I was still not pregnant. We had been trying a lot, but it was to no avail. Something was wrong with me for sure.Rezef did not say anything, but I knew he was disappointed. I could see it in the look of his eyes. He looked at me like I was a disappointment. He must want Sully. He must compare me with her.A few days ago, the news spread that Sully escaped. Rezef must be happy to have Sully back. He might even want to marry her once she was back, casting me aside like everyone.I did not hate my half-sister. As a matter of fact, I was glad that she escaped from those demons. I wished her safe return. But I hoped she would not try to take my place away.No, Sully was not like that. She would not do it.‘But do you? Do you truly know her? Can you see what goes on in the deepest part of her head? Can you hear her thoughts? What if she wants to steal your husband? What if she wants to take back what’s hers? After all, you are a replacement only. If the original comes back, you will be cas
Sully escaped. God listened to me. I had prayed so many times and finally, he listened.Even Mother came out of her chamber after a long time and told me that she wanted to pray too. So, I brought her to the temple with me so we could pray.Sully took a ship, I heard from Father. Father believed she would go to Yelenad first so the Silverclaws would not be able to stop her on the roads.“That was smart,” Father had said. “That girl always has been witty.”What I did not understand was how she managed to escape.It seemed almost impossible considering how secure the estate of House Silverclaw was.“It’s Rose,” Jace had said. “Rose planned this.”Father did not like that much. “I still don’t trust this Rose. She is a Silverclaw, no matter what.”“But she is also a Star,” Jace insisted.I was a little concerned about Jace. He talked about Rose in a suspicious kind of way which made me think that he harbored some deep feelings for that woman. It was not okay. If Rose was just another Silv
My grandfather seemed to have gotten the news of my arrival beforehand because he sent his people to the port with a carriage.The carriage was big, so it was comfortable for all three of us to sit inside without having to bump each other with our elbows. Leo and I sat on one side while Rose sat on our opposite.She had changed into another of her endless collection of white dresses. Her long hair was tied into a braid and she wore her usual pearl earrings and necklace. On her right middle finger was a mother of pearl ring. Her lips were painted red- the exact color of blood.I wore a dark red dress. Rose had brought all the dresses for me and kept them in the ship before Leo and I reached there. Leo had to borrow clothes from the captain which was something he hated.I kept tugging on the bodice of the dress because it was too tight. I was not that slim. Rose probably mistook my body size for hers because all the dresses were too tight. Some of them made me wheeze for breath.“You do
“When you return, what will you do?”I stared at Grandfather, a little surprised to hear such a question. No one had asked me this before. But I had been thinking about it a lot.Grandfather was a tall man with an imposing presence. He had a small white beard which matched the white of his hair. He had brown skin and stern brown eyes.“I do not know,” I said truthfully. “You know my father, my lord. He… he won’t like the fact that I am not a maiden anymore.”“He thinks no man will marry you because you are not a maiden?” he asked and I gave a nod. “That’s such a stupid belief. What’s the value of a maidenhood anyway?”I smiled. “My father wouldn’t understand that.”“Were you raped, child?” he asked.It was something I would be asked many times from now on. Everything depended on my answer.I should tell him that I was raped, that I had been taken against my will. I should tell him that Demian was just like his father and he tortured me, sexually assaulted me.But that would be a huge
“It looks like you are pregnant,” the doctor said.I almost threw up right there and then. It was not something I wanted to happen. I did not want a child. I could never go through something like that.“I want to get rid of it,” I said.“Well, are you certain? You can take a few days to think about it, my lady,” he said.“I don’t want to think about it. Just get rid of it.”“Is its father a human?” he asked. “I need to know in order to make a medicine that would work.”I shook my head. “A vampire. Not an original vampire. My husband’s father is an original vampire.”“I see. And are you certain it’s his child?”“You heard the rumors,” I said.“I need to confirm this. I cannot endanger your life by giving you a medicine that won’t suit you.”“It’s his. I have been only with him,” I said.“I will bring it to you in seven days. Please rest and mentally prepare yourself.”There was nothing to prepare myself for. I never wanted a child and I never would have a child, no matter what. I did n
“How are you feeling?” Leo asked.“Fine,” I replied.“With all this going on… Are you really okay?”“Father will arrive tomorrow. I don’t know how to feel about that,” I admitted. There was no point in lying to Leo, who had been with me no matter what.“You will be okay. He won’t hurt his own child,” he said. “Have you decided what to do about your…?” He glanced at my stomach. We were sitting in my chamber. He sat on a chair beside the bed. I had barely left the bed since I was lightheaded most of the time. I did not believe it was because of the pregnancy, but because of the long sea voyage. “I don’t want it. I never wanted a child.”“You said Alexander wanted you to have Demian’s child as soon as possible. I must say he will be furious when he hears that you got rid of it. Demian too.”“Demian said he doesn’t want any children either. But yes, Alexander would be furious. It’s good that I don’t give a fuck about what Alexander thinks.”“Children are extra work. I’m glad you don’t w
