The moment Rafe kisses me, I'm powerless to do anything but fall into his arms. My head tilts back, allowing him full access to my mouth, and my arms wrap around him, sliding beneath his jacket and right up against his T-shirt. The fabric is thin enough to let me feel all the muscles of his back, and they shift beneath his skin as he hauls me against his body.We're never going to get anything settled if we keep falling into each other's arms every time we see each other. For the time being, though, I can't bring myself to care. We have a long time to figure out the whole baby thing. In this moment, I just want to be near him. To feel his body against mine.He walks me backwards into the bathroom. We push the door closed behind us, and I hear him click the lock on the knob. The moment we're safely alone, he grabs my skirt and pulls it up around my hips. I should stop him, but I don't. Instead, I release his back and find the zipper of his pants. I push them down as he hooks his thumb
Rafe doesn't answer me. But our gazes are still locked in the reflection of the mirror, and I swear, I see his walls begin to fall. Just a little. His hands tighten almost imperceptibly on my waist.And then a knock sounds on the door, making us jerk apart. The doorknob wiggles.I look up at Rafe in a panic. I should have expected someone to come looking for the bathroom at some point. But there's no way for us to leave without it being obvious exactly what was going on in here.Rafe just shrugs, his usual, wicked smile returning to his face. The man who was staring back at me in the mirror a moment ago - the man who I met at the river - is gone, and the more guarded Rafe is back. That Rafe doesn't seem to care if his family knows what we were doing.My eyes dart around the bathroom. There aren't any windows to escape through. No shower curtain to hide behind. If we stay in here long enough, maybe whoever's out there will give up and go find another bathroom, but we can't count on
Someone comes up behind us. "Where'd Rafe run off to?"It's Luca, and he grins and hangs an arm around Ashlyn's shoulder, watching his brother's back disappear down the hallway. "Is he on the phone?""Weird, right?" Ashlyn says. "I was just telling Edie how strange that is. She has no idea what he's up to, either.""To be fair, I don't know him that well." Even if I'm having his baby. Admitting that around his family - who may or may not know the whole story - makes me blush harder, and I silently curse myself. I need to learn how to control myself around these people. I can't turn into a tomato every time I'm slightly embarrassed. I wish I could be more like Ashlyn - self-assured and confident, even around these celebrities. I feel like everyone here can see right through me.If Luca notices how red I am, he doesn't rub it in."Well, if you want to learn more about Rafe, you've come to the right place," he says. "Have I got some stories for you. Did he tell you about the time he
Rafe stays by my side for the rest of the night. He's always touching me, sometimes in small ways - a light brush of his finger down my arm, or a quick sweep of my hair behind my ear - and sometimes in more possessive ways. He likes to keep his hand on my lower back, his fingers spread and his palm pressed firmly against my spine, and I find I like that, too. More than once I find myself wishing I was wearing the same dress I had on the other night, where my back was almost completely exposed, so I could feel his skin right against mine.No one comments on our sudden intimacy - not even Rafe's parents - though I catch Ashlyn watching me carefully all night. I notice a few curious glances from Orlando, too, but he doesn't say anything to me. At one point, when I sneak away to actually use the bathroom, I return to find Orlando and Rafe deep in conversation, but Orlando walks away before I return to Rafe's side.I want to hear more stories about Rafe's childhood from his family. But Ra
My eyelids are growing heavier by the second. In the warmth of his embrace, it's hard to fight it."You should have looked," I whisper. Or at least I think I do. I'm pretty sure I fall asleep, because the next thing I'm aware of is Ashlyn's voice."There you are."I open my eyes. Everything is dark, but I can make out a silhouette coming toward us. Groggily, I sit up, and Rafe lets out a gasp of air as I accidentally elbow him in the stomach."Sorry," I say, trying to sit up the rest of the way. I have no idea how long we've been out here. Golden light spills out onto the terrace from the open french doors, and I can still hear laughter coming from inside."What time is it?" I ask.Ashlyn is beside us now. "About one. Dante and I are ready to leave, if you are."Instantly, Rafe's arm slides around me. He raises himself slightly on the chair, pulling me against his side."I'll look after her tonight," he says. His tone makes it clear exactly what sort of looking after he intends
Even though I'm still exhausted, I'm wide awake now. I know I won't be able to sleep until I answer some of the questions I have.Unfortunately, I have no idea how to answer any of my questions about the mysterious man I saw at the party. Without a name or any other identifying information, it's impossible to research him. Instead, I start with a simple search for "Raphael Fontaine." It pulls up some things I know and some things I don't. It also brings me to his official website. Curious, I click on the link.And instantly wish I hadn't, because it just makes me heartsick with longing.The main page of his website features a number of professional photos of him, each one more stunning than the last. One of them shows off his muscled chest to perfection. The next showcases his strong, hard jawline, with that exquisite dusting of stubble. The next shows him flexing his arms, and even the artful tattoos up and down his biceps don't distract from the well-formed muscles.Finally, ther
