My head is pounding. My hands shake violently as I work to quietly open the front door and get safely inside of my house. How far did I walk? 5 miles? 6? I feel like I'm going to vomit and I walk into the kitchen. The clock on the stove reads 4am.
Shit.
The house is dark and warm as I beeline for the upstairs bathroom, making sure that I'm careful to close the door soundlessly. I start running the water for a bath, the sound seems to bounce off of the walls around me, echoing and reverberating off of my own body, making me feel small. The light is too bring.
I know I didn't drink that much.
I peel my tattered clothes from my body, the dull ache in my back intensifies as my skin comes in contact with the air around me.
My dress is ruined. The navy blue is stained almost black.
I turn in the mirror, getting a good look at my body for the first time, and have to cover my mouth as a strangled sob tries t
I've been in my room most of the weekend. Swim practice was sucky, and I came home a little later Saturday morning and went back to sleep. Then waking up around 11 I showered, did some homework, and wasted some time watching TV. Now, in the late afternoon, I've taken to reading a book. I have a pretty extensive TBR list, and most of the books piled on a bookshelf to prove it. I don't broadcast the amount of reading I do on a regular basis, but anyone who knows me well knows I love a good book. I'm sprawled across my bed, laying on my stomach when my door cracks open. I look up, assuming that its Eva asking about dinner. She and Maggie and Shea have spent most of the day in the basement in our home theater watching some reality tv show. When I walked by last Maggie was laughing hysterically while Eva threw popcorn at the screen and Shea rolled around on the couch giggling. Part of me wished I could join them, sit with Shea and have her explain the show to me, and why they're so ob
I don't know what came over me, or why I felt compelled to take off my shirt. As much as I think I planned to be disappointed, I'm so glad I wasn't. As Lukes mouth brushes my nipples, heat pools between my legs in a way I was not expecting. I press my body into his, getting lost in his gentle kisses and light caresses.His exploration of me is slow and agonizing. He hisses my shoulders, my throat, and just behind my ear before finally settling on my mouth. I pull my knees up around his hips, the weight of his body feels invigorating and unnerving. His mouth is warm moving against mine, and I can't help but notice the way he shivers when I run my hands lightly down his back.He's still fully clothed and I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Before when we kissed, he was in a towel, and completely nude underneath.I slide my hands under his shirt, appreciating the toned muscles of his back as his mouth slants over mine and his tongu
Monday morning I'm sitting in the kitchen waiting for the coffee to brew when Eva walks in. She's dressed in a pair of skinny light-wash jeans and a light-wash jean jacket that matches. It kind of reminds me of a jumpsuit. She gives me a completely non-committal smile and heads to the fridge, grabbing a bowl of fruit salad. I'm still preoccupied with what happened Saturday with Shea. When she came out of the bathroom she looked as though she'd seen a ghost. Her face had the same hollowness that plagued her at the party a few weeks ago, and I didn't know what to do. She didn't stay too long after that, making some excuse to go home. I didn't stop her, even though I probably should have. But something about my question rattled something in her, so I think if I want answers, I'm going to have to ask someone else. "Luke?" Eva is standing in front of me, leaning on the counter. There's a concerned and slightly amused look on her face that makes me think she wa
Eva is waiting for me outside of my first-period class, her face is a mix of fear, anger, and confusion, and I feel completely unsettled all at once. "What up?" I ask as soon as I see her. "Luke and Jacob got into it this morning or something. Luke completely lost it and PUNCHED HIM!" "What?" It's not that I can't hear her, it's just the shock has me reeling. "Luke laid Jacob out. Like broke his nose and everything." She sounds a little giddy when she says it, but I can barely hear her over the blood rushing to my head. I feel like I'm going to pass out. I lean back against the wall. A sinking feeling in my gut tells me that I know exactly why they were fighting. The skin on my back feels tight and itchy, just like it did when the scabs were still new. "Eva. I have some things I desperately need to tell you." "Shea, you look pale, what is it?" "Not here," I shake my head and regret it, the lighth
Luckily, I escaped suspension with Jacob, but we both earned detention. The school knows they can't suspend us, we are two of the best swimmers on the team. If they suspend us, we will be suspended from the next meet as well. And the school can't afford that. I have never cared about being an athlete until today. Today, I am so thankful that I can pull enough weight to not get in so much trouble. Jacob is pissed. I didn't break his nose, sadly, but I did manage to bloody it and his lip. There is a sick sort of satisfaction that comes with seeing him at least a little down and out from getting in trouble. He insisted he has no idea why I punched him, but I don't believe that for a second. However, I can't say anything without incriminating Shea and Tiffany and bringing those horrid pictures to light. So I keep my mouth shut too. I end up ditching the last 2 periods of school. Detention is scheduled for tomorrow and by the afternoon I'm tired of getting whispered about and stared at.
