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2021-08-19 01:02:25Arrick and I stand back and watch Emma and the baby being loaded into the ambulance, under the watchful eye of Jake, climbing in beside her, fussing around her and their baby, before waving our way as the doors shut and they are concealed from view.
Sylvana is in their home now; she came as soon as Arrick called, to be with her grandbabies, despite the live-in nanny, and now we are outside facing Emma’s house, across the road to give them all space. Excess to requirements and feeling completely surreal. Getting air from the craziness of the last hour of our lives and just taking it all in.
“I’m totally wired. I can’t believe she had the baby right there in front of us.” I beam, childishly happy as I grip Arrick’s arm, still bouncing around with the hyper energy that hit after the emotions cleared away. He grins at me indulgently, watching as I bop up and down like a giddy kid on a sugar high, and runs a hand down the back of my hair
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The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 73
He looks so deadly serious, delivering another wound to my soul and I break down properly. Heart-wrenching with how bad this can feel, how bad his rejections always affect me, and I start to cry painfully. Like a wounded child who doesn’t care if anyone sees her. Arrick moves towards me as tears make their way down my face, his own face crumbling at the sight of them, and losing all resolve.“Stop crying, Mimmo, you know I hate seeing you cry.” His voice breaks with emotion, reaching for me, soft and tender, but I just slap his hands away aggressively. Full fury pouring out at his rejection, heart bruised again and not in the mood to have any more of his touches, innocent or not. He just messes me up.“Go to hell.” I walk past him at speed, shoving him aside with a shoulder bump, determined to get away from the source of my pain and head towards home. Arrick pauses for a moment, watches me, and then follows me closely.&ldq
Last Updated : 2021-08-19The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 74
There have been so many tears this morning. I’ve seen Leila, Daniel and the twins, after I went to see Ava at the hospital with Jake and Emma; another beautiful little green-eyed darling, yet she’s fair, so I think she will be a mix of her two parents rather than one of each.It’s clear that they are both completely infatuated with her, and they had all three kids in the private room while Jake was taking it in turns to cuddle up with them and the baby, to let them see their new sister. The whole scene was just heart-warming. Emma looks amazing, recovering in bed and hoping to be home later today, despite Jake’s reservations that she should stay there for a few days.I throw the last of my clothes in the packing boxes on my bed. I have taken everything I want this time, including some stuffed bears and personal things with sentimental value and the rest of my cosmetics. It’s real this time, leaving home properly, and this time with my fami
Last Updated : 2021-08-19The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 75
I have finally unpacked the clothes I want to keep handy, into Arrick’s spare room wardrobe, and every other box is piled neatly in the corner. I know with the speed the Carreros get things done, I should have an apartment sooner than later. I’m looking forward to having my own space though and if last night is anything to go by, staying here will get harder as time passes. The sooner I move out and get some distance, a real step up in my life, get this show on the road, so to speak, the sooner I will feel better.The drive home was strained, mostly silent, and Arrick hasn’t even tried to talk me out of my mood. He left me be to stare at the scenery, lost in my own thoughts and listen to the radio. Four hours of music and heavy silence, with only the odd conversation about food when he stopped at a drive through-u. I have literally lost all will to even try today, and he is doing what he does best. Submerged in his head, mulling over God knows what and prese
Last Updated : 2021-08-19The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 76
I won’t let either of them see me upset. I dig my heels in, bite down the hurt and drag on that perfect mask of indifference. He wanders the last few feet to greet the opening doors, and I stiffen inside. I try to relax, try to make this look as natural as I can sitting here with my food. I channel hop to find something to watch, without any sort of attention or focus on the screen, laying my water on the table and pull over a cushion for my lap to cradle my plate.I hear Natasha’s voice in the foyer with his, greeting him, and mumbling small talk. I refuse to look their way, even though my heart is hammering in my chest and just focus on the music at the start of the movie I randomly clicked on. I don’t want to see them embrace, kiss or whatever; he must be gone in the head to think this is anything but abnormal.“Hi, Sophie. You look nice today.” Natasha’s silky sweet putrid voice sets my teeth on edge and I turn her way with a fak
Last Updated : 2021-08-19The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 77
I don’t know even how to react to that, and all I can feel are Natasha’s trusting eyes on us, as we both act like guilty kids whose mom just caught them dry humping on the couch. I grab it from him as we both catch it and click on any button my finger hits. Only it’s worse, and it is actual porn this time, with an up-close view of someone’s ass being violated by the world’s biggest penis. Arrick has one of those dumb TV’s with internet crap and buttons for crazy things. It would seem he has a direct link to porn on this damn demon-like contraption, which actually surprises me. He doesn’t seem like the porn type. I throw him a serious questioning, if a little accusatory, frown as he slaps a hand over my eyes, covering them.“For the love of God.” Arrick groans and slides the thing from my fingers as I push his other off my face, to do some