I wake to the sound of an engine revving. Loudly.For a moment, I think I'm back home. It reminds me of my neighbor Wallace and his giant pickup truck - I always knew when he had a girl over because he used to sit in his driveway and rev his engine to show off. The first few times it happened, it woke me up - you sleep odd hours when you work the night shift - so the third time, I threw on some clothes and walked over to ask him to stop. He apologized with some peanut butter cookies his cousin had sent him, and they were so good that I couldn't be mad anymore. After that, any time he had one of his car-revving sessions, baked goods often showed up on my doorstep soon after. Usually it just ended up being chocolate sandwich cookies from the Corner Mart, but it's impossible to be mad when you have cookies.My stomach rumbles as I think about cookies. How can I be so hungry again? I blame you, sweet one.I roll over, too sleepy to get out of bed just yet. The revving outside continues,
Sometime later, Rafe pulls into the parking lot of a fancy-looking building right on the beach. My eyes skim right past the shiny sign - apparently this is the Silver Heron Club - to the view beyond."The Club owns this stretch of beach," Rafe says. "Only members have access to it, and we should have the beach to ourselves at this hour."I don't answer. I'm too busy grinning at the expanse of ocean in front of us. The sight of it still fills me with unbridled joy. And it looks absolutely glorious today under the morning sun - I see a million shades of blue and green, plus silver and gold where the light hits the water. Waves create an endless rippling pattern across the surface, stretching as far as I can see. I always imagined the ocean as a large, flat body of water, but in reality it's alive - alive and in constant motion, swelling and shivering, reflecting the sunlight back in a thousand ways, changing every minute.Isn't it marvelous, sweet one?"Edie?"His voice makes me jum
I learn a few things in the ride to the hospital: first, that we're somewhere in southern Idaho. Second, that Rafe was in Las Vegas when Matt contacted him to tell him he had me."Don't ask me about Vegas, please," Rafe begs me. "I haven't exactly been coping well since you left me. And for the love of God, don't read any of the tabloids that come out in the next week."And I'm okay with not knowing. This time.He stays with me at the hospital, holding my hand the entire time. Now that the immediate danger has passed and I've calmed down a little, I'm not as worried about the baby. I can't explain how I know, but I sense that he or she is still safe and sound inside me. Just perhaps a little stunned by the whole ordeal.You're okay, sweet one, aren't you?Rafe isn't nearly as confident. His grip on my hand is like iron, and he's gone at least two shades paler since we entered the hospital. Like the last time, he barks at both the doctors and the nurses, demanding to know why we ar
Rafe presses his mouth against my hair. My temple. My ear. My cheek. He rains kisses down on me - soft, gentle kisses that are sweet enough to make me forget the pain for a moment.And then I remember where we are."Where is he?" I ask. "Where did he go?" I lift my head, and for the first time since leaving the trunk, I look around. We appear to be at some sort of rest stop, only judging by the condition of this place, it's been out of use for some time. The building is run down, the roof partially caved in on the right side. The single vending machine has been smashed open, and there's not a single snack left inside. The parking lot is overgrown with weeds."He took off walking down the highway," Rafe says. "But he won't get far. I have a few friends waiting for him.""Friends?""Let's just say a local motorcycle gang owes me a favor from a few years ago."I lean back, looking up at him. As usual, his response brings up more questions than answers. But I try to focus on the most
"You fucking bastard," Rafe says. His back is rigid, his hands clenched. In the back waistband of his jeans I see the handle of a gun, and I'm both shocked and relieved to see that he has one, too. But it does him no good tucked away like that. If he moves a muscle, Matt might shoot him where he stands."I tried to do this the nice way," Matt says, "but you wouldn't listen to reason.""What do you want?" Rafe asks. "More money?"Matt shakes his head. "No. We're past that.""Then why the hell won't you leave me alone?""Because you fucked me over. And when you fuck me over, I fuck you over."The panic is threatening to take over me again. Rafe is in trouble. Matt clearly has no intention of negotiating anything. If anything, it's beginning to sound like he lured Rafe out here to murder him. I can't let that happen - but what can I do, bound and gagged like this?I don't have many options. But all Rafe needs is for Matt to be distracted for a second or two - just enough time to re
