By the time I made it back to bed, it wasn’t long before the sun was set to rise. I fed her lamb when she started to cry as soon as I walked into the room so that she didn’t wake Silla, then got ready for bed. I felt better about the progress we’d made after finding the number in Calhoun’s phone, so I was more relaxed as I made my way to the bed.I stood there looking down at her for a few minutes, taking in the sight of her wrapped around my pillow, her hair spread out across it, no doubt leaving her scent. She looked so tiny lying there, dwarfed by the size of the king-sized bed, that I felt a clutch in my chest.That kept happening more and more of late as well, that feeling like I’d been zapped whenever I thought of her or looked at her. Now looking at her with her face relaxed in sleep and her mouth closed so she couldn’t give me hell, her beauty and innocence more apparent, I realized the enormity of the situation.Without me knowing and without even so much as a warning, she’d w
Oh crap, what have I done? I stiffened up and held myself still, not daring to move lest he learned that I was awake. Would he believe me if I told him that I hadn’t meant to start this? That I’d woken up with my fingers moving against his chest all on their own?I should’ve stopped once I realized what I was doing when I awoke, but I didn’t, and now I was caught. I didn’t dare lift up my head to look at him, but I knew he was awake from the change in his breathing. Why wasn’t he saying anything?There must be a hundred ways I could play this off, but I couldn’t think of one because all the blood had drained from my head and taken my thoughts along with it. Say something, for heaven’s sake, put me out of my misery. Or floor, please open up and suck me in.I’m never going to be able to face him again, never going to be able to look him in the eye without feeling embarrassed. I can’t imagine what he must be thinking. Please let this day end before it begins; let me have a do-over, and I’
“Silla,” I called out to her through the closed bathroom door before stepping into the shower.“Yes?” Her voice sounded strained.“I expect to find you in that room when I finish my shower. We need to talk.” There, that should be punishment enough while she thinks about what I’m going to say or do to her once I get out of here. Knowing her, she’d get herself into a state by then. She probably thought I’d forgotten about her going into the office, and I had for a while there after her little early morning stunt, which had cleared my mind of everything else for a while. I still can’t get over what I felt when I realized what she was doing while she thought I was asleep.I’ve kept anything too sexual out of the equation so far, not wanting to pressure her in any way, and honestly, for me, there was no rush. For once, I’ve decided to take things slow and let nature take its course. It wasn’t lost on me that, for the first time in my life, I was denying myself something I really wanted for
I didn’t go down to breakfast since Mace was in the habit of bringing trays to the office when we were hard at work. I knew putting some distance between us after what I’d said would give her time to think and hopefully get her shit together.I’ve never been one to talk more than was necessary, never had to do more than give an order and have it followed, and I’m not about to start now with her. If this doesn’t get my point across, I don’t know what will, but I know if she’s as bothered by my indifference as I expect her to be, this would be the last time. I was getting the hang of this relationship thing slowly but surely, and I hadn’t needed anyone’s guidance this time to come up with the right thing to do. Plus, this punishment won’t make me suffer along with her like the last one had.“So, how much does your girl know?” That was Lyon’s greeting when I walked in. There’s a lot to be said about his work ethic; he’s usually the first one here in the morning. Then again, maybe that’s
Wow, when it rains, it pours. I’d sat on the floor long after Gabriel left, thinking over his words and trying to convince myself that it wasn’t as bad as I imagined. I’m always at war with myself these days when it comes to dealing with him. On the one hand, I so want to enjoy my newfound freedom; on the other, I dread how he’d react if I disobeyed him again.How do I get him to see me as more than a kid who needs him to protect me from everything? That I have a mind of my own. A mind that I’ve had to suppress all my life for fear of Sam killing me.I don’t feel the same oppression from Gabriel as I did with Sam, but still, it feels as if I’m once again under someone else’s thumb. Not that I mind being under Gabriel’s anything, and that’s probably what’s giving me fits. I’ve always chafed at Sam’s authority and strongarm tactics, but that was easy because Sam is just an awful human being.Gabriel, on the other hand, only wants to help and has been nothing but kind to mom and me. He’d
I’m completely out of my depth here. She’s not making a sound, but I can feel her pain in the way her body still shakes, in the way she’s trying to hold herself away from me even though we’re so close, and I know if I could see her face that there’d be tears in her eyes. My words didn’t seem to be having much effect on her, so I just sat there and held her until I felt the tension leave her body.“Are you ready to listen to me now?” She jumped up like her ass was on fire and gave me a start.“It’s time for breakfast, Bella’s hungry.” She walked away and out of the room before I could even get up from off the floor.“What the hell was that?”I started to go after her but got waylaid in the hallway by Emma and Nikki, who I had yet to greet. It had been months since I’d seen my sister’s best friend since my sister had been away on assignment when I was last home. I didn’t have time now either, but there was no point in being rude.“Hello Nikki, how are you? Listen…” I started to excuse my
