Everything Else About Her

Bellezza

Ezza

-

Beads of sweat can be seen slowly forming on my forehead as the pounding of my heart worsens. I couldn’t help but switch my eyes between the tall glass cases filled with different flavors of doughnuts and the notebook filled with the notes I have.

"Come on," I whispered, lowly. "Let's get this done with."

I slightly turned around, swiftly scanning my surroundings. I cannot get caught. I just can't.

The notes were highlighted for the most part. The green highlights were for the formulas, the blue for the article’s authors, and the red for the important terminologies.

Or maybe so I thought. My brain's all scrambled, that's for sure.

It took me until dawn to read and highlight the whole chapter. Causing me to only get an hour of sleep before I start my day.

My life revolves around work and school. I would typically read in my free time. Because, I just enjoy the warm and cozy feeling it brings me; it mimics the heated sensation a hot chocolate coffee brings you on an early winter morning, but as of lately I have been as busy as a bee.

I am just worried about so many things in so little time.

Somehow, I hope no one comes by and orders anything. I really need to study as my final exams will be held tomorrow morning, 9 am to 3 pm to be exact.

I told Mrs.Gibby, the owner of the café I'm working at, about it two weeks ago. I informed her that I need to take 2 shifts out of my 7 shifts because I have to review for my finals. And that I can't fail any of those exams. But here I am.

When I told Mrs. Gibby about it, she just simply shrugged and told me that she should see my resignation letter on her table the next day if I take 2 of my shifts out. And I can't afford to lose this job, as horrible as it may be, because it's the only job I have at the moment. That's why even though it’s very risky to do it, I have no other choice but to secretly review.

Or not.

"And what is this that you're doing Miss Ruby?" A voice behind me said; high-pitched and full of irritation. Mrs. Gibby.

"Busted," I muttered to myself, not wanting Mrs. Gibby to hear it.

I cringed, looking down at my notes. My eyes were wide with fear and my lips pursed; my jaw tight. I felt my knees soften right before I turned around to face her. I could feel my throat closing up. I could not get any words out of me.

"Hmmm?" She pushed, the growing annoyance in her voice was telling me that I'm going to be homeless in the next few days.

Her right eyebrow was raised in an arc, her forehead showed her old age’s skin folds, and her gritted teeth could be seen from her tight, angry lips. If only it was possible, I could almost see steam coming out of her ears.

"M-mrs. Gibby, I was just fixing this container," I quietly answered her as I do not want to cause a scene inside my working place. I wonder if I can still call it that after a few minutes.

I did not want to lie to her, but it was either that or I became homeless.

“That’s not what I just saw!”

“It was just some no-”

"Are these notes? I never gave you notes to read while working in MY café, Miss Ruby," She said, her voice loud and full.

That was enough for the few customers inside to hear. I felt my cheeks heat up as my chest heaved up and down heavily.

"It's notes for school, Mrs. Gibby,"

"Aha! I don't remember that being your job Miss Ruby, or IS IT?!" Fuming and shaking with anger, she said, “and you have the nerve to lie to me!”

Her now raised brown and carved cane reached the level of my face. I quietly responded no, shaking my head lightly. The fear and embarrassment caused me to look down while fidgeting with my fingers. ‘What would I do if she fired me? I don't have any other jobs.’

I saw the customers at the corner of my eyes slowly getting up from their chairs, not making any sounds, and making their way outside. I can't blame them, Mrs. Gibby's really scary when she's angry and irritated.

"I'm not paying you to read your school notes Ruby, get out of my café!"

I felt her anger creep up on my skin, eating me and setting me on fire alive. I am well aware that this will come, but I didn’t think that it’ll be this soon. But, oh well, I should’ve expected it.

With a sullen look on her face, "You're fired," as she put down $256 on the counter.

I nodded my head even though she couldn't see it as she rockingly walked towards her office. I sighed, closing my eyes tight; collecting my notes into my arms. With my shoulders slumped, I made my way to the employer's locker, but not without picking up my last payment.