I felt so small in front of Father’s blue eyes. I stared at the ground. I did not want to see what kind of look was in his eyes.“Tell me,” he said.My fingers were shaking. I clasped my hands together to stop my fingers from shaking.“Tell me,” he repeated. There was something in his voice that was scaring me.“I’m… I’m with child,” I mumbled.“Whose child?”He knew the answer. Why was he asking me this? It was not like whatever he heard was wrong.“Demian Silverclaw,” I whispered. I could not seem to get the words out too loud out of my mouth. I feared if I spoke loudly, Father would get only angrier.“A Silverclaw’s child. My own daughter,” he grumbled. Father was not yelling, but he might as well be doing that. It would be better if he just yelled. I could take it. But when he was talking quietly, he became even more dangerous. It meant he was angrier than ever before. “Did he force himself on you?”My legs were shaking too. I tasted bile at the back of my throat. I might throw u
“I cannot believe I expected help from him,” Rose murmured.“But you got help,” I said, not being able to keep the anger from my voice. It was not Rose’s fault. Yet, I could not help feeling anger towards her and everyone else.“Jade Star values kin above everything else,” Rose said. “Besides, I got his daughter back and even helped his son escape. He said he will give me shelter. He will continue to do so if I help him in return.”“How?”“I have to tell him all the secret paths leading to House Silverclaw and every secret chambers and ways,” Rose said.“And will you tell him?”“It is a deal. I will,” Rose said, although I could not bring myself to believe her. Something about her made me distrust everything she did.Since I was a child, I and all the other children were led to believe by our parents that all Silverclaws were monsters. They were dangerous and they lied all the time. They killed people without mercy. They killed for fun. I wanted to kill those monsters back then. Becau
I wanted to tug at the blindfold. I could not see anything. It made me feel uncomfortable and vulnerable.“Don’t,” Demian warned. His voice sounded so close, yet so far. If I concentrated enough, I could guess exactly where he was. But the fact was that it was hard to concentrate.In order to concentrate, I needed to be calm, which I was not. I was intimidated, excited and a little scared. I left myself in the mercy of a man who was still a mystery to me.I heard his footsteps getting nearer. He stopped right behind me. He pulled my head back by my hair. I shrieked, but not too loudly.I felt his breath on my face. His lips hungrily devoured mine. My hands were itching to touch something, but I refrained from doing so.His tongue was inside my mouth, exploring every place, making me hungry for more.His lips left mine. My lips felt sore and… eaten.He grabbed my hands roughly and put them behind me. I winced in pain. The pain was not too much, just enough to show that he could do anyt
Demian took my hand and pressed a kiss on my palm. I took a deep breath. It was as if his simple moves were making it hard for me to calm the desires inside me.“Do you like me?” I asked. “Is that why you are so jealous? Because you think someone will take me away?”“Does liking someone mean feeling it hard to breathe when they are not near? Does it mean wanting to be with that person all the time? Does it mean wanting that person so much that it hurts?” Demian was looking at me, demanding an answer.I shook my head.“That’s not liking someone, Demian.”“Then what is it?”“That’s loving someone,” I whispered.His eyes softened and he lowered his face and brought it close to mine, our noses almost touching.“Do you love me?” he asked.“I don’t know,” I mumbled. “I don’t know. Do you care if I love you or not?”“I don’t know,” he answered, although not as uncertainly as I did. “Most of the time, I think that I don’t. Because either way, you have to be with me. I can always tie you up, l
I had no idea what to say to a boy who just confessed his feelings for me and also said that he would get over them. I could only stare at him. I could not understand what it truly felt like for him to have feelings for his brother’s wife.Theodore smiled at me. He had a nice smile. He barely ever smiled, so it felt special. He always was melancholy. Perhaps, letting your heart out truly felt that great.“We will have tea another time,” he said. “Stay safe, okay? I still wish you were my wife instead of my brother’s, but what can we do about that? I am not brave or strong enough to take you forcefully from him.”“You are not like that, Theodore,” I said. “You are not like… anyone I have ever met. Letting go takes more courage than holding onto something you should not have. You are braver than you know. You will find something or someone truly worth fighting for.”“You think I will find someone better than you?”“You don’t know me. I lie. I lie a lot. I show a part of me that is not e
