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Chapter 20: All The Things That Aren't The Same
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2023-11-25 14:08:28Related chapters
The Fontaines of Hollywood series: The Sweet Taste of Sin Chapter 21: Our First Time
Dante's fingers freeze on my neck. His eyes are as deep and as vibrant as the ocean. "You were always a puzzle to me, Ash. As passionate as they come, quick to laugh and quick to anger, and at the same time so determined to bury your deepest, truest emotions way down inside." His thumb slides in a soft, slow arc against the front of my throat."I don't have to share everything with the world." I already seem to share way more than I'd like."No." There's a hint of a smile on his lips. "But you can't hide your emotions, Ash. Never completely. It's not in your nature. They shine out of you. Gleam through the cracks. Dance in your eyes and affect every move of your body. You fight them, but they find their way out."My eyes are stinging again, and even though there aren't any tears, if he's telling the truth, then I guess it doesn't matter whether my eyes are dry or wet or anywhere in between - either way, he can guess exactly how I'm feeling. I don't like it. It makes me feel too bare
Last Updated : 2023-11-25The Fontaines of Hollywood series: The Sweet Taste of Sin Chapter 22: It Will Never Be Over
It will never be over.The words haunt me. Torment me. Two days later, when I'm bent over a birthday cake in my bakery, they still bounce around in my head, still make my stomach twist and my breath quicken and my heart stutter.Because he's right, isn't he?It's been three years. Three years should be more than enough time to get over someone, even the guy who took your virginity. Even the first - and only - guy you've ever loved. Three years should be more than enough time to get on with your life - assuming you're a normal, well-adjusted person.I chew on my lip as I apply a scalloped band of frosting along the top edge of the cake. I'm perched on a stool today - a necessary adjustment, considering my ankle - and it feels unnatural. Normally I can lose myself in my work - hands-on vocations are wonderful for such things - but today I can't seem to find my zone. I suppose I should be grateful that it was my left wrist, not my right, that was hurt - that would have restricted me e
Last Updated : 2023-11-25The Fontaines of Hollywood series: The Sweet Taste of Sin Chapter 23: A Blind Date
A week after my conversation with Mama Pat, I'm preparing for my first date in... well, way too long.I survey myself in the mirror. After much debate over what to wear, I settled on a flowy, emerald-green dress that matches my eyes. It has a sweetheart neckline that shows just the right amount of cleavage - and the scattering of freckles on my chest - and the skirt floats out away from my thighs. It's a great dancing dress, the kind that twirls up around you when you spin, but I won't be doing much dancing tonight. My ankle is still in a brace, but at least my doctor has told me I don't need to use my crutches anymore. I'm wearing the only pair of ballet flats I own that fit over the brace. They aren't especially cute, but they'll do. And with some luck, Dean won't be staring much at my feet.I run my fingers through my hair one more time - my wrist, at least, is nearly back to normal - and smile at my reflection. My lips sport a delicate coat of pink lipstick, and my eyes a less de
Last Updated : 2023-11-25The Fontaines of Hollywood series: The Sweet Taste of Sin Chapter 24: From Bad Date To Worst Date
The date doesn't get better. But it doesn't get worse, either. It's just... fine. A pleasant meal with a pleasant man. But as we prattle on about general, innocuous things, Dante's words about what I need keep coming back to me. My conversations with Dante have never been just pleasant. They aren't always good - some of our recent interactions spring to mind - but they were never just conversations. They were always something more - a startling connection, a sharing of energy, a meeting of two sparks of life. I never really thought about them in that way when Dante and I were together, but it's hard not to recognize it now, when all of it is missing with Dean.But I'm not with Dante, and I don't want to be with him - in any way - ever again. I was lonely when I met him - so unbearably lonely that I'd hidden it even from myself - and he'd been there. He'd started to fill in the empty spaces inside of me. I became dependent on him. If it hadn't been him, it would have been someone else.
