He swears that "every normal guy loves sex and is aroused by a naked woman."

As I sat on the couch, I began to ponder on my predicament, I can't remember when I felt drawn or sexually attracted to a woman. 

The only time I felt butterflies was when I was around David, I immediately blocked that thought.

It was an abomination as the mother said.

I felt completely overwhelmed and decided to talk to Emeka, he had all the answers to relationship matters.

"Ermmm…." I began not too sure if telling him was the right decision.

"Have you ever not felt like making love to Chioma, your girl," I said, trying so hard to avoid blushing.

"Nope….just looking at her turns me on." He said.

But I never get turned on by Esther. I wondered to myself. This time I felt bolder, I decided to give more information on my current situation.

I then narrated what had happened last night to him, and how I have not heard from her since then.

It turned out to be a big mistake because Emeka bombarded me with private questions that got my head reeling.

"Are you a virgin." He asked and I nodded in affirmative

"Do you get butterflies or have sexual feelings when you are alone with Esther." He continued and I said no, this time around I felt self-conscious.

"What of with other women, have you been aroused by them too." 

"No, I haven't." 

I noticed him shift away from me giving a big space between us and I wondered why.

" Have you felt sexual arousal by a man before?" I felt my heart sink from this question, reality started setting in, I wanted to say yes, but I saw the look of disgust on his face.

"No, I haven't," I said almost shouting 

"Why would you even ask me such questions." I tried my best to look angry at this time.

"Don't be annoyed, okay, I just said I should ask in case you are gay."

"Gay, me." I thought, how would I face the world if I am.

"When you fall in love, you would get those sexual feelings, don't worry," Emeka said reassuring me.

I looked at him and smiled, hoping he was right, praying he was right.

He left me and went into his room, but I stayed behind sinking deeper into the couch. 

"I hope I am not what I think I am," I said to no one in particular. The road looked so long and lonely all at once

#LGBT