“Sully?”Theodore’s voice brought me back to reality. My face flushed in embarrassment and I wanted to lie down under thick soil. I was yelling at a voice inside my head. Only crazy people did things like that.Theodore limped towards me. His cane was a different one than before. It had a skull on top.“Who were you talking to?” he asked.“No one, just…” I felt so ashamed that I could barely look him in the eye.Theodore was watching me. His eyes were not as intense as Demian’s or Alexander’s. Instead, his eyes had what their eyes did not have. A little warmth and perhaps compassion.“Do you want to have tea in my chamber?”“I would love to, Theodore, but… We cannot do that in your chamber. Demian doesn’t like it,” I said. It was one of the things I was not allowed to do.“Ah, I see.”“We can have tea in the garden,” I quickly added. “I would love to talk to you after so long. Would that be okay?”He gave me a small smile. “Sure.”“Ah!” I stopped on my track.“What?” Theodore asked, p
I woke with a start and found a pair of eyes watching me. It startled me and I tried to get away, but a hand grasped my arm and kept me in place.“Demian… What are you doing?”Demian was still watching me, his eyes unmoving and piercing. My heart was beating wilding. He was making me uncomfortable.“Demian! You are hurting me.”Still, he did not let go. Not for a whole minute. Then, he suddenly let go of my arm.I rubbed the place where his grasp had been. His fingers surely left a bruise.“Demian…,” I mumbled.He blinked and his face turned… normal. The intense look left his face and he was back to normal. At least, as normal as he could be.“What’s wrong?” I asked. “You were…”“I was what?” he asked.“You were watching me,” I said.“I can’t watch my wife?”“No, it’s…”“I can’t?”“Demian, you know that’s not what I mean,” I said, composing myself. I was getting scared for no reason. But I had to admit that the way he had been watching me had been strange. “I was sleeping and you were
I felt a sense of calmness and relief take over me as I entered the familiar chamber once again that I shared with Demian. My eyes wandered over the bed where Demian and I slept and did many thing together, the couch where I would sit with Demian’s head on my lap and ran my fingers through his long straight hair.“It went well, didn’t it?” I said to Demian with a smile.Demian had a strange look on his face. He turned to me and traced the scar on my face with his index finger.“You can pretend very well,” he murmured as if to himself.I gulped. “Demian, I am not pretending with you. Not you. You… are different. I don’t want to be a fake version of me with you,” I said.“Will you truly be yourself? And never lie to me? Never?”“Never,” I said quietly.“Good, because if you lie…”‘If I lie, then what? What will you do? Will you hurt me?’But I did not ask it out loud. Demian was too honest. I did not want to hear the answer. In fact, I felt a hint of fear inside me when I anticipated wh
My arms were aching. My whole body was aching. Still, I stood straight with Demian’s arm around my shoulder possessively in the presence of none other than Alexander Silverclaw.I was not look up into his silver eyes, but I could feel them piercing my skin.“Look at me,” he ordered. And I did.My fingers were trembling. I did not get scared easily, but this man scared me. He made me feel trivial and powerless.Alexander grabbed me by the chin, not too forcefully, yet not gently either.“What happened here?” he asked.“My f-father…,” I mumbled.“Your father? Jade Star did this?”I nodded.Demian had already told Alexander most of the things, but he wanted to hear it from me for some reason.I glanced at Demian who understood what I was trying to do without me having to say a word. He dropped his hand from my shoulder and undid the ribbons on the back. I did not take off the dress, but undid it from the back only. I turned around and showed my bare back to Alexander.“Why did your fathe
During the journey, what Demian and I mostly did was talking. We did not have anything else to do. And when Demian talked, or listened to me, at least, he did not have that look on his face- the look that for some reason, send shivers down my spine.“When did you think that God is not real?” Demian asked. “Your family is very religious, after all. It’s only normal to be brought up to believe in God in that kind of family.”“I suppose it’s when I started to be able to form my own thoughts,” I answered. “Perhaps I was seven or eight, at that time, when I could form thoughts without them being influenced by my environment. I simply did not see the point of praying to a God that did not truly listen. I stopped praying then. Father would force me to go to the temple and I would pretend to pray, but that was just it. I only pretended. It was not real.“What about you? Have you ever wondered whether an entity like God exist?” I asked.Demian shook his head. “I am from a family that is as far
I had never, not in a million years, thought I would get to see my family again. By family, I meant my mother, Selina and Jace. Sierra was in another kingdom. I never thought about seeing her. We were never close, but we were not distant either. I had no intention of ever seeing Father and Kyle again. I did not know what I would do if I saw any of them.I was selfish and I loved myself. I could never bear it when someone hurt me.I sometimes dreamed of shooting an arrow into Father’s chest. I must admit that it felt rather good.Demian and I took a shortcut through the forest. It was dangerous, but Demian was awfully too brave. He said I would be safe if I were with him.“Just physically?” I joked. “Not mentally or psychologically.”He had said nothing, causing me to feel a strange sense of fear when I looked into his silver eyes. Most of the time, Demian was nice. He did not hurt me or said something that would hurt me.But there were times when Demian would look at me in a certain w