Last Updated : 2023-11-25The Fontaines of Hollywood series: The Sweet Taste of Sin Chapter 25: Date, Interrupted
Dante is here.Dante, who I'm supposed to be forgetting. Dante, who's supposed to be on a press tour right now. And not just Dante, no - he has someone else with him, too, and as I examine the second figure more closely, I realize it's his brother Luca. They're both covered up - sunglasses, layers, and in Luca's case, a baseball cap, and though both disguises would probably fool any casual observers, they don't get past me. My body is immediately on alert, fully aware of him even across the room.For a split second my heart stops, half expecting Emilia Torres to walk in behind them, but - thank God for small mercies - it's just the two brothers.That's still two more Fontaines than I wanted to see tonight.They stop just inside the door, glancing around. Most people in the bar don't seem to be aware that two of Hollywood's hottest celebrities have just walked through the door, but I can't tear my eyes away. Dante always captures my full attention. And this is the first time I've ev
Last Updated : 2023-11-25The Fontaines of Hollywood series: The Sweet Taste of Sin Chapter 26: "Tell Me You Love Him"
Dante stands over me, staring at me with an intensity that makes my insides go all twisty."Maybe you should let me walk away," I tell him, and my voice sounds ragged. "Did you ever think of that?""Yes." He places a hand against the bricks on one side of my head. "A hundred times."My heart is tumbling over itself. "Then why don't you?" Why are you still here, making this even harder on me?His other hand comes up on the other side of me, effectively pinning me against the wall. But he still doesn't touch me, even as he leans closer. He's so close I can feel his breath on my face."I've never stopped regretting the last time I let you walk away from me," he murmurs.I can't breathe. But I can't escape from him, either - not from his arms or his words or that look in his eyes."What happened to Jack?" he asks, his voice lower with every word. "Tell me, Ash."I don't know what to say. Part of me wants to continue the lie, to hold on to the one last protective barrier I have betw
Last Updated : 2023-11-25The Fontaines of Hollywood series: The Sweet Taste of Sin Chapter 27: A Tasting
"How did it go?" Mama Pat asks.It's two days after my date with Dean - the first time Mama Pat is working since that dramatic evening - and she's nearly bursting as she pulls out her ingredients for a batch of strawberry cupcakes. I'm guessing from her grin that she hasn't spoken to Dean yet."He's very nice," I say. "And you were right - he's really cute."Her eyebrow rises. She knows me too well. "But?""But there wasn't any chemistry," I say, then add, "Sadly. Because he seems like a sweet guy." I still feel a twinge - okay, more than a twinge - of guilt over how I handled things. Because even though I know Dean and I don't have a future, he still deserved better. I still have no idea if he guessed what happened between Dante and me against the side of the bar - he didn't ask where I'd been when I returned to the table, and he didn't ask about Dante at all - but it was clear he knew that there was no point in dragging things out any longer. When he dropped me off at my house, h
Last Updated : 2023-11-25The Fontaines of Hollywood series: The Sweet Taste of Sin Chapter 28: Heating Up In The Kitchen
I'm testing a spicy variation of my new caramel recipe when the jingle of the bell on my bakery's door announces Dante's arrival at a quarter to four on Monday afternoon.I freeze. He's early. I should have known he'd be early.My last three hours have been spent in intense concentration. It's easy to let my mind wander when I'm making recipes I've made a hundred times before. But when I'm testing things, I want to make sure I take in every detail, notice every shift in color or texture, taste or smell. It has made it much easier to forget about why I'm here today.But now that Dante has arrived, I can't distract myself anymore - and I refuse to examine whether my heart has sped up due to nerves or anticipation."I'm in the kitchen!" I call. The caramel sauce I'm stirring has just started to thicken and I can't walk away. "I'll be out in a minute."There's no response. But a second later, I hear the kitchen door swing open behind me."Give me a moment to finish this sauce," I say
Last Updated : 2023-11-25
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The Fontaines of Hollywood series: The Sweet Taste of Sin Chapter 55: Is This Our Happily Ever After?