I stare blankly at the peeling scabs on my back in the mirror of the bathroom. It's been 3 weeks, and most of my back has healed, and the bruises disappeared a long time ago. I still feel numb. I know that the boys got in a lot of trouble for the broken window, but thankfully my name never came up in the conversation. I don't think anyone but Tyler and Jacob even knew who I was.I feel a lot like prey walking through the school hallways. I've heard the whispered rumors that keep getting crazier and crazier. Someone said a dude got stabbed and the attacker was who jumped out the window. Another said it was a kid who was trying to end their life. But nothing close to the truth has come out. I turn the shower water on and wait for it to heat up, slowly watching the mirror fog.I step into the hot water face first. My back still aches when anything touches it so I"m always slow to get in. I close my eyes, leaning my head into the spray, rubbing my face viciously with
I stare in silent horror at the crumpled photos before me. They are printed on regular 8 x 11 printer paper which just adds to the terrible quality of the photos. But the images are clear enough to see my face as well as the people around me.I lift a photo in a shaky hand. It's a girl between two boys. Something in my brain registers that it is me, but I'm not so sure I see it. The girl looks small and like she's made of glass, Her skin is pale and the hollow fear in her eyes breaks something inside of me that I didn't think could be broken further."Shea?" Luke's voice is like a distant echo, bouncing and reverberating around my head. His hand comes to rest on my shoulder, and it's enough of a shock that I tear my eyes away from the picture to find his face. I can feel myself retreating, something inside of my dissolving into nothingness.I close my eyes, counting my breaths as Luke rubs my back softly making each of the scars tingle on my ba
Shea's lips are soft and warm, and even a simple kiss has my heart hammering relentlessly against my ribs. Her cheeks and chin are damp with tears and I kiss them away, brushing my lips against each cheek before working my way across her jaw and down her neck. Her breathing changes, becoming shallow gasps that brush across my shoulder. I savor the feel of her under my fingertips, dragging her against me even tighter. Maybe it's bad form, but if I can distract her for a few minutes... take away even a fraction of the pain that I can see buried in her eyes... "Luke..." My name from her lips sounds like music, like soft fingertips down my spine, like honey and whiskey, sweetly burning through my veins. "I'll stop if you want." She's quiet and then wraps her arms around my neck. "No," she whispers. "Don't." That's all I need. I plant my mouth on hers, urging her lips apart with my tongue as I walk her backward toward my bed. She sits when her knees hit the mattress, then she's scootin
We get dressed, heading back down to where my sister and her girlfriend are giggling in the kitchen together. They fall silent as soon as we enter the kitchen and I can feel Shea trying not to shrink next to me. "Are you guys good?" Eva gives me a pointed look, and I'm pretty sure if either of us were to answer anyway, but yes, she would castrate me. "We're good." Shea answers for us. "Good." Eva breaks into a huge smile. "Shea, when were you going to tell me you were doing the horizontal tango with my brother?" I chance a look at Shea out of the corner of my eye as I wander to the fridge and open it. I'm not hungry, but I need something to do with my hands. Somehow, I feel like I'm not supposed to be here for this conversation. My sister smiles while Shea stares open-mouthed, and I busy myself moving the apples around in the plastic container in the fridge. Eva giggled as Shea fished for words. "It's not–" Shea starts. "Dude, I'm so happy for you! I know you both have been cru
I close my eyes and rest against Luke's body. My muscles feel like lead and I can barely roll over without my stomach muscles shaking a little. Part of me is mortified for the way I acted just now-brazen and lust-addled. I want to apologize for yanking his hair the way I did; I'm afraid if I apologize out loud, it will ruin the moment. "Are you sure you're okay?" Luke kisses my forehead, and when I look up at him, his eyes are a dark, swirling storm. "Did I do something wrong?"I shake my head, unsure of what to say. "No. No, you didn't. I guess my brain is just a bit fuzzy right now."He smirks down at me, "I think that probably means I did all of it right."I feel a flush creep up my neck and across my face. He definitely did something right. Luke scoots closer, pulling my naked body flush against his bare chest. He kisses me for a long time. It's slow and careful. At some point, though, I feel the hard length of him pressing against my stomach and I realize he did something for me
Shea's lips are soft and warm, and even a simple kiss has my heart hammering relentlessly against my ribs. Her cheeks and chin are damp with tears and I kiss them away, brushing my lips against each cheek before working my way across her jaw and down her neck. Her breathing changes, becoming shallow gasps that brush across my shoulder. I savor the feel of her under my fingertips, dragging her against me even tighter. Maybe it's bad form, but if I can distract her for a few minutes... take away even a fraction of the pain that I can see buried in her eyes... "Luke..." My name from her lips sounds like music, like soft fingertips down my spine, like honey and whiskey, sweetly burning through my veins. "I'll stop if you want." She's quiet and then wraps her arms around my neck. "No," she whispers. "Don't." That's all I need. I plant my mouth on hers, urging her lips apart with my tongue as I walk her backward toward my bed. She sits when her knees hit the mattress, then she's scootin