Last Updated : 2021-08-19The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 78
“I know he does... He told me he does... But I don’t know if he’s still in love with me. I think there’s maybe someone else.” She glances my way again, and the trusting ache reflected in those pleading eyes tells me she truly does not look at me and see a threat. She has no idea he could look at me that way, and it only kills me more. Throat dries up, my body gets clammy and my skin cools as all my blood drains from me. I stammer, clear my throat to get a grip on my voice and then take a deep breath.“Have you asked him?” I force out, gulping hard, trying to evade this conversation, yet caught in it with no chance of escape. She shakes her head sadly.“I’m too terrified that the answer might be yes. And then what will I do? I’ll die without him.” She sobs some more, and I start willing like crazy for him to come and save me from this conversation. I have no idea what to say or how to act. It&rsq
Last Updated : 2021-08-19The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 79
I spend the morning filling out applications and emailing Jake’s assistant back, over apartments she’s sent me to look over. Choosing a couple that I think look nice I tell her to set me up viewings for as soon as possible. One of them is small, close to the school, and looks cozy and easy to maintain. My instant gut reaction to the pictures is that it is more than a possibility.Arrick came back so late last night I didn’t even hear him come home. Sound asleep and oblivious to what time he came back after tossing and turning myself into unconsciousness. I don’t want to know anything about where they were, what they said, or what they did. I don’t even want to know what time he showed up, because my mind will probably point in directions that kill me, about what they could’ve been doing half the night at her apartment. I’m so not able to cope with tha
Last Updated : 2021-08-19The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 80
“These are good, Sophs, I mean it. You have skills.” I can’t tell by his tone if he’s joking and mocking me, or if he’s serious. I’m still hanging down his back, using my palms on his muscular shoulder blades to try to lever myself up. Aware my hands are roaming over him freely, and he doesn’t seem to give a shit. It’s obvious that his ‘not appropriate’ sensor is switched off at the moment, and he really is focused on my artwork.“Let me go. You’re an asshole.” I snap at him and then yelp when he slaps me on the ass hard enough to make it sting and ring loudly. I guess my book has been discarded if he suddenly has a free hand and twist to try and get a better look. We’re now at the kitchen counter, and instead of holding it up he has it laid out on the black marble surface and is turning it, page by page, slowly as he takes a proper good look.“Sophs, I’m serious. These are
Last Updated : 2021-08-19
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The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 222
I deserve it, I know I do, probably worse, it’s not even that painful but as I stare at her again, I can’t hide how much it actually wounded my heart. Sophie has lashed out at me before, sure, in crazy ways, frenzy fueled attacks when lost in her pain or triggered with her PTSD, but she’s never slapped me in the face for anything. This was a direct ‘how fucking dare you’ kind of assault that speaks volumes to the depths of the carnage I’ve caused on her soul.“You lost me. You don’t get to do that anymore.” She wails at me, pulling my hands and arms from her body and shoves me back with as much force as she can muster. Prickly, seething, hating me with utter crushing heartbreak. She’s breathing as heavily as I am although her pain and hysteria seem to be calming mine and I know I need to stay patient and cool if I’m going to bring her down from fierce.I know how to deal with her at her worst, I can hand
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 221
Arrick’s POV~ Leila’s party ~Leila’s party is losing its sparkle for me. Too drunk, too miserable at having to see Sophs swanning around with golden boy Christian all night and I am done with being here. I’ve said my goodbyes to my brother and I’m leaving before I do something stupid I’m going to totally regret concerning ‘boyfriend’ and drag Sophs into a dark corner to kiss the shit out of her if I stay here. Seeing her looking this beautiful, this happy with someone else is killing me.I spy Sophs, Leila, and Daniel huddled together at the front door as I head that way, a little too late due to not watching where I was going and swerve at the last second before she spots me. My heart lurching at running into her again when I’m already a complete emotional wreck. Hating that even still, my initial reaction to seeing her is a swift kick in the gut. Almost keeling sideways because I am way too
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 220
Arrick’s POV~ Seeing Sophie again. (Restaurant) ~I push the money in the driver’s hand as I follow Charlie and Tom out of the cab onto the sidewalk. I’m still tired from my three hours in the training ring and starving, it’s my turn to pay for lunch and I got to pick the venue. This place is new and no chance of Natasha hitting it with her colleagues on her lunch break either. I’ve been trying to put distance between us since the breakup, trying to stay out of her way and I hate that she has a knack for showing up wherever I am. It feels like she just won’t let go, and although I understand her pain at our breakup, it’s also stifling, and I just want her to move on. She won’t do that if she keeps trying to cling to me.“Hurry up, man.” Tom, my sparring partner today is impatient as hell and throwing me a look that is supposed to hurry me up. I straighten on the street and glare him down.