My stomach explodes with butterflies - but I'm not sure whether I'm excited or anxious as Dante slides his arm around me and leads me from the room. This whole evening - this whole relationship - is a lot to take in.He takes me out behind the house. The sun has gone down, casting the grounds in shadow, but from what I can see, the property is gorgeous. Like Dante, Charles and Giovanna have a large pool, but Dante leads me around the edge of the water to the terrace overlooking the gardens below.I grab onto the wrought-iron rail and tilt my head back, looking up at the sky. It's a clear night, and though the lights of the city cast a green-gold glow on the sky, there are still hundreds of stars winking back at me.Dante is quiet - too quiet. After a moment, I glance over at him, and I find him looking up at the sky with an expression I can't read. But he's got his lips pressed tightly together."What is it?" I ask.One corner of his mouth drifts up. "I was just trying to think of
The Fontaines of Hollywood series: The Sweet Taste of Sin Chapter 54: The Fontaines
The mansion of Charles and Giovanna Fontaine is insane.It's huge, of course. And gorgeous. And surrounded by grounds that make it look like we're somewhere in Tuscany. If I thought Dante's house was intimidating, it's nothing compared to this.Though I'm sure the fact that I'm about to meet his parents isn't helping my nerves.I'm a bundle of anxiety as Dante leads me through the front door. His arm is hooked through mine, his fingers offering a reassuring touch on my inner wrist."You look gorgeous," he murmurs to me as he leads me across the foyer and into the formal living room. "They're going to love you."The rest of his family is already here, and my breath stops as I take them in. At least one of the advantages of dating a Fontaine is that I already know the names of many of the people here in this room - there won't be any awkward lapses of memory later. Still, meeting everyone at once is more than a little intimidating. It's not just the fact that they're Dante's family,
The Fontaines of Hollywood series: The Sweet Taste of Sin Chapter 53: And I Thought We Were Complicated
"What about the press?" I ask Dante."We'll face together. We might have to deal with some rumors after word gets out that I've dropped Cataclysm: Aftermath. But we'll manage. Maybe I can arrange for us to take an extended trip to Bali."I laugh and wipe away a tear. "You know I can't leave my bakery for that long.""Then we'll figure out something else. But we'll do it together." He sobers a little. "I want you to tell me if you get any more harassing messages.""Only if you promise to tell me what's going on with your work." I look down at my hands on his chest. "I'm not trying to pry, I just...""I know." He tilts my face back up toward his. "We have a lot to share. A lot to keep discovering about each other." He twirls a loose strand of my hair around his finger, still looking far too serious. "You'll still have reporters and paparazzi poking around for a while, I'm afraid. I'm hoping that if I stay away from any high-profile projects, we might get a little privacy, but you ne
The Fontaines of Hollywood series: The Sweet Taste of Sin Chapter 52: This Can't Be Happening
This can't be happening. Not here, not like this. This is too soon. This is too crazy."Dante..." I whisper. I can't make this decision with all of these people watching."I shredded that script," he murmurs against the backs of my fingers. "I told them to find someone else to rewrite it.""You didn't have to - ""I did. And I'd do it again."Panic is rising in my chest. "Dante, if we could go somewhere a little more private..."He brushes his lips against my knuckles. "I'll follow you anywhere you wish to go."I pull him to his feet and lead him back through the kitchen, past a wide-eyed Mama Pat and straight into the walk-in cooler. I have no idea what I'm going to say or do. But the moment the door is shut behind us, I find myself sinking against his chest.His arms come up around me - one around my waist, the other around my upper back, squeezing me to him as if he never intends to let me go. I press my face against his shirt."I'm scared," I whisper. "I'm so scared, Dante
The Fontaines of Hollywood series: The Sweet Taste of Sin Chapter 51: Oh. My. God.
