The unconscious state that we drift into when we sleep is something I have loathed all my life. The complete feeling of helplessness were you cannot control what happens to you,has always been scary to me. You could be killed while you sleep and you wouldn't even know. I was petrified of feeling that helpless. It always amazed me when I see people taking a nap. To me it felt like they didn't care about themselves, they didn't care about their safety. Anything could happen while you sleep and you wouldn't know.I never slept in the afternoon. Because I'll be damned if I allowed myself to sleep more than once in a day, therefore allowing myself to slip into that unconscious state called "dreaming". And the crazy part was that I could always tell when I was dreaming. Bonnie found it werid and maybe she was right. I have never heard of someone who could consciously tell when they were dreaming. She once suggested that I go see a therapist. According to her, 'I was mental'. But I didn't se
The demented house I lived in before Dad killed me was the same house I was looking at. But at the same time, it wasn't the same house. The house felt different. Maybe it was because of the family that lived in it. They loved each other and the house must have eluded the same love that they gave. I did not feel completely restless or pissed at being there. I actually felt at peace, it felt like home and I just wanted to turn around and ask Rebecca's mom how she did it. How did she make a place feel as home to a complete stranger? My mother was great and warm at heart but she never knew how to make the house that I lived in feel as home. The house had an elegance to it. A fashionable look and a welcoming air surrounded it. It was almost like it was calling out to me. The fear I felt in the car about surviving in there totally went with the wind and all I wanted was to experience what it will feel like being inside the house. I had goosebumps.Before we got into the house, I took some
Anger,rage,frustration, anxiety,worry. A thousand words could be used to describe what I was going through but none could pinpoint to how I was really feeling. I was angry at the situation I have been placed in. A lot of "what if's" went running through my mind, the only thing it did was heightened my unsettling emotions and I hated it. At that moment all I wanted was to sleep and never wake up, it upset me the more that I couldn't get what I desperately needed.I hate this family. I hate this doctor. I hate my parents. I hate the fact that I am here. I hate that no one ever listens to me. I hate that I have to go for therapy.Why do they think I need therapy again? Yes, it's because the stupid doctor believes that I have a psychological problem. I mean I know I have one but the singular fact that he proposed the theory of solving it through therapy, made my skin crawl. And my problems are as a result of my mother. How is it possible that someone you love and care for so much would ca
Summer mornings have always been the best when I was with Mom. I remember one morning she had baked cookies and we had our cousins over. Mom believed that I wasn't as close to them as possible and maybe she was correct. In my defense,it wasn't totally my fault. After all, my cousin Raymond was a big jerk. All he ever seemed to talk about was the numerous girls he had been with. And don't even get me started on Uncle Stan, he was a raving alcoholic and he was not even afraid to show it. His wife always thought she did a good job at hiding the fact that she hated her husband's gut, but it was clear as the day is bright to everyone that she did. But regardless of all that, I still loved it when they came over because I got to have enough time to work with my mother in the kitchen preparing all sorts of meal.It was different in the Jail's house. The wasn't any classical music blaring from the background. No drunk male figures at the front lawn barbequing meat. It was just plain. This was
Blue has never been my color but looking at the walls in Ms. Nicole's office,I had to admit that it looked pretty good. I guess she used the blue color because it's has a calming effect on people. Normally when you think of the color blue, you think of natural things like the sky, the ocean and all these things have a calmness towards them. It was a smart decision, I already felt myself calming down and relaxing as I sat in her office. The wallpapers also contributed to this and it also made me think that maybe she was a big lover of nature. There were pictures of polar bears in their natural habitat. Flowers blooming in the morning sun. A little girl holding a flower up to her kneeling mother. All in all,the office was really designed to help sooth any patient that would come in and the classical and country music playing in the background really set the mode for a trip down one's life.I was particularly excited about being in the office and all the thoughts and plans I had made
The morning came with a soft breeze on my skin. My ears were awake before my eyes could open up. I knew this because I was busy enjoying Don Williams songs that was playing in the background. I was happy at the involuntary grin my face decided to put on today. Before,I used to hate waking up. The lights were always too bright. The sounds, too loud. But today, everything felt perfect and I couldn't be happier. With a smile on my face,I opened my eyes to see a dog staring at me. I looked at it for a few seconds, giving my brain enough time to confirm that I was actually staring at a dog. When it did, out of shock, I jumped a little because I was never a big fan of animals. I looked around to see how the dog got in and I was a little bit surprised when I saw James running into my room. He was sweating when he got in and he looked worried. "Hey,Becks have you seen... Oh Robert,there you are!" And he came forward to take the dog. I looked at him and questioned "This is your dog? I didn'
