Chapter 5

WILLOW

Present

Everything was real. I knew Harper and the mysterious woman had murdered me. They are to blame for my death. But God still loves me. God didn't abandon me. All I have to do is take responsibility and find ways to prove that they killed me. That I had already died and been reborn by God. For now, I need to act like I don't know what will happen in my future. I need to act innocent to know the culprit behind my death.

Nobody would believe me if I told them what happened to me, I'm sure. Even my family, mostly my husband. Worst case scenario, they'll label me insane. I need to find evidence that the incident happened. I'm not going to squander God’s trust in me. This time, I'm prepared. I need to be stronger than before!

I took a deep breath and went downstairs. This day should be a normal day for me. I saw my husband, Lucas, sitting in his office chair on the ground floor. He is engrossed in his work as usual.

Should I tell my husband what happened to me?

No. He won’t believe me, anyway. So I approached him cautiously, my heart heavy with the weight of unspoken truths. Our marriage had always been one of convenience, a carefully constructed façade to satisfy his family's expectations. I had played the role of the trophy wife, adorning his arm at social events, while my own ideal of having a happy family, dreams and desires withered away.

"Lucas," I said softly, my voice trembling with a mix of resignation and longing.

He looked up from his papers, his gaze meeting mine. There was a weariness in his eyes, a distance that had grown between us over the years. "What do you want?" he replied, his tone devoid of warmth or affection. He wasn’t even looking at me.

I took a deep breath, gathering my courage. "I... I've been thinking," I stammered, my voice barely above a whisper. "We've been living this way for so long, pretending that everything is fine. But... but it's not, Lucas. Our marriage... it's empty. It's suffocating."

A flicker of annoyance crossed his face, swiftly masked by a mask of indifference. "What are you trying to say, huh?" he asked, his voice laced with impatience.

Tears welled up in my eyes, threatening to spill over. "I can't keep living like this, Lucas!" I admitted, my voice trembling with a mixture of sadness and defiance. "I need more than being a trophy wife, more than an accessory to your life. I need love, respect, and a partner who sees me for who I truly am!”

Lucas sighed, his expression hardened. "You knew what you were getting into when we got married!" he said dismissively. "You knew the role you were expected to play. If you're unhappy, perhaps you should reevaluate your expectations!”

His words struck me like a dagger to the heart, a painful reminder of my place in his life. I had known what I was getting into, but I had hoped that love and companionship would blossom over time. Instead, I had become a prisoner in my own home, a decoration to be paraded around, but never truly seen.

The tears I had fought so hard to hold back spilled down my cheeks, my voice choked with emotion. "Is this all I am to you, Lucas? A trophy wife? A convenient arrangement? Don't you see that I'm drowning in this life, suffocating under the weight of unfulfilled dreams and unspoken truths?"

Lucas remained silent, his eyes avoiding mine. The silence spoke volumes, confirming my worst fears. I was nothing more than a burden, a reminder of a life he had reluctantly chosen.

"I deserve more than this, Lucas! You know it!" I whispered, my voice barely audible. 

Lucas's anger had flared, and my heart pounded in my chest, torn between hurt and jealousy. I had dared to voice my desires, to demand more from our marriage, and it had only elicited his wrath.

"You're impossible, Willow!" Lucas spat, his face contorted with frustration. "All you do is demand and complain! Can't you see that I'm doing everything I can to provide for you, to give you a comfortable life? That is all that you want, right?!”

His words stung like a thousand needles, and my eyes flashed with a mix of anger and hurt. "All I want is to be seen and loved for who I am, Lucas!" I retorted, my voice trembling with emotion. "But you only see me as a burden, as someone who should be grateful for the life you've given me!”

Lucas laughed bitterly, the sound grating on my already frayed nerves. "Grateful? You should be grateful that I took you in, that I gave you a place in this family," he sneered, his words cutting deep.

I took a step closer, my hands trembling with suppressed emotion. "I never asked for this life, Lucas. I never asked to be a trophy wife or to be paraded around like a showpiece. I just wanted your love and respect. Your time,”

His eyes narrowed, and a cruel smirk played at the corner of his lips. "Respect is earned, Willow. And right now, you're not doing much to earn it."

The words hit me like a slap in the face, and tears welled up in my eyes. "Is that all I am to you? A disappointment?" I whispered, my voice breaking.

Lucas sighed, frustration evident in his every movement. "You're making this so much harder than it needs to be," he said, his tone exasperated. "Can't you just be content with what you have? Not everyone gets the opportunity to live a life like yours! You should be grateful!”

Anger flared within me, fueled by the injustice of his words. "You think I'm happy living like this?" I shot back, my voice rising. "You think I don't see the way you look at other women, the way you enjoy their company while I'm left here, suffocating in this gilded cage?"

For a moment, his composure wavered, and I saw a flicker of guilt in his eyes. But it was quickly replaced by a defensive anger. "You're overreacting, Willow! They’re just friends! Business partners! You're blowing things out of proportion!”

"No, I'm not!" I cried, my voice breaking as I struggled to keep my emotions in check. "I deserve more than this, Lucas! I deserve a husband who loves and cherishes me, who sees me as more than just an accessory to his life."

He took a step back, his face contorted with anger. "Maybe you should find that husband then," he spat, the words a cold dismissal.

The tears I had been holding back finally spilled over, and I turned away, unable to bear the pain any longer. "Maybe I will," I whispered, my voice barely audible.

“Good luck with that, my wife. I doubt if there’s a guy who will like you given you have nothing to offer,” Lucas's smug expression twisted my insides, his words laced with condescension. 

How could he belittle my worth like this? I am his wife! For pete’s sake! I had reached my breaking point, and the anger within me surged like a roaring fire! I wouldn’t let him speak to me like this anymore!