Wolf has done a number on me. I sat there listening to them talk back and forth and looking for any sign that what he said was true. She sounded the same to me, shy and sweet. Even when Nikki made a crack about the only stores, they’d passed on the way into town being Walmart and some ninety-nine-cent store, neither Silla nor Chantal reacted negatively. It was Emma who shushed her and told her not to be rude.I didn’t think much of it because Nikki’s always been a bit of a snob. It happens when you come from the kind of money she comes from and the upbringing she’d had. Though Emma shares the same background and is completely different. The fact that they’ve remained friends for this long gives credence to the saying ‘opposites attract.’I did notice a slight stiffening of the shoulders from both Silla and Chantal, but they said nothing. “I have to ask, Silla, how do you get your skin to look like that?” Emma asked with a smile.“What do you mean?”“I mean, you don’t have even so much
I wanted to hang back to hear what Gabriel said to Chantal, but there was nowhere to hide and eavesdrop, so I made my way up to her room and paced back and forth with worry, biting my nails down to the quick the way Gabriel hates. I felt small and inadequate, inferior even, and that’s not a feeling I deal with very well. I’ve had years of imagining ways of fighting back, it’s all I could do as a young child under Sam’s fists, and then as a teen with no way of escaping, my imagination ran wild. But now that I’m free of Sam, there seems to be something else holding me in its grip, a new fear that I have no experience with.It's good that Chantal is still here. I’d been surprised to see her walk into the kitchen, but I didn’t say anything then because my mind was already preoccupied with the two newcomers at the table. I was still reeling from what I’d seen and not ready to face the feelings it had wrought; that’s why I’d run away from Gabriel and his explanations.My heart still hurt ev
This is insane. I thought I had it under control, but I didn’t expect the night to be like this. It wasn’t because of all the people that were here in the arena, though it had to be at full capacity, which was around two hundred and fifty thousand people, give or take about ten. No, what was bothering the hell out of me was the fact that my girl was in the middle of this shit. I didn’t think it would bother me this much, especially since I knew that there was no danger here, that the whole tunnel thing was the only thing going on, and the other players had already been taken down, but I couldn’t shake it off. I had this feeling like the feeling you get when someone has you in their crosshairs, but you don’t know which direction they’re in. It could be a case of transferred anxiety because Lyon has been ranting and raving since he got here about some shit going down. It was hell trying to hide my thoughts and feelings from Silla, who was happier than I’d ever seen her. Part
Lieutenant Morgan was more excited about the tickets than even I expected. She was so distracted that that excitement led to her being the one who invited me to tour the tunnels. I didn’t have to use my well-rehearsed speech to talk her into anything. It was so easy I almost grew suspicious until I remembered that this was just like the woman I know. She had no reason to suspect me of anything, and with my clearance, she’d see no issue letting me on site. But as we walked and talked, I couldn’t shake the feeling that someone else seemed to know her as well. Namely Lyon’s daughter. But how was that possible? I’m pretty sure the kid never met her in the flesh. While she talked about how excited her kid was going to be I was looking around for anything that would give any indication that there was more going on here and saw nothing. Not that I didn’t believe Lyon, I did, but that’s how good the operation was. We hopped into a golf cart, and she drove deeper into the tunne
“Where did you go? Did you have fun?” I tried not to sound too much like I was grilling her, but Flanagan and Quinn had me a bit paranoid with the things they’d said about their women and the shit they got up to. Not that I expect Silla to do any of those things; my little innocent is too sheltered for that. But there are other issues at hand. Like the fact that I’d only just started to convince myself that with Sam out of the picture, she was no longer in any danger, plus the fact that the mess I’d just waded through was geared toward kids, so she wasn’t in any real danger here. But I don’t know why I get the feeling that the guys are holding something back. I think Lyon might have told them to ease me into it, which begs the question of just how much worse it can get. I still have no idea what it is that they want me to do in the tunnels or even if I’d actually get the chance. Just because I’m military doesn’t mean they’ll roll out the red carpet, especially if they’re using
