The weekend comes all too soon.I'll admit, a small part of me is a little intrigued and excited by the thought of living in this gorgeous mansion, but mostly I'm sad about leaving my own home. To celebrate the release of Cataclysm: Earth, I bought myself a charming little bungalow right on the beach. It's the one "splurge" I've allowed myself since landing this role - everything else goes into an account for my family, when and if they decide they want it.Javy still hasn't told me what's going on. He hasn't been responding to my calls or texts all week, and yesterday I finally caved and called my dad, ready to spill what little information I knew. When I brought up Javy, though, my dad informed me that my little brother was out with my mom, getting fitted for his wedding tux. At least I know he's not dead in a ditch somewhere. Maybe he got his problem under control all by himself - not that that keeps me from worrying. I left a very threatening voicemail for Javy this morning, and
I slip off my shoes and pull my feet up onto the chaise, crossing my legs and straightening my back. I rest my hands softly on my knees and take a long, deep breath, trying to draw my thoughts back to my breathing.Meditation, my dad taught me, is not about driving away your thoughts or clearing your mind. It's about practiced focus. Thoughts may come - and with me, they always do - but you're supposed to just acknowledge them and let them drift past. It's supposed to give you objectivity. Calm. Patience with yourself.Yeah, you get taught a lot of weird New Age-y stuff when your dad wrote his dissertation on the intersection of philosophy, religion, and productivity in the modern work environment.It's hard to do when I'm this antsy. I resist the urge to wiggle my fingers on my knees. No matter how hard I try, I can't focus on my breath. My mind refuses to calm down.Finally, after several infuriating minutes, I let out a frustrated sound and throw myself back on the pillow. Maybe
"There's sparkling water, too, if you'd prefer," Luca says."Oh, it's not for me," I say quickly. "I thought I'd be polite and get something for the movers." I don't know why I'm so nervous to admit that - it's not like I'm doing anything wrong. If anything, I suspect Luca would encourage me to do whatever possible to make sure that I uphold my end of our contract. I need to distract myself so I don't keep replaying that orgasm in my head."In that case," he says, smiling, "there's plenty of beer in there, too.""Great, thanks."I head back over to the fridge, only Luca gets there at the same time, and somehow I manage to run right into him. The glass falls from my hand, shattering against the tiles below."Shit," I say, dropping to my knees."Be careful." Luca kneels down beside me.We both reach for the same piece of glass at the same time, and our fingers touch. Electricity shoots up my arm.I jerk my hand back. "I... I'll go get the vacuum. Where do you keep it?""There's
Turns out, living in Luca's house is as complicated as I expected, but not for the reasons I thought.Over the next several days, I manage to avoid Luca most of the time we're at home. It isn't hard - we've had some long days on set, which means we often just head straight to our separate beds when we get back. On the nights we have a little extra time, I usually spend it preparing for our upcoming scenes while Luca goes down to the home gym in his basement and squeezes in some training.But even though I can avoid him, I can't avoid all the random baggage I have regarding this house. I try to stay out of the dining room at all costs, but that's not the only place where Luca and I share a less-than-pleasant memory. One night when I can't sleep, I'm wandering around the ground floor and stumble into the living room. Instantly, my mind goes back to the first time I was in this room.It was a week after I'd signed Luca's contract. I was still reeling from the jarring realization that h
The memory of our first kiss is sobering, especially after the events of the last couple of weeks. But it's one I've desperately needed to recall. I haven't forgotten those vows I made to myself, and I intend to keep them for the rest of my life.I'll go crazy if I don't.Almost a week after the move, I find myself lying in bed, watching the night sky outside my window. My mom called me twice tonight - once to ask my opinion about what color dress she should wear to Sara's wedding, and once to chastise me for not telling her and my dad that Luca and I were moving in together. After my argument with Luca last weekend, I completely forgot to call her. I ended up telling her that I was worried what Dad's very Catholic parents would think about me living with a guy out of wedlock, but I'm not sure she bought it.Just tell her, I thought more than once during our conversation. Just tell her the truth. But I couldn't get the words to leave my tongue. I ended up just apologizing profusely
I freeze. I've never seen Luca like this before - looking so utterly dejected. I've seen him show mild concern, mild anger, mild worry...you get the idea. But even at those times, his smile was usually only a few seconds away. His mask always seemed to return the moment he realized he'd let it slip.But this...Clearly he doesn't know I'm here. Even around me - maybe especially around me - he rarely shows his true self, as far as I can tell. He's certainly never expressed anything close to what I'm seeing now. And he's definitely never mentioned any potential problems in his life that could lead to such a dark emotion.Maybe he's practicing a scene, I think. But I know better than that - I've memorized our script, after all.No - something in my gut tells me this is real. He's not wearing a shirt, and I can see the tension in every line of his well-muscled back. I set down the corkscrew and start to walk toward the door, ready to offer what advice and support I can.But I stop aft
Luca is staring at me, waiting for me to tell him why he, of all people, shouldn't be noticing my body."Isn't it obvious?" I say, flustered. "Considering - shit! The bath!" I dart past him down the hall, back toward my room. I'm nearly to the door before I remember the whole reason I left in the first place. I spin back around. "Towels. I need towels.""There should be some in the closet just down - "I nearly run into him again as I dart past. I throw open the door he indicated and grab as many towels as I can hold."Get as many as you can," I tell him.He still looks confused, but he comes over to the closet. I run back down the hall and into my bedroom.The water has soaked further into the carpet. I throw down a couple of towels and stomp on them, trying to absorb as much liquid as possible. The rest of the towels I throw down on the bathroom floor."Whoa. What happened here?"Luca is standing in the doorway, his arms full of towels and his eyebrows practically up to his g
I don't sleep much. When I wake, there's still a heavy lump in my throat, though I don't know whether it's from guilt or nerves or some other emotion. Some days I'm not sure I can even identify real emotions anymore.When I check my phone, there are text messages from my mom and Sara. I rub my eyes as I skim through them. Most of them are about the wedding. Something tells me I'm not going to be able to put off their questions about whether or not Luca will be attending much longer.Javy hasn't contacted me yet, but I try not to read too much into that.For now, I need to get dressed and get some breakfast. And about three cups of coffee. I roll out of bed and make my way down the hall to my old bedroom.The workers are gone, but some of their equipment is still here. Judging by the state of the floor, it looks like they decided to tear up some of the tiles. Guilt surges through me. Shit. The damage must have been worse than I realized.I'm still a little confused about what happe