Chapter 10: Politics

*Sienna*

I feel strange, and it kills me that I love being with him so much. But the fact that he is married, and not only to one woman, is eating me inside.

When I woke up I found his morning text so endearing. "Good morning my Enna, dinner in or out tonight?" But I haven't been able to reply yet. This conflict inside of me is probably going to mess up our date.

I hear another message on my phone and when I check I see it is him. "Enna?"

The tears threaten to come out but I hold them. I can't believe I am being so weak. I drop my phone to the floor and stare at it for a while. Perhaps for too long.

Another message comes but I know who it comes from, and I put my hands over my face trying to calm myself down. Come on Sienna, you have to get a grip on yourself. You managed to live without him for ten years, you can do it again.

Another message, but now it comes with a knock on the door. I feel my heart pounding fast even though I haven't opened it yet. Did he come all the way here? I must be imagining things.

The knock gets stronger and I finally move from my spot and walk towards it. I peek through the hole and see Ro standing behind the door impatiently. "Sienna, I know you are there… open the door, please," His voice is firm and tense.

Even if I am not a member of his pack and I am not a werewolf, I feel the command in his voice. I unlock the door and open it, my head down as I can't meet his eyes. I take a step back and he walks in, smacking the door closed behind him.

Silence. He remains quiet but I hear his heavy breathing. I want to cry but my pride is bigger. I am not going to cry. Then he wraps his arms around me and squeezes me tight. Great, now I am on the edge of crying. He holds me and all I can do is stand there like a zombie.

"What is wrong? You had me worried, and I can see you are not ok. Enna what is happening?" He finally asks, his voice softer now.

He lets me go and I walk away from him slowly, catching my breath. I sit on my couch and he follows me. He sits on the other edge, giving me space, and waits for me to talk. Sooner or later this moment had to come, I just didn't think this through, and didn't imagine I would have a breakdown before our date.

"I am sorry…" I start, and he is about to say something but I finally meet his eyes and he holds quiet. "I tried to keep it together, but I can't hide who I am Ro. I think about everything and overthink things on a daily basis. So having you here, after so long, kissing me and taking me out on dates, it is surreal!"

I can see him getting tense. "Sienna…"

I stop him with a hand gesture, I need to let all my worries out. "But that is not the problem! The problem is that I know you are married! And you had your Luna, who was murdered! You have three wives waiting for you back at your home."

"Sienna!" He says and I stare at him.

"And now you show up wanting to date me?! I can't hide the conflict that this generates in me! I already thought of you as a lost friend, and even though it hurt me, I was happy to know you were rebuilding your life… I just don't understand any of this, and you acting like it is the most natural thing in the world, it honestly drives me to the edge of my sanity…" I finish trying not to scream my frustration.

I look at him and feel the sadness in his eyes. He seems pensive and I almost want to back down from my own words. But I stand firm to what I say and remain quiet, waiting for any answers he could offer to me.

He does take some time, and it kills me, but when he finally speaks, I am terrified of what he could say. He doesn't move an inch.

"I am sorry…" he starts. "As you know, I adopted my mother's culture and got used to our ways. I know you know about some of them, but you were not living with me to be more aware of the different customs we practice. In her culture, the Alpha has many wives, and the more he has, the more power he reflects…" He sighs and takes a deep breath.

"Go on…" I say as I nod.

"Yes, I married Gabrielle, my Luna… she was a very loyal and wonderful companion, and I still mourn her sometimes," I hear him say and it feels like a small stab in my heart. "She was a wonderful woman, but she was an arranged marriage." I perk a brow to his words and frown a bit.

"Arranged marriage?" I ask.

"My marriage to her and the other three were all arranged and of political meaning. In our werewolf world, after my father's death, disorganization and chaos ruled. I had to take responsibility and after over a year of hiding, I was forced to take a stand and start uniting families again. Gathering influence and power, while keeping some calm…" He trails off and I start to understand what he went through.

"Ok, I am beginning to understand, please, continue," I encourage him.