My "vacation" doesn't leave me feeling much better.Sure, I get plenty of food and plenty of sleep - and both Mama Pat and her husband are kind, generous hosts - but my heart still feels heavy. I feel lost. Dragged out by a rip tide. And I'm not sure what to do but continue to push on. The moment I heard back from Jack - he agreed to meet for lunch this coming week, thank goodness - I switched off my phone. I've avoided television and the internet. I need time to think.But thinking is hard when I'm like this. Every time I close my eyes I feel Dante's arms around me. Feel his lips against mine. Feel his fingers on my skin. Sometimes, I let myself sink into those fantasies. But every time I do, the feelings of love and desire are quickly drowned beneath a rush of pain and fear. I love him. I love him so much I don't know what to do with myself. He holds my heart in his hands, could break it without any effort at all - and he knows exactly where my weak spots are. I hate that he has th
The Fontaines of Hollywood series: The Sweet Taste of Sin Chapter 50: Running Away
Mama Pat is my savior. She picks me up from Dante's house, and I don't think I've ever been happier to have a mama hen in my entire life.The moment I slide into her car she looks me up and down. "Need to talk about it, honey?"I shake my head. If I say a word about Dante, I'll lose my carefully maintained self-control, and I'm barely holding myself together as it is."Thank you for coming to get me," I tell her. "Normally I'd have called Jack, but he and I aren't exactly on good terms right now.""You know I'm always here for you, my dear."I do know. Mama Pat's been the closest thing I've had to a mother since my own died, and something about the way she's looking at me now - with compassion and understanding - softens me. I need a friend, a mom, right now."I'm an idiot," I say, leaning my head against the car window. "I should have known I wasn't strong enough to handle this. I knew I was being stupid and emotional... but I let myself fall right back into his arms.""Don't b
The Fontaines of Hollywood series: The Sweet Taste of Sin Chapter 49: My Heart Breaks Again
I can tell the exact moment Dante's eyes land on the sheet of paper because his fingers freeze. "Where did you get that?""Your notes blew off the table and I was picking them up." I shouldn't have looked at them, I know, but it's too late for such regrets. "Is this a character in your script? You're using this? Using me?"He doesn't speak for a long moment. Too long. And when the words finally come, he talks slowly, as if choosing every word carefully. "Writers use real people as inspiration sometimes, Ash. It helps us create characters that feel authentic. But a lot of influences go into a character. Bits and pieces from different people and different experiences."I'm still frozen in his arms. "Her name is Ashley.""That was the director's decision. It's his girlfriend's name - purely a coincidence.""But this note about me isn't a coincidence. You have a comment about her running a bakery... about her having emotional baggage..." But my eyes keep going back to the weaknesses:
The Fontaines of Hollywood series: The Sweet Taste of Sin Chapter 48: Finding the Script
I wake to the soft in-and-out of Dante's breath against my cheek.We're in his bed, and for once, I've woken before him. My body is draped across his, and his chest rises and falls beneath my arm. I can feel his slow, steady heartbeat beneath the pads of my fingers.For a long moment, I just lie there and stare at him. Watch the slight flutter of his dark lashes against his cheeks. Admire the long, hard lines of his body. He has a habit of kicking the sheets off while he sleeps, so most of his well-muscled form is in view. I let my fingers drift across the plane of his chest, following the path my mouth took last night. It must be close to dawn because the light that leaks in through the window is pale pink against his skin.I'm not sure how long I lie there watching him. My body feels languid, content. Any tension or anxiety I felt last night disappeared beneath Dante's passionate touch. I feel like we could take on the world together.We left the window cracked last night, and a
The Fontaines of Hollywood series: The Sweet Taste of Sin Chapter 47: All The Truth I Need
"Men were threatening you?" Dante demands. "Men you know?" His voice is so strained that he hardly even sounds like himself.I shake my head. "Strangers."The muscles of his chest are rigid beneath my hands. He doesn't move - doesn't even breathe - for a full minute."Why didn't you tell me this?" he demands finally. His eyes bore into me."I knew it would upset you.""Of course it upsets me!""Well, it's not like there's anything we can do about it," I say."You still should have told me." He releases me and turns away, his hands going to his hair."What good has it done, telling you?" I say. "You don't tell me everything, either. We've just started seeing each other again. It's okay to still have some secrets."He turns back toward me. "And what secrets do you think I'm hiding from you?""Not secrets, necessarily," I say. "But you dodge all of my questions about your work." Between the tense phone calls and his odd behavior at the studio, something is definitely going on.
