I wake up to the excruciating sensation of shards of glass stabbing at my eyeballs, then the headache kicks in, slamming at my temples like a battering ram. My brain pounds relentlessly in my skull and I wince as it embeds in my eye sockets. I swallow and groan. I'm never drinking again. I smack my lips together and press my dry tongue to my palate. What the hell happened last night? Alcohol. Clubs. Puking.I roll off my bed and lift my heavy body on my tired legs. My knees waver under the pressure, but they don't give out. I've never felt so weak. Exhaling, I straighten my posture, and my stomach quivers. I feel like death, like I should climb back in bed and sleep until next week, but I don't. I need to find Selena. I hobble to the door and unhang my robe from the back of it. Slipping into it, I fasten the belt around my waist and make my way to the kitchen. A soft snore hums through the air, coming from my couch. I cut my eyes in its direction as I saunter into the kitchen and r
After Selena and I collect our green smoothies from the over-priced juice bar on the main street, I receive a text from Dad, urgently asking me to come down to the gym. Selena drags her feet, but we walk the whole seventeen minutes there and drop our empty smoothie cups in the bin right outside the door. Inside, the gym buzzes with life and I marvel at it. I don't think I've ever seen the gym so busy. "Olly!" Dad shouts, and I snap my head to the left, in the direction of his bellow.I frown at the sight of him. He rolls his shoulders inside his hooded jacket and stuffs his hands into the pockets of his black sweatpants. Odd. He hates sweats. "Afternoon, Mr. James," Selena greets him, sliding her sunglasses to the top of her head."Hey, Selly." He grins at her, holding out his arms. She bounces right into them, hugging my dad as if he were her own. "How are ya? How's your dad?""I'm good and he's great, thanks for asking."While they embrace, I notice the subtle dark, gray writing r
I glance at the clock, hating the second hand as it keeps ticking, dragging me closer to six-thirty. I sniffle, rest my head on my fist, and turn the page of a book I'm not paying attention to. Since I got home, I've sat here, in my pastel pink pajamas, my stomach tied in knots at the thought of him showing up to take me to dinner. I lick my parched lips and shake my head, forcing myself to focus on the small words neatly printed onto the cream paper of the book I hold in my hands. I've read Outlander a million times, but this is the first time I find myself not being engrossed by the story.All I can think about is the fact that any second now, Seth's going to bang on my door and-knock knock. I startle, straightening my spine as my heart plummets deep into my abdomen. He's here. Another rap of firm knuckles against the door pulls me off my couch. I toss my book against the cushion, tuck my long brunette hair behind my ears, and stride toward the front door. I've already imagined how
-A week later-Frowning, I pinch the small, white card jutting out from the door frame of my apartment and bring it closer to my face, as if it'll make a difference to the neat writing scrawled across its textured center.-Sorry. Call me.- Seth-And his number is sprawled neatly along the bottom. I rub my lips together, unsure if I should throw the card or keep it. A week has passed since the disastrous dinner with Seth at Salsas. I haven't gone to the gym to avoid him, and Dad has been blowing up my phone with his concern. He tells me Seth has been distant and more aggressive at training than usual. He tries to bait me into confessing I've got something to do with it, but I play dumb. The weekend is coming up. I'm sure Seth can find another female to occupy his time. Come Monday, he will have forgotten all about me.Despite myself, I save Seth's number in my phone and slip it into my back pocket. It warms the fabric of my jeans and weighs me down, like a loaded gun.Sighing, I unlo
All the frustrated glares I get from families of four are quickly ruining my night. I agree that the four-person table I'm sitting at by the large bay window is excessive for my party of two, but all the two-seaters are taken. It's not my fault the waiter sat me here. Since I don't plan on staying long, I would've been happier sitting at the bar.The other half of this blind date hasn't shown up yet, and he better because if I'm stood up by someone I haven't met, I will drive off a bridge and end it all. I finish the thought as a blond man wearing boot-cut denim jeans and a formal, light gray shirt approaches the table. The top two buttons of his shirt are open, exposing his light chest hair. He's tall-taller than Seth who I estimate to be at least six-foot-three."Are you Selena?" he asks, his lips pulling into a wide and wolfish grin.I smile politely and adjust uncomfortably in my seat. "No, Selena couldn't make it. I'm her friend, Olivia."I hold out my hand to shake his. He grips
When we pull up outside my house, he helps me from the car and walks me up the stairs. I unlock the door, then turn to face him. From a lower step, he looks up at me through his dark eyelashes."Can you stay with me?" The words tumble from my mouth and Seth stiffens, his gaze falling from my face to the stairs."I don't think-""Please. I don't want to be alone." I turn my house key in my grip, nervously working the metal with my fingertips. "You can leave when I fall asleep if you want."He straightens, pulling himself tall and proud, and stands in thought. A cold feeling zips through my chest. Am I making him uncomfortable? Can it be compared to how Brent made me feel? I open my mouth to apologize and tell him not to worry about it, but he pushes off his step and brushes past me, entering my home.Inside, I close the door and hang my handbag and keys as Seth kicks off his white sneakers. He follows me as I bypass my dimly lit living room and enter my bedroom. My stomach ties itself i
