I can’t stop running my fingers through my hair as I sit across from Camilla in the bistro café we have come to for a coffee. Lifting the deep black strands of hair and twirling them nervously. I have no idea what my Mom or Leila is going to say about this drastic change, but the reflection in the hair salon showed me a completely transformed woman. I look and feel, for the first time ever, that I actually look my age and the amount of well-dressed men turning our way in passing has not just been for Camilla.
Gone are the long blonde strands and round baby face, with pale stormy blue eyes, and in its place, a more angled, sleek facial shape. Framed with dark hair that seems to make my eyes stand out crazily, as though the blue is somehow more intense and less washed out. I wasn’t able to stop staring at the stranger in the mirror when she showed me the new look. I don’t look like that stroppy child anymore; I look like some vampy woman in much need of
Pulling my cell from my bag stubbornly, intent on ending this if it kills me, I swipe to my block list, find his name and press unblock. I at once follow it with ‘call’ before I lose my nerve or change my mind. I sit back, heart pounding through my chest and pulse rate erratic, but I must stop this once and for all.He answers after two short rings, and I have to control the stab of pain that his voice gives me.“Sophie?” He sounds shocked, yet emotional.I pull myself together and sit up straighter. Taking a long deep breath to steady my inner chaos and center myself so I sound calm and mature. My stomach twists and my hands shake.“You need to stop calling me.” I state forcefully, trying to keep all
This bar is upper-class and elegant, not like the clubs I frequented in the city and Camilla had been extremely strict about which outfit I put on for our evening. I’m in a fitted cocktail dress, black with subtle beading, hair straightened and sleek, and killer black stilettos to finish it all off. I look more like a girl in her mid-twenties than the baby faced one from this morning and the whole outfit makes me seem taller and somehow womanlier. I feel more in control, less roadkill, and this new confidence from my hair and clothes is helping me relax.Camilla is already working the room with champagne in hand and dragging me along behind her like a pet puppy. I am completely out of my depth in this scene, despite having a family that frequents these kinds of places a lot. I have often been too young to go anywhere like this, or chosen not to, and I’m doing my utmost to act li
I throw up in the bushes to the side of the garden, holding my head as I sway around, shoes in hand and bag dangling down at ankle level. I feel like hell, tired and recounting- how many drinks I had and again gawp in disbelief that I can feel this way on a minimal amount. It hasn’t been that long since I stopped being a seasoned drinker, so there is no way my tolerance has waned this badly. I only drunk three, maybe four glasses at most, yet I am in the state of having had ten or more. Everything is spinning weirdly, and it doesn’t feel like normal drunk at all. Normal drunk doesn’t give me this dry throat and painful ache in my stomach that has made me throw up twice.I stagger up to my front door on unsteady legs; the sound of the departing cab still echoing in the distance and alerting me to the fact it’s early in the morning, around four am. or more. I have no idea what my mom will say. I’m completely disappointed in myself. And to make it w
“You think I have an alcohol problem? You’re talking about rehab?” I lift my palms in complete disbelief. “Dad? Mom?” I turn imploringly. “I didn’t drink for like over three weeks after I came here, almost four! An alcoholic wouldn’t go more than four hours. I fucked up once, and you want to condemn me to a fucking rehab center. What the hell is wrong with you?” My temper chooses to dominate over wounded pride and pain.Miss. Predictable!“I think it’s more than booze, Sophie. I don’t know what else you kids are taking nowadays, but saying you were spiked.... Did you take drugs?” He is deadly serious, and it rips a hole right through my heart. Betrayal at its worst.“Drugs? Are you fucking kidding me? You know how I feel about drugs, Dad! Why are you even saying this to me? How can you even think that of me?.... Have you even looked at me the last few weeks, seen how dif
I sit at the bus station waiting for the coach to the city anxiously and watch the huge clock over the ticket box tick slowly by. I’ve been watching the oncoming arrivals like a hawk for any sign of my family, or Arrick’s. I have no doubt that once they realize I’m gone they’ll check the bus terminals for me, and I can’t face any of them. I’ve mulled over every scenario; running to Jake to talk sense into my parents, running to Leila, but it all comes down to one very unavoidable fact. When my dad gets something in his head that he thinks is for the best, then no one, and I mean no one, can stand in his way. The fact he thinks I’m some kind of drug-addicted alcoholic in need of saving, and the only way is to condemn me to dry out, means he’ll make sure it happens no matter what anyone else says to him. No way in hell I’m going through that kind of insanity.
It has the same rich kid décor as most of my ex friend’s places, and the upside is the closeness to the nightlife and the bustling stores. Even though I told myself I wouldn’t be like before, I still want to be somewhere that gives me a choice, near the buzz of New York’s constant energy should I feel like going out sometime. “Who owns this place, anyway?” I nosey at the bedrooms, smiling when Camilla tells me to pick one. I wander into the most feminine and chuck my backpack on the bed haphazardly, eyeing up its clean décor and the hints that this is a male’s place. It reeks of bachelor pad rather than a couple, or even a woman.“Just some guy I sometimes fuck. He’s very generous with his houses.” She winks at me and wanders in to flop on the bed in front of me, carrying
It’s answered quickly, but by Jake instead of Emma, and my stomach drops.“Sophie? Don’t hang up.” He sounds worried, that familiar deep voice knocks me sideways, not sure what to say, as it’s not who I expected.“I thought I would get Ems, Jake … I.....” …. I hesitate, losing all courage and hoping Jake isn’t about to go commanding godfather on me. He is laid back and fun until he is pissed, and then Jake is a scary ass mofo.“She’s napping, Mimmo. Sophs, honey, just tell us where you are. Your parents are frantic, and we have all been out looking for you.” Jake is being gentle, unusual for the bossy cyclone he normally is, but then Emma has been rubbing off on him for years.“I came to the city, I’m with friends and I’m safe. I just need a little headspace to sort this out on my own. I didn’t mean to scare anyone, Jake. I’m sor
I must have fallen asleep quickly as I wake to noise, only half aware of Camilla telling me she is going out and then fall back into oblivion after the door slams shut in the outer living area. I think I drift off again into oblivion because everything becomes confusing and time seems to drift away.I jump up with the pounding noise coming from what seems to be all around me, disorientated, and immediately terrified; it takes a moment to realize the ‘thud, thud, thud’ is coming from the outer living room, and I’m in semi-darkness.I get up warily, realizing I must have been out for a while as it’s later in the evening, even though the clock tells me it’s still well before midnight. I venture into the open plan area slowly and fearfully; aware someone is pounding on the apartment door and I sigh with relief and trudge towards it casually.“I’m coming, keep your hair on!” I yell out as I try to cool the hammeri