A slave on the Golden Path

A knock on the door snaps Astrid back to reality. She feels her face wet and almost laughs. Such a weird feeling to not realize you're crying.

"Lady Astrid?" A eunuch comes in, even though she didn't answer. But she got used to them. They are the shadows of the harem, coming and going as they please.

"Does Lady Tamara need anything?" Astrid asks. She didn't tell Tamara what happened, she just lied and said she was not feeling well. It's not that she wanted to lie to her, it's just that Tamara would try and defend her actions and she doesn't want that now. She wants the blame and the shame to drown her.

"No. The king sent me." The eunuch answers and hands her a golden handkerchief.

"I am not feeling well." Astrid answers and tries to give it back.

"My lady, the king may had taken an interest in you, but that doesn't make you better than us. We all obey his word in this harem. I was ordered to give you this. You are ordered to go tonight. Please don't make this harder for me. If you don't want it, return it yourself."

With that, he just turns around and walks out. Astrid is shocked and her mouth is still agape when Tamara enters.

"What happened?" She asks.

"I think I just got a reality check." Astrid answers and shows Tamara the handkerchief.

Now is the princess' turn to be shocked.

"That bastard is fast..." She laughs and Astrid blushes.

"I don't know what to do..."

"What can you do? You go. Are you worried that Lanna will cause another scene?"

"How did you...?"

"I have eyes and ears everywhere. Like everyone else. Trust me, you can't fart in this palace without it being heard by everyone." Tamara rolls her eyes. "Lanna was given more than she could ever wish for here. If she doesn't change her attitude she will get herself exiled. But some people are just greedy."

"She fell in love." Astrid defends her, not wanting to make her feel better for betraying a friend.

"With power and status. The harem is full of girls like her."

"I can't refuse this, can I?" Astrid changes the subject, pointing at the small piece of fabric in her lap.

"No one tried, so I don't know. But why would you? My brother is not a brute. Worst case scenario, you don't engage in the conversation and he will tell you to return, never to bother you again. And that will be all. You will continue to live your life as another forgotten maid in this palace." Tamara answers, seemingly a bit annoyed at Astrid.

What are her choices? Go and see what happens, breaking Lanna's heart? Or refusing and breaking Tamara's? One slapped her and the other pushes her on a path she is unsure of. But in this palace, they are her friends.

The eunuch words come to her mind. He is right. She is not in a position to refuse an order. She is no equal to the king. She is a slave. Like everybody else. And all the acting that she is somehow special got to her head.

"I will go."

Tamara nods, but doesn't say anything else. Instead, she sends her maids to prepare her.

The evening comes faster than Astrid wanted and her hands start shaking as she walks down the Golden Path for a second time. But this time, she doesn't have time to be mesmerized by the beauty that surrounds her. This time, she keeps her eyes down, her head covered with a thin veil. She wishes to be able to hide behind it forever.

The guards announce her and then everyone else leaves the room. She is alone with the king now, and although she was last night too, this time feels different. It feels, somehow, heavier.

She kneels as the Lady Chaperone instructed her earlier and waits for the king to say something.

He approaches and kneels down in front of her. She holds her breath when he lifts the veil and her heart is racing.

He grabs her chin and lifts her head up so she can face him directly, almost like the first time they met. But more gently. More tender.

"No more burning hate in your eyes?" The king jokes and Astrid blushes.

"No..." She answers sincerely. "Only uncertainty."

"Uncertainty?" He asks.

"In my own heart."

He stares at her for a second.

"That is something that never goes away." He finally answers and helps Astrid get up.

The table is ready and they eat in silence for a while. The king, seems lost in his own thoughts and Astrid is still torn in between what she wants and what she feels she should do.

"Are you displeased you are here?" He finally asks and Astrid can't help but sigh in relief.

"I was, when I first arrived, but Lady Tamara helped..."

"No, not in the palace. God knows if I could choose I wouldn't stay in between these walls either. Here. With me tonight."

"It's my duty to..."

"I've been betrayed too many times to believe that. I want honesty."

Astrid is unsure what to answer so she just looks down.

The king waits for a moment and then sighs.

"Tell the guards I am done with my meal. You can leave after." He gets up and goes to his study, leaving Astrid alone in the bedroom. She got what she wanted. He dismissed her. Now everyone will know it. She blew it. She gave up her chance with the king. Lanna can try to win his heart now. Can live her dream. Can have her children. Can laugh with him. Can grow old with him. That's what she wanted. That's what Astrid wanted.

She gets up and goes to the door, pressing her hand on the massive handle. But she can't do it.

She doesn't love him. It’s too soon to love. But if it's too soon to love, what is it in Lanna's heart? Thirst for power. Tamara's words reverberate in her mind.

She would give up her chance to know him with her friend. But she wouldn't for her friend's greed. And until she knows which one is, she will not walk out this door.

She turns around. She bursts into the study room and looks the king straight in the eyes.

"I am not displeased. I am many things and my thoughts are a mess. But I am not displeased." He looks at her surprised at first and then with a smirk on his face. "Not pleased either. A blank sheet. That I would like to fill by getting to know you! ...My king" She adds at the end, realizing that she just shouted at a king.

"Loras."

"Wha...What?" She shutters, now that the moment of mad courage wore off.

"You can call me Loras. You get to know any king in history books. If you want to know me then start with my name. I am Loras."

She invites her to sit with him and shows her the poetry book he was reading.

"You like poetry!" Astrid's eyes brighten up.

"I do. My mother didn't have a great voice for lullabies, so she read us poetry when we went to bed. How about you?"

"I like art. In all its forms. My father used to say beauty is God's image on earth."

"Your father was a wise man."

They start talking about their favorite authors, artists, musicians. They talk about astrology, about the stars, about the world.

Late in the night, Loras lays in bed. Astrid looks at him, unsure what to do. He senses that and gets up, taking her hand.

"I want you. You are already mine as body, but I want you to offer your heart to me on your own. And when that happens no clothes, no walls, no world will be able to stop me. Until then, I will not lay a finger on you. Come sleep!" He says and the burning fire in her eyes makes Astrid feel like her whole body was thrown in flames. But she doesn't dare to say another word, she lays in bed next to the king, and together, they fall asleep.

In the morning, when the sun will rise from the sea, she will think about what that flutter in her heart meant. She will think about what to tell Lanna. She will find a way to survive the harem. But right now, how her hand can feel his chest rising with every breath, is all she can think about.