I guess Flanagan was wrong after all because the places the women drove to just seemed to be the usual tourist traps. They did take a little detour on the way back, but it seemed to be a more scenic route, something anyone might do when visiting a new place. It can’t be overlooked the fact that the mountains here are some of the most beautiful in the country. “I guess they did only go for a joyride after all.” I made the distinction out loud when I saw Flanagan and Quinn mapping the route they’d taken. “It’s good that you think that.” “What do you mean?” “Not sure yet; I’ll let you know when we figure out what they’re up to. I have to get this information to Lyon.” He reached for his phone while I went back to what I was doing, feeling at ease for the first time in hours since she left. Every once in a while, one of my boys would make a sound of disgust from across the room, but since I’d already given them the option to bow out, which they all refused, I saw it a
“What’s wrong boss? Something bothering you?” Mace asked me quietly as I watched the door where the women had just left. “No, it’s not that.” I couldn’t give him an answer because I didn’t know what it was that was making me twitchy about the whole thing. I wasn’t sure if it was my natural sixth sense or my new overprotectiveness where she was concerned. It didn’t help that Lyon’s men didn’t look too settled either at the idea of their women going joyriding in the middle of an Op. Maybe that was it. This whole situation has left me feeling more bereft than my first firefight. I’d rather dodge bullets in the desert than deal with this evil shit that I’d been pouring over for the last few hours. How anyone could deal with this shit day in and day out and not lose part of themselves is beyond me. It's only been a few hours, and my skin is already starting to crawl. Now, I’ve always known that men can be evil monsters; I’ve seen some of the worst they can do to each other, or
Shit, blast and damn. How do I leave her behind without hurting her feelings? She’s so dang innocent; I was sure a rebuff, though not meant to be one, would hurt her feelings. Was I ever this innocent? No, but some of my new sisters used to be when we first met, so I know the signs. I was thinking hard about a plausible excuse when she clapped her hands across her mouth and looked at me like she’d committed a crime.“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean… I just got so relaxed with you two; it’s like we’ve known each other forever. I didn’t mean to overstep; I’ll just go back to the room and leave you two alone.” She rambled off the words before starting to walk away, and both Kelly and I had to stop her. Okay, this one might be more sheltered than the others, and it almost broke my heart. Over the last couple of years, I’d come to recognize the signs of past trauma in women, and she had a boatload. “No, you didn’t overstep. I was just worried about how your man would r
This is happening. Things have been moving really fast in the last few days and the honeymoon was over. True to his word, Lyon had sent in a crew, or squad as he calls them. Two couples, the men seeming just as anxious as I was, having their women close to this shit. I wasn’t sure how we were supposed to do this, keeping the women in the dark, I mean. But I needn’t have worried because Quinn and Shane knew exactly what they were doing when it came to that part of the Op. Silla, I was happy to see, was only too happy to make two new friends, and these women must’ve taken classes or something because they had her hooked in no time at all. I’d barely seen her interactions with Chantal back at the house, but it was good to see that she played well with others. There was no cattiness among these women and I couldn’t help but notice the difference between these two, Arianna and Kelly and Nikki. It’s been days since I even thought about her, but I guess I figured one headach
I looked these people up when I had a chance, and I have to say, Lyon and his kid do get around. I wouldn't have pegged him for the type, but then again, what do I know? Silla was all but jumping out of her skin with excitement ever since I mentioned their names, but I have to count that as a plus since it kept her even more in the dark about what was really going on. I brought my boys up to speed on things later that night once she'd knocked herself out after playing Rodeo Queen on my dick. At least the news knocked the disrespectful smirks off my team's faces, and they switched gears from sticking their noses in my shit and got down to the business we were there for. "I'm only telling you now because it's been finalized on their end. When Lyon called earlier, it was just an idea they were playing around with, but now, apparently, it's a done deal. Here's the thing…" I filled them in on what Lyon had shared in his latest phone call, i.e., the fact that this Ryder person's past con
Penance, it has got to be. I can't come up with any other reason for me to be dealing with this mess right now. I've always prided myself on being at the top of my game in any given situation, but this shit has thrown me for a loop. For what has got to be the first time in my adult life, I find myself in a situation that I'm not completely in control of. Right now, I should be focused on the job; nothing is more important than that, at least there didn't used to be. But now, even with the danger I was sure was here, given the Intel we'd collected so far, all I could think about was her. And not even in a sexual, I wanna jump her bones every time I see her kind of way, but more like how can I put her in my pocket and keep her safely away from all this shit type of thing. It's not something I expected, not to this degree anyway, and no one ever told me that these things could happen, and if they had, I'd have said not to me. But I am living it, so it's real, and that brings me back t