How to Explain Myself?
Rosie stood outside the bar, clutching her wallet close to her chest. Her body felt the need to start shaking uncontrollably.
She knew going out was a bad idea, especially knowing she would have to meet new people. Her cousin was the only person who knew how to deal with the way she is. Anthony was an exception because he knew well enough how Rosie was, although she never spent much time with him. He had just been around long enough to see for himself how complicated Rosie may be, which made him more lenient and patient with her.
Rosie wasn't necessarily comfortable around him, she wasn't comfortable around anyone really. She was just comfortable enough, knowing that he didn't get weirded out by her anymore; knowing that he didn't have high expectations from her because he knew what to expect, based on how much of her he had seen along with what Tamara explained to him.
Rosie struggled to open any app on her phone, her hands trembling as she clutched onto her phone tightly to stop it from falling right out of her hands.
"Hey."
Rosie looked up to see Anthony coming out of the bar. He offered her a friendly smile as he walked over to her, shoving his hands into his pant pockets.
Rosie bit the inside of her cheek, avoiding meeting his gaze. She was embarrassed and like usual, feeling pathetic.
Anthony sighed. "I'm sorry about Zach."
Rosie shrugged lightly, looking down at her phone screen that was resting on her home screen. "It's expected."
Anthony's eyebrows pulled together, confused by what she meant. "What is?"
She shrugged once again, shifting on her feet. She looked up at the passing cars on the street. "People thinking I'm weird."
Anthony frowned, shaking his head lightly. "He doesn't think you're weird."
Rosie finally looked at Anthony, raising her eyebrows in disbelief. Even I think I'm weird, she thought to herself.
"What?" Anthony quirked an eyebrow, challenging the same look back to her. "He might not think you're the life of the party, per say, but I don't think he thinks you're weird."
Rosie let out a breathy chuckle, so soft that it didn't even sound like a laugh but instead, an exhale. She shook her head, looking back down at her feet. "I'm not good at talking."
Anthony nodded his head slowly. He kept his warm gaze trained on her although she refused to look him in the eye. "A lot of people aren't," he spoke with genuineness in his tone. "You just met the guy. It's okay to be shy."
Rosie shook her head, still keeping her gaze low. She wanted to explain it was much more than her being shy. It wasn't that simple. "I'm not good at talking in general."
Anthony continued to peer at her thoughtfully. This was the first time, in years, that she had spoken to him in more than two or three words at a time. Anthony lifted his hand, wanting to give her a comforting touch but he dropped his arm to his side when he remembered this was Rosie he was with. "I'm not good at understanding sarcasm."
Rosie looked up, meeting his gaze once again. She furrowed her eyebrows, confused.
Anthony let out a small laugh at the look of confusion on her face. "I have a hard time understanding when someone is being sarcastic. I take things too literal, I suppose."
Rosie's lip tugged upwards in a grin. She didn't know if he was joking or not, but she appreciated his attempt at making her feel better about herself. "I don't like sarcasm."
Anthony smiled, his eyes warm and welcoming. "Good. I don't either."
Rosie felt much calmer now. She looked down at her phone, opening the Uber app. "You don't have to stay out here," she mumbled quietly.
"Tam will be out here soon. She just wanted to give Zach a piece of her mind."
Rosie looked away from her phone screen, instead looking down at the sidewalk. She sighed softly, shutting her eyes for a moment.
She loved that her cousin always looked out for her and defended her, but she hated when Tamara would explain her to other people. She didn't want everyone thinking she was a freak, even if she thought of herself as one. When Tamara explained to people that Rosie's shy or quiet, lost or slow, it didn't make Rosie feel any better. It made her feel like she was a lab experiment that needed a description label.
Anthony frowned when he noted the look on Rosie's face. He was about to ask her about it when Tamara walked out of the bar.
Tamara looked like her fuse was about to blow. She shook her head frantically as she pulled out her car keys. "How inconsiderate can people be?!"
"Tamara," Rosie sighed, hesitantly placing a hand on Tamara's arm to grab her attention. "It's okay."
"No, it is not okay."
Rosie refrained from rolling her eyes. It always hurt her when people thought badly of her, but she also expected it from everyone. She knew she was odd and over time, she stopped getting so bothered by people thinking as much. She knew Tamara's heart was in the best place but she didn't know how to tell her that she didn't need Tamara to fight her fights or come to her defence or get so worked up over what other people thought. She wanted to stop feeling like her cousin's charity case.