I stare in silent horror at the crumpled photos before me. They are printed on regular 8 x 11 printer paper which just adds to the terrible quality of the photos. But the images are clear enough to see my face as well as the people around me.I lift a photo in a shaky hand. It's a girl between two boys. Something in my brain registers that it is me, but I'm not so sure I see it. The girl looks small and like she's made of glass, Her skin is pale and the hollow fear in her eyes breaks something inside of me that I didn't think could be broken further."Shea?" Luke's voice is like a distant echo, bouncing and reverberating around my head. His hand comes to rest on my shoulder, and it's enough of a shock that I tear my eyes away from the picture to find his face. I can feel myself retreating, something inside of my dissolving into nothingness.I close my eyes, counting my breaths as Luke rubs my back softly making each of the scars tingle on my ba
I stare blankly at the peeling scabs on my back in the mirror of the bathroom. It's been 3 weeks, and most of my back has healed, and the bruises disappeared a long time ago. I still feel numb. I know that the boys got in a lot of trouble for the broken window, but thankfully my name never came up in the conversation. I don't think anyone but Tyler and Jacob even knew who I was.I feel a lot like prey walking through the school hallways. I've heard the whispered rumors that keep getting crazier and crazier. Someone said a dude got stabbed and the attacker was who jumped out the window. Another said it was a kid who was trying to end their life. But nothing close to the truth has come out. I turn the shower water on and wait for it to heat up, slowly watching the mirror fog.I step into the hot water face first. My back still aches when anything touches it so I"m always slow to get in. I close my eyes, leaning my head into the spray, rubbing my face viciously with
Luckily, I escaped suspension with Jacob, but we both earned detention. The school knows they can't suspend us, we are two of the best swimmers on the team. If they suspend us, we will be suspended from the next meet as well. And the school can't afford that. I have never cared about being an athlete until today. Today, I am so thankful that I can pull enough weight to not get in so much trouble. Jacob is pissed. I didn't break his nose, sadly, but I did manage to bloody it and his lip. There is a sick sort of satisfaction that comes with seeing him at least a little down and out from getting in trouble. He insisted he has no idea why I punched him, but I don't believe that for a second. However, I can't say anything without incriminating Shea and Tiffany and bringing those horrid pictures to light. So I keep my mouth shut too. I end up ditching the last 2 periods of school. Detention is scheduled for tomorrow and by the afternoon I'm tired of getting whispered about and stared at.
Eva is waiting for me outside of my first-period class, her face is a mix of fear, anger, and confusion, and I feel completely unsettled all at once. "What up?" I ask as soon as I see her. "Luke and Jacob got into it this morning or something. Luke completely lost it and PUNCHED HIM!" "What?" It's not that I can't hear her, it's just the shock has me reeling. "Luke laid Jacob out. Like broke his nose and everything." She sounds a little giddy when she says it, but I can barely hear her over the blood rushing to my head. I feel like I'm going to pass out. I lean back against the wall. A sinking feeling in my gut tells me that I know exactly why they were fighting. The skin on my back feels tight and itchy, just like it did when the scabs were still new. "Eva. I have some things I desperately need to tell you." "Shea, you look pale, what is it?" "Not here," I shake my head and regret it, the lighth
Monday morning I'm sitting in the kitchen waiting for the coffee to brew when Eva walks in. She's dressed in a pair of skinny light-wash jeans and a light-wash jean jacket that matches. It kind of reminds me of a jumpsuit. She gives me a completely non-committal smile and heads to the fridge, grabbing a bowl of fruit salad. I'm still preoccupied with what happened Saturday with Shea. When she came out of the bathroom she looked as though she'd seen a ghost. Her face had the same hollowness that plagued her at the party a few weeks ago, and I didn't know what to do. She didn't stay too long after that, making some excuse to go home. I didn't stop her, even though I probably should have. But something about my question rattled something in her, so I think if I want answers, I'm going to have to ask someone else. "Luke?" Eva is standing in front of me, leaning on the counter. There's a concerned and slightly amused look on her face that makes me think she wa
I don't know what came over me, or why I felt compelled to take off my shirt. As much as I think I planned to be disappointed, I'm so glad I wasn't. As Lukes mouth brushes my nipples, heat pools between my legs in a way I was not expecting. I press my body into his, getting lost in his gentle kisses and light caresses.His exploration of me is slow and agonizing. He hisses my shoulders, my throat, and just behind my ear before finally settling on my mouth. I pull my knees up around his hips, the weight of his body feels invigorating and unnerving. His mouth is warm moving against mine, and I can't help but notice the way he shivers when I run my hands lightly down his back.He's still fully clothed and I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Before when we kissed, he was in a towel, and completely nude underneath.I slide my hands under his shirt, appreciating the toned muscles of his back as his mouth slants over mine and his tongu