I wake to a splitting headache and shooting pains up and down my arms.At first, I don't remember what happened to me. And I don't understand why I can't move my body properly. Everything aches, but there's noticeably sharper pain at my wrist and ankles, as well as running from my hands all the way up to my shoulders.My arms are trapped behind my back, I notice as I twist slightly. That's why they hurt so much. I try to move them, but I find that my wrists are tied. So are my ankles.That's when I remember everything - the creeping sensation in the parking lot, the sudden appearance of Rafe's sketchy friend, the way he grabbed me and held something over my mouth.He chloroformed me.Panic shoots though my body - first for myself, for the briefest of seconds, and then for my baby.Oh my God, my baby.I try to scream, but there's a gag in my mouth and the sound is muffled. Wherever I am, it's too dark to see anything. I writhe, trying to loosen the bonds around my wrists and ankl
Very quickly, my life falls into a pattern again - work, sleep, chores around the house, errands. After the first week, people seem to realize that I'm not on the cusp of a breakdown, and many of them begin to acknowledge the baby. Men hold doors open for me, women ask how I'm feeling, and I receive a couple of anonymous gifts on my doorstep - a bundle of hand-me-down baby clothes, tied up in a soft blanket, and a few care-worn books about pregnancy and baby care. I feel a tinge of heartache at the sight of the books - they remind me of the ones on Rafe's desk - so I set them aside for the time being. There's still plenty of time to come back to them later.See? I tell myself on the ninth day after my return. You don't need him. You already have all of the support you need right here. I rub my hand across my softly rounded belly. We'll make it, sweet one. One way or another.I can almost believe that, at least when I'm awake. Every morning, when I fall into my bed to sleep, I dream o
- THREE DAYS LATER - This is how air is supposed to smell. Funny, that that's the first thing I notice when I step outside my door. I'd forgotten what fresh, clean air smells like. How it feels on my skin. If I close my eyes, I can pick out all the pieces of it - the faint scent of spruce, the hint of moisture that means we'll have rain sometime during the night, the crisp coolness the wind picks up in its trip across the valley.I knew I missed home, but now I wonder how I ever survived away from it for so long. There's a peacefulness here, a wildness that makes me feel like everything is going to be all right.Some of the time, anyway.Now I just have to stop missing Rafe. There's a familiar pang of loss in my stomach, but I ignore it and head to work. I feel like I'm doing that a lot these days – shoving down the feelings I don't know how to deal with right now.Even the Dandelion Diner looks more cheerful than I remember. The fluorescent lights on the sign welcome me back wit
I wait until the middle of the night to leave. I know he deserves better, but I don't trust myself to actually walk away if I have to do it face-to-face.Carefully, I pull away from the circle of his arms. His breathing is steady and deep, and he hardly even stirs as I quietly slip out of bed. I gather my few things and quickly dress. I've been debating whether or not to leave him a note, to tell him where I've gone and why. It feels less cowardly, somehow, to write him a message, even if I'm still sneaking away while he's asleep.I pause next to the bed, looking down at him. He looks so big and strong, even when he's asleep, but there's a slight softness about him, too. It's that softness that makes my heart ache now.Against my better judgment, I lean down over him, brushing my lips softly against his brow."Goodbye," I whisper.Then I sneak quietly out the bedroom door.I make it about ten paces before I first have to fight the urge to turn back. But I place my hand on my bell
I stumble into one of the downstairs bathrooms, my stomach heaving. But when I bend over the toilet, nothing comes up.It actually explains a lot, the drugs. It explains why Rafe has been so secretive about who he is outside of the time he spends with me. And why he got so upset that I'd researched him online - maybe one of his arrests was drug related, or maybe his habit was openly discussed in the tabloids. Why didn't Cynthia warn me about that? Why didn't Ashlyn?It also may explain the mysterious man who keeps showing up where Rafe is. What if he's Rafe's dealer? He certainly looked the part. Or worse - what if Rafe is his dealer? Maybe acting and modeling isn't wild or dangerous enough for Rafe and he started a little side business just to entertain himself.I understand now why he's been so closed-mouthed about all of this. He knew it would be a deal-breaker, that I'd never agree to raise my baby around someone actively involved with drugs.I'm so sorry, sweet one, I think. I
This is dangerous. I need to take care of myself - need to guard myself against him somehow. But how? He can completely undo me with a single touch.When we reach Rafe's house, I'm still a little light-headed. Hot and heavy sex will do that to you. As I try to clear the brain fog, Rafe puts a warm, steady hand on my waist."I'm going to go hop in the shower," he says. "Care to join me?"It will be more than a shower, I know."I'm going to go grab a glass of water first," I say. "I'll join you in a minute."He dips his head and bites me right where my neck meets my shoulder. I gasp in pleasure, and he releases me with a devilish grin on his face. He wants to make sure I'm still aching for him before he walks away.It's on wobbly legs that I make my way to the kitchen. I grab a glass of water and fill it at the faucet, wondering why I can't seem to escape this complicated mess. As I wait for my glass to fill, I look down at my belly. I spread my fingers and press my hand against it