"Tamara," Rosie spoke more louder and firmer. "Please, can we just go home? I don't care what Zach thinks."
Tamara paused, looking at Rosie in the eye. She sighed, nodding her head towards the car. "Yeah, I'm sorry. That just pissed me off."
It always does, Rosie thought to herself. Rosie decided not to say anything else, not wanting Tamara to get offended or hurt. Rosie could appreciate Tamara's protectiveness but she didn't like being treated like she was her child with some sort of terminal illness that everyone needed to be warned about.
Rosie turned to look at Anthony, offering a small smile. She wanted to say something, some sort of goodbye but she didn't. Instead, she settled on her parting smile and got into the car.
When they got back home, Rosie changed into her pyjamas before walking out into the living room to see Tamara on the couch with a bag of chips.
Tamara smiled sheepishly. "I'm really sorry about tonight. I just thought it would be nice to get out of the house and hang out."
Rosie shrugged, taking a seat on the recliner. "It was okay."
Tamara frowned. "You don't have to lie to me, Rose. I know it was shitty."
Rosie simply shook her head. "No, the mozzarella sticks were really good. The art on the walls actually gave me some inspiration too."
Tamara responded with a dull expression. She sat up straighter, turning her body to face Rosie. "You find niceness in art everywhere, even if it's shitty graffiti. I'm talking about the more social aspect, meeting Zach."
Rosie looked down at her hands, debating what to say or if she should say anything at all. She didn't want her cousin feeling bad about Zach's words or being afraid to want to take her out again.
"Tam," Rosie looked up at her cousin, speaking softly. A small smile played on her lips as she peered at her cousin with warm eyes. "I don't care if people think I'm weird, or odd, or a freak."
Tamara's eyebrows furrowed together.
Rosie shrugged her shoulders. "I know... I'm kind of weird to people. People find it difficult to get along with me. I'm not a people-person, obviously."
Tamara frowned, her heart clenching when she listened to Rosie's words. "You're not weird, Rose. You're just a little different than what people might expect."
Rosie shook her head, chuckling softly. "You don't have to put it in different words to make me feel better about myself."
"I'm not."
"You are," Rosie spoke firmly but her tone remained warm.
"I just don't want people judging you. I don't like it when they think you're weird. You're perfectly normal." Tamara sighed, leaning back into the couch.
Rosie licked her lips. She didn't know if she agreed with her cousin or not. "Maybe I'm not. I don't think I am. I know I'm not perfectly normal to a lot of people."
Tamara wanted to argue with her but she didn't know what to say. She hated the way Rosie viewed herself.
Rosie stood up, smiling down at her cousin. "Let people say or think what they want about me, Tam. I really don't care all that much."
Tamara smiled but it didn't meet her eyes. She nodded her head unsurely. Even if it didn't bother Rosie, it still bothered Tamara.
"Night," Rosie turned to head to her room.
Tamara sighed heavily. "Good night."
What You Think of YourselfRosie was in the kitchen eating cereal the next morning, like she would every day. She held the book she was reading in her left hand while she used her right hand to pop spoons filled with cereal into her mouth.The front door of the apartment opening sounded and Rosie knew it was Anthony. He was around a lot, since he was best friends with Tamara. Rosie expected him to show up whenever he wanted, like he always did. She didn't think much of it. She usually did her own thing, staying in her room, not talking to Anthony much.Anthony walked into the kitchen, smiling when he saw Rosie. "Morning, early bird."Rosie looked over her shoulder to see Anthony walking further into the kitchen. He usually greeted her but there was never much more than that. She offered a smile before turning back to her book."Is Tam awake yet?"Rosie shook her head in response, her eyes staying glued on her book.Anthony sighed, not being surprised that his best friend was still sle
Easy to Tease"Watch it, mute. You are just mute, right. Not blind too?" Blaze Winters shoved Rosie's shoulder with his own, causing her to stumble and nearly drop all of her books. She was walking through the campus to get to one of her lectures when she had crossed paths with another one of the rude people who loved to make fun of her for being the quiet, non-talkative person she is.Rosie bit down on her lip, hard, to stop herself from croaking out any sob-like noise. She was used to be treating this way but it didn't make it easy.Blaze looked at his friend, Andrew, both of them laughing when Rosie hadn't said anything. She tried to move past them and keep walking."Come on," Blaze sighed deeply, dramatizing the sigh. "Give me something, Rosebud. One little comeback or comment. A little spar."Rosie clutched her books to her chest, keeping her gaze on the ground as she stood frozen in spot. She knew walking away would only make them continue to holler at her. If she stood here sil