"Gabrielle was really a beautiful and charming woman, and after our families united, I was able to regain some influence in our world again. She was shy, but she was smart as well," He chuckles and smiles. "In a way, she reminded me a bit of you, and," he laughs some. "One of the first times we were intimate, I called her your name," he says and I blush deeply.

"Ro!" I say to him and he keeps laughing. I feel my tension go away and I shake my head, smiling a bit.

"She asked me who you were, and I told her about you. She wanted to meet you one day… I think you both would have liked each other," he says with a smile that contains some sadness. I am beginning to understand why he speaks well of her, and even though I am still jealous, I can't hold it against him.

"She must have been a really nice friend to you as well," I say with some level of pain but also understanding.

He nods and continues. "And so, after talking with her and studying the situation, we made a plan. I wanted to reunite the council or form a new one. I wanted to form more alliances and the best way to start was with more arranged marriages. That is how I got married to Solange, Mei Li, and Deidre. All of them from very influential families," he sighs and finally moves a bit closer, taking my hand. "But none of them were my true mates… and I was not expecting for you to be it either. I am being honest here, Enna… I came to talk to you while I was dealing with some arrangements and meetings, to ask for your help with some of my plans but I never expected that this attraction I always felt for you, was something more." He chuckles. "We should have known back then… we were inseparable… there was a reason for that."

"Yes, we were," I reply, nodding.

He caresses my cheek and I feel like melting. "I am bound to them for political reasons, but I am bound to you… I have always been bound to you because you are my true mate… my true Luna." And he caresses my bottom lip with his thumb, making me shiver as I close my eyes.

"Ro…" I whisper and I feel tingles all over my body; even pronouncing his name makes my body shiver.

He pulls me to him and I end up leaning over his body, his face just inches away. "My Enna… please let me…" he whispers.

"Let you?" I ask, a bit shaky.

"Let me make you my Luna," he says with a low guttural voice that brings goosebumps to my skin.

"I don't know how that works… don't your other wives have more rights to become the Luna before me?" I ask as I hold myself from kissing him.

"No one, ever, can have more rights than a true mate… and you are my mate, my true mate, my human mate. You are mine Enna… let me make you mine…" his plea is mixed with an order, and my heart can't stop beating hard.

"I…" I start but he loses control faster than me, and he kisses me with passion. I moan and press my body to his as his grip becomes tighter.

He gives me some seconds to catch my breath. "Don't make me force you. I want you to want it… your body tells me you want me… your heart beats for me… you crave for it," he says and I blink in surprise. I push myself away from him.

He doesn't want to let me go, but he does. I take some distance from him and ponder his words, wrapping my arms around myself. He is not lying; everything he says is true, I do want him. But the way he says it, it just throws me off.

"I don't like the way you think you know me. It has been many years, maybe I am your mate, but I am not going to be leaving my life to join yours and to become a, I don't even know what I would be!" I say to him.

He frowns and I can see him considering his words before talking. "Your only place, at my side, is as my Luna. There is no other role, for no one else…"

I melt at his words and yet I am scared of the importance he is giving me. My life, my secluded and private life would be interrupted by this. I don't like how sure of himself he is about me just leaving all for him. I don't like how sure of himself he is when he says what my body wants. I don't like any of this; I want my privacy and peace back.

He takes some time in silence as well; who knows the things that are going through his head. Then he gets up and looks at the door. "Let's cancel tonight, and I will give you some time to think and decide… I am not asking you to leave everything… not yet… I am only asking you to give me a chance to show you how it would be… then you would decide on your own," And then he walks to the door without turning back. "You have my number, and I will be waiting for your message when you are ready for us to meet again and talk…"

I never felt pain as strong as the one I am feeling now as I hear him close the door. I begin to cry and feel so useless. Why am I abandoning a chance to be with the one I have always loved? Why am I being so stubborn? Whoever matched him with me, surely knew how to screw things up. I feel horrible for making him suffer.