The thunderous noise of laughter and conversation fills the arena and bangs on my eardrums. Energy pulsates through the crowd and vibrates through every physical object in the place. I can't deny the adrenaline in my blood and the excitement on my skin as it overcomes me in surges. I can't pretend it doesn't feel good. It does. It feels incredible. I shiver. I skim my gaze over the fenced ring in the center of the room. Hoisted a few feet off the floor, its lower limbs shrouded in advertising and sponsor logos, it stands proud and strong, ready to withstand anyone who enters. "Still can't believe that gross pig groped you," Selena grumbles as we shuffle between people, trying to get to our seats. I grunt my agreement, wanting to drop the subject forever, and clench my small, leather handbag to my side. A ruckus of five men storm past in a waft of expensive cologne and inked flesh. "Thank god for Seth." I glance over my shoulder at her. Her hungry eyes are glued to the group as they
A dark fabric lands on my head, covering my sight. Cursing I pull it off and scowl in the direction it came, meeting Selena's mischievous green eyes."Don't say I never get you anything," she sing-songs, lowering herself into the seat beside me.I cock an eyebrow as she stuffs her hot dog ungraciously into her mouth, then laughs as a large drop of ketchup spills over the edge and onto the breast of her white dress. Pulling the half-bitten hot dog out of her mouth, she gapes at me wide-eyed."This is white!" she barks, as if it's my fault. "I'm never going to get this out."She hands me the hotdog and I hold it away from me. The last thing I want is to get sauce on my clean, blush-colored blouse. From her oversized handbag, she pulls out another piece of black fabric, and I glance at the one in my lap."They're the same," she said, pulling the black fabric on over her head. The large fabric hangs off her slender frame and covers her body like a muumuu.I stare at Seth's name printed in
I push away from the heavy bag with a sigh, then drag an inhale in through my nose. My lungs burn, and my arms feel like stones. I pluck the towel from my shoulder and swipe it over my face. I've been slamming my fists into this bag of sand for the last hour, waiting for Olivia to finish cleaning the gym. There's no one left, the doors are locked, the blinds drawn, but she insists on having everything in top shape for when it opens in the morning.I can't say I don't enjoy watching her walk around the place with a determined little pout on her lips, because I do. I enjoy it so damn much.Blowing air from my lips, I lean against the ropes of the boxing ring. She does another round, picking up a missed towel here and there. I track her every step, my shorts growing tighter every time she bends over. Eventually, she enters my area of the gym.She doesn't pay me any attention.And it drives me crazy."Olivia," I call out, and she whips her head in my direction, her perfect, long hair whirl
I sit in my car outside Mom's house, gripping my steering. I stare at the quaint little home nestled somewhere in the middle of Sparrow Road and dread burrows deep. If I walk through those doors, I'll be alone in the house for the first time since Dad's death. The thought is isolating.Chase left for Pakistan this morning and Mom is spending alone time in a hideaway cabin in the hills. The house will be quiet. And I'll be alone.Loneliness has been the theme of my life for more days than I can count. I miss Dad. I miss Seth. It gets harder to pin Seth down with a phone call with every passing day. He calls me and I miss it. I call him back and he misses it. By the time we catch each other, he's exhausted and sleeping on the other end of the line before I can ask him how he is. He asks me to join him in every city he lands in, but I haven't had the heart to leave Mom alone, especially now Chase is gone.Releasing the wheel, I sit back against my seat with a sigh. The vermilion afternoon
With a shake of his arms, Seth tilts his head to the ceiling, exposing the thick column of his throat, and he closes his eyes. His chest falls as he lets out a long, slow breath. What I wouldn't give to know what he's thinking. Is he nervous? Scared? Neither?A small eternity later, the referee calls both the men to the middle of the ring. He demands a good, clean fight, then sends them back to their corner. With a clap of his hands, the fight begins.Seth plays it cool, each step premeditated and predatory. Don, however, goes in guns blazing. Shooting forward, and swallowing up the distance, Don swings hard and fast, his fists flying through the air like sledgehammers. He wants to make sure that, if he connects, Seth won't get back up.I yank my blanket from Chase and pull it up to my chin. I clench my teeth together. My fingers twitch with the urge to hide under the blanket until it's over, but I told Seth I'd watch the fight.And I want to watch it......but only if Don gets what he