How They View You"Where are you going?" Rosie walked out of her room to see Tamara sliding on her coat and some boots."To a frat party. Want to come?"Rosie laughed at the question. She crossed her arms over her chest and leaned against the wall.Tamara made a face at her as she stood up straight after zipping up her boots. "It could be fun, Rosie. Everyone will be too drunk to care whether or not you respond to them."Rosie's face fell, her arms falling to her sides as her posture straightened. Tamara's words felt like a blow to the face."Shit," Tamara's eyes went wide, horror flashing across her face when she realized how harsh her words sounded. "I'm so sorry, Rose. You know I did not mean it like that."Rosie sucked in her lips, feeling her chest grow heavy. She walked past her cousin and headed into the kitchen, her shoulders suddenly feeling heavy. She knew Tamara didn't mean her words with a bad intent but they still struck a nerve. Tamara didn't need to admit it for Rosie t
Cordial CompanyJust as Rosie had expected, the next morning was tedious. Tamara spent all morning sitting with her head ducked in the toilet bowl, vomiting her insides out. Rosie held her hair back and offered her water, just waiting for her to get all of the liquor out of her system. Tamara remained annoyed while being bratty. Her hangover was causing her to be much more of a pain in the neck than Rosie was willing to tolerate."I'm sorry," Tamara grumbled out, lifting her head off the toilet seat. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. "I was a bitch yesterday."Rosie sighed deeply. She didn't want to get into this conversation again. "It's fine, Tamara."Tamara shook her head which only led to her groaning loudly from the throbbing in her skull. "No, it's not fine. I need to be more mindful."Rosie dropped Tamara's hair that she was holding back and moved to the sink to wash her hands. "I'm going to go make you a disgusting smoothie that will make you feel better."Tamara
The Library"Anthony Morelli?" Simon leaned forward across the library clerk desk. Rosie had told him about the art opening that she was going to with Anthony. "You're talking about the Anthony Morelli who's on the baseball team? That guy's a legend."Rosie pursed her lips as she stared down at her shoes. She knew Anthony was a social creature, a very friendly one with many acquaintances. She just didn't know entirely how big his presence was on campus.Rosie's silence was enough of an answer for Simon. He whistled out a breath of air, smirking as he leaned back in his chair behind the clerk table. He was impressed. "Hell of a guy to go on a date with, Rosie. Props."Rosie's head shot up to gape at Simon with wide eyes. "What? It's not a date."Simon scoffed. "What else would you call it?"Rosie shrugged her shoulders, going back to staring at her shoes.The rest of her shift at the library, she was riveted with anxiety. She couldn't stop pacing around, finding anything to keep hersel
Night on the Town"You never take more than a minute to find an outfit. What's so important about this one?" Tamara stood leaning against Rosie's bedroom door frame, peering at her in amusement."Nothing." Rosie tossed her a dull expression.Tamara scoffed, a smirk playing on her lips. She knew Rosie was hiding something. "A big date?"Rosie rolled her eyes, turning to go back to digging through her closet. "There's an art opening."Tamara paused in thought. "Wait, you mean the one Aatalo is being featured at?"Rosie didn't look at her cousin as she nodded her head.Tamara narrowed her eyes suspiciously at Rosie's back. "Are you going with Anthony?"Rosie shrugged. "He'll be there, yes. He said he will take me since we're both going to the same place."Tamara's jaw dropped. She took a moment to compose herself before she let out a loud squeal and raced over to Rosie. "Holy shit, my cousin dearest is going on a date with Anthony Morelli! Solid catch, Rose."Rosie pushed Tamara off of h
Spotted in PublicIt had been a few days since the art show. Since then, Rosie hadn't seen Anthony.She was noticing how often he was popping into her mind. She would be occupied doing something and out of nowhere, the thought of him would come into her mind. She tried to ignore it and not read further into it.Rosie fell back into her usual comfortable routine - keeping up with her school work, spending her evenings at work at the library, and spending any other free time busy with her artwork or just reading.In the middle of the week, the library had an electricity problem and all the power had gone out. While the maintenance was being worked on, the library was closed. Since Rosie would usually study at the library, she instead headed to the student centre on campus.She didn't like going to the student centre because it was always packed with many people and she preferred to be somewhere else, where she was more alone and comfortable. Since her next class was starting shortly, th