It wasn’t easy to work here, mainly because of the drama moments that Mrs. Gibby pulled out almost every day. A part of me felt relieved, perhaps, something good will come out of this. I gathered the rest of my things and glanced at the café one last time.

I would definitely miss the odd smell combination of vanilla and ginger. But, if life says enough is enough, then all I can do is to move forward with my life.

When I pushed the backdoor open, I was hugged by the pre-winter air, causing shivers on my skin. The rushing walk and conversation of the townspeople filled my ears, some of them bumping into me making me tumble back a little.

I headed towards the west, to where my apartment's located. The environment around it was desolated. Old unfinished buildings could be seen anywhere you look, with the big factories' gray smoke clouding the sky.

I often describe it as bleak and boring as it is.

3 hours past 7:00 am were usually the time people go to attend to their own plans. So as I was walking dejectedly, the street was mostly empty. I can't help but think of how I'm going to make it through this week.

This was the 2nd time I'd been fired from my job in the span of 6 months. Mrs. Gibby's café doesn't pay that much, but it lets me pay what needs to be paid so I didn't have a problem putting up with her treatment towards me.

Now, I have no idea how I'm going to pay for everything. I am planning to look for another job, a good paying one I hope, after my final exam tomorrow. However, I am unsure whether anyone would accept my application again.

A few minutes of walking brought me to the asteri apartment complex— my apartment complex. Its fading green wall paint covered the whole complex as greasy moss climbed its corners. It's very cheap… and tolerable.

I exhaled, my shoulders bowed and my eyes drifted focus. I walked scuffle towards apartment number 7. But when I arrived in front of the white tall door, my problem worsened. A bolded red sign was pinned up on my door. “NOTICE OF EVICTION” was what it said.

I felt the weight on my shoulders grow as my eyes widened and my chin trembled. I hastened inside my apartment, my footsteps leaving a solemn thud with each step. Dark thoughts gathered in my mind, clouding every part of me with sadness and self-hatred.

Every single wall I’ve built around me came tumbling down, breaking me into tiny million pieces. Cutting through every fiber in my body, taking me into an empty place. A place where your skin may turn frozen in time. A place where your deepest fears tower over you.

'How do I get out of this deep well,' I thought to myself.

I dropped my notes, my bag— I dropped everything, just as everyone dropped me. I slumped into the floor, my breath wheezing as my limbs started to feel too heavy to move.

‘Everything will be better soon, Belle.’

An unknown voice stopped me from weeping. I couldn’t help but look around the room, blinking away the tears rapidly. It sounded so loud that it could come from anywhere inside the room, yet it was calm and assuring as if it came from right inside my mind. How is that possible? I don’t know.

I stood up straight, my hands shaking, and every muscle in my body was tight and clenched. I scanned my apartment, every corner of it. But I was unsuccessful at finding anyone or anything. It’s just my plain low ceiling and stained carpet apartment.

‘You need not be scared of me, Belle.’

There goes that voice again. This time it was louder, closer, and clearer. It sounded almost as if it came from beside me— from inside of my mind.

My stomach turned, as I cursed, “Am I going crazy?”

Bringing my fluttering hands to my head, raking my fingers through my hair, “WHO ARE YOU!?”

I waited for a response until a few minutes passed and I still haven’t heard the voice again.

“Sh-”

‘I am you, Belle. I can’t show myself

“What does that mean?” I sat myself down again, my eyebrows meeting and my head tilting back. "And how did it know what I was going to say?"

‘I am Ezza, and I am inside your mind.’

That echoed in my ears a few times, making my head dizzy and my vision blurry. I tried to pick myself up but failed.

"Can… Can you be more specific? 'Cause I feel like I'm going crazy—," inhaling sharply; shoulders shaking from stopping the cries from coming out. "Like I'm losing my mind."

'Time will show you— You will know soon enough, Belle.'

"What? What am I supposed to do with that?!"

A ghostly silence was its reply, among everything. The leaking water through the loose faucet and the blazing car horns outside my apartment were the only things I heard before I passed out.