Forgivness

Chapter 7 - Forgiveness 

Penelope

It was like I was stuck in a fog, my mind so full of cobwebs that I had to fight to find my consciousness. The world was like a haze as I slowly peeled my eyes open. The sunlight that streamed through the curtains felt like shards of glass against my eyes.

My head pounded like a herd of horses, and my mouth was dry, leaving behind a foul taste whenever I tried to swallow.

It took me a minute to take in my surroundings, from the dark-painted walls to the hardwood flooring. My eyes scanned every part of the room. Recognition slowly came to me as my mind processed that I was awake and not trapped in the nightmare that kept replaying in my head.

My heart slowed in my chest as I looked around Balor's guest bedroom. A room I had spent a lot of my time in when I first joined the police academy.

I let out a deep breath as I slowly sat up, not wanting to make my headache worse. I raised my hand to my forehead, trying to remember what had happened last night. Kyra was still in a deep slumber, not waking anytime soon.

How had I gotten here?

The blanket fell to my waist, and I was hit with the scent of smoke and fresh rain mixed with the smell of my own sweat and the lingering odour of alcohol as it filled my nose. That was all it took for the memories from last night to slam into me like a freight train.

They were still patchy at best, but I could remember the fear I felt when I looked up into Derek's eyes. He was nothing but a monster as he stared back at me and forced himself on me. I wanted to fight back, but I couldn't. And just when I accepted my fate, he was gone. His screams filled my ears before they eventually died out. And the person who saved my life came to my aid again, bringing me to safety.

I didn't need to see his face to know who it was. I didn't even need to hear his voice; the lingering scent of him was enough to know that it was my mate who had saved me. The same mate who couldn't stand to look at me all those months ago before storming out of the Bloodstone palace as if I had insulted him just by existing. 

Why had he come back after all this time?

Suddenly I was panicking again; my chest felt tight, like I couldn't breathe. I felt dirty. The thought of Derek's hands on me made me want to puke. But the thought of Garren seeing it happen made me feel all kinds of shame and disgust.

 

I knew it wasn't logical to think that way, but I couldn't help it.

I threw off the blankets; I was still in my outfit from last night, but someone had pulled a shirt over it to cover the exposed skin that now showed because of my attacker. My skin was healed, not a bruise or scratch in sight, but I just felt wrong.

I shuffled out of bed and rushed into the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind me and turning on the shower, setting it to the highest setting it could go to, not caring that it would burn me. I needed it too.

I didn't look at myself in the large mirror as I stripped off my clothes. Instead, I just stepped into the shower and let the hot water burn away the memories of last night.

I scrubbed and scrubbed until my skin was raw, and then I scrubbed some more. I stood in the shower until the water turned cold, and my teeth started to click together as my body shivered from the freezing temperature.

A soft knock sounded on the other side of the bathroom door just as I turned the water off, and I froze.

"Poppy, are you okay? Do you need me to come in?" My shoulders relaxed at the sound of Balor's voice. I shook my head despite him not being able to see the movement before I opened the shower door and wrapped myself in a towel.

"No, I'm fine," I shouted; though my voice sounded quiet, I knew he had heard me. I heard his footsteps move out of my room and down the hallway. But I stood in the bathroom a little longer before opening the door.

An outfit was laid out for me on the bed, a pair of grey sweatpants and another one of Balor's t-shirts. I slid them on before pulling my hair back and braiding it.

I let out another deep breath before making my way out of the bedroom, preparing myself to face whatever was waiting for me in the living area.

"He's not here," Balor said by way of greeting as I stepped into the living room. His place still looked the exact same as it did the last time I was here, except for the basket of baby toys, that was new.

I pursed my lips, giving him a stiff nod as I stared out at the ocean below us. Balor had bought the most expensive condo that was as close to the sea that he could get. It cost him a small fortune, but the view it gave alone was worth it.

Balor and I still hadn't talked much since the whole mate ordeal. I knew it was killing him to have me ignore him as much as it was killing me to do it. But he had hurt me when he put me in that terrible situation, and I wanted him to know just how shitty that felt before I forgave him.

"Will he be back?" I muttered. I could feel Balor's eyes on me as he stood by his kitchen island, making himself a coffee.

"Do you want him to come back?" He asked; I scoffed, shaking my head as I turned to look at him. He looked as well put together as he always did, with the crisp suit, perfectly styled hair, and ringed finger, a man of power. The look of a male with no worries or troubles to the untrained eye, at least. But it was the dullness of his sapphire eyes that told me he wasn't entirely himself.

"Like you really care about my feelings and what I want, Balor," I said, knowing it was incredibly petty, but I didn't care. Not right now. Balor let out a heavy sigh, taking a sip of his coffee.

"I already told you I was sorry about what happened between you and Garren, Poppy. I don't know what else you want me to do." I let out a dry laugh.

"And that's the problem, Balor. You think an apology after embarrassing me in front of the entire royal council is enough for what you did to me. You think that because you said sorry that I am just supposed to move on and act like it didn't happen. I don't want your fucking apologies." I paused, taking in a deep breath as I forced myself to calm down.

"I just want you to realize that you manipulating others' lives so they work in your favour is not okay. That fucking with other people for your pleasure is not OK." Balor pressed his tongue into his cheek as he looked at me. He gave me a stiff nod before placing his cup down. He let out another deep sigh as he put his palms on his marble countertop and let his head fall.

"I realize that the things I do for others may come off at rude or selfish. But you have to remember that I didn't grow up like you. I grew up around fae beings that take what they want and never ask questions. It's not an excuse. It's just how it is. And I know that makes me an asshole, but everything I do is for a reason." Balor looked up at me again as he continued.

"I won't apologize for doing what I do. I can only apologize for making you feel like I betrayed your trust. It wasn't what I intended. You are like another sister to me, Poppy, just like Link is like another brother. So I can't promise you there won't be times when I will manipulate more lives to gain a better future. But I can promise you that everything I do is for all of us and that one day you'll understand why. And if that isn't good enough for you, then we will have to find another way to move past this. Because after last night, I don't ever want not to have contact with you ever again." I took a minute to process his words. He was right. He had grown up in a different world than I did, and I saw that side of him every time he made a deal with new clients or found new leads in his hunt for hunters and rogues.

I rubbed my temples, groaning before forcing my eyes open again.

"Promise me you won't meddle any more with my life, and I'll forgive you." Balor's shoulders relaxed as the corner of Balor's mouth tipped up.

"Fine. I promise not to meddle any more with your life than I already have. Do you want to shake on it to make it official, or will you take my word?" He pushed, and I rolled my eyes.

"I'll take your word. I know how much that means to you." He let out a chuckle, and I instantly felt a little less shitty about the current situation.

"Now for my previous question. Is he coming back?" I asked, taking a seat on his Island as Balor moved to make me a cup of coffee.

"Yes."

"And the guy who..." I trailed off, not wanting to say it out loud.

"He's dead." Garren's deep voice muttered from behind me.