Distance and ResistanceRosie had only been walking for a few minutes, going back to her apartment. She was a mess, her head all over the place and her body still trembling. She still hadn't fully caught her breath properly.Anthony raced out of the student centre, pushing past people as he glanced around the parking lot to see where she could have gone. He caught sight of her walking away. He was quick to run up to her, placing a hand on her shoulder to stop her."Sorry," he pulled his hand away when she turned to face him. He took only a second to catch his breath.Rosie blinked. She just looked at him blankly, waiting for him to speak. She knew she wasn't going to be able to avoid him. She wanted to melt into the pavement from how embarrassed and pathetic she was feeling but she bit her tongue and tried hard to ignore her unease.Anthony sighed, a frown on his face. His eyes were warm and flooded with sadness and concern. "Rosie, are you okay?"Rosie blinked a few times, pushing aw
Rosie was in the kitchen eating cereal the next morning, like she would every day. She held the book she was reading in her left hand while she used her right hand to pop spoons filled with cereal into her mouth.The front door of the apartment opening sounded and Rosie knew it was Anthony. He was around a lot, since he was best friends with Tamara. Rosie expected him to show up whenever he wanted, like he always did. She didn't think much of it. She usually did her own thing, staying in her room, not talking to Anthony much.Anthony walked into the kitchen, smiling when he saw Rosie. "Morning, early bird."Rosie looked over her shoulder to see Anthony walking further into the kitchen. He usually greeted her but there was never much more than that. She offered a smile before turning back to her book."Is Tam awake yet?"Rosie shook her head in response, her eyes staying glued on her book.Anthony sighed, not being surprised that his best friend was still sleeping. He hopped up onto th
Tamara raced into the emergency room that was completely packed. With the weather being this bad and the conditions of the roads, it was no surprise that the hospital was filling with patients by the second.Anthony followed behind Tamara as she ran over to the reception desk.Anthony was at their apartment when the power went out so he had stayed there. All night, Tamara was panicking while Anthony also remained silently concerned. She had been texting and calling Rosie all night but had never gotten a response since Rosie didn't have any cell reception so she didn't receive a single message.A few hours later, Tamara had gotten a phone call from first responders. She was Rosie's emergency contact.Her and Anthony raced to the hospital, taking longer than usual because of the terrible road conditions."Ma'am, I need you to wait in the waiting room. She hasn't woken up yet. They're running some tests so it may take some time."Tamara gaped at the nurse with wide eyes. "What tests? Whe
Tamara raced into the emergency room that was completely packed. With the weather being this bad and the conditions of the roads, it was no surprise that the hospital was filling with patients by the second.Anthony followed behind Tamara as she ran over to the reception desk.Anthony was at their apartment when the power went out so he had stayed there. All night, Tamara was panicking while Anthony also remained silently concerned. She had been texting and calling Rosie all night but had never gotten a response since Rosie didn't have any cell reception so she didn't receive a single message.A few hours later, Tamara had gotten a phone call from first responders. She was Rosie's emergency contact.Her and Anthony raced to the hospital, taking longer than usual because of the terrible road conditions."Ma'am, I need you to wait in the waiting room. She hasn't woken up yet. They're running some tests so it may take some time."Tamara gaped at the nurse with wide eyes. "What tests? Whe
Later in the week, the weather had started to get worse and worse. It was snowing heavily all the time, the wind being so cool it felt like it was pricking at your skin. Rosie had started taking her car to work, it being too difficult to walk in the inches and inches of snow that was piling up.Lately, the library had been more vacant than usual. With the weather this terrible, classes were starting to get cancelled. With it being hard enough to manage the cold and the swirling snow, the library hardly got half a dozen visitors in a day.Rosie slipped off her sweater, grateful for the bubbling heat inside the library building. She leaned back, sitting behind the clerk desk as she read a book to pass time.It was nearing the end of her shift at night when the lights started to flicker. She glanced up, waiting for the flickering to stop.After a few minutes, they did stop.She sighed in relief and turned her gaze back to the book she was reading. But it wasn't before the flickering star