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 219
It kills me that I can love her this much and was stupid enough to give that up, to give her up. It’s so black and white in the clear light of my brain defogging and how fucking dumb I am. It was never about what my heart wanted; it was always about what was best for everyone else’s.I don’t want Natasha; I don’t think I ever really did. I want Sophie. If I’m being honest then I’ve always wanted her, needed her. It’s why I could never ignore the two a.m. cries for help. It’s part of my soul to be there for her to fall on, to depend on, to call, and lean on. I grew up for her and became her rock, gave her that safe space to grow and heal and kept the world at bay so it didn’t touch her. I created our bubble together so Sophie could thrive and feel secure, enjoy life without fear and I always told myself it was because I never had a kid sister and she just screamed out for protection. So precious, so angelic and I wanted to
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 218
Arrick’s POV~ Breaking up with Natasha ~Sitting on my couch, leaning forward with elbows propped on my knees, I stare at my cell for the millionth time and scroll to Sophie’s name on the list. Last call was twenty-eight days ago... twenty-eight long days of hell, silence, loneliness, and lack of Sophie. Twenty-eight days; the last time I felt anything but the constant absence of her and heavy pit in my stomach, from her disappearing in every single way, and leaving a gaping silent sunless space in my life.I’m missing her like crazy, keeping her last texts messages because it’s all I have left of her to hold on to. I scroll to the very last one, again. It’s a nothing text; I don’t even remember what it was in response too, as it’s not connected to the conversation before it. Just one single text, one that sums her up in so very few words and I stare at it as my chest heaves with that same ingrained weight
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 217
Natasha’sPOV~ Life after Sophie ~I watch Arrick push his food around his plate distractedly, eyes on what he’s doing, yet he seems completely detached from the here and now. We’re in a busy restaurant, the food is good, the company not so much; he has barely said two words the whole time we have been here, and he has had about four beers with dinner so far.Arrick never drinks excessively, normally, but I guess this sums up our life of the past three weeks. I’m irritated, upset but I am trying to keep the pleasantries going. I am trying so hard to not let it get to me, to keep a smile on my face, a positive outlook that we can get through this bump in the road of our relationship, but he makes it so hard.I try not to watch him too much as I eat my own food and give up on small talk. His nods and ‘hmm’ responses make me want to throw my wine glass at him, and I am trying to avoid all forms of naggi
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 216
Arrick’s POV~ Letting Sophie go ~I lay on my bed staring at the ceiling of my room. I haven’t moved from this spot all night, still fully dressed and unable to even get up and function. The weight in my chest is almost holding me in place, crushing me with the pain, and I can’t stop running last night through my mind endlessly. I’m restless, torn, scrunching my fingers in my hair like I can rip this out of my head. The worst sort of agony that surpasses all.I want to go to her room and see her, but I can’t. I can’t get her out of my head, even though she is only feet away and it’s torturing me.I kissed Sophie... I did more than kiss her, and it felt good, it felt right. It made me feel a thousand things about her that I can’t even begin to analyze, comprehend how to, and all it did was make everything fall apart even more than it was, especially when Natasha showed up and slapped me back to
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 215
Arrick’s POV~ After the nightclub ~I sink back on the couch and stare into the semi darkness, cradling my second coffee since we got back here, and try like hell to sober myself up. Head swimming and sinking slowly into the softness of my couch, while trying to get a grip on reality. All I have done since we got home is sit here and try to pull all the shit in my head back together. Try to make sense of the entire night that pretty much went to crap from the moment I downed the first vodka.Drink and I are not friends right now, and if I have any chance of salvaging anything, then I need to sober up fast. Sophie is in the shower, she headed there as soon as we got back, and I sat here waiting for her. I need to talk to her, to figure some of this out and I have no clue what to do. Tonight, taught me a couple of things.One. That drunk, I feel about Sophie the way she feels about me and I want her in every way; physically, menta
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 214
Sophie grabs my wrist and tries to yank me to the side, but I cannot tear my eyes from her. I want to tell her I made a mistake, that she is who I want, that she is all I can even think about. I want to wipe away the memory of that asshole on her body, and replace it with memories of kissing her softly, cherishing her always. No one should ever touch her, except me.“Natasha.” She snaps at me and slaps my hands down from her face harshly, bringing my focus back to reality again. I tear my eyes from her and glance up as I see Tasha heading our way, looking completely non-plussed and again the accompanying guilt is like a constant shadow with her, and wracks me to the bone and almost smashes me in the skull. Nothing hits home and drills to my shame brain, like Natasha’s appearance.It makes me feel shit for even thinking what I just did. That same doubt and uncertainty hitting me with equal force, and I sigh hard. So much for fucking choosing.&l