The walk upstairs was a slow one. I kept thinking of what I will say to Amanda. Telling her the truth was not even an option but I felt awful anytime I had to lie to her. It had to be done anyway,if I was to come clean and tell her that I am not really Rebecca,she won't believe me and even if she does,she will definitely hate me for lying to her for the past few weeks.I just couldn't risk it. We got into my room and she closed the door behind us. I felt like I was trapped inside my room's four walls. I couldn't breathe. Amanda must have noticed it because she rushed to my side and offered me some water. I gulped it down in a hurry. When I was done,I gave the bottle back to her. She looked at me worried and asked "You okay Becks? What happened at the therapist must not have been that terrible. Or are you going through this because you haven't taken your drugs yet?"I looked up,"How do you know I haven't taken my drugs yet?""Because,the drugs are right there unopened." And she pointed
According to what she said the schedule indicated that I had to be meeting her thrice a week, precisely on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays at exactly 4 o'clock. I guess she changed it to the evening time because school would be starting soon and I probably will be in class by then. It didn't change the fact that I was not looking forward to it.Mrs. Nicole was a very nice lady and she was a great therapist and that was my biggest problem about her. She was just too good at her job and I feared that she may actually get my secrets out of me and I,for one,was not ready to spill the beans to anyone. And thats why I dreaded going to her for my therapy. But sometimes,I just feel like I might actually love it if I talked to her about it. I believe it won't be the worst thing to happen. It will be nice to air my true feelings out to someone. I really wanted someone that I could talk to about this. Because I did not know what I was doing.This calamity that I came here to fix,should it not h
Amanda's POVI went with Rebecca to her room and that was where I saw my mother. She was talking to Becky's parents. When I walked in they turned to me and Mrs. Jail was the first to speak. "I thought you went to get your mom. She has been here for a very long time and we did not see you. What happened?""Well I went to the parking lot to call her just like I said I would but on getting there,I did not see her. So I started heading back to the room hoping that she was already here and that was when I ran into this friend of mine. We talked for a while and I sort of lost track of time. I am really sorry.""Oh that's okay. Becky isn't back yet so we are just waiting for her." My mom told me. I was in a rush to get back home so that I could sneak out to go see Samantha. I knew that would be difficult if we did not get back home on time. Mom always checked up on me before she went to sleep and she did not have a particular time so it was hard to keep tabs on her when it came to that. "Mo
Amelia's POVThe sunset has always been a marvelous sight to behold. I sat outside the four walls of my hospital room and looked at the view that threatened to take my breath away. It brought back memories of when I would lie on the grass and listen to my mom talk about her youthful age to me. I miss those little conversations we used to have. Thinking about her brought a tear to my eye and I almost did not notice the pale woman walking towards me. She fell to the ground where I was sitting,looked up at me and started a conversation. "So where are you from?"From her voice,it was clear that she was critically ill. It sounded forced and tiring.I did not want to appear rude so I answered. "California.""Wow,I hear it's really sunny up there. I even heard that sometimes you guys just brust into flames." She tried to laugh at her joke but she ended up coughing instead. It won't look good on me if this woman was to faint while talking to me,so I offered to take her back to her room."Oka
Amelia's POVI left Amanda and started creeping towards the blood samples section. When I got there,I saw that the were a lot of blood samples there. I picked one of the bottle up,turned it around and that's when I saw the ID number and name written on a tag and attached to the bottle. I knew at that point that finding mine would be easy. I looked over and saw that the man was still too occupied with his work to care.I was so nervous that I may be caught to the extent that my hands were shaking and I was breathing through my mouth.I tried to silently go about my business of finding my blood sample and I didn't fail completely at it.I must have picked over a hundred bottles before I finally saw my blood sample. At first before I came here,I just wanted to hang around and maybe steal the test results that will come out of it but after seeing Amanda here,I had a totally new plan. I did not believe for one second that she just came here to see if her friend really had a urine test done.