Tamara raced into the emergency room that was completely packed. With the weather being this bad and the conditions of the roads, it was no surprise that the hospital was filling with patients by the second.Anthony followed behind Tamara as she ran over to the reception desk.Anthony was at their apartment when the power went out so he had stayed there. All night, Tamara was panicking while Anthony also remained silently concerned. She had been texting and calling Rosie all night but had never gotten a response since Rosie didn't have any cell reception so she didn't receive a single message.A few hours later, Tamara had gotten a phone call from first responders. She was Rosie's emergency contact.Her and Anthony raced to the hospital, taking longer than usual because of the terrible road conditions."Ma'am, I need you to wait in the waiting room. She hasn't woken up yet. They're running some tests so it may take some time."Tamara gaped at the nurse with wide eyes. "What tests? Whe
Watch it, mute. You are just mute, right. Not blind too?" Blaze Winters shoved Rosie's shoulder with his own, causing her to stumble and nearly drop all of her books. She was walking through the campus to get to one of her lectures when she had crossed paths with another one of the rude people who loved to make fun of her for being the quiet, non-talkative person she is.Rosie bit down on her lip, hard, to stop herself from croaking out any sob-like noise. She was used to be treating this way but it didn't make it easy.Blaze looked at his friend, Andrew, both of them laughing when Rosie hadn't said anything. She tried to move past them and keep walking."Come on," Blaze sighed deeply, dramatizing the sigh. "Give me something, Rosebud. One little comeback or comment. A little spar."Rosie clutched her books to her chest, keeping her gaze on the ground as she stood frozen in spot. She knew walking away would only make them continue to holler at her. If she stood here silently and let t
Rosie was sitting at the kitchen island, eating her cereal with one hand and holding a book to read in her other hand.Tamara leaned against the counter across from Rosie, smiling sneakily at her. Rosie placed the book down to look at her cousin. She quirked an eyebrow in a questioning manner, growing suspicious at the look on Tamara's face."So..." Tamara drawled slowly, a nervous smile tugging on her lips. "You want to come out tonight?"Rosie shook her head firmly, swallowing her cereal before speaking. "No."Tamara sighed, her smile falling. "Please come out with me tonight. It'll just be me, Anthony, and one other friend."Rosie's face remained completely straight and blank. "They are your friends. Why do I have to come?"Tamara shrugged, standing straight. She tugged on her fingers nervously, knowing very well that it would be hard to convince Rosie to tag along. "My friends like you, you know that."Rosie narrowed her eyes, scoffing quietly. "Anthony tolerates me when necessary
ForeverOne Year Later Rosie and Anthony walked down the bustling busy street, hand in hand. The grey clouds filled the sky, the light sound of thundering notifying them that it would rain soon. Anthony smiled down at her. "Maybe I should have stopped at the Louvre or at least the Eiffel Tower last time I was here. Instead, I ran away like a lost puppy." Rosie cocked her head to the side, humming. "a lost puppy would be wandering, not running away. More like a... crab." Anthony laughed. "A crab?" Rosie shrugged, leaning into his side. "A crab would run away if you scared it, right? Or do crabs attack. I don't know." Anthony kissed the top of her head. The two of them stopped when they reached an art gallery. "Here we are." Rosie sighed dreamily as she stared up at the building. "My art is already in there. Tomorrow night, it will be up on the walls for everyone to see." Anthony took both her hands, turning to face her. "Would you ever move back here?" Rosie's eyebrows raised.
Schemed Evening"This is such a ridiculously terrible idea. He's not even going to show up." Rosie paced back and fourth in Aatalo's loft, shaking her head frantically.Aatalo walked to stand in front of her, placing his hands on her shoulders to stop her. "Rosie, my dear, look at me. Take a deep breath."Rosie listened, staring at him intently as she inhaled deeply.Aatalo nodded slowly. "You have to exhale too."Rosie exhaled. "Right.""Tonight is your first exhibition back home. You're going to win over the cities heart the same way you won over Paris."Rosie wrinkled her nose, shaking her head. "I created a whole new set of paintings in a week. They're not even good."Aatalo sighed, smiling faintly. "They are perfect."Rosie heaved out a heavy breath, walking backwards until she plopped down onto the couch. Panic and concern was flashing through her eyes like a lightning storm. "I don't even care about the exhibit itself. Are you sure Anthony will show up? He hates me, why would h