I startle, sitting upright on the couch as the T.V. changes from the live stream loading screen to the emerald exterior of Las Vegas's MGM Grand. "Shhhh!" I shush Chase mid-story about some girl he met when he was stationed in Afghanistan by clamping my palm over his face and pushing him away. I've already heard the story twice. He's in love with her but doesn't know it. "It's starting!" On the screen, cars zip by, and people flood the streets, milling about like ants. "It's an eight-man fighting format," the commentator says as the camera phases into the arena. "The winner receives one hundred thousand dollars, a professional contract with the MMAC, and the title of Amateur Champion."They continue to discuss the layout of the championship and I tune it out. I'm too distracted by the grandiosity of it all as the camera pans over tens of thousands of roaring people, seated around the cage, ready for the fight. "It's a big deal, isn't it?" Chase muses between chomps of buttered popc
"What are you doing out here?" I ask. How long has he been out here? Blush gathers in my cheeks at the thought of him hearing the things I said about him. About us."Hiding from Darryl." Seth lowers his hands and straightens. The way he holds himself with such confidence is breathtaking. "Saving you from your asshole ex. Again." I sigh and turn toward the swing. I sit down on it and pat the space beside me. Seth looks up at the worn branch while shrugging out of his jacket. "That's not going to hold me." I glance up, then at Seth. If he weighs every bit of the two-hundred pounds Chase claims he does, then I suppose it won't. I shift into the middle of the plank as Seth steps forward and drapes his jacket over my shoulders. The fabric envelops me and I melt into its warmth, into its crisp citrus and sandalwood scents. "I saw him follow you out here," Seth says, rolling up the sleeves of his fitted, black formal shirt. Each twist of the fabric reveals an inch of, perfect ropy muscle
After the funeral, Mom invites over as many people as she can fit into her home for refreshments. They come in droves and I'm too tired to entertain, but I do it anyway. I accept condolences and hugs with grace and enthusiasm and I mingle with relatives I haven't seen since I was a child, relatives who live on the other side of the country. I keep Seth in my peripheral the whole time, wanting nothing more than to be spending this time with him since he flew all this way on the eve of his championship match. I want his touch, his comfort, and maybe that's selfish, but after the day I've had...I just want to be coddled. Chase keeps Seth out of my reach and insists on interrogating him under the guise of friendly conversation. I've tried to save him, but I can barely move a foot before I'm swept up by someone else. I wonder if Seth thinks I'm avoiding him, or can he feel my aura pining for his? Can he feel every cell in my being pushing against my skin, willing me in his direction? I hop
Funerals happen a lot quicker than I imagined they would. This is the first time I've been at the helm of planning one and I didn't realize I'd be expected to make sensible and coherent decisions while drowning in an ocean of grief. I thought I'd have more time to come to terms with the fact my father has passed. I thought I'd wake up from this nightmare by now.To make matters worse, Seth is in Vegas. His schedule didn't allow a trip back to Portland for Dad's funeral. He demanded the MMAC approve his request for a twenty-four-hour leave, but they declined it because Dad wasn't immediate family. The championship fight is tomorrow night and it's a risk they can't take. And I get it. It just sucks. He's been so busy we've barely spoken. He calls me after midnight every night, but we fall asleep before the conversation goes anywhere. I miss him."Shit," I swear as the zipper of my dress eludes me for the millionth time.It sits between my shoulder blades, where I can't reach, taunting me
We pull up outside my parents' home and I cast my gaze over the property. It looks exactly as it did when I left Portland and I don't know why that surprises me. I don't know why I expected it to be any different. The glow of the sitting room light filters through the cracks in the curtains and I suck air deep into my lungs. Mom's awake.Dad's truck sits in the drive and sticks me like a knife in the heart. I glance at Selena who's looking at it too. She clears her throat, casting her attention to the road."Should I come with?"I nod, not wanting to be left alone with the tornado of emotion undoubtedly waiting for me on the other side of the front door. "Yeah, come with me."We exit the car and make our way to the front porch, Selena dragging my suitcase behind us. My palms grow clammy with every step, my heart racing. What's waiting for me inside? I grab Selena's hand and thread my fingers through hers. She wraps her arm across her body and holds the inside of my elbow. I lean on her
I lie on the bed for a while, thinking about my brother, Chase. Does he even know? Will he have time to attend his father's funeral? I think about it for hours, it feels like. In and out of focus, of exhaustion, of grief, I remain on the bed, my mind too tired to process whether or not I've slept. I must have because the next voice I hear zipping up the stairs is female."Where is she?" Shoes hit the stairs and I shoot up in bed as Selena tears through the door, her pretty face displaying every thread of grief she feels. "Olivia?"Seeing her brings memories flooding back and I burst into tears all over again. Selena rushes over to the bed and climbs on, drawing me into her hoodie-clad arms. We fall against the mattress, our limbs intertwined."I can't believe it." She sniffles, her chest vibrating as she combs her fingers through my hair. "I can't believe it, O.""He's gone," I sob. "And I don't know what I'm supposed to do.""You'll know once you get home." She holds me for a while lo