Amanda's POVAfter the information I got from my research at the library,I knew that something was definitely up with Rebecca. I just had to find out if what I was thinking was really true. And if it was,then Rebecca has got some explaining to do. The best way I had to find out if she really was another person was to first get that blood sample to undergo a DNA test. I knew a girl that could take of running the DNA test,I just needed to get the blood sample.I first needed to get out of this room. But with Rebecca staring at me like that,I knew I had my work cut out for me. She just kept looking at me. Maybe she suspected that I knew something but the is no way she could know exactly what it was. I just had to keep my suspicions to myself first. I didn't have to tell anyone about it. That way,no one will tell her anything."So Amanda,where is your mother?" Mrs. Jail asked."Oh she will be here any second now. She just wanted to find a good parking space" I answered."Well,I think I ne
Amelia's POVI woke up to the blinding lights coming from the unprotected florescent blub in my room. I stopped the rays from entering my eyes by raising my hand to block it. I got a headache when I did that. Moving became difficult,it was as if paralysis has from no where taken full grip of my entire body. I tried calling on the nurses but I had also lost my voice for some reasons. I felt really strange,just then I saw a bunch of people coming into the room,they looked like zombies and they all had a weapon with them. Some had axe,some knifes,some cutlasses,some shovel. They all came at me with something that would definitely kill me if they wanted it to. I tried once again to get up or even shout for help but it still did not work. They were still coming at me with angry faces and a dangerous weapon. In the middle of these zombies,I saw my past self(that is Amelia) and my mother. They ran towards me and for a second I thought they were going to help me out. But my past self opened
While Dad was carrying me to the car,all I felt was numbness. I could not even begin to fathom what the next few days would be like. When will it start? How will it happen? Who will survive and who will not? These and many more questions were running through my mind. But the most important one that I had always tried to deviate from is "will I even help them get through this?" I was so angry at my mother for doing this to me and somehow I felt that if I actually helped this family through this crisis,that I may be supporting the decision she took and I was not in support of such absurd decision in anyway. I tried to keep calm and not think about the pain she put me through for so long. But now that I know that this is an inevitable situation that I have found myself in because of her,I could not help but freak out. As I continued to think about it,the feeling of numbness soon paved way for the drowning feeling of anger to wash over me. I was so angry at everyone and everything. Why d
I could not feel anything apart from the gush of wind that graze through my skin as I ran. My mind was playing out a lot of scenarios,most of them were very frightening. I had to stop Amanda from getting that necklace,I just had to. I thought of how I could reach her faster and I remembered the slight technology that this generation had: a cell phone.I was almost out of breath when I drew myself to a halt. The earth was spinning rapidly round me so I took a few seconds to get my stability back. When I had calm down a bit,I reached into my pocket and luckily for me,the phone was there. I sent a call through to her resident line and no one picked it up. I then called her personal number and still,no one picked. "Fuck!" I cursed,almost throwing the phone away. I thought to myself,"well that's two minutes wasted." And I started running again. I didn't stop running till I got to the bus stop. But for some reasons,the bus was going slower than I had expected and that was the moment mom de
After dad had left, I put my head down onto my pillow. Due to the fact that I had not been sleeping well for the past few weeks,I slept off immediately. I must have slipped into a dream world because I can remember vividly that my room does not have crystals lights that blinds me every time I open my eyes. I held my hands up to protect the rays from directly penetrating into my eyes. The ground I was lying on was soft and when I ran my hands through it,it turned out to be white fur. The entire environment was white,even the attire I had on was white. I finally stood up,I looked around and I saw absolutely nothing. I forced my numb legs to start moving,I had walked for some minutes and I still did not see anything. In a place that was totally white,I wondered how the sun managed to be so hot.I was sweating and really thirsty. I looked back and forth and I still didn't see anything. I decided to sit still and try to get myself to wake up. It didn't work though and when I opened my eye
I kept thinking of the girl I saw as I moved into my room. She had a look on her face,a look that I'm way too familiar with. She was sad, broken and frustrated. And I have been there before,I just wondered why she would not allow me talk to her. Maybe just be her friend. Still, who was I to judge? I lied to Sandra and I considered her my friend yet I expected this strange girl to open up to me as if we were sisters. I didn't blame the girl one bit for wanting to protect her privacy, I couldn't do anything but pray that it was not her own father that is molesting her. The feeling of helplessness washed over me. I knew that I would slip into a bottomless pit if I didn't get my mind off it. So I jumped on my bed to take a little nap. Just then dad came walking in. "Hey sweetheart, you asleep yet?" "No, was just about to. Why, what's up?" I sat up and replied. "Oh it's nothing,just wanted us to have that talk." "Come on, I just want to rest and what happened to your friend Frank?" "F